We've acquired a barn bitch - help!

[Pocket_Pony]

This is a tough one and many times I’ve started a reply but then not posted it.

There are some people out there who have no social skills - they either lack the brain-to-mouth filter that should stop them in their tracks before they say stupid things, or they didn’t have good parenting that would have taught them to think before they speak or not to say rude things or whatever. Or perhaps they lack the ability to “read” a situation for appropriateness. Or perhaps they are very technical in their thought and actions and don’t see their statements as being critical or judgmental or rude. Perhaps they think someone like the OP is too sensitive because they really did not intend to be hurtful. Or maybe their attempts at humor are so lame that they come out as insults.

I know people like this. I try to have compassion for them because I really think they are clueless in some aspects. In some ways I appreciate the honesty because you always know where you stand. There have been times that I have been miffed or hurt by their statements, yet I also know the soft and tender side and can see their pain even though they may not share it with me. One of my former co-workers was like this. She rubbed everyone the wrong way and had lots of complaints about her. At first I found her abrasive and mostly steered clear of her. As I got to know her, I found her to be refreshing and honest and we had some really amazing conversations and a shared connection that went beyond the superficial. I could still see her abrasiveness and how she put people off - heck, one customer even yelled at her one day - but in her heart she was a really good person, even if her delivery was way off.

OP, maybe lighten up on this person a little bit. Maybe realize that somehow, unbeknownst to you, this person is hurting. You don’t have to be her best friend, but you don’t have to be unkind. Just recognize that somewhere in there is someone who might like to have a friend or be understood or need help with her social skills.

Who knows, you may actually end up being friends and you can laugh about this next year.

[Snugglerug]

A barn birch started critiquing my horse one day. I said, “yeah, no one’s perfect. I have knobby knees and a flat spot on my head. Shall we do you next?”

She shut up.

[4THEHORSES]

I’d laugh and say something along the lines of “Good thing shes doesn’t speak English, TB’s are kinda sensitive”

[cloudyandcallie]

And consider this OP: People who own warmbloods not only have the problem of trying to control their weight, they blow up hundreds of pounds on grass or rich hay, but also have those warmblood hooves which tend to be shelly and bad. (Unless the horse is a trakehner, they have great hooves. But they too gain weight like crazy on anything rich.) So you are dealing with a woman who is crabby and angry to begin with.

But people who criticize others horses do not stop. So I agree with those who say ignore the woman. I’ve done this over many years. She will be criticizing everyone else’s horses also. She won’t just stop with your horse. It’s so easy to run down everyone else’s horse to try to feel better about herself and her horse. Abnormal psych 101.

(And don’t anyone flame me for my WB comments. I have the Hessen horse (and his hooves, although he’s on hypo-thyroid meds now for last year and he’s lost weight) and the little ATA mare who has the great arab hooves but well, every year people ask when she is going to foal. 2 hours on grass a day, 2 hours on mud, and then back to shavings and timothy to control weight for both and the Hessen’s hooves.)

[Anne_FS]

[QUOTE=cloudyandcallie;8093252]
She will be criticizing everyone else’s horses also. She won’t just stop with your horse. It’s so easy to run down everyone else’s horse…[/QUOTE]

And another thing this type does: they try to lure you into snarking as well. Oh blah blah blah, and that horse has a horrible ewe neck [or whatever]. Don’t you think so? Really? Don’t you? Isn’t that a ewe neck [or whatever]?" and then god help you if you, just to shut her up, say yes, that is a ewe neck, or even just murmur mmm-hmmm and go about your business. Even if you add “and that’s the soundest, most talented horse in the barn and has the best owner,” you can bet your paycheck Barn B**** is going to run yapping to that owner, “Well, OP says your horse is horribly ewe-necked. She told me.” Ugh. I know the type and they’re in most barns.

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=Snugglerug;8093217]
A barn birch started critiquing my horse one day. I said, “yeah, no one’s perfect. I have knobby knees and a flat spot on my head. Shall we do you next?”

She shut up.[/QUOTE]

Bwahahahahaha!!! :lol:

and the rest is gold, too!

[tbchick84]

Honestly I’m surprised you didn’t just let her have it at your first meeting. I would have told her, “I don’t remember asking for your opinion. I’m going to go over there now and talk to anyone else.” For your sake, I hope she pisses off your entire barn and finds herself kicked out. While you’re waiting for that to happen, just ignore her and enjoy your horse.

[chai]

OP, your mare is lovely! That woman sounds like a real pill. Even after decades in horses, I am still shocked by rude behavior like that.

I have run a co-op barn, owned my own barn with boarders and I have been a boarder, so I’ve run into this behavior in the past.

It’s up the the barn owner or barn manager to set a tone in the barn where boarders are able to enjoy time with their horse. If he/she hasn’t done this, it’s up to you to set a clear boundary right away to nip this rude, annoying behavior in the bud or this woman has the potential to create a very toxic atmosphere in your barn.
I’ve tried to ignore people like that, and sometimes they misinterpret it to think that you’re an easy target. It’s better to put on a bright smile and say, “Well, when did you get your veterinarian degree? If I want an opinion on my horse, I know who to ask!”
If that doesn’t work, spell it out clearly: 'I’m here to enjoy my horse. I didn’t ask your opinion, nor do I want an opinion from someone who clearly doesn’t understand Thoroughbreds. So please keep your opinions to yourself."

