Put on your business hat…stop doing free tasks for them…prepare your budget without their $$ and be cheerful and polite when they leave you. if the kid stays with riding, they might come back to you and it should be at full price.
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They have done nothing wrong. They have taken their own saddle. They are going to look at a horse. There is nothing wrong with that.
If they stop leasing your horse. I would half lease him to another child. Don’t let other people change you. Act the way you want to.
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Update: the mom actually just sent me a text message. She said that they are going to see a horse this weekend but is not giving me any details. I asked if they wanted me to go with them and ride it first to make sure it is safe and they declined. At this point I think I’m ready to go ahead and call it quits with these clients. It’s fine if they want to buy a horse, but if they’re not going to listen to my advice that they pay me for… There’s not really much else I can do. I guess I just needed to vent a little bit and mull through everything. Unfortunately I think this child is going to end up getting hurt. In the past she has had horses bought for her before she came to me and was thrown. That was a big reason I put her on my school master. I wanted her to gain confidence and feel safe. The previous horses that they got for her and kept in their backyard where a three-year-old green broke QH and a 4-year-old green broke paint. Neither were worked consistently. They got them because they were “pretty”. Obviously they ended up throwing the kid. That’s when they came to me as a trainer. Where we live we are limited on trainers. I know the barn they are thinking about going to and there is not a trainer there. I just really hope the best for them… As I have really tried to stress to them green and green means black and blue. I guess there’s nothing else I can do. (Hey I made a rhyme!)
And as for what another person said, the scenario of them thinking that I wasn’t helping them find a horse fast enough because they were leasing mine, has crossed my mind. Obviously that’s not the case… But I could understand that thought pattern. However, I think that they could be a little bit more patient as I have explained that there’s not a lot out there right now due to it being the winter. I keep telling them I am looking and just hold tight because once spring came more people would be listing horses.
EDIT TO ADD:
I also am not going to rush finding a horse if I’m not sure it’s going to be the right fit for them. Because I know full well (and as someone else mentioned above) my name will be attached to that. And the wrong horse is likely to end up a disaster.
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This sort of thing happens all the time… a client is close to a trainer who is generous to a fault and is very good about helping keep the costs down. Client moves and some how or another they now can pay double the board, spring for all this new tack, shows, etc. Hopefully they won’t buy a horse that is a mistake, but chances are they will, chances are this kid will give up riding if it’s the wrong horse.
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OP from what you’ve just added these folks have a history of bad horse choices. Plus little girl may not have the courage and obsession to be a serious rider. You have given them a chance to learn what a proper program is like but they don’t have the sense to see the value of that.
Some folks immediately understand the value of doing things correctly and some folks just have a tendency to cut corners, underestimate costs, and head out after the next shiny new thing.
Let them go. You can’t fix willfully stupid.
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It is the nature of the beast, the client learns some from a trainer, thinks now it knows enough to second guess the trainer and do what it wants, but don’t know how little they know.
Wish them good luck and disengage from such clients.
Unless you can be the trainer and the one to listen to, why be the fall guy for their mistakes, which you definitely will be with such clients?
If things go South with the horse they buy, it will be your fault anyway, never theirs, because you are the expert, right?
Never mind they didn’t listen and went over your head, the buck always stops with you, the trainer.
Not the kind of clients you want, especially with a 9 year old involved that may get hurt.
Let us know if they come to their senses after going it alone a bit, or if they keep on their path of learning by bumps and bruises and riding on square tires, as they seem to be.
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From the sounds of it, any horse will be the wrong horse for a kid with no coach and who gets discouraged easily. As much as you want to help, if you aren’t going to be their coach, your reputation is likely better off without helping them get themselves into mess. I think you should be quietly relieved that you are spared any accountability for their decision.
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wish them well, and let it (and them)go…
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^THIS. Let them go. You need to move on.
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OP, at the show when the child didn’t win the usual ribbons, you gave her a great lesson in resiliency, perspective, and life skills.
Now it is time for you to give yourself the same talk.
From what you write, I sense you are a little too involved and they would like some distance. A more professional distance. So I think one of the lessons is to invest your emotional energy into people who are not part of your business clientele, and you will be safer in the long run. Clients can and will walk away. True friends who are not in a business relationship with you will be there for a lifetime.
If the parents have a history of buying unsafe horses against good advice, there is nothing you can do about that. That may well be why the child seems to be backing away just as the parents are moving toward ownership again. But it is their family and their journey. Children have remarkable ways of surviving such parents.
I agree with the advice to start moving on. Stick to your mutually agreed relationship as long as they are paying, that is, lease and lessons. Forget everything else if they aren’t paying and aren’t asking. If they end the lease, move on to another deserving student … and then be prepared to move on again when the time comes. It’s ok, you are out there with your horses and other fine people, and I’m sure you have good friends outside of your horse world as well. 
Do a rate sheet that is more comprehensive of everything you might do for any of your students. Give it to the family. Now and later, they will receive invoices with all of the services they use included. Honestly they may be more comfortable with that anyway.
If a trainer comes with me to look at horses I might buy, I pay by the trip. That’s the buyer’s end, as the buyer doesn’t want an incentive for a higher price. As a seller is when a commission based on price is more appropriate.
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OP, you are way too invested in this client. I think you need to re-examine your own boundaries as an instructor. You are there to provide training and advice that is asked for and paid for. You need to be careful–it’s passive aggressive to give someone a “deal” and then put other expectations on them. It sounds to me like they paid you what you asked and they don’t owe you anything–not even an explanation of why they are taking their saddle home for the weekend. You were free to charge them more, and obviously you should have.
