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Trainers: say something to a client or no?

Off Course
#1

I have had a child client for the past two years who I have really gotten attached to. She and her family have really gotten close to me and they mean a lot to me (all my clients do honestly… but they are special because they were one of my first clients). My business is still newer too. I started teaching because I wanted to be home with my kids in the daytime but still have an income for my family and be with my horses. I’ve never been a cut-throat business person like some… don’t get me wrong! I can definitely give good constructive criticism to clients but I’m finding myself in one of those lovely horse business scenarios that maybe I need to be a little more assertive with.

I have been leasing my Oldenburg gelding to these clients for about a year now. He is a push button, point and shoot, sit and look pretty on type. 100% a school master. I don’t make any money off this lease. I did it initially to offset board and to give this kid an opportunity to ride more. They only pay the value of half his board to me. They get him half the time and the other half I use him in other lessons. Over the summer this kid was really excelling on him and gaining confidence. We went to multiple first shows for her and she got grand champion. I think that’s where the problem started. I tried coaching her on the fact that it’s not all about the ribbons… but then we went to a show where he wasn’t on his game after being stalled for two weeks due to weather and he was really forward and strong with her. It scared her… she still showed but didn’t get the ribbons she thought she would. I again tried coaching her on the aspect that it’s life! We don’t always get what we want and it’s not always about winning. I tried pointing out how she handled him being forward really well and that it was a good test of her abilities… horses aren’t machines… yada yada yada.

Prior to the show where he was forward this child gushed over how much she loved him. After the show where he was forward she stopped wanting to take 2 lessons a week and only came out for her one lesson a week. She started having him run out of jumps… not his fault… she just would stop riding and he would understandably go around. Then she would cry and blame him. I put my foot down with that and explained it wasn’t his fault and then she improved. But she has been begging for her own horse since around Christmas. I’ve told her mom she isn’t ready… especially not with a $3k budget and to board somewhere else (they can’t afford board at this barn I keep my horses at) where they don’t have help. I am not in this to take commission from them. She doesn’t show the commitment to consistently ride a young or green horse nor does she show the ability to mentally and physically handle a horse that she would get in that budget currently. But I know they are getting something with or without me so I keep looking and looking… it’s also winter. Not much out there currently. But I look daily and have my feelers out with other trainers. They absolutely don’t want to lease anything either because she wants it to be 100% hers (another reason she has been less interested in riding… she doesn’t like I still use him a few days a week in lessons).

Here is the issue: I feel like they may have lied to me today. They came out to the barn during a time I’m not normally there and just took the girl’s saddle. Her dad never got out of his car and when she bumped into me in the process she said “oh… I’m bringing my saddle home to clean. It’s really dirty.” They also don’t live close enough to the barn to just swing by to grab a saddle to clean for no reason. This is a kid that doesn’t ever clean tack unless we go to a show. Nor does she care whether it’s clean… my feeling is they are going to see a horse and not telling me. So this makes me wonder if they plan to go somewhere else for training. I guess I’m actually a little heartbroken as silly as that is because I have really bent over backwards to try to keep this kid riding and safe while she does it. I’ve not charged them for a lot of things I should have because I care about them and wanted them to have opportunities. I know this is a tale as old as time in the horse world with trainers… you give your hearts to a client and try to help and they do something shady.

So… how would you as a trainer handle it? They’ve paid for the month. So her lessons for the next month are paid for. I certainly don’t want to offend them and tell them I think they lied… because there is of course a chance they didn’t and she really is just cleaning her saddle. But my gut says otherwise. I definitely don’t want to be taken advantage of either. How can I word it to them to find out what I need to know? And I need to know because… small business, overhead, family, etc… I want to be prepared.

#2

Should have added that my other option is just to not say something… but is that a good option? Am I letting myself be taken advantage of if I don’t say anything?

#3

It doesn’t sound, to me, as if the little girl was really all that interested, so if they leave it will free up your lovely schoolmaster for another person who does want to enjoy him to his fullest.

It also doesn’t sound like they are as close to you as you feel about them. You may be, in their eyes, the riding instructor who’s horse isn’t perfect enough and they think they know enough now to venture off and try on their own. Which if they buy a green horse and don’t find a good instructor, will not end all that well, but she’s not your daughter.

You’ve given her an excellent start and hopefully they will, at some point, understand that. As for being taken advantage of? They’ve paid up through the month, so what advantage are they taking?

