Sarah, you said exactly what I was trying to say- but much more eloquently.
If you are convinced that the judges will pin someone else over you, they probably will, because you’ve beaten yourself before you even walked into the ring.
Instead of thinking negative thoughts about your body image, turn that into positive energy and have the rounds of a lifetime.
More later…back to the thesis!
[This message has been edited by Lily (edited 04-10-2000).]
I have been following this board for a while now, but I’ve been very hesitant to post on it, especially on this specific topic. I decided that I would share my story. I’m a 17 yr old girl who shows in the older large jr’s on the AAA curcit. I do farely well and I have what people would call a “rider’s” body. But, this is not a story about me, it is a story about my best friend-
Last spring break I went to florida with six other girls, all of my best friends. One of my friends, Kat, had an eating disorder, she was both anorexic and belimic, it just depended on the week. We all knew it, but the way we were raised, wverything was VERY hush-hush. EVERYTHING- from drinking to smoking to sex to eating disorders- you name it- we didn’t talk about it. We all came from basically the same background…wealthy, backwards, set in their ways family, we were all on the prom cout together, we were the “most popular” girls in school. We all had major flaws that we managed to hide, for a while at least. Mine was that I was a severe overacheaver…but that is a whole nuther story. Anyway, Kat went into the bathroom to “do her duty”, or shall I say vomit up the cracker and a half she shoved down her throat. I waited for her outside her excesivly large beach house in Palm Beach. After 30 min. I got worried about her, so I went inside to look for her. I looked all around the first floor and noticed the elevator said it was on the 4th floor(I told you this house was ridiculous!). So, I took the elevator up. the only bathroom on that floor was locked, so I yelled out “Kat! Answer the door!” When she didn’t, I broke the door down with a chair. I found her lying on her stomach in a pool of bllod on the what was once white tile floor. I turned her over on her back and saw her eyes were still open…so being my genius self I thought this meant she was still alive. I screamed for her to wake up, so loud that one of my friends from downstairs heard me and came up to find me covered in Kat’s blood. She called an ambulance, but she was allready dead…there was nothing they could do. So, I sat there for three hours, holding my best friend in my arms, SCREAMING for her to wake up. When I was finally pried away from her body I realized she wasn’t coming back. The next day we flew home on Kat’s plane adn the folowing day we attended her funeral.
I thought for sooo long that I had killed her. That me not telling anyone about her disorder had killed her. She actually died of a brain anorizim…that is why there was so much blood, she got a bloody nose. I had to change schools, change friends, change attitudes about life, change my self-esteem, change everything baout me to be able to cope with loosing Kat. I ended up moving away and lived with my god parents for a while, b/c being in that city and seeing her house made me physically ill. She still haunts me… I see her EVERYWHERE I go. Not just people that look like her, her. Nonexistant images I have in my mind of her. I am still in thearapy trying to deal with the pain.
ALL OF YOU GIRLS WHO THINK YOU"RE FAT: Get help! If not for you, for you’re best friend and you’re family, it is the hardes thing I have ever expeirenced in my life…clutching my dead friend in my arms, trying to bring her back to life. DON"T DO THIS TO YOURSELF! PLEASE… I know what I’m talking about- I was their…I watched my best friend of 14 years die b/c she wanted to loose ten pounds! “WAKE UP! WAKE UP!”- this is diredted to all of you- WAKE UP- before you can’t wake up anymore- WAKE UP before it’s too late.
Ok, I am going to post the two different reply’s I got from the AHSA from two different people, I wrote everyone with an e-mail address on the website, and here were two of the responses:
I agree totally with your points. I have never heard a judge directly tell
any competitors this however. Unfortunately, even though the clinics for
judges make clear that this is not a judging factor, the well published
comments of a couple of promenent people in this end of the sport carry a lot
of weight (pardon the pun!) with the impressionable kids. That along with
the fact that so many winners are blessed with the ‘willowy’ figures that do
look great on a horse will make this a continuing problem I am sure. To me
the equitation division is becoming a ‘specialist’ division where, at the top
levels, one must be blessed with certain attributes in order to really
excell. Let’s face it in dressage a horse has to have balance and movement,
hunters have to move and jump in a defined style, in three day galloping
ability and bravery are inherent necessities, etc., etc. I would hope that
instead of getting rid of equitation - or trying to legislate ‘equality’ - we
could develop some other avenues where ‘horsemanship’ is more of the deciding
factor instead of style. then the rider without the conformation can excel
on their own terms, and let’s face it in far more important areas than
winning the equitation on the flat 14-17!!!
