Top Ten Quotable Quotes from the brain dead at small shows.

[Valeureux]

[QUOTE=DancingQueen;3558781]
Oh and a long time favorite of mine. This is at home, while showing a horse to customers.
In fairness the customer was an older “fancy” guy who “needed” a very expensive horse but he was only ever going to prance around at home and go on trails, which the mare we were showing him could safely do. My boss at the time was, if nothing else, a great salesman.

This horse was built slightly upside down, think teacup neck. She was trotting around the ring with this old fogey on her back with her head (I kid you not) completely straight up in the air! I bet the guy could see the markings on her forehead from where he was sitting! She was looking every part of the absolute POS she was.

My boss turns to the guys wife and says (somehow with a completely straight face) “And just look how high and pretty she carries her head! Isn’t she gorgeous?”

Me and the groom had to dart out of the indoor and have a laughing seizure about it![/QUOTE]

This is hilarious. I laughed so hard

[leelee]

I’m always a fan of the horse that does a dirty stop and the trainer yells, “pet him!”

[Milocalwinnings]

[QUOTE=way2trvld2;3559258]
I rode at a barn where the favorite phrase was “tits to jesus” and one time a girl in a lesson i was watching who was middle eastern replied “what about allah, can I point mine to him instead.”[/QUOTE]

:lol: Had to laugh at this one…:lol:

[Paint_Hunter_Jumper]

[QUOTE=FAW;3556812]
I’ve heard a worst story using that reference…

“Just sit the canter like you have the biggest c— in you and you don’t want to let go of it”. That to a 14 year old. Some trainers…[/QUOTE]

Wow. I am 14 and would probably just stop the horse, start cracking up, and then fall off the horse from laughing. Haha trust me you hear even worse from dumb teenage boys now-a-days!

[brightwhitestockings]

This wasn’t from a horse show but it was too funny not to share. I have to admit this one came from me. Not sure why i remember this but i do!!

I was about 8 or 9, cleaning what were my first few stalls. Upon seeing the shavings turned slightly red from the urine, i nudged my friend and said, “look- i think this horse has her period!!!”

[superpony123]

Oh I cant believe i’ve forgotten to share this one…

my dad is not a horse person. i remember at my first horse show ever, i had only been riding for less than a year and my dad certainly didnt know anything about horses–sure, i wasnt the most educated either, but i knew what the different colors were and about some breeds (give me a break, i was 10 or so. haha)

anyway, so at the show, we had to draw the horses that we rode for each class (kinda like how IHSA shows do) and the horse i drew was certainly not the most attractive horse youve ever seen, but he was a flea bitten grey. so my dad goes “sarah, is your horse sick? i think it’s sick. should i go to the office and ask them to call a vet? it looks like it has measels, or the pox, or something.” it’s sad because he was completely serious. i mean, this horse did have a bit of a ill look to him all the time (mostly just cause he had an awkward, long, bald face and he just always had a sickly look about him) but it was pretty funny. i just stared at my dad cause i thought he was surely joking, but he turned out to be serious. we saw a dappled grey later and he pointed it out asking if that horse has the same disease as the horse i drew. my dad, now many years later of course, does not like dappled or flea bitten horses as much because he thinks they look sick :lol: oh, lord…

i dont let my dad go to shows anymore :lol: he asks too many bizarre questions

[VCT]

At local schooling show this summer, at the end of an open pleasure class… from the judge to me:

Judge: “You would have placed higher but you just can’t trust those glass eyed horses.”

Me: :mad:

I mean why even say that? There is nothing I can do to change it.

Incidentally, one horse who did pin higher than mine had three separate bucking/kicking out at other horses episodes. (Yeah. Reeeaaal pleasurable?) That horse/rider combo caused a couple traffic jams and many horses spooked from them. I was real pleased with my horse, who just smoothly scooted sideways out of the way when the horse lashed out at him, while maintaining his canter rhythm and stride perfectly.

[sansibar]

Here is mine
Scenario:
Hack division, indoors, me on a big fat honking warmblood, friend A on a long lanky thoroughbred friend B on an average build throughbred. Girl C dainty little ewe neck thoroughbred

Okay so we are in a hack division yadda yadda my horses first show (you may imagine how that went), okay so any ways the judge calls back the standby for the hack I dont get a call back because well my horse was GREEN, but friend A and B get called back. I walk out laughing at how interesting my horse was hacking. So Girl C walks out of the arena with her ussually pissed off face, her mom along with her little coach posse come into the warm up arena and state “DON’T WORRY HONEY THEY ARE ONLY KEEPING THE FAT WARMBLOODS, THERE ARE NO THOROUHBREDS IN THERE! THIS JUDGE SUCKS.” Well I am just standing there laughing at this point! as the champion yes was a drop dead beautiful moving hanoverian, however reserve champion was Friend B and Friend A got really good ribbons!

