Also don’t kid yourself. This mare does NOT “love” F. The mare is trying to adapt to having an unpredictalbe abuser. I don’t know where you would get “loved” from on the horse’s part.
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That young lady does not need a horse, she needs therapy, and the horse needs a caring sensible owner, one can handle a horse that has already been ruined.
I know horses who would strike back at her for less.
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You are coaching her and you are letting her abuse the animal by using CA techniques out of temper? As in she gets mad and she beats on the horse and pretends it is some “method”??
Well that’s a crock. I’m afraid she would get the loading dock pep talk with all the cuss words plus a few I made up. Only it’s illegal for me to beat up someone under age.
I could have been her, I had role models that were all over the map and some of them sucked. Never show someone a CTJ and then not understand that they might go overboard with it, especially a younger teen, it’s why so many of the abusive practices still exist, because younger horsepeople see it and accept it as the way it is. But every time she argues that something is OK, especially when “she’s gotten a Pelham and you should get it too”, Or she can buy the Pelham but not a lesson, and you don’t tell her she went too damned far and walk away she thinks it must be OK, not that you are so shocked you have no words.
OP as her coach you are the only one. She obviously is paying you less and less attention so say your piece, say it good and loud and then move your tack locker and see if you can’t put some feelers out and get the rescue to take the horse back.
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borderline behavior here. get professional help in more than one way and draw boundaries.
This sounds like the blind leading the blind leading the blind…
Seriously. You claim you are guiding her for your own edification/experience? Well you can have the experience of when to woman up and tell her to listen to your advice, stop taking her crap moods out on the horse, and refusing to address her riding issues or you aren’t helping her anymore. If she respects you, she will listen. This girls sounds like a DIY nightmare who needs an all-around education; these kinds of people make me crazy. They dabble in junk and pick and choose what gadget, method, etc of the week to play with and never see it through. If you are experienced, educated, and interested in becoming a “real” trainer, you will guide her in ALL aspects of horsemanship, including her tack choices and training methods.
But there’s also a part of me that thinks you are all in over your head and should just be walking away. You say you are afraid of the mare and had scary rides on her; this makes me think you aren’t the one to help her.
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Problem is - one day, Mare isn’t going to give a shit, and will take F out. And that still won’t be Mare’s fault, but she will probably be put down for it.
I spent several months working with a horse who came out of an eerily similar situation. How did I end up with the horse? He put his owner in the hospital because he wouldn’t take the beatings anymore. I’ve made my reputation riding the horses no one else will, so trust me when I say this: It is only a matter of time before that horse crosses her Rubicon.
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F needs to grow the F* up!!! And to be honest OP, I think it’s about time you pulled up your big girl pants & told this chic to stop being such a d@mn TOOL!
Are there any up & coming clinicians that she might respect in your area? I saw PP about 20 yrs ago, it was one of those sales things disguised as a clinic, he had 3 or 4 people bring in their troubled horse & he would work with it. There might be someone who would do this with her mare. Then she could see how these techniques are truly meant to be used & how the horse reacts.
I disagree that the made has not saleable, I think that she would to the right person. Someone who’s not so put off by age or her uppityness, but the price would have to be right. Low.
You said she got the horse from a rescue? Could you send an anonymous tip about the treatment? Most rescues have a “we’ll take it back if you don’t treat it right” policy.
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[QUOTE=merrygoround;8859057]
That young lady does not need a horse, she needs therapy, and the horse needs a caring sensible owner, one can handle a horse that has already been ruined.
I know horses who would strike back at her for less.[/QUOTE]
Yep. Simple abuse IMO. She should contact the rescue fand try to give the horse back - maybe they’ll rescue the poor mare from
HER.
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Horses do not magically cure young ladies of self-harm, drug addiction or promiscuous behaviors. F’s parents are delusional if think that is all it takes. F needs therapy, not a horse. Therapy will be cheaper in the long run especially if (when?) this mare blows her lid and puts F in the ICU.