There are some new programs starting up in various parts of the country that
incorporate written and practical horsemanship as a large percentage of the
score - outweighing the riding in most cases. I love these programs and hope
that there will be widespread support for them. Meanwhile, as sad as it is,
I am afraid that there will always be lazy judges and hungry trainers
encouraging (or not discouraging) young riders to try to become unnaturally
what they think is ‘the style.’ Crazy society that we live in…
thanks for your note. Would you mind putting something up on my Guest
Commentary on this regard on my website (www.jumpsmartonline.com)? Thanks
again.
Other response:
I think you will find that it is trainers way before judges
That second one REALLY made me mad! Here was my response to that:
It starts from judges making comments about girls needing to lose a few
extra pounds to win. The trainers push what the judges pin, not the
other way around.
The first person had the right idea, but thise second person is your typical AHSA jerk 
Ah, much as I feared DevilDog, you misunderstood me. I absolutely do not believe that it is just “your” disipline, and I agree that this should be something the whole of horsesports is involved in. I agree with you completely on that. What I was trying to say was, don’t think that this individual is the antichrist, just because he/she didn’t “get” what you were saying the first time around. If you haven’t seen the depth and breadth of what’s written here it is hard to imagine that such is the case–especially if there are similar circumstances within your own discipline. E-mail this person these threads, and see if you don’t get a different response–if you don’t then fine, fire away, because to read these testimonials and not be moved IS a disgrace.
Does that make any better sense?
I find that this is a very important topic to be talking about. Because of the lenghth of the other one I find it important to keep this thread going. I recomend reading the 3rd page of that thread cause I finaly realized its time for us to talk about it on the personal leval. I don’t exspect people to tell their story like i did but what is neaded is to find a way to help educate people on what happend when we look to much at the image factor. We need to reach out to people of our industry and let the people know that this needs to stop. I hope people can find it in themselvs and share how all of this has affected you. I know some have already stated but what is needed is for us to get together to stop this and to premote the health and not the image. Ok Ill stop sory but this is a very special topic for me and im tired of waching talented riders thinking they are fat. Its not right.
Other weight threads are:
Weight IV LetÂ’s Act - http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001738.html
Weight I - http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001146.html
Weight II - http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001206.html
Weight III - http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001245.html
Weight Essay - http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001457.html
[This message has been edited by Weatherford (edited 06-02-2000).]
michellek Thankyou for shareing your story with us. i hope more start to share and come out of the closet on this subject. Its not something that hapens its a pysical dasise tht can take your life unless you look at options. I thankyou for your story. and I hope others folow in your foot steps. Smile and feel good to be you!
Has anyone ever read the book “Little Girls in Little Boxes”? It’s about the scathing weight issues in gymnastics and figure skating. Perhaps they should’ve added riding. I haven’t read but exerpts, but I’ve heard it’s incredible.
Devildog, now you have it. What we can all do to help and stop this awful craze. Sent letters, not just one but one a week to the Licensed Officials Committee.
We have submitted a rules change proposal to change judging standards. This was sent in the name of all of you. It was just that someone had to write it down and mail it in.
I would be very grateful if every one of you every week sent a letter asking that “image” not be a criteria for judging anyone. Tell them you story and why you want it to stop. This is not a vanity parade but a sport. The joy of this sport was it’s acceptance of all kinds of limitations. It was the only sport that not only never discriminated against blacks but revered their talent, never segregated male and female they have always competed equally. Why now there is a compulsion to create a total image of only one look I do not understand.
I can tell you as a MOM, it was awful to watch a class from the seats and not really be sure which one was mine. Everyone in their uniform, everyone with the same look, and if it was not for the numbers or thank-you for the difference in the horses many Moms would have been cheering the wrong child and never knew it.
You tell those judges and trainers that if they can tolerate the differences in the horses, sizes, color, build and markings WHY? must all the riders look exactly the same.
If you all wanted to be in a beauty contest you could do that and there’s lots of money in scholarships available. We chose this sport because vanity is not who we are, and performance is who we are.