44 Likes
#4

The only way you can be taken advantage of is if you let yourself. Do not let yourself be heartbroken about clients moving on. Keep your personal feelings and business dealing separate. Wayyyyy easier said than done, but it’s the best advice I can give you. You can bend over backwards for them until the end of time and give them steep discounts on everything, but at the end of the day they are still paying you for a service and if they want to buy said service from another provider it is well within their rights to do so. Everyone has to learn their own lessons through their own experience. I think the best option is to not say anything and be as friendly as possible even if they do buy said horse and do start training with someone else. They aren’t “betraying you” they are doing what they feel is in their best interest (whether it is or isn’t).

There are a lot of really lovely packer horses for under $3,000. Odds are none of them are going to go out and win classes, but they will be safe and teach this kid the ropes. If I were in your shoes I would be helping these people look for exactly this type of horse.

15 Likes
#5

:frowning:

I guess I mean that I’m actively searching for a horse for them and that I’m spending my evenings looking various places online and contacting others to help them. And I haven’t charged for multiple things I should have. Going forward I will. I just want to know I guess if I should bother continuing to look and put my feelers out there for a horse for them. Again, I am not charging commission but in my rates contract I do normally charge 12%. Which isn’t much with a 3k budget…

But you’re right. Maybe I’m not as close with them as I thought. Still stinks when you have really tried to help someone and you find out they don’t appreciate you. :frowning:

1 Like
#6

They’re not taking advantage of you, but I understand why you’re hurt by the suspected lie. It’s tough when you think you are “close” with someone, client or friend, and then find out they don’t feel the same about the relationship.
I wouldn’t say anything. If they’re lying, they’re lying, so be it. They may leave, and as Hilary said, that frees up your wonderful horse for someone more appreciative.

*Edited due to latest post from OP.

If you’re doing free things that should normally be charged for, that’s your fault. I’ve come to the realization that 95% of people will ALWAYS take advantage of free things. I once had a student, sweetest girl ever, who was leasing my gelding and I gave lessons to. She was like 12, jumping crossrails. Started having a rough home life (parents split from dad cheating, girl was diagnosed a serious medical issue) and the mom was just not able to get the girl to the barn. I literally drove past their house on my way to the barn, so I offered to either pick her up or drop her off for her lessons. So then, naturally, it progressed to doing both drives for about half of her lessons. Then, on days when the mom was supposed to drop her off at the barn, they’d just not show up. Three no-call no-shows and I finally dropped them as clients. It’s sucked, but life happens.
Stop looking for a horse for them, and start charging them for any services rendered.

And yes, I meant to add the first time - losing clients is part of the business. Lots of trainers and BOs take it real personally, and you can read a million threads about the ridiculous drama that ensued because of it. Don’t take it personally, it’s business.

19 Likes
#7

That is exactly what I’ve been tying to find them. I’ve told them they won’t be getting something fancy. I am hoping maybe a draft cross of some kind. This kid is 9. Just started showing cross rails so she needs something QUIET. Problem is the ones I have found are far and they don’t want to travel. Or they aren’t flashy enough for them… And they are not seeming to want to be patient to find something. :no:

#8

You and I may be the same person… I’ve done the same for this kiddo too. And they no called and no showed on me twice in December! Yes… you’re right. My fault all the way.

2 Likes
#9

Sounds like you are reading it right. Just be prepared for them quitting you. I would write their money out of my budget, not count on it anymore. I would not ask anything, just wait for “the news” to be delivered and act surprised.

Sorry but it sounds like they are ready to do things the way the kid says. You have lost your “professional distance” in being kind, not charging, not letting the kid be a winner at every show. THEN you had the nerve to tell kid not winning wasn’t the end of the world and winning is not the reason for showing!! Obviously you don’t know what you are talking about!

You did them no favors by not charging for everything. Free stuff is worth what they paid for it. They don’t know how good they had it. Did kid EVER help you voluntarily, pick a stall, brush her horse after the ride without being told? Work to help pay you back for favors, clean tack or trailer, fill buckets, anything?

I expect even buying their own horse, kiddo will be done riding soon because everythng is not going to go her way. She LIKES riding, just doesn’t have the drive to push on when things are not perfect. Nothing you can do about that, kid has to do that herself.

I love helping the determined horse kids, but they have to be self starters, not expecting it handed to them. Don’t expect to win or compete without putting in time and hard work. Grateful by helping me if they can. Those kids are VERY hard to find these days.

22 Likes
#10

Since you don’t KNOW what is going to happen the best approach might be to not miss this opportunity to say nothing.

They can seek other instruction at their will. I understand that you might take it “personally” but that’s likely the wrong way to look at it (even if it’s the accurate way). If the kid is just not connecting with you for any reason or no reason then continuing the relationship will just bring frustration for both of you.

