UPDATE Page 10 (I know you're all waiting by your keyboards to respond!) (I jest.) (Kind of.) Barn worker taking things - what would your expectation be of the Barn regarding consequences?

[Doctor_sOrders]

@Bent Hickory

My summary is spot on. The title of the thread is "What would your expectation be of the Barn regarding consequences? Not resolution – CONSEQUENCES (i.e. PUNISHMENT). OP’s “expectations” of the BO’s handling of the situation have not been met (otherwise why would she have initiated this thread?). One need only “skim the book” to recognize this as the only logical conclusion regarding the purpose of this thread. OP wants validation from the “court of COTH” that she is right and that the SM should be terminated.

We know exactly how BO feels. Twice OP has gone to BO about alleged “theft” of items that OP left out. And the BO’s actions in the face of this speak volumes. BO has to know that OP might leave if BO fails to terminate SM. Yet, BO didn’t terminate SM. Again the only logical conclusion is that BO would rather lose OP than SM.

There are more “consequences” in life than termination. A talking to, not being allowed to touch boarder’s stuff, etc. I still think your summary is incredibly black and white when in reality there is so much grey

[Midge]

@kande04

True that consequences can be either punishments or rewards, but given the context I’m pretty sure the consequences that she had in mind were punishments.

Once again, the definition of consequence is result. Those are not limited to punishment or reward. However, I cannot imagine giving someone a reward for pilfering.

[Mac123]

@Nickelodian Wow. I don’t have much time to be on here these days and in checking back in am fascinated…dumbfounded by this thread!

I really don’t think you’re in the wrong and I can’t believe the hate you’ve gotten! In the scenario I’d suggested of grabbing a vest sitting out if I was cold and had forgotten a jacket, that would be my exact and apologetic response to it’s owner had one come to find me wearing their jacket. Clearly not what you got from the BW. Also with it being bright pink…I do have an exceptionally good memory but I think most people would have realized it was yours. And yes, I think it’s different when it’s an employee involved.

One time my friend had forgotten gloves and asked if anyone had extras. I did, and tossed an extra set of mine I hadn’t worn for a while to her. She stuck her hand in and there was a bandaid stuck inside from a blister I’d had. The bandaid had stuck inside the glove and I had no idea. She was totally skeeved out to put a finger up into my used bandaid…I was too but also thought it was kinda hilarious. Maybe that can be your defense mechanism moving forward? 😂

[Bristol_Bay]

@Mac123

One time my friend had forgotten gloves and asked if anyone had extras. I did, and tossed an extra set of mine I hadn’t worn for a while to her. She stuck her hand in and there was a bandaid stuck inside from a blister I’d had. The bandaid had stuck inside the glove and I had no idea. She was totally skeeved out to put a finger up into my used bandaid…I was too but also thought it was kinda hilarious. Maybe that can be your defense mechanism moving forward? 😂

Remind me never to borrow breeches from you.

[Mac123]

@Bristol Bay

Remind me never to borrow breeches from you.

😂😂😂

[jetsmom]

