I would be livid about the vest and the martingale and the gloves. I have very strong feelings about not using things or taking things that aren’t yours, even if the owner is not around to ask permission and you “just need it quickly”. The exception being medical supplies in an emergency, obviously.
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OP- question: is the barn worker of normal mental capacity, that you are aware? Asking respectfully, because she wasn’t being sneaky with your easily identifiable gloves, and wore your vest. All around when you are, and it sounds like since you participate in a “ride and groom” that they know when you’re coming.
I ask respectfully- my BIL is has a mental disability and most certainly knows right and wrong. The barn worker’s behavior is not that of a typical barn clepto.
I would take a deep breath. You like the trainer, the barn. Though the instances are eye brow raising, “I” don’t know if I’d classify it as Stealing. Maybe she isn’t a good thief- 
Would I wear a jacket that was left around? No. If someone was chilled or whatever I could see it happening.
Anyway - good luck.
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To play the devils advocate…
The BO has you come up to complain that BW (barn worker) is stealing your stuff. Turns out half the stuff (gloves and crop) were stuff you left out/forgot to put away. The third is a piece of equipment that you don’t really know if she took or not. Especially when you don’t tack your horse and there are trainer rides. It’s just as likely another worker/trainer/whatever misplaced it, but you place the blame on BW regardless. Lastly, the vest. Ok, the vest situation is weird and I’d be annoyed too. “I could safely assume she snagged it the same day for all I know”. When you say things like this, it really does come across as disdainful to the barn employees. Truth is, you don’t know when she took it, but you immediately go to the worst case and take it as gospel.
So out of the four issues you’ve brought to the BO, there is only one that holds a bit of weight. I can see why you’d be brushed off, a missing vest is not a very big deal in the grand scheme of running a training facility.
like I said, just trying to show a different point of view. Sometimes we get wrapped up in our own head and forget to see the other side.
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Nothing constructive to add, but this reminds me of one time one of our grooms car broke down. BM (who lives on the property) said the groom could borrow her car until hers was fixed. This ended up being a week. When BM got her car back (it was always messy, but not dirty, and she has nice stuff) there was a pillow in a nice Ralph lauren pillow case missing from the trunk. Lo and behold, not more than a MONTH later the groom shows up to work wearing a very nice cashmere sweater in a unmistakable color and very high end brand. She denied it to the grave when confronted, her sister gave it to her for her birthday, etc… Fast forward to a year later- she quits, and what does BM find when cleaning out the apartment but the pillow!
Point is- some thieves just can’t help themselves.
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The vest incident is especially bold. And a smarter person might have only worn it other places. I might forgive the gloves if they were sitting out and a common color, but it appears that was not the case here.
My inclination would be to bring it up but maybe not push too hard. And label everything so there’s no excuse for someone accidentally picking it up.
If someone falls off and gets hurt it seems like people should go out of their way to make sure their stuff gets put away and that anything that seem to sit out for an unusual period of time gets set aside for that person in case it’s theirs. Or you text them a picture and ask if it’s theirs. That’s what happened with a similar situation at my barn a few months ago.
I do label everything, including gloves and outerwear. I have sets of sticky labels with my name and with my horse’s name on them. I figure that way if I leave something out there’s an answer to the question “whose whip is this?”
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People who don’t think it’s a big deal to leave stuff out… you think it doesn’t matter that much because you’re just thinking of yourself like, “oh it’s just one pair of gloves”. But when multiple people do this multiple times a day, their stuff isn’t labeled, and things get moved around because other people need to use the space it adds up. Seriously the tack up stalls become so cluttered! You’re not a child and it’s seriously rude to leave your stuff around shared spaces then expect people to clean up after you and get angry when they don’t! Everyone else has lives and other things to do and places to be too you’re not the only one. If you care so little about your stuff that you can’t remember to put it away than it’s really not that important to you because I guarantee if you really cared you’d put it away.
Martingales, girths, gloves and all that stuff gets left out literally all the time and 99% of the time there is no way to know who it belongs to. I will let things sit out for like a day before they become lesson program donations and if you can find it in the lesson stuff you can get it back for free lol my boss is worse though she’ll just charge you $20 for every object left out.
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Ok, I was in a barn where the young friendly worker was stealing. I lost my somewhat expensive clippers. Others lost more. The barn owners solution was to put up a sign in the tack room letting everyone know that items were going missing and to lock them up!
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Thanks. No, no issues there (at least any outward issues from day to day interactions with this person).
Appreciate your perspective on taking a deep breath. Kind of what I was looking for, perspectives on the situation and what I should expect. I have, and feel slightly better, save the reaction on this thread. 
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Just to provide some clarity. I have not approached the BO on anything other than the gloves (which I just said was weird) and the vest (which I was honestly very unhappy about). Given that it was the second time that an article of my clothing had made its way to a person, and that it was after a fall, I kind of said it was BS. The BW claimed it was left for two weeks. I actually went back and looked. I fell off on a Monday, and was back at the barn the following Sunday. 6 days after I fell, the vest wasn’t there. Which leads me to…I could safely assume she snagged it the same day, for all I know. I don’t know when it was taken, but it probably wasn’t two weeks later.
