I like your ideas and policy. And I agree. Lesson learned from me! I didn’t want to be in buying and selling. My focus is on teaching just like yours! Of course I’m happy to help peoooe find something because I would rather that then then get the wrong thing—I definitely want to see my clients safe and successful. And especially a 9-year-old… hate the thought of her getting seriously hurt. This is where I think her parents need to do their part and step in with a life lesson in patience and delayed gratification… they are allowing her to beg them into a potentially dangerous situation because she wants it and wants it now. But that will be on her parents in the end. Breaks my heart and gives me anxiety for the kid though.
3 Likes
I think you are headed in the right direction with your thinking. You have a right to be annoyed/frustrated, but mostly with yourself. You put yourself out there and did extra things for free expecting to be appreciated and to have a loyal customer that followed your advice, but unfortunately MOST people don’t respond that way, not just these people. Anyway, don’t waste too much time blaming yourself, we’ve all made this mistake. I’m sure I’ve wasted much more time than you on much worse clients!
FWIW, there’s no reason to be sentimental about your “first customers.” IME, first customers are rarely your best customers. With a new training or boarding business, you don’t have a reputation to sell your program or your barn, so your first clients are often people looking for a deal, or people who don’t fit in at other established programs/barns. These customers certainly fit that description–I can’t think of too many established programs that they would fit in with. Once you have a reputation and have established yourself, then it’s possible to start attracting better clients. I’m certainly not telling anyone to ditch their first clients. But I think it is a natural progression of things to improve your customer list as you gain experience and reputation.
Being able to gracefully and professionally part ways with clients that aren’t working out is a really important part of your business.
15 Likes
agree 100%
Jess.Leighman, all your posts are screaming “hurt feelings.” And I understand. Really, I do. But, if you plan to continue running a business, you should try to work this around in your head until you can think of it as a valuable lesson about running your business with your head instead of your heart. I think this is a hard lesson that most business owners have to learn.
16 Likes
I understand why you’re worried about this client. You have done a wonderful thing to help this child enjoy horses. However, the parents, and the child apparently think they know everything they need to, and you need to make sure you are very far away from this entire situation.
I’m positive that whatever horse they get will not work out, and if you’re involved at all, I’m positive they’ll blame everything on you. They’re just going to have to find out that they don’t know enough to get their own animal, and it’s not going to turn out well.
6 Likes
Totally agree. I definitely let my heart take the lead. I have 5 clients wanting to show for he first time in April. I’ve sent their parents an itemized breakdown on my fees and show fees this morning. I generally do send invoices but I’m just going to be much more black and white with people from here on. I expect some sticker shock from these first time parents but it is what it is. This is one of the most expensive sports they could have picked and I can’t help it as their trainer. I’ll still of course do my best to make sure it’s affordable without completely nickel and diming people… I’ll never be that huge sales and show barn nor do I want to be that. But all of you have given me good things to think on and good ideas on what to do in the future.
9 Likes
No good deed goes unpunished
7 Likes
I was thinking of this post last night. Going forward (as you have started doing) present your fees up front. Include the full price on every invoice so that the client understands the value or cost of the services.
If you really wish to help a client (for emotional, financial or you just like the client) why not offer a reduction is select services for XX hours of help on the farm. Maybe not feeding, turning out or handling horses. But what about cleaning stalls, cleaning tack, painting jumps? This allows the client (kid) to see some of the hard work needed to be in horses. A handy dad or mom can repair fences/jumps, weed wack a fence line or help stack a load of hay (I am thinking “safe” tasks where a non-horsey dad can avoid handling a horse). I have seen this model work in a 4H group that was run out of a large lesson barn. The point is that some effort must be put forth to earn any discount.
I would itemize the invoice with the full price of the services charged, with a reduction of XX dollars for XX hours worked. It would take some tracking and scheduling on your part, but it could keep your enterprise affordable (while you get some benefit too!). This is sort of making an assumption that you won’t have a parent spend 40 hours a week there working for a “free” lease. But then again, if they are a capable horse person is that such a bad thing?
5 Likes
I totally get where you are coming from. I think a lot of what has already been said is true. However, although your heart is in the right place, you allowed your client to ride a horse in a show after the horse was stalled for weeks, which resulted in the girl being over faced and losing her confidence. You are the trainer, and that result is on you. If I was a non horsey parent, I would be questioning the trainer’s judgement and maybe not too worried about leaving the trainer. Especially if the trainer framed the problem as a lack of resilience on the child’s part instead of a screwup by the trainer, which it totally is.
3 Likes
Good riding, effective riding, is about learning how to solve problems, and riding the horse on its less than perfect days and less than perfect moments. At least it used to be. In today’s overheated ribbon chase, maybe not, maybe its about clinging on board a robotic horse that finds its own way around a course. A kid who has a bad day at a show on a horse is actually getting some valuable experience, if not ribbons. I don’t see a screw up by the trainer.
13 Likes
Agree. And it isn’t like the child is a rank beginner. She has been taking lessons from the OP for two years and for at least some of that time, 2 lessons/week. “Forward and strong” does not equal dangerous. Almost every horse I showed over fences had the occassional “forward and strong” day in the showring. Lots of horses do. It’s something that riders need to learn to handle.