Another story for the same division:

The rule states that horses must be 14.3 or higher to be in the division, so I was well in the clear with my 16.3 warmblood. However, as I was warming up I noticed a pony in the arena, I thought that well maybe they were just schooling it around the arena. Then I noticed a show jacket and I was like WOW there! So we go in for the first hack no call back for me or little pony. So the steward comes up and tells them you cannot show a pony in the division. We need to measure your ‘horse’. So they proceed to measure it and it is like 13.3. So one of the riders followers states quite loudly ‘SHOULD I GO PULL OFF MY HORSES SHOES FOR YOU AND HAVE THE SHOW FARRIER PUT THEM ON YOUR HORSE?’ I was trying so hard not to crack up at this! And then the whole groups was leaving and i hear them exclaim ‘WELL THEY DIDN’T WANT US TO TAKE ALL THE RIBBONS’ at this point a was literally laughing my ass of because this little high kneed hackney type pony was definatly going to be the judges favorite, you know it would have definatly fit the mold of the big fat warmbloods!

[Filly85]

I have a lot of really funny stories, but these are probably my favorite.

We had taken some of our school horses and one of the stallions to take part in a movie being made in North Carolina.

When we arrived, there were several other trailers with horses there. We parked beside a trailer with one horse tied up. Even though he was tied to the trailer, he was really prancey, hyped up, and neighing.

The owner was really nice, and she said that we could pet him and give him “cookies” (horse treats) to calm him down. The girls at my barn were young, and the horse was really acting up, so we were a little apprehensive to take up her offer.

She proceeds to bring out one of the large muck buckets from her trailer, and it is FULL of horse treats.

I had to contain the laughter. Can you imagine the shock of seeing something like that?

ANOTHER STORY

I am at a fun show. There were some jumper classes going on. A girl nonchalantly enters the ring and proceeds to jump around the course in a WESTERN saddle with a western bridle and shank.

My friend nonchalantly turns her head at me and says that they needed to stop before they broke all of the poles because we wouldn’t have anything else left to jump over.

Yes, we have seen some crazy things at the shows.

ANOTHER STORY

I am riding a grey large pony (she is the pony that has represented NC at southern regionals for several years in a row now and has done really well at regionals) at the NC State Fair about 6-7 years ago at youth day in the senior division for a client (some of you may even remember this because it was hilarious).

The class is hunter hack and there are two 2’ haybale jumps. So, I’m on this really nice pony. I proceed to do my hunter circle, and everything is going great. I point her to the first jump, and I can feel her start to slow up. I have both a crop and spurs. I’m thinking “Don’t do it, don’t do it”. I start tapping her on the shoulder with the crop, clucking to her, and touching her with my spur. I didn’t want to blow the class due to ugly noticeable aids because she had a shot to win.

Well, she couldn’t help herself. She had to stop and take a bite out of the hay bale.

Her owner, who was watching (she was a little girl at the time), crawled under the stands and started crying.

I was laughing as was everyone else!!!

We circle, and she proceeds to jump over the same jump about 4’ high and I get a big “ooohhh” from the crowd. Other than that she did great:lol: and we went on to have a very successful show!

When I came out of the ring, my trainer just said good job other than that first fence and she was still chuckling.

[Old_Equine_Lady]

Not really a show tale, but more of a non-horsey daddy tale:

When my daughter first starting showing and we wanted a trailer to get to the shows, my husband complained about the price and asked with all seriousness, can’t you take the pony in the van, is should fit!

[indygirl2560]

My parents usually give me all the crack ups I need at shows! And I just met someone today, actually, that asked me what a Quarterhorse was, if I could make a horse backup, and where he could buy a Pinto TB!

[Pat]

@superpony123;3849405

anyway, so at the show, we had to draw the horses that we rode for each class (kinda like how IHSA shows do) and the horse i drew was certainly not the most attractive horse youve ever seen, but he was a flea bitten grey.

Heehee!! Ok, so I guess you are talking about Watchung!! Guessing by the photo in your profile, you are still ‘young’ and this story wasn’t from the 80’s. Which means Dad missed Scag and Class Act, the matching bookend varish roan/hip blanket appaloosas!! They were, um, interesting looking, particularly I suppose to those who don’t know much about horses! For me the were the very definition of a loud appy.

I’m trying to think of a good one to add, but I just try to block out the people around me. Also, lately I’ve been only going to A’s for 3’6" divisions to groom for my trainer. The clue bus generally has already come and gone for those riding at this level, so the great bulk of foolishness is not to be found.

[Brown_Horse]

Not at a show or anything, but funny nonetheless…

This was a LONG time ago, in sixth grade. There was a girl named Kaley in my class that I talked to every now and then, and she knew I rode horses. She always bragged and bragged about how much she knew about horses, how great of a rider she was, etc etc…well, one day we had to write a “how to” paper…kind of like instructions in an essay form, on whatever topic you choose. I did mine on how to tack up a horse. Kaley asked what my paper was on as I was turning it in. I told her…she gasps and yelps “Why would you want to TACK a horse!!!”