Oh yeah! dehydration! I almost forgot that one, don’t know how since it’s such a strict thing they push for in the military! Also, my bulemic friend passed out at school and had to be hospitalized for dehydration. Not fun. Oh, and to the last poster about Sarah, no one said SHE was like that, and I am glad to hear that she is athletic and works out, that is what we need in this sport. I e-mailed everyone who had an e-mail address on the AHSA site about this subject! Hopefull someone in cosmos’ life will recognize her problem and get her to help herself.
I’d like you all to consider this!
Why do we all like horses that are nice and fat and round better than the bony skinny looking ones?
Why is it acceptable for there to be long legged horses, and short legged horse of all kids of combinations of markings sizes and shapes?
Except in a class specifically for “conformation” they are all supposed to be judged equally on “performance and soundness”.
Why can we not give the rider the same privileges? Especially since at least in the horse divisions the rider is irrelevant.
Sarah, your post really got me thinking. When you are older and look back at your life what kind of memories do you want to have? Do you want to have a blue ribbon not worth more than $5? Do you want to have your family and friends remember you winning that ribbon? If these memories will also bring up reminders of starving, feeling weak, never being satisfied, overall inability to do a good job riding your horse, was it really worth it? Who are you living your life for? Your trainer, family, friends, judges, horse(possibly 
)or yourself? I hope when I look back at the great moments in my riding career, they will be the times when I became one with my horse, when our relationship was so strong we could read each others minds. I want memories of the perfect round, not because I was stick thin, but because I had trained hard and perfected both myself and my horse, and honestly I would prefer these memories to all the blue ribbons in the world.
This past summer I was showing both of my horses at a show during a fair(ferris wheels, screaming kids, crowds etc.) I won a couple classes on my more experienced horse, but the class that made me proudest was the one that my VERY GREEN gelding was able to complete without being asked to leave the ring. He had acomplished something that was very hard for him, my other horse, although we won ribbons could have had a much better performance.
Sorry this is so long, I just think many of the weight issues stem from issues of why people are riding, Is it for the horse or for the ribbons?
Majical thankyou for that gut wrenching post. Im glad you found the abilaty to say this. Its a mental overload and im sure you feel a little better to get it out of your system. You are a brave girl. and for that I give you my bigest applaud i have to give. You realy deserve it. It takes alot of guts to do what you just did. Thankyou and if you ever need someone to talk with please contact me. also since you have been a friend of a victam I would like to get to gether with you to posably write something for some projects that have been discussed. Only if you are willing though. You are a strong person and ypu will liook back on this and realize how much you have mentaly grown because of this.
Good GOD! That is really sick. They are suggesting that it is not possible to be judged for your equitation at all! What a horrible idea.
So why bother with a horse, let’s have equitation classes on a plastic horse posed over a plastic fence and then see who is the most plastic looking rider. That is apparently the idea behind equitation.OH! Yes the theoretical rider is for everyone over size 2.
Well no wonder, the kids are smarter than we are and the equitation classes have nearly disappeared abolve 2’6". SHAME SHAME on the AHSA.
If this is progress in the pursuit of excellence then we have no sport.
Keep the email going to everyone. Don’t let them off the hook. An email a week from everyone who cares about this issue to each and every member of the Licensed Officials Committee and the Junior Hunter Equitation committee. Flood their boxes and their fax machines until they understand that we won’t take that answer, it is not acceptable. They can keep making excuses but the mail won’t stop until they open their eyes and see the real world which is not size 2.
By their standards how many of hem meet the size 2 standard? Ask them in your mail and what size do you wear? Maybe all judges should be size 2! Better yet, then we demand that every member of the Board of Directors meet the same idealic standard they want from the children. PUT UP GUYS! Or Butt OUT! and judge the quality of the riding, the control of the mount and the skills demonstrated. This is an art form.
Pretty is as pretty does.
[This message has been edited by Snowbird (edited 04-12-2000).]
[This message has been edited by Snowbird (edited 04-12-2000).]
