We're fighting about dog...

[SonnysMom]

If Canaqua is going to be the primary caregiver then she should get to choose the dog. However I think that her DH is entitled to some input. If he can’t stand little yappy dogs it isn’t fair to get a little yappy dog. He has to live with the dog too.

His concerns about size and hair are fair. I can see certain breeds being a deal breaker.

I don’t think it is fair for you to just go get the dog when he has clearly indicated that he does not want this dog.

See if you can get him to meet the dog. Maybe once he meets it he will change his mind.

If you are truly concerned about the dog can you agree to foster the dog, with DH approval and be willing to put a good effort into actually placing the dog once he is neutered and a fine upstanding dog citizen?

Can you have a discussion with him to see if he is objecting to this dog, the timing etc…? Have you asked him what he envisions as your next dog- age, sex, breed, energy level, size?

I think you need to compromise here a little. He has to live with the dog too. I do think he should get some input but final choice should be yours if you are the one doing the care and training and he is not.

[trubandloki]

I agree with Trak.

Though I am willing to go with the thought that the tone of the OP’s post is out of frustration and the OP does not look down her nose at her husband as much as it sounds like in that post.

Like has been discussed, sit down and talk with him.
Suggest he come look at this dog with you and if, in the end, he simply does not like the dog you will agree with that, but you really want to help this dog out so you ask him to give it a chance.

[SonnysMom]

[QUOTE=RacetrackReject;8310311]

Off topic, but I thought Trak was banned?[/QUOTE]

I thought he was banned only from Off Topic not all the forums. But I have been known to be wrong.

[Lizrd]

[QUOTE=JanM;8309794]
I think your husband is still grieving his dog, and feels disloyal. I know you fell in love with the new dog, but it may be too soon for your husband. He may also just be reacting to the thought of ‘replacing’ his dog (even though you did all of the work).

… He still loves the previous dog, and you love the new one. I don’t think either of you is the bad guy here. You want to help a dog, and he still grieves the previous one.

It may be that he’s not just ready, but if he found the Shepherd he would have wanted him too.[/QUOTE]

This. I totally agree. Poor guy misses the girl who was in his life before you showed up. Don’t underestimate the connection they had just because he didn’t demonstrate his love in the way you did.

[xQHDQ]

I like the idea of bringing your husband with you and it becoming his decision. As an alternative, can you tell him you’ll just foster him for a bit and turn it into a “foster fail”?

[TrotTrotPumpkn]

I don’t think it is fair to a dog to bring it into a house if one of the two don’t want it. The dog will pick up on the bad vibe.

Also, were talking about an oversized, super-hairy, intact male dog…it’s not a little thing to adjust to…

I would sit down and talk first.

[khall]

I will speak to the posters who said why bring a dog into the household that was unwanted by SO? I did, a big out of control bully mix puppy who thought our 4 yr old DS was a chew toy (NO aggression, just unmannered puppy) he out weighed our DS for years as he ended up at 96 lbs. My DH wanted me to take him back to the shelter and I refused because I saw the kind of dog he could be with work. Just 2 Pet Smart training sessions and lots of work on MY part and he is a much beloved member of our family, now 10 yrs old. He goes to my DH more than he does me, he is my DH’s kind of dog, yet I am the main caretaker of course. It was hard on DH because we had PTS our much loved hound mix the month before I picked out Tucker from the kill shelter, they were and are very different dogs, but now Tucker we would not know what to do without him, even with his counter surfing issues. So yes sometimes the wife does know what is best and DH’s have a hard time moving on.

[fourmares]

I’ve been the partner who said no to a dog. My SO brought her home anyways. I never connected with the dog and then the SO died suddenly and I’m stuck with the stupid dog that I never wanted in the first place.

[beowulf]

[QUOTE=fourmares;8310947]
I’ve been the partner who said no to a dog. My SO brought her home anyways. I never connected with the dog and then the SO died suddenly and I’m stuck with the stupid dog that I never wanted in the first place.[/QUOTE]

that’s very sad, but not the dog’s fault. consider that stupid dog your last tie to your SO, who i assume you loved very dearly. if you cherish the dog it may surprise you. i was staunchly staunchly STAUNCHLY deadset against my SO’s dog - i really didn’t want her… and she has turned into one of the best dogs in the world with a little love and attention. i have had people ask to take her off of my hands for me :winkgrin:

[Trakehner]

[QUOTE=RacetrackReject;8310311]
Off topic, but I thought Trak was banned?[/QUOTE]

Oh too bad…just from the Off Topic since I didn’t toe the feminist liberal party line.