Good luck - don’t let her steal your joy.

[RaeHughes]

OP -your TB looks lovely. Nice and athletic - and, to be frank, I prefer to see TBs looking like this … ok with a little more weight but you are working on that.

People like this person annoy me. Like the idiot who compared my horse with one of my cows … a nice “well rounded” WB mare who was on lock-up with the said cow due to “weight issues”. Her comment “Oh that’s good, the two cows in together”! Needless to say, I was less than impressed and told her so in terms that were simple and very clear. After all, that Hereford cow can really move into a beautiful uphill trot and canter when she wants to :D.

This was the daughter of the mare that I was riding at the time - the one baby-sitting her horse. Further, she had had absolutely nothing to do with the horse in question. EVER.

[Zu_Zu]

Just ignore her ~

Just ignore her ~ COMPLETELY !

Enjoy your time with your lovely mare ~

• just allow this bitch to self-destruct by herself …she will !

[rustbreeches]

Oh my! Zuzu used a profanity. It is game on!

[Miss_Motivation]

Lots of great viewpoints here.

I’m partial to talking the high road… you often get the opportunity to lean over the side and let fly a little spit later on.

[Justa_Bob]

Stunning horse! Lovely.

Do not listen to idiots critique anything. Waste of your energy. Also engaging in any way with people who act like this just sucks the life out of you. Life is too short to even think about what she said. Laugh it off. Practice ignoring her and learning to let her negativity just roll away. Unfortunately there are people like this. Learn to ignore and feel sorry for her. This practice will serve you throughout life. The last thing you want is for her to know that you were hurt. You don’t want any real engagement. Just polite distance. Monosylables rule sometimes. Its how the high road gets paved.

[Schune]

@dontskipthecafe;8090608

“Sorry if I came off like a bitch, that’s just how I am”, and “Good thing you like how she looks, everyone should like how their horse looks”.

“Well, Suzie Q, everyone does have the right to their own personality. But I want to give you some helpful advice - you may find the atmosphere to be pretty unfriendly if you’re going to act that way. The group of ladies here are really very nice and cordial, but we don’t tolerate rudeness, intended or not. You might want to think on that.”

[vxf111]

[QUOTE=Zu Zu;8094127]

Just ignore her ~ COMPLETELY !

Enjoy your time with your lovely mare ~

• just allow this bitch to self-destruct by herself …she will ![/QUOTE]

Exactly. Why are you spending an iotia of psychic energy on this? Who cares what someone you could care less about thinks?

[Rosem]

First interaction I would have looked at her and told her in a low voice to"Go to the library, find Emily Post and learn what proper behavior is." Bullies always back down when stood up to.

Since that moment has passed, I would drop her name, your barns and she will not doubt memorize the book and follow it to the letter to prove your first impression wrong.

She is a manipulative she-dog who takes pleasure in making others feel uncomfortable.

Truly, what sort of person was reared that it is proper behavior to approach a stranger uninvited and start out by insulting their property?

[toady123]

Don’t engage her, don’t feed her need to be a snot. In my 20s I would have likely gotten all blustery about dealing with this kind of thing - I had the attitude that I needed to have the last word and prove idiots wrong.

Now that I am older (and wiser?!) I’ve learned that this type of behaviour is simply not worth my energy. Life it too short to be bothered by other people and their nastiness. I’d simply ignore her - bullies feed off of the reactions that they get. No reaction, no fun.

I do think BO needs to monitor this person because there may be those (perhaps even the OP) who are fragile and could be hurt by this behaviour. While I think it should be ignored in the moment, it’s most definitely not something that should be tolerated on an ongoing basis. If the person exhibits this behaviour regularily I would be showing her the door.

[511]

Once again.
You train people how to treat you, do not put up with poor behavior or it will escalate.

[4THEHORSES]

OP, unfortunately snarky comments like these extend way beyond just boarding barns.

I keep mine at home but they’re out and about a lot be it trail riding or trailering somewhere.

When my Clyde mare was about 6/7 months old (and just over 14hh) I was hand grazing her on my property, close to the fence. A random stranger stopped to tell me she was the ugliest, hairiest Quarter horse he’d ever seen!! Just laughed that one off.

[GaMare]

OP- Kudos to trying to lay the issue to rest. I think the entire barn will be happier if you can maintain be cordial to each other. A bad start like this is a very legitimate reason to take some extra time deciding whether to trust this person to be anything more than a polite hello at the barn. Since she’s shown some issues with what she’s willing to say- probably not someone to be sharing secrets with!

If she starts to make negative comments like this in the future, cut her off (politely & firmly) and say that you don’t think this conversation is headed in a positive direction so lets change the subject. Don’t wait to hear things that will upset you or worry about a snarky come back, just stop her before it goes there.