I left a barn a yr and a half ago when it was sold to a new barn owner. She fired all of our regular help and put young girls that blew smoke up her butt about their experience, and would go drink and smoke pot with her.
She broke the headstall on a 400.00 show bridle that was a yr old, and when I realized it was gone, I found it in pieces in her tack rm (boarders had a tackroom, and owner had one). When I mentioned it, I was told, well, we didnt know whose it was, and it hadnt been used recently, so we figured it was abandoned. Note…I am at barn daily, and it was hanging on bridle hanger with my horse’s name on it. I also found my chambon in pieces in her tack room as well as my draw reins put on her western bridle…both were on bridle hangers for my 2 horses. My friends bridle with her round metal monogram tag on it was also there. I wasnt offered any reimbursement at all. I left the following week.
To top it off, I used to take care of the barn cat, and had been going out each evening to feed her for last 5 yrs. When I left, I asked BO’s husband if he wanted me to leave cat, or I would be happy to take her, because she needs to be fed nightly. He said “well, its not like we would let her starve. Leave her” A week later I get a text from BO saying “Come get the cat. This isnt the ASPCA” I call a friend still at barn and she tells me cat hasnt been fed since I left 8 days before, and they don’t know where she is. So I went there right away, and called her, and she came running from the roof of the barn helps house. Put her in crate with a can of food which she wolfed down on way to new barn. (She loves new place…6 ft chainlink around property, no coyotes, and she sleeps in feedroom with food, litterbox, cat bed, metal screen door to look out, and a nightlight.)
The BO also tried to tell a boarder that had boarded 2 horses there for 7 yrs, that started leasing them to the therapy program 3 mo earlier, after her parents got transferred, that she could not take her custom western saddle, when she came to get it 2 weeks after therapy program moved out with the horses. Owner came into town upon hearing her horses were moved to get her stuff. BO accused her of stealing the saddle, because she said when she bought the barn, she got everything in it. She is truly nuts.

[Linny]

Barnmate shows up and outs OP on here with hostile comments and suddenly the stuff returns? Coincidence?

[clarity]

All I can say is WOW.

The barn situation with missing equipment seems like it has/had a fairly simple solution. “Hey, my stuff keeps going missing. I see that so-and-so has it. I will do my best to put my stuff away every time I finish up, but can you please let her know that she is not to take equipment that doesn’t belong to her? Thank you!”

This THREAD, though. WOW. Going on COTH forum to attack your barn mate? Yikes.

[anon6003733]

@jetsmom So nice of you to save the barn kitty! Poor horses that are stuck with that lot :no:.

[YankeeDuchess]

@Nickelodian

While it does seem awfully coincidental, I don’t have any facts. Additionally there is the outside chance that BW had the martingale, realized after the discussion with BO that she had some adjustments in behavior necessary, and returned it. Who knows, I’m glad its back.

@Nickelodian

I also think the vitriol you have received is misguided.

In several barns I have boarded at, the problem was not theft by a barn employee, but rather “borrowing” of items by the trainer, and also by a subset of clients enabled by the trainer. The enabling was either by example or by explicitly saying, “Oh, just use Karen’s”.

This was not stuff just left out. The gloves and spurs and side reins were in my trunk. I had stopped using the whip rack for my labeled whip, and taken to putting it in my trunk.

I am pretty sure the narrative that the “borrowers” told themselves was that they were just “borrowing” not stealing. However, they couldn’t be bothered to return the stuff to the location they took it from. This means that, at best, I have to scramble around looking for my gloves, whip, spurs, etc before I ride. However, about half the time (for gloves or whip), I can’t find the item, and then have to spend my time and money replacing it. Which they then continued to borrow.

To me, the grievance is not simply or even primarily the monetary value of what the person has borrowed/stolen. It’s the demonstrated attitude of the person who feels entitled to make free use on my stuff, not ask, and not bother to put if back so that I can also use my own stuff! This is not middle finger aggressive disrespect, but it’s a passive aggressive form of disrespect.

in both cases in which the trainer felt entitled to use my stuff, and enabled her favored clients to help themselves as well, there was the further insult that if I knew or had reason to believe that Sally had borrowed the item (I had seen her take it, or know she had “borrowed” it before), when I calmly asked either the trainer or Sally if they had borrowed it (so I could use it!), the response was that the borrower was the aggrieved party to have been asked that, and that I was materialistic and ungenerous to have noticed that others where using my stuff. Well, I would be generous and be happy with people using my stuff, if they put it back, but if they can’t be bothered to, then, yes, I mind.

In both situations, I think the thief or borrower has convinced themselves of some narrative that justifies their thefts in their own mind. In my case, I am sure they considered themselves just borrowing rather than stealing. They seem not to tax themselves with the realization that borrowing without asking, or returning the item, amounts to the same result as theft, and they don’t care because they don’t respect the person they’re borrowing/stealing from.