Funny how when I disagreed with the OP…it’s because I hate women etc. etc. etc. The OP pulled the “It’s my house, why should he get a vote”…and I don’t know one woman who would ever put up with that crap…and it’s dishonest to pretend they would. When I said he should leave if she pulled that attitude, it’s not because of the dog, it’s because of the dirty attitude, the lack of respect, the lack of being a partner…that’s why leaving would be understandable. No respect, no relationship or partnership.

We’ve got 3 cats and a recently deceased Boxer female. I took care of all of them, wife never really seemed to get to the litter boxes or walking the Boxer…I didn’t care, I enjoy their company. I also did all the training and vet visits. But…I would never bring home an animal without discussing it with my wife. Now when I bought an airplane…we didn’t discuss it, she even learned to fly in it.

[JBD]

From volunteering at a rescue, the husband usually starts out as a no. Especially if they haven’t met the dog. OP, see if your husband is up for a meet and greet. Make this about you getting another dog now and that you will welcome the dog he chooses whenever he’s ready.
I could never ever get another dog if I thought about it in terms of the dog we lost in July. We have other dogs but he is irreplaceable.

[S1969]

[QUOTE=Canaqua;8309483]
I want another dog. There is a completely awesome “King Shepherd” looking for a home locally. It’s emergent, owners can’t keep him and it will be hard to rehome such a big dog. He’s 5, intact, HUGE, and incredibly sweet. Especially considering that he’s an intact male who currently gets very little exercise. He needs a bath, tons of brushing, his nails trimmed, a heartworm test and to get his vaccines brought up to date. Oh, and neutering ;). All basic stuff, but he is a very well tempered dog, I really couldn’t believe it, 110 lb intact male shepherd was willing to let my bitchy BC give him the what for and took it with aplomb and turned the other cheek. [/QUOTE]

Since it sounds like this is exactly the opposite of the kind of dog your DH wants, I wonder why you are so interested. The fact that an intact male was subordinate to a bold female is nothing spectacular…most dogs like those of the opposite gender, and intact males especially do.

What is the dog like around people, male dogs, etc.? What will you do if it’s not good around other people or dogs? What if it is heartworm positive?

Seems like an unusual choice of dogs to go to war with your DH about. I certainly think all members of a household should have some input in the next dog - not necessarily equal input…but in another poster’s words - telling your husband to “suck it” …particularly over THIS dog seems over the top.

[RacetrackReject]

@Trakehner;8311022

Oh too bad…just from the Off Topic since I didn’t toe the feminist liberal party line.

Funny how when I disagreed with the OP…it’s because I hate women etc. etc. etc. The OP pulled the “It’s my house, why should he get a vote”…and I don’t know one woman who would ever put up with that crap…and it’s dishonest to pretend they would. When I said he should leave if she pulled that attitude, it’s not because of the dog, it’s because of the dirty attitude, the lack of respect, the lack of being a partner…that’s why leaving would be understandable. No respect, no relationship or partnership.

Wow. How do you get “I hate women” from, “I thought Trak was banned”? And really the whole “too bad”, nana nana boo boo crap is just you admitting that you know you are acting outside of the norm but are enjoying doing it to see what you can get away with and to get a rise out of people. The whole negative attention is still attention thing.

The OP didn’t tell her husband what she posted. She vented, to us, about it. Basically her husband is pulling the same crap on her that you are so upset about her venting about doing, and you guys are saying that she should roll with it. He’s saying that he doesn’t want the dog so she can’t have it. How is that different from her saying she wants the dog, so she’s getting it? They’re both absolutes.

[pezk]

[QUOTE=Trakehner;8311022]
Oh too bad…just from the Off Topic since I didn’t toe the feminist liberal party line.

Funny how when I disagreed with the OP…it’s because I hate women etc. etc. etc. The OP pulled the “It’s my house, why should he get a vote”…and I don’t know one woman who would ever put up with that crap…and it’s dishonest to pretend they would. When I said he should leave if she pulled that attitude, it’s not because of the dog, it’s because of the dirty attitude, the lack of respect, the lack of being a partner…that’s why leaving would be understandable. No respect, no relationship or partnership.

