Weekend warriors - Is it worth it?

[gertie06]

My life has become incompatible with weekday riding. Work needs me during the day. My family needs me in the evenings. I have tried SO hard to fit in 1-2 weekday rides, but I just can’t anymore.

I own and board a horse. I don’t have to tell y’all how expensive that is. He gets one training ride a week. The rest of the riding has, historically, been my job. I do a lot of begging other boarders to ride him.

I adore my horse, the barn, and riding…but this is starting to feel foolish. I’m paying a bloody fortune to ride only on weekends (and sometimes not even then; like when the family has vacations and weekend stuff). Often I can’t get a lesson, because the trainer is gone at shows on many weekends. At this rate, I just won’t progress.

I already explored the idea of shareboarding, but there’s nobody in the barn looking right now (and TBH my horse is a bit on the young/green side, so not everyone’s cup of tea).

Ugh, I just don’t know anymore. Has anyone been in my shoes?

[fivestrideline]

Been there. Kept the horse, should have sold or full leased. I did try, but the barn I sent him to on sale/training board ($$$$) sent me back an out of shape and scruffy horse when I pulled the plug and took him home. At that point I gave up and let him be a pasture puff for a while.

I have spent an awful amount of money maintaining a horse that I don’t ride, and that is out of shape so when I can I spend weeks just walking. Not fun, definitely felt the burnout. I had gotten back into it recently pre-injury, but the stars had to line up - affordable board at a stellar barn near my house.

It sounds like you may need a break - consider putting the horse in training board over the winter and advertise for sale. It is SO much easier to lease or half lease something (as the leaser) when you have a few months to make it work, than to maintain a personal horse.

[findeight]

Yup, several times over the decades. Couple of times I stepped back and took a break. For 3 years when I stated a new career, relocated and just could not afford the time and money, sold horse . Once for 8 years after a nasty divorce and, again, just could not afford it, sold horse.

Once when I could not afford time or money to stay in show program, leased show horse to somebody in a different barn who later bought it, just picked up a few lessons at a much lower level barn that mostly did beginners and trail riding. Also visited a retirement barn and got my horse fix by helping with grooming and social interactions with the seniors. They always need a hand as do rescues.

You can find horse time without expensive, time sucking barns and programs, especially the ones that devote most of their time to a show horse business-and thats their business model. Sometimes you have to admit that your current non horse life just does not make you their ideal client and its not the right barn for you any more.

Theres nothing wrong with stepping out for awhile, no failure at all. Just not the right time right now for you or the horse. Tell you what, I came back much wiser for the break and able to devote more time and money to create a much better barn experience for both self and horses. The horses will always be there when you are ready to pick it back up without the pressure of time and finances.

From your past posts, you’ve certainly tried but never felt this was the best barn and horse for you at this point in your life. Perhaps its time for a reset anyway.

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[gertie06]

Yeah, I really did try. Even when I bought him (about 2 years ago), I wasn’t 100% into it. But I carried on, hoping that the right horse would inspire me. Well, it did! Within the last 6-12 months, he’s really come around. But now I’m having some family problems on top of everything else, so getting to the barn is harder than ever before.

Dammit, I just don’t want to sell the horse! He’s become such a good guy. But money doesn’t grow on trees, and spending this much not to enjoy him feels completely wasteful.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

I’m so sorry, it’s a tough spot to be in. I have a young family and genuinely have NO idea how anyone is supposed to make time for such a time-suck of a hobby/sport ESPECIALLY when also working full-time.

I’m the resident, and self-appointed, SS/MM (sh!t shoveller and magic maker) - aka stay-at-home parent - which leaves me time during the day to go to the barn … but even then I’m lucky to get out there even 3x a week (hardly ever happens) and NEVER on weekends, because, family stuff.

I sold my heart horse because I couldn’t handle the responsibility or expense on top of being a mother … and several years later got a small pony to play around with. So, no judgement here! Horses are expensive but know you can always get back into it when the time is right. Best of luck with your decision!

[findeight]

Think about whats best for the horse right now. You have put enough time and money into it to make it more attractive to somebody else with the time and money but without the family issues. Been there, its draining and sucks the joy right out of your barn time and replaces it with guilt and worry.

Step back, take a breath, let him go to somebody with real enthusiasm to spend every minute they can and every spare dime they have on him. Thats best for him and his future. Your time needs to go to family issues.

You’ll be back and theres always support on here.

[gertie06]

Maybe I’m getting too into the weeds here, but…

Don’t you ever worry what will happen to a horse once you sell him?

[findeight]

Of course, least the ones I really clicked with, there were very few I didn’t care about. Those few were financially, emotionally exhausting and hurt me, ruined my confidence. Buh bye.

I worried more about what would happen to good ones if I kept them when my financial and family issues hit the fan forcing a fire sale to whoever had a check.

Your horse is still young, has been in work with pro rides and supervision and has stayed sound enough. Good time to move him along, don’t wait until you have to sell and/or he sits idle while you struggle to keep the board current.

All mine did end up well even if I didn’t like who bought them or the horse itself.

Plus that, my best ever show horse I kept through its retirement, was somebody else’s failure. Seller regretted buying it, scared of it, wasted time and money on a trainer who hated it, sold at a reduced price just to get rid if it. My trainer loved it, I wasn’t scared of it, though it certainly was a challenge at times. But I could afford it and had no family problems or guilt about spending time and money at the barn.

Often its for the best for horse and humans when you realize you will have to make a change and to make that change before you are forced to make it.

[TheJenners]

@gertie06

Don’t you ever worry what will happen to a horse once you sell him?

Yes

[candyappy]

Granted I wasn’t boarding but once I started having kids ( 3 of them all 2 yrs or less apart) I didn’t do much riding at all and most days all I did was run out to feed and clean manure as quick as I could.