I would look at this situation as an excellent opportunity to part ways with a client that isn’t paying you FMV. I wouldn’t dwell on the past, just look to what you can improve on in the future. FWIW, many of us (including myself) have made the mistake of giving deals to people to either be nice or to generate business and it’s something you have to be very careful with. When you set your prices, you are setting your value. If you don’t charge anything for a service, it will be valued by the customer at that amount (zero). It’s much better just to set your rates at FMV. People who don’t want to pay FMV aren’t customers that you want to waste your time cultivating.
Now, take a breath. These people paid what you asked for leasing your horse, so obviously let them gracefully finish out their lease and use the lessons they have paid for. Treat them with respect and professionalism. Respect their boundaries–if they don’t wish to use your assistance for shopping for a new horse, that’s their decision. If you don’t like the horse they buy and see potential safety issues, or a situation that reflects poorly on your program, you can politely refuse to teach them. This is not some kind of an emotional decision–it’s business.
At the end of the lease, re-set your rates to FMV and move on. Also, be up front about expectations. If you expect customers to 100% use you for any equine purchases, you need to be up front about that. FWIW, you are right that this family is likely headed for another disaster, but it’s impossible to force advice–even very good, wise advice–on customers who don’t want it.
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I didn’t mean to imply that it is what you are doing - only that I think that you may be taking this too personally. They have very different ideas than you to. You’ve done your best to educate them, but it sounds like it just isn’t the right time and they are not ready. You’ve done everything you can. They probably could have been more patient but they are looking for something very different from what you are looking for.
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Let them go look for horses themselves. It’s their mistake to make… or not, especially if they don’t accept your help.
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Do only what you are paid to do.
I have a client or two like yours, and so I use a different fee structure: They bring me horses to consider. I’ll watch videos for free. They pay me an hourly rate for my time if we go to look at one, same if they want me to attend the PPE.
I do this because I want to make my money teaching horses and their people; not buying and selling. I also want to help people get educated about making a purchase, so I want them to be involved in looking. Most of all, I don’t want to do what you are doing— working way harder to find really wonderful, miraculously cheap horse for the amount of commission it will generate.
The cheaper the horse, the more you had better know if you are going to buy it. I can tell them that all day. They can believe me and pay for help, or they can do it on their own and spend a huge amount of time, money and effort to learn why it can be very expensive to buy a cheap horse is, along with the cheap horse, your plan was not to buy any training help. Ask me how I learned all this, lol.
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You sound butt-hurt.
Don’t fire them; choosing their own horse and declining help is their prerogative.
You can, however, refuse to teach the kid on it if you think she’ll get hurt on the horse while you are instructing. You can offer to train the horse for them. You can offer to teach the kid to ride the horse (to the extent that that’s possible while keeping the kid safe).
Why not let them exercise their rights to choose their own horse and then see how much of a train-wreck or not they come home with?
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Is there a phrase less pleasant to the ear than butt-hurt?
OP, let them go. Their lens on the situation in no way aligns with yours. Learn from them and let them go.
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I feel for you, OP, but yeah: stop looking for horses for these people. If they want professional help, they’ll say so - and they should be paying for your time and expertise anyway.
It doesn’t sound like they’re really trying to cheat you, but they’re not being especially upright either. The adults are apparently teaching their child to be evasive and deceitful rather than brave and direct, so not exactly a promising situation on any front.
In other news, your horse sounds like a real cupcake.
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I really like what mvp has to say, it is consistent with my experience and practices.
I will summarize my experiences by saying it was ALWAYS a mistake for me to give away or offer discounted services and it always bit me in the butt later. ALWAYS.
It amuses me now, when I have a non-horse full time professional job, and do a little a teaching on the side, that a very dear friend occasionally asks me to evaluate horses or teach a lesson at her barn. A dear friend whose kid I am very fond of. They always pay me my full rate, no question. Because they value my expertise. I would actually do some things for these folks at a discount if asked, but they would never ask. These are not wealthy people. This a dual income, dual career family trying to give their kid a good experience on a budget and they would never expect to pay less than FMV.
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I absolutely agree with that. As bitter as it is for you.
I think I would just remind them that if they find something and end the lease it requires 30 days notice. Then stop doing things you are not paid to do. Stop looking at horses for them. If they ask if you’ve seen anything appropriate, say that you stopped looking since they were handling it on their own. If they want you to start looking again then give them another copy of your fee schedule.
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If you had spent hours and hours of your free (highly limited—I’m a mom and horse trainer) time looking for a horse for someone because they asked you to and then they did this… you wouldn’t be annoyed? And unfortunately I can’t travel to their barn where they plan to go. (Sorry not sorry.) With my schedule and other clients I just can’t.
Their rights? Absolutely they can do this on their own! But if they wanted to maintain a relationship and keep me as a trainer (and have me travel mind you) then they could have gone about this differently. My point is I’m no longer looking for a horse for them. I’ll finish out this month teaching the girl… but they are on their own. If they get a greenie it’s good luck to them. That’s their choice and right I guess. :no:
Lesson learned on my part. New policy to be updated in my rates contract: if you ask me to engage in searching for a horse for you, I will take 12% of the horse’s value. Should you end up finding the horse by another means I will keep a log of hours spent searching for the horse and still be reimbursed for my hourly time expense. My time is valuable. Sorry not sorry!
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