We’ve got 3 cats and a recently deceased Boxer female. I took care of all of them, wife never really seemed to get to the litter boxes or walking the Boxer…I didn’t care, I enjoy their company. I also did all the training and vet visits. But…I would never bring home an animal without discussing it with my wife. Now when I bought an airplane…we didn’t discuss it, she even learned to fly in it.[/QUOTE]

You go out and buy an airplane without discussing it with your wife, but you think those of us who bring home a DOG without consulting our husbands are terrible wives and not considerate? Are you kidding?

[yaya]

[QUOTE=pezk;8311841]
You go out and buy an airplane without discussing it with your wife, but you think those of us who bring home a DOG without consulting our husbands are terrible wives and not considerate? Are you kidding?[/QUOTE]

But an airplane isn’t in the house with you. The wife doesn’t have to interact with the airplane.

How many women on this board buy horses without telling their husbands? From what I’ve seen, plenty! Again, the horse isn’t in the house, so the spouse never has to be around it.

A dog in the house needs to get along with both residents.

[trubandloki]

[QUOTE=yaya;8311899]
But an airplane isn’t in the house with you. The wife doesn’t have to interact with the airplane.

How many women on this board buy horses without telling their husbands? From what I’ve seen, plenty! Again, the horse isn’t in the house, so the spouse never has to be around it.

A dog in the house needs to get along with both residents.[/QUOTE]
I agree.
As long as husband and wife have that type of agreement on finances I see nothing wrong with him buying an airplane. I would guess it was not an out of the blue thing either, she probably had some hint an airplane purchase was coming.
I did not know (for sure) before Mr. Trub upgraded his tractor last time. It is his money and if he wants to spend it on a bigger tractor it is his business. He does not jump up and down when I buy a new piece of tack either.

It is not fair to make someone deal with an animal in their house that they are not interested in having there.

[BravAddict]

It sounds like you resent your husband and are holding all of the extra work and care you put into his dog over him. He didn’t ask you to. The dog sure didn’t, though she may have benefited from it. I think that’s unfair. I also think it’s unfair to bring in another dog when it will require you to do a lot of work that you will then also hold over your husband’s head. Why would it be any different with an oversized German Shepherd?

[BuddyRoo]

We have two dogs. Mine, that I’ve had since before DH and I met and married, and now another that he insisted on getting even though i was very averse to the idea. For just the reasons you stated, OP. I am the primary caregiver. The dogs are my responsibility. There have been times where I resented the ever loving heck out of my DH for getting the second dog given that I am the one who has to deal with it. (and I love our other dog, I do)

So I get it. When you’re the one dealing with the doggie stuff, what skin off his nose is it?

And my DH have discussed our next dog–when mine, who is elderly now, passes. He has some pretty strict rules about things that I think are silly.

But the thing is, I don’t think you should bring a dog into the home that everyone isn’t on board with. And I think it’s really your DH’s turn to pick a dog given that his just died. But if he came to you and said he wanted a labradoodley genetic mutant and you said no, I’d hope he’d respect that too.

It’s odd to me that you’d say “I own this house, I do the work, it’s my choice.” as your defense. That doesn’t sound like a very partner-y thing to say. That smacks of a power play that is not very kind.

This dog doesn’t sound like a good fit right now for your family. I wouldn’t do it.

[stryder]

[QUOTE=pezk;8311841]
You go out and buy an airplane without discussing it with your wife, but you think those of us who bring home a DOG without consulting our husbands are terrible wives and not considerate? Are you kidding?[/QUOTE]

It’s totally different. My DH bought a plane. I’d known he was looking for one, had set aside money for it. It never moved into our house, shed a single hair on my work clothes, needed to go out in the night or threw up in the car. It kept him company while I was at the barn on weekends. It was perfect, really.

[saje]

I’m very happy that my husband bought a (tiny little) plane. It means I’m no longer his only source of entertainment! He didn’t ask me, but he did tell me. And as he earns the lion’s share of our income, he’s allowed to spend some of it on himself now and again

He also once brought home a kitten because she attached herself to him at work one day, but as that was then cat #10 it didn’t bother me at all. I’m not so fond of the dog he talked me into keeping instead of just fostering, but he enjoys his couch time with her in the evenings. ALL the animals are 99% my responsibility, including “his” dog. When she has a 2 am whining fit though I do wake him up to take HIS dog out! :lol: