<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-title”>quote:</div><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-content”>Originally posted by Helen of NC:
Sorry all… paying lots of attention to hubby. The other white meat. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
he he he… 
HP, my trainer is from Umbagwandaledesh, and cannot actually go to shows with me because he has been kicked out due to attempting to load the horses onto a double decker to take them to slaughter. So he stands outside of the grouds and signs to me what to do. thats how all of the top trainers today do it.
So you can train with him if you want, just watch your horses carefully. My 2 y/o 19.8 hand filly who I am currently jumping 8 feet and we are going to the olympics soon, has a chunk about the size of a quarter gone from her butt because my trainer said that she was a chicken for spooking at the glare on his chainsaw, so he decided to taste, to see if horse tastes like chicken too…
i can’t believe your trainer embarassed you soooo much! you can come ride with us. but your colors may be hard to get ready. we have three. the “base” color is lepoard print. but not just regular lepoard print, its neon pink and black. gotta make sure we aren’t like those other barns that use lepoard. the second color is neon yellow, to offset the LOVELY pattern in the previous color. the third, which is my favorite, is multi-colored neon polka dots on black. you HAVE to have alllll of these colors to ride with my trainer. these are the colors of the flag from my trainer’s native country, Umbagwandaledesh, so it is disrespect to him if you do not use them, and he will eat your horse if you show him disrespect.
But you can’t train with us unless your horse is ‘proper.’ has to be at least 17.9 hands, and under the age of 4. if you aren’t already jumping 5 1/2 feet, you can’t possibly handle what he will be training you, and you have to be able to jump these on your horse whilest standing up in the saddle, so you may want to practice a little before changing barns.
If you want, I can send my trainer to your barn and he can either take all of your trainers horses to slaughter. That will teach him. Or he can jiberrish whisper into the horses ears and turn them all against the trainer. which ever is better for you.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-title”>quote:</div><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-content”> I WanteD to Bring MY dog to The NexT show, so I DecideD to give HIm A Bath…
I WasheD him With SpoT RemoveR and he DisAppEared…now What? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Wait ”" It’s not time to PANIC yet! JMHO, but give yourself some ACE, ISOX and SMZs and then call your BO, SO, BNT, BM, VT, AC and any other SOB that can help! Hopefully the AC will not tell you he’s in a cold state!
And since we all know you were going to bring that mutt to the show to terrorize your fellow competitors, perhaps you could substitute with some unsupervised children and give them lots of sugar?
Oh Finders…you took the thought right out of my head!
I’ve done some more checking, and a double wide just won’t be possible on this place. I’m now considering moving an old school bus out there and converting it to live in. That will make it roll better than a doublewide when the horses are pulling it to White Trash Dressage Shows. As for the horses, the person who came up with the idea of giving each horse its own tree to eat off a lunge line is just plain brilliant.
I think I’ll try and set up as a rescue, since all of my horses were freebies. I never look a gift horse in the mouth. 
Wait, wait, wait, who said anything about needing a trailer? There are cattlemen down here who haul 2 beef cows in the bed of their trucks…all it takes is a few chain link panels to keep the little buggers in there. I’m sure this would work for horses in a pinch…after all, cows are alot stupider.
No GPA, just studded, engraved, super shiny, hunter spurs.
Have to find some… I should post on the western horseman website…
You know, in my head, I always thought it would be cool to have two people fighting over me. Except in my head, I would have preferred it to have been two guys…
You can all have whomever you want. I’m having Rodrigo Santoro because he’s (a) gorgeous, (b) has funky sexy accent and © likes horsies.
O snap, i like this idea!
I was born 21 years ago (almost 22) under a double wide in Aiken, SC. I was the smallest of the litter, so they threw me to the gators. I swam for my life and ended up in the Outback. A really great guy, Steve Irwin, took me in. I lived with him, in the zoo, for the next 6 years before he put me to work. At 6, I started wrestling gators, as I have this need to get revenge after losing my little toe when I was 3 days old. When I was 9, I was wrestling for a group of tourists and daddy Irwin was talking to them about my amazing abilities when a cattle rancher asked him if I’d ever tried horses. They exchanged some money and boomerangs and I was off to the ranch.