The other two I chalked up to normal boarding stuff and just have looked around for them. I don’t have any evidence any specific person took them. However, when the vest incident happened, and it was the second item, it makes a person wonder if other items may have had the same fate. That’s all, no other escalation than in my own head.
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I’m glad you clarified what you went to the BO about. Like you, I’d be annoyed… and wish I had a solution to the problem.
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Not sure why I feel the need to defend myself in the court of COTH law, but here:
December - 1 pair of unique gloves left out 1 night. Not the best move in the world, but life.
February - 1 martingale lifted off of my tack hook hung in the tack room (NOT left out). I had two martingales hanging there as I had one horse in long term offsite rehab who wasn’t using his martingale. I can assume someone saw two, thought it would be easy to borrow and never returned it. It is labeled with my name plate, I have been unable to find it.
April - 1 vest left out after I fell off, hit my head hard enough to throw my helmet away, a fractured shoulder and ribs.
May - 1 stick left out after my kiddo (who is four) ran off with it playing pirates. Being four, he dropped it when something else distracted him. When he was riding I noticed it sitting in the aisle way, and made a mental note to grab it. After doing his leadline “lesson” untacking the pony, putting everything away, dealing with snacks and drink and petting the kitty cats and feeding treats, and the million other questions/distractions, it got left behind. If you’re a mom, you might get this. If not then probably not.
So, in all in 6 months I have left 3 things out. I really don’t mean to be rude and try to be very conscientious of my space and things (for the person who said that I don’t care about my stuff). But when two of those things end up with the same person, even if left out, it makes me feel upset.
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My thoughts on the martingale go in a different direction than yours do. And though so many call it victim blaming I think the discussion about how thing could be different than ‘Oh My Gawd this person is stealing’ is good.
Martingale - Since you have your horse(s) groomed and tacked for you it does not seem unreasonable that the missing martingale was lost via that process. Someone grabbing your tack grabbed both martingales by accident. When your horse was untacked (maybe even by a different person) they did not realize there was a second martingale that needed to be put away with your stuff.
One thing that makes the situation less nefarious to me is that - these are clothes items. I know, I know…I will repeat that I am 100% against taking or using other people’s things. But it does not seem nefarious to me that someone working at the barn who needs a pair of gloves or a vest might look in the office and grab something that was sitting there to use (if they forgot their gloves or they did not realize it was going to be that cold that day). The office happened to contain your gloves and your vest that you left out.
A crop going missing after it was left out is life. Heck, it happens to me and my horses are at home and I have no boarders or riders or others to blame. Hoof picks too. They are all off hiding with the socks that go missing in the wash and all my missing pens.
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Agree that it’s annoying. But does that give the barn worker the right to palm it and use it? Because that, and not a messy boarder, is what this thread is about.
I will not and do not tolerate a thief.
EDIT: I mean, I get super annoyed when the 3 amigos use the push broom on piles of shedded hair, and don’t take a second to get the remnants out of the push broom (which, for the record, doesn’t work when it’s clogged to the gills with hair). I am a neat freak. And yet, for the first time in probably a year or more - I forgot my horseware newmarket jacket at the barn, because it was warmer than I thought and I took it off in a weird spot. If someone would have lifted that jacket, I would be furious. It might have been left on a hook, but that single act did not transfer ownership. Leave it there if it’s not in the way, if it’s in the way throw it in the viewing room or the feed room - I’ll find it.
My barn does not have thieves, and I love it. I have super nice hoof picks clipped on my stalls to pick feet after turn out, because I know no one will lift them. If the leadrope on the stall isn’t mine, I know 100% it was a mistake and not an intentional swipe. It’s so nice.
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The easily identifiable gloves and vest make me particularly mad, because this kind of thing would never happen at our barn and stuff gets left out all the time. People forget things! If you have someone who is a repeat offender of leaving out a piece of tack, our trainer will take it and hide it. One girl had to do her lesson in a halter and lead rope once (on a sainted school horse who honestly might have preferred it) because she kept leaving her bridle out over and over again. At our barn when gloves get left out, we put them in the main tack room on a table and usually write a message on the white board the lesson schedule for the week is on that if you’re missing gloves they’re on the table. If they were easily identifiable they would likely be placed directly in the owners cubby in the barn lodge. If we don’t know whose it is and it does not get claimed for a long time on that table (a month?) it’ll go into general barn supply or get tossed or becomes up for grabs if someone wants it.
A vest is super easy to identify. We would know exactly whose it is if it was left out. It is mind blowing to me that someone who had a bad fall and was seriously injured and had to leave the farm for an extended period of time, that the barn collectively is full of people who most certainly knew the vest was yours and chose to leave it out and then say nothing when the assistant took it and began wearing it. I can tell you at my barn if such a thing happened to a rider the following things would occur: horse and all it’s tack put away appropriately. A recognition within a couple days of “oh! she left her vest out. Someone should text her that it’s still here and ask her what she would like us to do with it. Should we put it in her trunk? Does someone live near her who could drop it off? Maybe we should put it through the wash also”. It would likely get washed and then per her preference someone who lives near her would drop it off or it would be folded and put in her trunk until she returns.