There is obviously a level of dysfunction in this family and you’d do well to extricate yourself from the situation because once this mess goes sideways, after this family is done blaming the horse, you’ll be next on the list since you are acting as her “coach” or “trainer” or what-not. You’re not equipped to fix this horse OR this girl let alone both of them. Pass what you know of the situation to higher powers (rescue the horse came from, the barn owner/manager, child protective services etc.) and let the chips fall where they may.
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[QUOTE=GaitedGloryRider;8859353]
Horses do not magically cure young ladies of self-harm, drug addiction or promiscuous behaviors. F’s parents are delusional if think that is all it takes. F needs therapy, not a horse. Therapy will be cheaper in the long run especially if (when?) this mare blows her lid and puts F in the ICU.
There is obviously a level of dysfunction in this family and you’d do well to extricate yourself from the situation because once this mess goes sideways, after this family is done blaming the horse, you’ll be next on the list since you are acting as her “coach” or “trainer” or what-not. You’re not equipped to fix this horse OR this girl let alone both of them. Pass what you know of the situation to higher powers (rescue the horse came from, the barn owner/manager, child protective services etc.) and let the chips fall where they may.[/QUOTE]
This is what I was going to say as well. She just said it first and better!
You need to suggest the Therapy need to her parents, even if seen as a “busy body”. Then you need to remove yourself from F’s proximity, whether riding, working horses, interacting in the barn. She won’t accept help, advice or having horse handling faults pointed out to her, so you waste your time and energy doing that. She is going to get hurt with horse if she continues to vent her anger issues on the horse. Horse will think she is fighting for her life, does what she has to for ending the abuse. F will be hurt, probably badly. You can’t prevent it now, so best to distance yourself before it happens. You can’t save her from her issues, it takes professionals to aid her. You are not a mental health professional, walk away. So sorry having to say this.
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[QUOTE=GaitedGloryRider;8859353]
Horses do not magically cure young ladies of self-harm, drug addiction or promiscuous behaviors. F’s parents are delusional if think that is all it takes. F needs therapy, not a horse. Therapy will be cheaper in the long run especially if (when?) this mare blows her lid and puts F in the ICU.
There is obviously a level of dysfunction in this family and you’d do well to extricate yourself from the situation because once this mess goes sideways, after this family is done blaming the horse, you’ll be next on the list since you are acting as her “coach” or “trainer” or what-not. You’re not equipped to fix this horse OR this girl let alone both of them. Pass what you know of the situation to higher powers (rescue the horse came from, the barn owner/manager, child protective services etc.) and let the chips fall where they may.[/QUOTE]
^^^^ This
Also, how can you tell me that you are acting like her coach when posts before say she was telling you what to do while riding and even to put a Pelham on your horse? She is your peer and doesn’t respect you as your coach. Move on and let her handle he own crap. Anything you say will not help and in this situation it is just going to have to run its course. Unless… maybe you offer to buy F’s horse or find a buyer.
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OP, you are describing animal abuse and it is illegal. Call the cops and/or animal control. This is ridiculous and I cannot believe you are standing around watching it happen.
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Thank you everyone for your wonderful responses. I really do appreciate everyone who has helped me with this situation.
A few things: I’m sure I am partially at fault for how this moss ball got rolling for not intervening, but I’ll give myself my only defense and say at barns long ago we also participated in rather “abusive” training, and while F’s treatment of Mare was way beyond what I’ve ever done, WAY BEYOND, i’ve seen my own trainers do worse, so I was… unsure when I could call it abuse and when I could call it discipline. this is my first DIY barn - show barns are a smaller cult in themselves in that, as many of you may be aware, you fall in line and treat the horses however the head trainer does and that is what is expected.
Anyway, F did sell mare, well, REHOME Mare for 100 bucks. Mare is now a pasture puff 400 miles away from F. But the story still continues.
F has a new horse, a baby TB named Gelding. Gelding had a leg injury that pulled him off the track last year and has been healing ever since. F bought Gelding knowing this and promised to participate in his stall rest.
F takes him out of his stall yesterday after he’s been at the barn for less than a handful of days, and Gelding goes insane. Rears, spins, bucks, and starts bolting, all the while F hanging onto the lead rope and getting dragged around by an almost 17hh BABY tb with ZERO horsey citizen skills.