He kept me in the barn, I had to share a stall with the donkey for the first 4 years, what a bed hog! I learned to rope and ride, and became his sidekick, like in the song. But cowboy wasn’t my style (though the resque was AMAZING)
So at the age of 13 I moved to Japan and started riding jumpers and worked on the track doing…well anything that paid 
Then in 1996 I came over with the team for the Olympics in Atlanta. While working there, grooming and showing dressage, 200th level of course, a BNT snatched me up. I worked for him, raising his children mostly, until I was 18. Then he caught me braiding at a show when I was supposed to be sleeping with the judge, and exiled me to Pittsburgh. I hung out here for a while, and then decided to become a BNT myself, and have a rescue/resque farm, and I have a double wide of my very own!
Todays fun- http://www.rinkworks.com
Go to the “Dialectyzer” on the left hand side of the page, then put in COTH’s web address in the bar for that. It will change the whole web page to Redneck, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Oaf, Ebonics, and others.
You can also type your own letter and then dialectyze it. Or, do like I did, and put in your company’s web site, dialextyze it, and then tell your boss that in an effort to improve relationships with diverse cultures and make them feel “at home”, you’ve upgraded the company web site…Watch the look of horror on their face when they think you actually changed the web site.
To keep this horse related, I suggest changing the COTH site first.
I need some help.
My at home tripod…temporary tripod…well he’s really moody. Is there something I can give him for that? Maybe I should try putting him on regumate… Flax? BOSS? ideas please??
I dont get it either, I must haev missed something…but ITS FUNNY!!! Thanks for making me laugh!!
pshhhh…oprah’s not going to do a show from the rodeo…thats just stupid.
she’s going to ride snor-kal in the leadline tripod barrel class…
derrr.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-title”>quote:</div><div class=“ip-ubbcode-quote-content”>I also know even tables name!!! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
I had to tell her so she could write all those cheques
Put smegma on the refresh key, but now I just want to pop it into my drink like a novelty ice cube. HELP!
MCM, check your PTs!!!
poor snap!! What a tragedy. Well I gues i can take the baby, but I’m gong to be showing snor-kal now as well, which i am SO excited about!! I have drooled over that horse for years, its like getting to show Gem Twist, like I did when I was 6!!
how about I take Snap Go Goldfishes and he can hang out in the field for a few years with my rescues. Don’t want to rush his training. You and MCM can figure out how you want to pay me board and training fees. Just because I dont want to rush his riding doesnt mean he wont be “in training”
DeLapp, are you sure you dont want the tripod back? Its kind of a funny looking one (think keebler elf/seven dwarfs cross) I guess I can use it to round up the rescues for barbeques. It’s scary enough. What supplements is it on? should i call the vet?
cSi – But I’ve been riding Rambo without stirrups for the past 24 hours straight!!! 
(Good thing I was able to strap my laptop onto his neck so I could get my homework and work-work done!) My breeches are wearing away, I’m hungry, and I really need to pee!!! Can I please take a 10 minute break? Then I’ll get back on until I have class at 12:45 tomorrow! I promise!
If Jerry Springer is coming that means I can ride in my tube top and get some beads! We’ll need a big ol’ pole to dance around too! Guess I’ll need to lose some teeth like HP’s horse so I’ll fit in the better.
<span class=“ev_code_GREEN”>Time out again for a second:</span> thanks for letting me know others were having problems taking other posts seriously. There is a post on Off Course that was titled “legal question” that I had to read twice wondering if the poster was serious…just couldn’t tell so I bit my tongue. <span class=“ev_code_GREEN”>Back to our thread now…</span>
You better watch out Jetsmom, or I might put a fatwah out on you and come pay your truck a visit sometime when you want to go to a show.
Dang, that’s right HP…I’m still hungover from my Bloody Olivers! hmmmmm, wonder if there is any left…
Two words RR - Rubber and Gloves. They’re not just a party favour
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