It amazes me how many posters here think that a spouse should have veto power over a dog, cat, horse etc. esp when it’s the person bringing the animal in who takes care of it, feeds it, walks it, and PTS. Thank goodness I didn’t live my life playing by these rules.
[QUOTE=pezk;8312324]
It amazes me how many posters here think that a spouse should have veto power over a dog, cat, horse etc. esp when it’s the person bringing the animal in who takes care of it, feeds it, walks it, and PTS. Thank goodness I didn’t live my life playing by these rules.[/QUOTE]
It has NOTHING to do with veto power, but everything to do with mutual respect.
It amazed me how many posters think that someone they live with and are married to should have no say about another animal living in the house.
So what gives him the right to tell her not to get the dog?
He doesn’t want a hairy dog, does he do the vacuuming?
Fortunately DH knew what he was getting into when we met many years ago - farm, horses, dogs and cats. It never occurred to me to ask for permission to get any of them.
He was a great person, just wanted me to be happy.
[QUOTE=enjoytheride;8312394]
It amazed me how many posters think that someone they live with and are married to should have no say about another animal living in the house.[/QUOTE]
Well as we can see, it goes both ways.
I can’t even imagine asking permission. Wow. Can’t even imagine. I don’t know of any woman who would either. None of my friends would even consider asking their husband if they could have a dog, cat etc.
[QUOTE=jetsmom;8309707]
I agree with trak too.
He is your spouse. He deserves some respect and consideration. He loved his dog but wasn’t a great owner. But he still loved his dog. I’d talk to him, and explain how you feel, and really listen to how he feels. If you need to help this dog and he isn’t on board with it, maybe post him on giveaways and Facebook and try to find him a home or a no kill shelter. If you get it regardless of his feelings he will resent you and the dog. If that dog is more important than your marriage, then you need to not be married to him. Because just shoving the dog down his throat is guaraneed to damage your marriage.[/QUOTE]
I agree with trak too but I don’t agree with jetsmom that DH wasn’t a great dog owner. So what if he fed Purina Dog Chow? So do a lot of other people. A lot of dogs have lived to a ripe old age on Purina Dog Chow.
You actually sound like you moved in on his dog and took over her care in a rather aggressive way. Did DH ask you to? Did he want you to?
How would you like it if he came on here telling us that he’s going to get a new dog regardless of what you think about it and asking “Who is she to veto me?”
Others have pointed out that who he is is your DH. Emphasis on D and H.
I think the OP has been chased off of her own thread.
[QUOTE=Rackonteur;8312466]
I agree with trak too but I don’t agree with jetsmom that DH wasn’t a great dog owner. So what if he fed Purina Dog Chow? So do a lot of other people. A lot of dogs have lived to a ripe old age on Purina Dog Chow.
You actually sound like you moved in on his dog and took over her care in a rather aggressive way. Did DH ask you to? Did he want you to?
How would you like it if he came on here telling us that he’s going to get a new dog regardless of what you think about it and asking “Who is she to veto me?”
Others have pointed out that who he is is your DH. Emphasis on D and H.[/QUOTE]
The not a good dog owner because he never walked the dog, and worst of all, refused to put the dog down when it was suffering because he “loved it too much”, so OP had to do it. That is the not good owner part. You don’t let an animal suffer because you can’t man up, because you will be too sad. The dog food is the least of it.
Anyone whose last dog was a serious handful should be viewed with great suspicion when they say they want to pick a dog. Maybe Mr. Chompy was an innocent mistake and will never happen again, but maybe the owner has a weak spot when it comes to choosing animals. I have a slight bias here, as a friend whose last dog was psycho human-aggressive managed, on her second go-around, to pick a dog who is neurotic and animal-aggressive. She did this despite every intention of picking an easy dog, with zero conscious desire to land herself up to her hips in maintenance and drama again. Some people keep picking the same human relationship disaster, some pick the same pet disaster. Maybe not the OP’s situation, but bears thinking about.
[QUOTE=pezk;8312453]
Well as we can see, it goes both ways.
I can’t even imagine asking permission. Wow. Can’t even imagine. I don’t know of any woman who would either. None of my friends would even consider asking their husband if they could have a dog, cat etc.[/QUOTE]
Hmm. This is really weird to me. I can’t imagine bringing any living thing into the home without discussing it first with my significant other. That just seems so completely disrespectful to me. And I honestly don’t know anyone who would think any differently (male or female). I guess this is a good example for how different we all are!
I am not married, or in a relationship, or ever really been in a serious relationship, partly because I’m pretty independent and opinionated.
And I still couldn’t imagine bringing home a pet (other than maybe a goldfish) without discussing it with the SO.
Of course I would be very clear with the SO about my animal tendencies right from the get go of the relationship so I would know if he was ok with having multiple dogs in the house.
I’m not sure what I would do exactly if he said No to my request for a new pet, but I don’t think I would just show up at home with dog in hand without any hint at all. (except maybe in a very special emergency case, like finding an abandoned puppy on the side of the road or something)
[QUOTE=ynl063w;8313721]
Hmm. This is really weird to me. I can’t imagine bringing any living thing into the home without discussing it first with my significant other. That just seems so completely disrespectful to me. And I honestly don’t know anyone who would think any differently (male or female). I guess this is a good example for how different we all are![/QUOTE]
Agreed. I’d be curious to know how many of the people that said the SO shouldn’t have any say are actually married.
Most couples discuss things. Even things like “what do you want for dinner.”
I think it’s possible the OP’s husband doesn’t even want another dog.