[BAC]

@jetsmom

I left a barn a yr and a half ago when it was sold to a new barn owner. She fired all of our regular help and put young girls that blew smoke up her butt about their experience, and would go drink and smoke pot with her.
She broke the headstall on a 400.00 show bridle that was a yr old, and when I realized it was gone, I found it in pieces in her tack rm (boarders had a tackroom, and owner had one). When I mentioned it, I was told, well, we didnt know whose it was, and it hadnt been used recently, so we figured it was abandoned. Note…I am at barn daily, and it was hanging on bridle hanger with my horse’s name on it. I also found my chambon in pieces in her tack room as well as my draw reins put on her western bridle…both were on bridle hangers for my 2 horses. My friends bridle with her round metal monogram tag on it was also there. I wasnt offered any reimbursement at all. I left the following week.
To top it off, I used to take care of the barn cat, and had been going out each evening to feed her for last 5 yrs. When I left, I asked BO’s husband if he wanted me to leave cat, or I would be happy to take her, because she needs to be fed nightly. He said “well, its not like we would let her starve. Leave her” A week later I get a text from BO saying “Come get the cat. This isnt the ASPCA” O call a friend still at barn and she tells me cat hasnt been fed since I left 8 days before, and they don’t know where she is. So I went there right away, and called her, and she came running from the roof of the barn helps house. Put her in crate with a win of food which she wolfed down on way to new barn. (She loves new place…6 ft chainlink around property, no coyotes, and she sleeps in feedroom with food, litterbox, cat bed, metal screen door to look out, and a nightlight.)
The BO also tried to tell a boarder that had boarded 2 horses there for 7 yrs, that started leasing them to the therapy program 3 mo earlier, after her parents got transferred, that she could not take her custom western saddle, when she came to get it 2 weeks after therapy program moved out with the horses. Owner came into town upon hearing her horses were moved to get her stuff. BO accused her of stealing the saddle, because she said when she bought the barn, she got everything in it. She is truly nuts.

Yikes such insanity! Thanks for saving the barn kitty though, she sounds like she’s in a much nicer home. Why do people even have animals if they can’t be bothered to care for them? Do they think barn cats don’t eat?

[Nickelodian]

@Linny

Barnmate shows up and outs OP on here with hostile comments and suddenly the stuff returns? Coincidence?

Unsure what coincidence you might be referring to, but I will say with full assurance that the barnmate that came here did not have my martingale.

[Nickelodian]

@YankeeDuchess

@Nickelodian

I also think the vitriol you have received is misguided.

In several barns I have boarded at, the problem was not theft by a barn employee, but rather “borrowing” of items by the trainer, and also by a subset of clients enabled by the trainer. The enabling was either by example or by explicitly saying, “Oh, just use Karen’s”.

This was not stuff just left out. The gloves and spurs and side reins were in my trunk. I had stopped using the whip rack for my labeled whip, and taken to putting it in my trunk.

I am pretty sure the narrative that the “borrowers” told themselves was that they were just “borrowing” not stealing. However, they couldn’t be bothered to return the stuff to the location they took it from. This means that, at best, I have to scramble around looking for my gloves, whip, spurs, etc before I ride. However, about half the time (for gloves or whip), I can’t find the item, and then have to spend my time and money replacing it. Which they then continued to borrow.

To me, the grievance is not simply or even primarily the monetary value of what the person has borrowed/stolen. It’s the demonstrated attitude of the person who feels entitled to make free use on my stuff, not ask, and not bother to put if back so that I can also use my own stuff! This is not middle finger aggressive disrespect, but it’s a passive aggressive form of disrespect.

in both cases in which the trainer felt entitled to use my stuff, and enabled her favored clients to help themselves as well, there was the further insult that if I knew or had reason to believe that Sally had borrowed the item (I had seen her take it, or know she had “borrowed” it before), when I calmly asked either the trainer or Sally if they had borrowed it (so I could use it!), the response was that the borrower was the aggrieved party to have been asked that, and that I was materialistic and ungenerous to have noticed that others where using my stuff. Well, I would be generous and be happy with people using my stuff, if they put it back, but if they can’t be bothered to, then, yes, I mind.