If they lied to you to make things easier for either or both of you that’s a bad lesson to teach the child. But that’s their business, not yours.

Life goes on. Go on with it.

G.

18 Likes
#11

If you live in the mid-atlantic, good luck finding a cheap, well trained draft cross for that kinda money :winkgrin: Might have more luck with a 14.3-15.1 appendix type, I see a lot of those for sale that seem sweet and solid just not what many people want.

3 Likes
#12

Added to say stop horse hunting for them. Ask plainly if they want you to horse hunt and SAY you get a commission for doing this, 12%. Quit being their unpaid, unappreciated enabler. Make them tell you to continue looking or that they will be looking on their own. I bet they want to save money, so let them.

At 9yrs? I expect things will go south with her horse ownership and you DO NOT want to have chosen that animal! Bad mouthing you for that poor horsechoice, when they have no skills in managing it, not even in your barn to oversee things in lessons. You want to be FAR from them by that time.

35 Likes
#13

My guess is that they have a different perspective, which is that you want your horse leased, and that it is benefitting you to have him leased. They likely believe that you are discouraging them from purchasing the horse because you don’t want to lose the lease.
when you don’t charge for things, people don’t necessarily realize that you haven’t charged them. If they’ve paid the bills you’ve given them, then they don’t owe you anything. Let it be a lesson to charge for your services.
i would not confront them. they may have fibbed to you to avoid having to explain the situation, but I doubt they think they’ve been shady or less than ethical with you. Sometimes these relationships just don’t click. It’s business. Yes, you’ve gotten personally involved but part of being a professional is to handle these situations with grace and professionally.
it sounds like you gave them good advice that she wasn’t ready, but if they are planning on boarding at a cheaper barn then it sounds like they’ll be switching trainers anyways. I would only ask them if they’d like you to continue looking or have changed any of their parameters (price, flashiness, etc.)

4 Likes
#14

We are Midwest. But I hear you! I see what they go for in your area! YIKES! Lol! We do sometimes have them here in the fal when the trail strings downsize and I see them for around $1,000-$3,000 range.

#15

I sympathize - you are keen and want to do the best job you can. You get invested in your clients but as a trainer you will have to develop a thicker skin since not everyone sees things like you do. It is a trainer’s lot to have people let you down on arriving for lessons, to walk out and go the the latest flavour of the month trainer, etc. It kind of goes with the job.

In due curse your reputation will grow and your clientele will stay and you can make them the best they can be, and when they do well, so will you. Having a fun, caring trainer is part of the pleasure of such a relationship.

My other comment would be that it is expected that trainers make a living - you can’t do too much for free. There are trainers out there who take advantage, but take the middle line.

Take care. Play it by ear whether to talk to them.

3 Likes
#16

When my older daughter was young, we always bought horses that the trainer hated. We would find them. She would evaluate them and tell us not to buy them. Then, we would buy. We couldn’t afford what the trainer liked, and winning was not a priority. My daughter learned so much from those horses. The trainer dutifully worked with us, and helped us get the most out of each horse. Twenty years later, my daughter drives 700 miles to get a few lessons each year with the same trainer.

Can you offer to evaluate any prospective horses that the family finds, for the price of a lesson or two? Can you help them work with whatever they buy. This will be a true test of the girl’s determination.

5 Likes
#17

Consider charging for your time, and not a commission. That way, if they find a horse through someone else you are still compensated.

it also removes the incentive to find a higher priced horse (Not you, not this situation, I know!). Your fee is your time, whether the horse is a giveaway or $50,000.

My old trainer does it this way, and last I knew charged $45/hour.

12 Likes
#18

You are caught in the perceived value dilemna. You haven’t charged them (enough) and they haven’t perceived value.

13 Likes
#19

:no:
If this kid wants to jump & show O/F a trail horse may not be able to do as she desires.
Quiet & kidsafe - probably yes, Stylish enough to place - even over crossrails - that is a crapshoot.
IIWM I’d let the parents know their budget is not likely to get them what they want.
They can either up the ante or let someone else sell them a horse.

You have already done them more favors than they realize.
Why worry about losing a client when you can see this headache becoming worse?

4 Likes
#20

OP, look at this as an opportunity to get a 1/2 lease on your horse at a price that is reasonable for what he can offer your students. It sounds like you offered the current clients a break on expenses and they were getting a lot for what little they did pay.

At the very least, offer him for 1/2 of ALL expenses if you weren’t doing that already. Sometimes free stuff doesn’t result in appreciation from the people getting it.

9 Likes

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