In need of a good laugh! what is the weirdest, funniest, or wittiest thing a trainer of yours has said to you, or made you do :lol:
check list before a jump round, the 4 B’s. Boots, bum, boobs, brain. Was funny at first, but as it was explained and used in lessons became super valuable. Boots (anything to do with legs that you need to remember such as heels down, leg on etc.) bum (seat aids etc…) boobs (upper body, shoulders back before jump etc.,) Brain (Eyes up, and anything to do with striding, canter, remembering your course etc.)
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I’m stuck between stick out your ASSets (I ride with some younger kids), hips of a whore shoulders of a queen, or just plain “you look like chickenshit” (I was having some trouble lol)
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The phrase “teachable moment” (euphemism for, “Well, you screwed that up royally; don’t do that again,” continues to be one of my favorites. Best uttered to oneself while sitting on the ground, holding empty bridle, watching horse gallop happily off into the unknown.
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Any time a professional impersonates their horse doing something derpy, it’s great. We were at the Pennsylvania National Horse Show in 2014 and the best place to sit at any of those shows is by the riders near the in gate. We were sitting there during the Saturday prix and after she was done Beezie came into the stands and sat down next to Margie and started chatting. Beezie had a not so great ride that night, her horse was uncooperative, and she proceeded to imitate her horse running around with his head in the air and his mouth open to Margie while my friend and I laugh-cried into our hands.
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“Nipples East & West”
“Spread your butt on the saddle like peanut butter”
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I once whiffed a distance badly enough to declare “Jesus Christ!” aloud.
My trainer responded with “Not even Jesus can help THAT.”
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I hit the ground hard once and yelled, “oh F- me!” Her reply, “no thanks, you’re not my type.”
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I love these! lets keep it coming!!
As I was tacking up a gelding, one of my trainers came over and said, “You look…pregnant.” It was directed at the horse, but since the horse was a boy and I’m a girl, it took me a couple seconds to process. Lol.
I love this and am totally going to make this my mantra. It’s a lot simpler than thinking, “heels down, stick your butt out, shoulders back, look up.” LOL. By the time I’m halfway through that list we’re on the other side of the jump!
When I was inadvertently shutting down my horse’s initial efforts at medium trot and canter by getting stuck in my seat: “I want you to f*** the everloving sh** outta that saddle!”
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Not to me, but I have heard “use your gluteus like you’re holding in a fart!”
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To ColoredHorse and Herbaceous…gotta get those trainers down here for a clinic :lol:
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“Sveetie! Sveetie! Vy are you doing it zis vay ven I am telling you not to?”
From a very kind and patient Hungarian to my young and clueless self.
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“Don’t sit there like a humping insect, expecting him to be bad!”
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“Riding light”, translation humped up a bit, can be a bad habit after starting many feral horses under saddle.
Instructor would correct that with a “you are riding wrinkled again”.
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Instructor was talking about seat etc and said “I can suck my testicles inside my body so when I sit…”
Huh what? His son, with whom I’m still friends to this day was mortified. Being a college student at the time- it then became the longstanding joke to our male friends “Can you make those things disappear?”
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“Throw your reins away!”
^^^^ this was yelled at me while I was jumping a really good horse over an imposing triple in-and-out.
…and of course there’s the ever popular “Monkey F#@king a Football” analogy – often said about inexperienced or grossly inelegant exercise riders at the track.
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