You took my reply totally wrong, I in no way made it sound like they were the anti-christ, It was not very negative, and I don’t see how you took it that way. I re-read it doesn’t sound like I am putting down a specific person, and it is in the same tone as what was written to me. What I was trying to do is RAISE AWARENESS and the response I got from that particular person was pretty much “it’s not my discipline so it doesn’t concern me” I wasn’t aware of this problem before either, but guess what? My initial response was not “Well, I am a dressage rider and WE don’t have that problem.” So what you said about her initial response I feel is totally bogus. Because I did something about it, I started e-mailing everyone, even the president of the AHSA. BUT IT CAN’T STOP THERE! As Snowbird says, we gotta keep on them and NOT take the attitude of that driving person. I was totally offended by her response.
I agree, CTT. I know that the Chronicle is thinking about an article on drugs and alcohol for its Junior/Pony Issue; I think that that “body image” is an equally important issue that should be addressed as well. Perhaps we could all contribute something; the previous thread has proven that we all have something to say on the issue!
I think Erin said she was going away for the weekend (a well-deserved break I’m sure!) but maybe when she comes back we can have a discussion of sorts about including our concerns in a future issue of the Chronicle.
Diamond, you posted that you dropped down to a size 4 because you did so much exercising and walking and sweating, and you were eating a lot! don’t starve yourself, just ADD 30-45 minutes of brisk exercise (get out of breath) to your day! If you starve yourself, your metabolism will slow down and when you start eating again, you will gain it right back. Exercise is the best way to get rid of weight. although i don’t think you need to.
CTT - what can I say that hasn’t been said? Thank you for sharing your story - I admire you greatly for that. And everything you are saying here is right on target.
Thanks for sharing and encouraging everyone to share. I have a story I could tell about this - it is not a bad as most things posted here - I never threw up or took diet pills or anything of the sort- and I am fine now and proud of it. I will always be slight b/c of my body type (my mom is very slender as well) and dietery choices (although I will eat deserts and many types of ‘snack food’ I never touch red meat, cheese, or pork and don’t put butter on anything). But eating disorders - andthe consitant pressure is a horrible place to be. I have survived - as have those here - but what about those who were lost? Could any of you be next?
Sarah
I just watched the Stepford Wives today, and the horse show world came to mind… and OORAH to you Snowbird, give me the addresses of the people to write and I will write them and tell them what I think. I also really think that the weight thing needs to be addressed in an article written by the chronicle and have some girls like CTT share their horror stories. This truly needs to stop, and the only way to stop it is to revolt and buck the system. If the early revelutionaries could beat the English army and win the independance of a country, if the Marines could take control over Iwo Jima and raise the Flag on Mt Sirobachi after 32 days of continual fighting and tons of casualties, then by gosh we can take the sticks out of these judges butts and stick them in their ears! How many casualties of war must we see before we fight back? We need Esprit De Corps in the horse show world, the pride of being an athlete, not a twig on a horse. Be proud of yourself the way you are and try an achieve fitness and not weight. a lot of people get hung up on the how much they weigh issue, the fact is, muscle weighs more than fat, so it’s the BODY FAT percentage that is what you need to look at. And you NEED fat in your diet as fuel, or your body will use your muscles for fuel. Skinny people can be just as much at risk for heart disease and cholestorol as a person who weighs more. Eating healthy and excercising is key. The reason people with eating disorders have heart problems is because the muscle around the heart starts to deteriorate! Less heart muscles = weaker heart = heart attack =DEATH. I eat extra protien in my diet so I can keep up with my activity level. Find out what the correct diet (and I don’t mean it in the weight loss term but in the way one should eat term) you should be on to keep your body at its optimum.
So if you win at indoors this year your life will be perfect? I think not. You will wake up the next day and everything will be the same as it was the day before you won. Sorry to disappoint you.
You will not be happy with who you are until you start being happy and proud about how you are living your life and what you are doing with yourself, not by the number of points next to your name or the color of the ribbon you won. All of that is wiped out at the end of the year and you have to start all over again from zero.
Why don’t you spend some time working at a therapeutic riding program or a developmentally challenged center or a soup kitchen. Those people have real problems and a little effort on your part can make a big difference in their lives. Much more than the difference between a size 4 and a size 6 will make in your life. Maybe if you concentrate a bit more on what you are giving instead of what you are getting you will find happiness and satisfaction.
If anyone at the Chronical or any other publication needs verification that the body image topic is timely and critical, please read Sandstone’s post from page one of this thread.
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