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To SELL or NOT to sell

Hi guys,
I apologize already for the long post - i tried to keep it short put epically failed lol

I’m totally torn on what to do …

I bought my QH about a year ago. I never had a well behaved horse, i always had crazy Warmbloods with tons of issues :no:
young stallions :no: or small draft breeds with a little bullhead type personality. However with almost all of them, even if they got on my nerves i had a connection - however the quality is a different subject of that but nevertheless it was one. :confused:

This boy i have now:
perfect manners
perfect breeding
perfect work ethic
gives me a challenge but my little girl can ride him
honest to the bone, blue collar kind of guy
real funny, has these quirks after he is done eating he picks up the pan and gives it to me etc
very healthy

but i dont get a connection to him. He at times comes when i enter the pasture,he is not really interested in me like my other horses were ( even though their interest was maybe just to make my life a living hell and me broke)

He is all i ever wanted, all i ever wished for - but i look at him and go meh, okay …boring BUT i dont want any of the horses i had before ever again, some, were just plain dangerous! i never just sold a horse or got rid of one because of their issues. I sold 2 because i moved out of country.

I have to note:
He is 8 and I am owner Number 6
I heard of TB from the track that it took them a long time to make a connection with a human due to having so many owner/handlers.

The thing is:
I bought him, was with him for several week, left for 2 month ( due to family - again out of country) came back and my BO just didnt care, she was suppose to train him etc and NOTHING happened, i came back and he was skinny and just a mess - i could punch myself at times for it, that i didnt know. I checked in but all i heard was - he is doing great, he is healthy and is working hard. I was shocked. we switched barns within weeks…
then tons of issues where he had to heal from the previous barn and i ended up getting injured and cant ride since 3 month. Someone else is riding him for me and i’m the caddy/groundwork lady. This might just reinforce everything to him i assume.

I really like him but just not in love, is it because I might not see what i have in front of me because I’m used to ^abusive^ horse relationship? ( sounds strange) or should i just sell him to someone who falls in love with him ?

I dont wanna give up but in the end I WANT THE VERY BEST FOR HIM…but i’m also frustrated. I want that bond. :yes::yes::yes:

HELP…PLEASE :o:confused:

The horse has had many homes in a short time, and you’ve only had him a year (and gone for 2 months of that). A connection can take time to develop!

I second the vote, you need more quality time together. The way some of those dead broke QH’s are broke really makes them withdraw into themselves. With so many owners in so little time, it may take him time to believe that you are for real and worth connecting to…

I’m slowly learning that there is a HUGE difference how WB’s are and QH’s

What would be some good way to help him break out of his shell?
I feel at times he internalizes stress!?

Ah the poor fella. Keep him and a connection will grow. I had one that took a year to really come out of her shell.

Do you spend time with him? Or are you only there with a “goal”?

My two are bonded to me, and let’s not mention the donkey.

I have to admit, I was there all the time to just sit with him, graze him, go on walks… it seemed like he didnt care. Almost was if he was saying: urgh human…you again! I got hurt ( different horse) , and basically now come out to get him ready for his training sessions,take him out for walks and groom time.

Fella had seen a couple of homes in short order before me. It took almost two years for him to come out and make a real connection. Please give him time. It’s like adopting a foster kid.


I agree, I have two, both are very bonded to me, but is a quiet bond.

I hang out w/them some, I don’t just tack up, ride, then leave, not saying you do, but do you just hang out w/him or let him just graze after a ride?

I wonder if you are used to crazy warmbloods, if you are used to a LOT of energy. I agree, your guy has been moved around a LOT, plus, you really have only been around 10 mos, that is not a lot of time.

Just look for quieter cues from him and start to appreciate his EASE in being around him. I do think the bond will happen, but it takes time.\

Where I board, has all kinds of horses, I will take a nice, easy going QH over a crazy horse, personally, but could see how a QH actions may go un noticed when compared to a crazier horse.

Can you trail ride him? It may help you to appreciate his easier nature from your past horses.
Good luck!