They were still my link to sanity and I knew , eventually my kids would grow and the time would be there again. So I just held on to that and it happened.

If you have a horse you like then I personally would see if your trainer may be able to find someone to part lease, even if they are not currently at your barn ( but have the leasing person come there ).

Kids grow and go their own way pretty quick and time spent at a job can change too . I just hate to see a good horse sold in haste. They are hard to find.

[Spudsmyguy]

@gertie06

Don’t you ever worry what will happen to a horse once you sell him?

Absolutely. That’s why I have Spud. It worries me to no end if I have to sell him how he’d end up. He’s not for everyone and really doesn’t have a lot of resale value and I’d kick myself if I find out he ended up in a bad situation. If worse comes to worse, I’d have him put down; it’s not the worst thing in the world to happen.

[Mango20]

@gertie06

Dammit, I just don’t want to sell the horse! He’s become such a good guy. But money doesn’t grow on trees, and spending this much not to enjoy him feels completely wasteful.

If you really don’t want to sell him, can you just put him “on hold” for a while? It sounds like you have him at an expensive show barn. Can you find a much less expensive place to board him? Prioritize care and turnout, and go visit him on the weekends. Yes, if/when you have the time and money it will take some time to return him to the level of training he has right now, but it will return.

[findeight]

We don’t really know what OPs personal situation is or the nature of the “ family issues” and its nobody’s business. All of these thoughts and options could be relevant depending on the exact situation.

My opinion is still if theres any chance OP could find herself in a situation where the horse simply must go and go ASAP as he is at that time?It happens all the time and the horses caught in the middle have much better chances if they get sold earlier when seller has some say in where they go then fire sale to whoever has a check and a trailer.

Gertie…am surprised this trainer is not at least trying to help you more, she did find you this horse…Maybe moving to a lower level barn now would be a great idea. Maybe a less show centered barn would not only save you money but turn up riders looking to lease or share board? Riders that aren’t interested in a show program barn and traveling trainer.

Sorry you are hitting a rough patch, dig in and fight by giving yourself and horse some options. Starting with a more suitable barn for your current needs.

[NoSuchPerson]

@gertie06

Has anyone been in my shoes?

Yes.

Divorce + 2 toddlers + job + grad school = No time or money for horses.

I sold a young home-bred horse I really wanted to keep and gave away the old mare that I got when I was about 12. I hated doing it. I did not own a horse for about 10 years after that and even after I got another horse, which I kept at home, I was a weekend warrior because I didn’t have time for more.

But, today, I’m retired, my kids are gone, I’m single, I own the nicest horse I’ve ever had, and I ride and show more than I have since college. Having to take a break from horses due to other demands on your time and money doesn’t have to be the end of your horse life.

[furlong47]

I agree with finding a lower level barn or even a place to turn him out for a while if he’s a horse that would do ok with that situation. Put away some of the money you’re saving so you have it to get him legged back up later when your situation improves, or to send him out to clean up for training/sale if you ultimately decide that’s the better route. I wouldn’t make a hasty decision to sell if you really like the horse and the other circumstances may change, but I also wouldn’t continue in a show barn with training if I couldn’t ride the horse with any regularity.

[hybriseris]

Agreed with other that if you are reluctant to sell, a more low-key barn might make it easier. I might have missed whether or not you mentioned distance but is your current place close or is the commute adding to the stress?

Also, as far as share boarding, if you’re willing to find someone who isn’t already part of your barn, I wouldn’t assume you can’t find a leaser for a green horse. I’ve had a few leases and most of them have been younger, greener horses so we definitely exist, especially if you feel like your guy is a good egg in general. Could help take your mind off money and time for now.

[floppyammy]

@gertie06

Maybe I’m getting too into the weeds here, but…

Don’t you ever worry what will happen to a horse once you sell him?

The 4 horses I sold or placed in the last decade+ are every one of them still with the same owners that I sold them to. Each is in an appropriate home with a great owner. Selling a horse does not need to be a bad thing. Seeing a horse that you sold to that perfect match, making that person or family happy and complete for years… now that is a wonderful thing that doesn’t get talked about often enough.

[ClassyJumper]

I tottaly feel you on the weekend warrior thing. My situation is quite different, my horses are at home so the expense isn’t crushing. However, my problem is my mare probably never going to be suitable to weekend warrior life. She has to be lunged after a few days off if I don’t want to jump aboard a rocket. She’s pissy and unpleasant when not in work. I could go on, but I think my point is if your horse is reasonably suitable to live the weekend warrior life and you enjoy your rides on the weekend, you should hold on to him. Atleast until the weather is nicer and you can better weigh the pros and cons. Winter definitely seems to suck most of the fun out of having horses.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

It’s heartbreaking to read, because it sounds like under different circumstances, this would be a great match.

Things to consider-in 6 months, what will things realistically be like with the job and work? If there is a chance you’ll have more free time I might hang on. But from what you wrote, it sounds like you think the horse needs regular work and training to keep his value and to be placed in the best possible situation.

[red_mares]

I did the amateur owner trainer thing once upon a time. Put the horse with a trainer after about 6 months and never looked back. Sold that horse and never wondered what happened to her.

I do one, maybe 2 days a week with my horse. This past year and next year will be rough with work - I’ve had to travel 1-2 weeks a month for the last year. Should slow down in May or June - just in time for horse show season.

For those who wonder where the horse would go if they sold it. I’ve got my mother’s pony. She had the “oh, where would she go?” tale for a while. The reality is the pony is much better off with me then she was with Mom. She would have been better off with almost anyone but Mom. She talked a good game, but was not the best owner in the world.