The fact that her vest was left out for 2 weeks and then worn by someone else for additional weeks truly blows my mind. Especially considering the reason it was left out was because she was seriously injured after a fall. It speaks to a whole barn ethos in which people are not looking out for each other.
OP I know you said leaving the barn was not an option, but I would have trouble with a facility where people behaved like that, beyond just the assistant potentially taking things. The general “whatever, not my problem” approach of the rest of the people at the barn really irks me. Our barn is family and we help each other. I might just be really lucky that our barn functions that way but I’d like to think other places do also, we should not be that unique.
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I think it’s important to understand that in my “barn” there are four actual physical barns where people tack their horses. I am in the smallest physical barn. The only people that frequent the area are the workers, and the people who have their horses in that barn. That small group of people are all tight. I have no doubt if any of those other horse owners had seen my vest they would have stuck it under my trunk cover or on my saddle for me. Honestly I don’t know when the vest was lifted, but I have very serious doubts it was two weeks. It just doesn’t jive.
Had anyone in the normal group come across it they would have helped me out (as I have done for them countless times). This again speaks to my concern of the individual barn worker and her approach.
The vest is a bright fucha/pink. Not exactly like it would blend in with a million other black vests. It’s just not right.
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I’m surprised at how many BO’s are willing to pilfer their clients things for the lesson string as punishment for leaving them out. A pair of gloves sitting on the shelf by the grooming stall shouldn’t be offensive enough that they become common property. I can see a known repeat offender but not the occasional crop left next to a stall.
I try to be pick up after myself but we all leave things out once in while, especially if you ride at a time that doesn’t give you leisure time, or if children are involved. When I rode during the day (during a gap time in my work schedule) I was far more likely to be distracted/hurried when leaving than when I rode in the evening and could do a serious scan for all my things. I’d guess that at many cold weather barns (especially in spring or fall) there are vests, sweaters or jackets hanging on jump standards in the ring/arena.
As for theft, having had a nearly brand new saddle stolen, you might imagine that I’m a stickler for never touching what isn’t mine unless permission is granted. If you are confident that an employee took your gloves and vest and you have other things missing, I can see why you’d guess that the same person has them. Have any barnmates had similar experiences?
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She may feel that she’s borrowing abandoned stuff rather than stealing it, because if the intention was to steal it she wouldn’t be wearing it where the owner could see it.
I’d also mention to her that I’m missing a martingale and a whip, and ask her to keep an eye out for them because I don’t want to have to replace them.
Also, bo’s may have permission from boarders to borrow their stuff. I always let my bo use anything I left at the barn, and they always took good care of it and made sure it was returned.
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I too have been a victim of employee theft and I too was given minimal support by the BM. That was a situation where BM said trainer should handle as the employee was technically employed by the trainer and trainer said BM should handle bc she was the literal manager of the barn and managing employees was in her wheelhouse. So frustrating.
Every time I had things taken, the only way to resolve the situation was to confront the girl myself and get my things back. All three times (over the course of a year she used a bit from my bit box which sits beside my trunk, a Mattes pad which sits on top of my saddle and a pair of horse boots which lived on my horses stall) she claimed she either didn’t know it was a boarders, mistook it for her own tack or thought it was the trainers stuff which she had free use of.
Her arguments would have never held water but no one cared enough to do anything. Every boarder for themselves. The more timid boarders never got their stuff back. She preyed on those who wouldn’t confront her.
Sounds similar to what you will end up having to do. Keep a keen eye on the employee and handle each “theft” as it happens. For me, the situation was too stressful and when I left for college, I was so relieved to move out of that barn. Others (who are likely calmer people than I) took it all in stride and still board there 8 years later. To each their own. Was three incidences in a year, all resolved with me getting my stuff back a huge deal? In the grand scheme of things, no. But I am an anxious, high tension person by nature and the barn is my safe place. Enough stuff goes wrong with horses in general, I don’t want theft of my possessions added to the mix. But that’s just me knowing who I am and what I will and won’t tolerate. :yes:
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OMG. So true! I am currently missing a bell boot that I’m 99% sure my horse did not lose in her pasture. I’ll blame the raccoons. Maybe they had some strange need for a bell boot! 😀😉😀
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When I found the gloves, they were flattened and placed nicely on top of a pile of gloves in her trunk. So she borrowed them all the way in to her trunk, and placed them there as a pair with other gloves.
On the vest, I was riding on a day that isn’t a normal day for me (we had been rained out the day before) in a vehicle that I don’t normally drive to the barn. She also wandered away from the barn and stayed there for an extended period of time when she saw me. It gets a little conspiratorial to think in this way, but I did notice a sudden change in behavior when I saw her and she was in my (very bright, kind of obnoxious) fuchsia vest.
Further, after the glove incident I have it written down on text that I asked her to place things in the lost and found instead of taking them if she found something, and her response of apology and confirmation that she would place things in the lost and found when she found them.
More details than I’d ever thought I’d share but it’s all 100% true.
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