I gotta say, my mare doesn’t give 2 figs about me “sitting with her”, and when I graze her she’s just interested in…grass. She doesn’t care what interchangeable human is at the other end of the lead rope.

She isn’t a “pocket” horse, but my connection with her comes from working with her, plus pre/post grooming, not hanging out. It might differ from horse to horse, but some horses really don’t care if some human is sitting in their general vicinity unless the human is doing something with them. Your horse might just be one of those.

My new one is more a pocket pony, he likes attention, my older one is more like Coanteen described.

He will come to the gate when I call him, so I know he “likes” me getting him, but I do agree, he enjoys DOING stuff, like trail riding, prob how I bond more w/him. He isn’t as much a pocket pony as my new one.

So, yes, could depend on the horse.

Yes, i do. I try to do all thing with intention and not to rush it. He gets groomed,tacked,lead around till his trainer is ready and then is ridden. After his cool down period,tack come off and he gets groomed and grazed everytime.

at my barn some people think i’m crazy but i believe if he works for me/trainer nice i owe him that.

my barn is a mix between the ultra snob german import horse dressage rider to the
girl with the tiny pony that is lame on all 3 legs :slight_smile:

I trail rode him 2 days ago, he jumped a small puddle and he usually just walks through and it messed my back up. i broke some vertebrates and need to take it very slow :frowning: I appreciate his character and easy going nature, I look at some of our BO horses, who spook because the trash can got moved, a bird flew out of the nest 3acres down etc. I walk passed a tractor with him and he doesnt flinch - the cant even remotely get close. its kind of cool - i dont miss crazy horses

I gotta say, my mare doesn’t give 2 figs about me “sitting with her”, and when I graze her she’s just interested in…grass. She doesn’t care what interchangeable human is at the other end of the lead rope.

She isn’t a “pocket” horse, but my connection with her comes from working with her, plus pre/post grooming, not hanging out. It might differ from horse to horse, but some horses really don’t care if some human is sitting in their general vicinity unless the human is doing something with them. Your horse might just be one of those.[/QUOTE]

that sounds a lot like him. the only time is when my trainer rides him, he ignores her aids and wants to come to mama lol or maybe he is seeing me as a treat dispenser ( insert treat,keep on riding for another 10 min.) - ( he is not getting treats while being ridden )

The horse has had many homes in a short time, and you’ve only had him a year (and gone for 2 months of that). A connection can take time to develop![/QUOTE]

Yes, that is a lot of changing hands for a fairly young horse. My mother has a QH like yours from your list of personality quirks and it took him a while to come out of his shell, but he loves her very much now.

FWIW, my heart-horse and I did not like each other for the first two years of our partnership. He wasn’t like my old horse, and I wasn’t a quiet or strong enough rider for him. Two years paid off, and he ended up being the horse of a life-time. And we did not have a connection at first.

Give it time, and give him time to think about it and realize you aren’t about to turn around and give him to someone else like everyone else did. Horses go through detachment too.

“You can buy a horse, but you can’t buy a relationship.” ( a barn mantra)

You are going to have build a relationship with this horse. And if you do, it will create a bond that will last. Maybe that is your challenge and why this horse came into your life.

The best way to build a relationship is with ground work. Not just grooming and letting them graze ( though that’s all good), but in hand work, training from the ground.

It’s great fun, and since your riding is limited now , will give you something to do with your horse and something new to learn. Doing the ground work will increase this horse’s confidence and bring out its personality.

Read up, watch some videos of diferent groundwork. I don’t believe you have to do one system, you can try a few and combine them. Personally, I am not a fan of free lunging in round pen ( which is what Monty Roberts does) I do like in hand work, and for in hand work there is a variety out there…clicker training, Linda Tellington Jones, NH ( natural horsemanship), which includes Pareli, John Lyons, Clint Anderson, Buck Branaham. A lot of people dump on Parelli, but his videos are simple and clear and for a beginner, it’s a good way to start and you can branch out from there.