I guess this thread is becoming more about F. F has a boyfriend now and is almost never at the barn. F has a job to pay for Gelding. F has decided she wants to be an eventer but a) refuses to take any lessons, b) refuses to get in with the girls who event and go to cross country schoolings, c) refuses to use my good, kind horse in said schoolings because hers can’t be ridden (obviously) and d) has NO REAL INTEREST in riding anymore.
I had enough. I decided this time around I am NOT helping F. I got chewed out a few days ago for attempting to help her after the incident and she responded with “HE JUST NEEDS LOVE! HE WAS ABUSED! HE DOESN’T KNOW ANY BETTER! HE JUST NEEDS TIME AND WE NEED TO BOND AND HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE IS LOVED!!111!!!111!”
And almost 5 people got mowed down that day by crazy, injured cabin fever tb with NO SKILLS.
This is Mare all over again.
I am tempted to call the old Owner and tell her what is going on and how this is actually going to go down, because I know the truth as to why F sold Mare now: Mare couldn’t show, 3’ and therefore was useless to F who wanted a GIANT HORSE to jump GIANT JUMPS on. Otherwise Mare was sound.
Now poor Gelding is going to suffer too… But the only good news of this story is, because he is literally unhand able, he may have a life as a pet and maybe can escape being PTS… I don’t know. I’m not making much sense right now…
I did find out F doesn’t care one lick about riding. Horses are giant status symbols she can show off to her friends to pretend like she is wealthy. It’s sickening because IMO horses are anything BUT status symbols, more like ways to show how BROKE you are!
She has never worked with any Baby horse let alone an OTTB but REFUSES. flat out REFUSES. any help from anyone. Before I had some influence. Not anymore. Everything is met with a “I have a plan” and “i know what I am doing”…
I am removing myself from the situation. I’m going to stick with my mare, still be nice but I feel this is a new level of crazy I cannot get behind. Now that I’ve experienced the Mare situation, this poor Gelding is in for some real trouble…
New question: how do you handle people who have horses but don’t like to ride? 
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mind your own business.
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Definitely MYOB. Also most horses are crazy on stall rest. It doesn’t mean he’s literally unhandleable.
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It’s an unsolvable situation. If things get really obviously ugly, you take some pictures or video and call in the SPCA, and let it be handled by them.
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Can I just sneak in one night and steal Mare? She sounds just like the enormous pissy chestnut mare I had as a teenager
Definitely, MYOB. You can’t fix this, F can’t or won’t fix it, apparently no adult in her life with authority to get her into therapy will help and you need to distance yourself from the situation before you get sucked in deeper then you can imagine.
Im surprised you came back, dug up this thread and continued to complain about F and her actions after 6 months. Complain to the BO or take your horse elsewhere to board it. If you don’t own a horse, you need to find a better barn to associate yourself with if all you say is true. If you stay involved, you risk getting blamed and having your reputation tarnished by associating yourself with this kind of behavior towards horses. Trainers are judged by their students, if you are perceived by others as being associated with her regardless of whether you are paid or not? Her behavior reflects on your instruction? You need to stay clear of her.
I had somebody like this in my barn and the BO allowed it to continue? Id move instead of complain about a kid on the web. You can’t do a thing except fret and worry and maybe lash out over the situation by coming on here. That’s not healthy for you.
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Boarding barns and rural homes are full of horses nobody rides. As long as they are fed why should I care what they do with them??
In other words, this is probably the best thing that can happen to this gelding if F is going to continue to own him. Make sure he is fed well and that his feet and medical needs are met ( as any BO would require) and otherwise keep out of it.
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this poor horse is NAMED “Gelding?” If I was a horse and was actually named “gelding” I’d lash out at any human responsible. sheesh.
That said it sounds like this kid is a major PITA who is just going to ruin horse after horse after horse until she gets injured enough to stop trying. Or maybe Darwinisim will take care of her. Lord knows we have enough dumb people out there who hurt their horses because they are too stupid to realize that they really don’t know anything. I predict that soon enough she will want to spend her money on other things, her board will go unpaid, and hopefully this poor baby TB wont end up in a auction.
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