In both situations, I think the thief or borrower has convinced themselves of some narrative that justifies their thefts in their own mind. In my case, I am sure they considered themselves just borrowing rather than stealing. They seem not to tax themselves with the realization that borrowing without asking, or returning the item, amounts to the same result as theft, and they don’t care because they don’t respect the person they’re borrowing/stealing from.

Thank you for this thoughtful response. In this case she had been instructed to return things to the lost and found and didn’t follow through the second time. I’m hoping that going forward the expectations are clear to her this won’t be a problem again.

[JustTheTicket]

@Linny

Barnmate shows up and outs OP on here with hostile comments and suddenly the stuff returns? Coincidence?

Are you saying that OP hid her own things? Or they were never missing? I can’t figure out what you’re trying to insinuate.

[supershorty628]

@JustTheTicket

Are you saying that OP hid her own things? Or they were never missing? I can’t figure out what you’re trying to insinuate.

I could be wrong, but I think @Linny is insinuating that the snarky boarder (not OP) perhaps had something to do with the stuff disappearing.

[beowulf]

Wow OP! It really goes to show on COTH, you never know which way the wind will blow…

BTDT with the sticky-fingered barn workers. While I was a BM I had one lifting anything that wasn’t labeled. Including lifting boarder fly sprays by pouring them all in the same container… Genius…

Like others said, you know now not to leave things out. I’ve run a barn - EVERYBODY leaves something out at some point or another. It’s just how life is; we’re busy, we’re multi-tasking, we’re thinking about everything we have to do once we leave the barn… It happens – that does not give someone license to steal your stuff!

I can understand claiming something that was left in the lost and found for several weeks; the way we did it, was, we had a lost and found that was dumped once a month (usually on the 30th). This gave boarders enough time to claim what was theirs, and the rest either went to a rescue or it went to the school-horse program.

Get silver or gold sharpies, and write your name on everything in every way. On the spine of a saddle pad in four locations (seriously). On your brushes front and back. On the inside of your helmet, on the inside of your gloves and barn clothes. Do not write it on areas that can be cut off like tags or straps; and use CAPITALS. Big angry letters that serve as a thief-deterrent.

Re: locking your trunk… Locks only keep honest people out. Thieves will steal regardless - a better deterrent is labeling everything six ways to Sunday.

In my case Sticky Fingers was helping herself to everyone’s stuff, and it’s been my experience if they’re stealing from someone else, they’re stealing from you too.

[Linny]

NO, I’m wondering if the barnmate who crashed the party might be aware of the BW having sticky fingers but since they are not fond of the OP, not willing to speak up. I have no dog in the fight but can’t help but wonder if the airing of grievance here led to the liberation of the lost items.

[Nickelodian]

@Linny

NO, I’m wondering if the barnmate who crashed the party might be aware of the BW having sticky fingers but since they are not fond of the OP, not willing to speak up. I have no dog in the fight but can’t help but wonder if the airing of grievance here led to the liberation of the lost items.

I promise that isn’t the case. Like I said. BW does good work, I’m just hoping she was misguided. Barn mate is clearly upset with me, but that’s a longer deeper story that doesn’t need to be public.

The only item liberated was the martingale. The stick just simply got used when it was left out. I found it. The martingale is the true mystery. But it’s back. I hope it doesn’t walk away again.

[TheMoo]

The shocking thing in this thread is the amount of people condemning the OP for leaving stuff out. I don’t care how organized, not busy, or whatever someone is. There is not a horse person alive that hasn’t left something out on accident.

[Linny]

I’m happy that the stuff is back and hope that the issue is resolved. I don’t know the OP but having had a saddle stolen from a tack room, I feel for the situation. Glad it’s settled.