9 Likes
A fairly good reason to go ahead and allow the ways to part with this client. Wish them well, send them on, and don’t plan to ever have them back. If you see them at a show or a local horse club meeting, you can have a nice chat about old times, and that is it.
There will be clients who are too big of an emotional toll for various reasons. Part of surviving a client-related business is being able to let those clients go, and keep a base that has far more positives for you. You’ll be able to have an equally positive influence on many others as you go.
Sometimes we’re just here to add something to someone else’s life that may mean more to them later, even much later, than it does now. Not to be a continuing presence. Have confidence that the good you did for this family, especially the child, will resonate in their lives at some later point, even if you never find out about it. 
6 Likes
when I had a horse in a training barn we could not even get an estimate of expected expense, just got an invoice afterwards, some were shockingly expensive… I repeatedly asked for just a ballpark cost just so I could budget, never even got a reply. I really believe in the long run your clients will greatly appreciate your fee list being given in advance
When we did pull the horse out to bring home, the reaction we received was similar to your responses about your client… we were surely going to ruin a perfectly good horse I seem to remember as the parting comment …
So she came home where my kids showed the ruined horse to several regional championships and always placed high nationally…wife even took ruined horse to a regional and national championship in a completely different discipline … ruined horse lived out her life with great respected of many
7 Likes
They may currently train with you but that doesn’t mean they must exclusively train with you or keep you involved in everything they do. As long as they pay on time and follow the agreements in the lease, I don’t see where you have a right to say anything.
You have really done all you can to help them out but sometimes people just need to move on and do what they want and sometimes that means a new trainer.
I don’t see how you are being taken advantage of? Maybe they mean more to you the you do to them?
Clients come and go. It is just the way it is.
2 Likes
I have watched boarding barn owners have a rude antrum when a boarder changed barns. I have also watched instructors get into a swivet when a student leaves and goes to another instructor.
And I remind myself, I do not own a student, the BO does not own a boarder.
Be gracious, smile, and consider it a lesson learned. 
8 Likes
She’s 9. She already had a history of bad things happening to her with horses. The outcome was poor. The little girl went backward and lost confidence. Doesn’t matter if it seemed like an OK idea at the time. A good trainer has to learn from that and take responsibility.
I also agree that she should arrange another lease for the schoolmaster so she doesn’t take a financial hit when they leave. It’s a business after all.
1 Like
I agree with this.
Try to balance the effort so all the clients get this much attention and all pay the same.
1 Like
The horse didn’t just sit in his stall for 2 weeks. He was used 6 days a week in lessons and packed the kid around like no problem the night before the show at the show. He even warmed up perfectly normal in the ring prior to her classes starting. This is a horse that is 24… he is not 6 or 10 or whatever. A horse I have had for 16 years of his life and taken to show after show after show. He is push button. When I say he was strong he was just that. He did nothing dangerous. He was just quicker then she was used to and that happens. These are not robots. She still placed… albeit not reserve or grand like she expected but she still placed in every class out of 17 other kids. Point is, if she can’t handle a “been there done that” push button school master on a bad day then she probably doesn’t need her parents buying her a green horse.
10 Likes
I’ve been where you are, to a point. My situation was a bit different, though. 9 year old girl, very dedicated, determined and talented. Parents first leased a horse, then bought a lovely young gelding that I found for them, perfect match, 10k. Parents have extremely deep pockets, but said they would never spend more than that on any horse. By the time this girl was 10, she was winning championships competing against adults and had won her first national title, on the lovely gelding I found for them. This kid rode five or six days a week, and had enough talent to go anywhere. We really had a strong bond and were very close. She was so awesome.
Meanwhile, mom (diagnosed bipolar) was really putting the pressure on to win…because when daughter won, mom would be on a euphoric high, and could brag and get attention. When daughter didn’t win, mom would get all sad and sigh and moan, again to get attention for herself. Child felt loved only when she won. And then mom started breaking my main rule.
My barn rule for any kids: Parents, you pay me to train your horse and coach your child. That’s my job, and I will do it to the best of my ability. Your job is to pay the bills and be supportive and hug your kid, win, lose or draw, no matter what. There will be no ringside parents yelling at their kids during the class, no criticizing them at the out gate…that’s not your job. If you want to discuss your child’s riding, you bring it to me, privately. You get three strikes and you’re out of the barn.
This mom took her need for attention and started putting all sorts of pressure on her daughter. Daughter starts crying at the in gates before classes, saying how angry her mother will be if she doesn’t win. One class (and it was on the video) she was screaming at her daughter from the second tier of the stands, and her daughter looks right back at her mother and mouths “shut up!”. This was strike three. They were asked to leave the barn, and they did…mom,angrily while the dad was sad to leave.
Immediately all the blame went on me because daughter didn’t win every time out. They ended up in two more barns after mine, dropped almost half a million on four new horses and had very little success with any of them, and within two years, daughter had quit riding all together.
I bent over backward in the beginning to get them started, put in a lot of time and effort above and beyond what they were paying for. Lesson learned.
Be polite and professional, wish them well, and remember, it’s not your responsibility and sometimes the best lessons learned are the hard ones (for them and for you). Look forward, not backward.
8 Likes
I seriously want to cry for that kid. You sound amazing and like you did the right thing. As hard as it was. That poor kid.
6 Likes