Are there any NH trainers in your area? It helps to work with one, though the videos and equipment make it possible to do on your own. (fwiw, Clint Anderson is kind of harsh…he gets results but not a fan). Linda Tellington Jones is NH English style with a bridle and dressage whip instead of a rope halter and training or carrot stick (that is over simplification but a bit true). I have never done clicker training, some love it. There is also long lining and in hand dressage work.

I would recommend doing ground work with this horse for at least a few months. If you still feel the same, you can always sell him after that.

I was injured a few years ago in a fall and doing off horse body work yoga and strength helped me immensely. Good luck!

My best friend bought an off the track QH from my ex. He raced (not well…) as a 3yo a handful of times before my ex bought him for a gaming horse. My ex had him until he was 11. Despite living on my farm and being very pleasant and compliant, he’d never really been sweet.

People are constantly comparing him to my Arab personality wise because they are buddies. My Arab is extremely in your face, attention demanding pocket pony. He LOVES people, me more than others, but people in general. He’s never been big on coming to the gate when called, but he’s definitely a very people oriented little guy. I’ve also had him since he was 3 and have always encouraged him to be sweet, friendly and people oriented. Arabs are also basically bred to be that way.

My friend bought the QH almost two years ago. She has worked really hard on some of his issues (freaking out while tied and such). When I met him six years ago, he had no idea what the heck treats were. He wouldn’t eat them and generally acted like you were trying to kill him. He learned about treats. He learned about having his human. She’s spent a lot of time just hanging out with him.

This summer, she ended up taking a nasty fall and broke her ankle. It forced her to just go back to basics with him. Since she was grounded for several months anyway, she went through all the motions of breaking him out. She also clicker trained him to do various things.

She’s had him 2 years now and its been almost 7mo from breaking her ankle. He’s a lot more like my Arab now. He is much more cuddly and now pokes at people for attention. Getting scratches isn’t met with suspicion anymore. He occasionally thinks about actually showing that he likes it.

I’d say if everything else about him is right, give it some time. He’s been shuffled around a lot and has even been handled by a lot of different people while you’ve owned him.

I’m sorry his jumping a small puddle messed up your back. As nice and wonderful as he sounds, I’m not getting the feeling you really want to stay with this horse, and for whatever reason, that’s perfectly fine. To be honest, it doesn’t sound like a good fit to me: a trainer doing most of the riding on a steady Eddie, and a back injury aggravated by a small puddle jump doesn’t sound like success from my point of view. I would advertise his excellent qualities, sell him, and either look into getting a true, steady Eddie in a gaited horse, or think about driving, or staying on the ground. If you decide to continue riding, consider having your doctor fit you with a back brace for riding so your back will have some extra support while you are in the saddle. It isn’t fair to expect any horse to be 100 percent a steady Eddie 100 percent of the time, and remain only at a walk. Puddles happen. JMO.

Second the ground work and clicker training ideas. You may also want to work on showmanship–what the 4-H kids do. He’ll get very responsive and attentive to you on the ground, and you’ll gain a real sense of accomplishment.

You don’t have to watch this entire video–the showmanship stuff is near the beginning.


If this was a story about a boyfriend I’d have to ask you whether you’ve considered whether you miss the drama of the crazy, bad boy boyfriend so this good guy boyfriend is giving you stress because you’re used to the crazy?


My QH gelding passed hands a few time before I bought him. He was sold as a weanling, as a two year old he was sold to barrel trainer (this horse has great barrel bloodlines, but is in no way a barrel horse, can not imagine anyone ever thinking he would be.) he turned out not to be good at barrels and was sent to auction. Some people I knew bid on him by mistake and won. They rode him some but mostly ignored him.i bought him from them. After three years of owning him it was like he just let out a big sigh and allowed himself to get attached. He has always been pleasant and kind and very willing. But now he is even more so. He even started eating carrots, which he would never do. Sometimes they just need time to know you are not just a temporary person in their life. Keep doing what you are doing. One day you will go to the barn and see that he has decided you are there to stay and things will be different.