[Heinz_57]

Read all 12 pages…

And there is now wine all over my iPhone. :Lol:

[horserider12]

funny one

so, we’re at a show once, kids first or second time. We watch the warmup and are waiting to go in, as she is on a packer we don’t do group warmup in the ring which is quite crowded and I felt a little unsafe for a first timer. Well child goes in to do a one trip warmup, goes too slow to the first jump and has a refusal, goes around finishes the course. Now remember, this is a warmup trip…parent comes over, starts screaming at me freaking out, I’m trying to explain what child did wrong and how it’s only a warmup etc etc. Parent says to me “it’s your fault, you didn’t let her horse smell the jumps like everyone else did!”

[horserider12]

another

not a horse show, but this was funny. I have my daughter in the barn and she’s cleaning her ponies feet out. I ask her if she knows why she has to clean his hooves before he goes to bed and she tell me “so that his bed doesn’t get dirty!”

[SarahandSam]

I did this one little open show this summer that attracted mainly western people and gamers. For the English divisions, they had a decent amount of little kids, and a 14-year-old novice rider who boarded at the same place as I did. For the adult open classes it was me and my friend I boarded with. (I won. Hah.) So they had scheduled a hunter hack class and clearly no one was going to be entering; my friend’s horse was a big fat rope horse that will go through a fence rather than over it, my horse is green and had never jumped, and the 14-year-old was on a little saint of a Morgan but she never jumped before either. At the time I was working with my friend’s crazy 80-year-old chain-smoking trainer. She entered me and the 14-year-old in the hunter hack, “just for fun.” (When I protested, she said, “Can ya point and shoot? Then you can jump two jumps.”)

Then she proceeded to stand by the first fence with the 14-year-old’s round, and make a face at the saintly Morgan and growl, “If you jump that I’ll kill you.” Saintly Morgan refused both jumps. Then she did the same thing to me and Sam, and though he refused the first one (I let him because I didn’t feel so confident either!), I was so mad about her that I coaxed him into actually jumping the second one. It was from a standstill and we got a big round of applause, first place, and a comment from an onlooker about “Wow, that horse must be a jumper!”

Sigh… but if I ever sell Sam, I can now brag that he got first place in his first over-fences class! d;

[2DogsFarm]

Anyone from NHIJA remember this guy?

Asshat “trainer” used to stand on the rail - wearing biballs (I kid you not) - when the Short Stirrup kids were in the ring.
He’d stage whsiper “Wrong Lead” as they went past - even if kid was on the correct lead.
So funny…NOT!

[SuZQuzie]

These are all hilarious. :lol:

#1 So, after my dressage go on the first of an event, my horse is all cooled out and I am mucking out his stall, like you do. I go to empty out the bucket and when I come back, I see my mom in my gelding’s stall with a fork piling all the shavings into another bucket. The conversation went like this:

Me: “Mom! What are you doing?”
Mom: “Well, you didn’t do a very good job cleaning your horse’s stall; there is still all these old shavings still in here!”

She was under the impression that, every time time you clean a stall, you completely strip it and use new shavings every single day. :rolleyes: I appreciate her enthusiasm, however, it sometimes misses the mark.

#2 This was the first year at HITS Thermal and, of course, my gelding gets an abscess so I proceed to soak his foot in epson salt. Another girl, who is about 17 at the time and very accomplished in the show ring, and asks what I’m doing.

Me: “Soaking Ed’s foot in epson salt.”
Her: “Why?”
Me: “He came up lame this morning, so I’m pretty she he has an abscess.”
Her: “An abscess?”
Me: “An infection in his foot.”
Her: “Oh, well, I’m sure the grooms will take care of it; that’s what they’re for. Let’s go check out the vendors.”

Not quite funny, but it shows the mentality that I feel is too common among young riders.

#3 So, back in my pony kid days, it was nearing the end of a long Saturday of hunter over fences go and jogs and one of the barn dads was instructed to go get some carrots from the local grocer.

He came back about 20 minutes later with a teeny bag of those fancy, skinny carrots with the lush green tops that are about $7 for a 1/2 bag instead of the 50 lb bags for $6 like we normally get. His reasoning was that the ponies were really good and would like the pretty carrots more. We had to explain, when you’re a 13.1 hand welsh pony x, it’s all about quantity, not quality.

[MistyBlue]

More than once at shows I’ve watched the little ones riding for fun and seen parents outside the rail wooping and clapping and then hearing the other parent lean over and whisper, “Honey, that one isn’t ours.” :lol: Once heard a Dad reply, “Well it’s hard to tell, they all dress the same and ride brown horses!” He kind of had a point from a casual spectators point of view, LOL!