[QUOTE=S1969;8313758]
Agreed. I’d be curious to know how many of the people that said the SO shouldn’t have any say are actually married.
Most couples discuss things. Even things like “what do you want for dinner.”
I think it’s possible the OP’s husband doesn’t even want another dog.[/QUOTE]
Well since I’m one of the few who has always brought dogs home without asking permission, I’ll answer your question. Yes I’m married to same person for 40 yrs.
Is that good enough?
[QUOTE=pezk;8313776]
Well since I’m one of the few who has always brought dogs home without asking permission, I’ll answer your question. Yes I’m married to same person for 40 yrs.
Is that good enough?[/QUOTE]
So you don’t think your spouse should have a say in the matter, or you just happen to be married to someone who really doesn’t care?
Just curious if this same relationship applies to all things, not just dogs? As in, does your spouse have a say in anything (and vice versa?) Or is it just with regard to dogs that he doesn’t mind if you bring one home.
I’m honestly curious. I can’t imagine living with someone (anyone, not just a spouse) where discussion and agreement wouldn’t be important for things that affect the household.
All things is a large area. You can’t go from just dogs to everything. A lot of room in between.
Well I am one who has and still do bring dogs and kittens/cats into the household without my DH’s approval. He is very used to it by now and they are usually ones I have picked up on the road or somewhere where they need help. I once brought home two bottle kittens (eyes were not open yet) and did not tell him for over a week. I was even getting up in the middle of the night to feed them, he never knew until I confessed. Sometimes they stay for good, sometimes I rehome them. The only time I called with approval on something for the dogs was when one I picked up was pregnant and she could not have all of the puppies, she needed to be either euthanized (which meant I would have to hand raise two puppies) or $500 C section. He told me do what I needed to do (I was bawling my eyes out). She had the C section, other two puppies were dead and she raised the two she had and found homes for all.
We have been married now for over 20 yrs.
The most I have picked up at one time was 4 on the road, usually one at a time.
People’s relationships/spouses are all different. Some spouses love animals equally. Some may not but don’t care much about whether new pets are added. Some spouses would want to be involved in choosing pets. Others don’t. You have to do what works for you.
OP’s spouse has made it clear that he wants to “choose” the next dog which I read to mean at LEAST be INVOLVED in the decision. He may not have choseh well last time and he may not be the primary caregiver but he clearly falls in the camp of people who care. I would NOT bring a dog home unannounced to someone in that camp. I would use inception to make him decide he wants the same dog I want 
Or I would find a truly mutually agreeable dog.
[QUOTE=jetsmom;8312588]
The not a good dog owner because he never walked the dog, and worst of all, refused to put the dog down when it was suffering because he “loved it too much”, so OP had to do it. That is the not good owner part. You don’t let an animal suffer because you can’t man up, because you will be too sad. The dog food is the least of it.[/QUOTE]
Dogs don’t need walks to be happy & healthy. They just need some type of mental & physical stimulation.
And plenty of people struggle with making the end-of-life decision. That doesn’t make them bad pet owners.
The OP’s DH sounds like a normal pet owner, and she just took over because she wanted to care for his dog her way. His dog would have been just fine without her.
I wouldn’t bring home a new pet without discussing it with my roommates… and so I would certainly discuss it with a SO!! That doesn’t mean they have 100% of the say, but I would carefully listen to their opinion and try to reach a happy medium. If he complains the dog is too hairy, then I’d consider whether I really wanted to vacuum multiple times a day to keep down the hair. If he complains the dog is too big, I’d consider whether he’s feeling a bit intimidated. etc. etc.
[QUOTE=khall;8313856]
Well I am one who has and still do bring dogs and kittens/cats into the household without my DH’s approval. He is very used to it by now and they are usually ones I have picked up on the road or somewhere where they need help. I once brought home two bottle kittens (eyes were not open yet) and did not tell him for over a week. I was even getting up in the middle of the night to feed them, he never knew until I confessed. Sometimes they stay for good, sometimes I rehome them. The only time I called with approval on something for the dogs was when one I picked up was pregnant and she could not have all of the puppies, she needed to be either euthanized (which meant I would have to hand raise two puppies) or $500 C section. He told me do what I needed to do (I was bawling my eyes out). She had the C section, other two puppies were dead and she raised the two she had and found homes for all.
We have been married now for over 20 yrs.
The most I have picked up at one time was 4 on the road, usually one at a time.[/QUOTE]
There was one time when the old dog died and I swore there would be no more. I lasted for about 3 months and then found another at a local shelter. Brought it home. My husbands comment, “You’re slipping. What took you so long?”
No further comment was made.
I think the only time he really prayed that all this was over was when the horse died. He said he was sorry but I’m sure inside he was going Yipee! That took 2 yrs, not a couple months.
Thank you, arapaloosa_lady. :encouragement:
[QUOTE=jetsmom;8312588]
The not a good dog owner because he never walked the dog, and worst of all, refused to put the dog down when it was suffering because he “loved it too much”, so OP had to do it. That is the not good owner part. You don’t let an animal suffer because you can’t man up, because you will be too sad. The dog food is the least of it.[/QUOTE]
You’re jumping to conclusions, jetsmom. OP never said DH never walked his dog. Nor did she say he refused to have his dog put down. What she did say was that he had a meltdown when the dog had a stroke. So maybe he was having a meltdown there in the vet’s office and OP moved in and told the vet to put the dog down because DH couldn’t. Having a meltdown is not the same as refusing to do something.
Read for content, please.
