What would you do (kindness please)?

[moonlitoaksranch]

You sound like you’re in the sandwich generation, like us. Taking care of elders and children at the same time. Mom needs this and kid is going to college. Tack on those extra bills, and It’s hard to balance.

Prioritize and organize. Still down with hubby and look at all accounts and spending. Agree to cutback equally on the extras. Tires might be able to wait for a month while braces may be paid in installments. Find out which bills have payment plans and follow them.

For your dog, the allergy route takes time and trial and error. Going with a food allergy route first is a good idea. You have to buy food anyway.

For your horse, can you make him comfy for now, since you’re not riding? If you can, do that until he can get his work up.

Pay for the roof. Delaying that will cause more potential loss. Go through insurance if you can and check references for any assigned roofing company.

Tires, are they nearly due or due? You need them before snow and ice.

Just peck away at this and that. It’ll get done.

[Scribbler]

@Lunabear1988

I think that’s a big part of my stress. I love all my animals and I really do like to do things the best way I can for them but right now they’re going to kind of have to take a lower priority.

I’m not sure if my husband said something to the dog vet but she’s kind of acting like we don’t want to take care of our dog. The dog that we have been taken to the vet at least once a month for 5 months. Lol. He’s not neglected by any means.

At the barn there’s been a few people that have said some things about my horse and I think that’s adding to the stressed out feeling. A few people have been commenting why I’m not riding him. And that he’s probably losing muscle and that’s probably making things so much worse. And then I had someone who did know that I was going through a really hard time make a comment that I needed to use another vet in the area that would do everything they can to figure it out. She even said I know they’re really expensive but they’re worth it and I would get them out…

I really don’t disagree. I would love to get another opinion but again it is not in the cards. The type of stuff she’s talking about is thousands of dollars.

It’s hard because I really don’t want him to be in pain. But unfortunately the priority isn’t getting him rideable. If I can get him just baseline comfortable or see if the vet thinks he’s at least pasture sound then we will have to deal with all that later I guess. It does suck. But it’s the real situation.

I can see how you’re in an interesting position as to how you present socially. You’re making enough money in general that you seem worth free, and folks around you assume you can afford anything you need or want. And it’s none of their business if you’re needing to retrench. But realize that if you’ve worked to create a persona of a competent solvent person who can afford everything you will get tone deaf remarks from people who don’t know your real truth and think you just don’t want to spend money.

In your situation you need to somehow block the worry of caring about tone deaf comments from vets and trainers who see you as their personal ATM.

[moonlitoaksranch]

Barn gossips can shove it. They’ll be there someday, too. We all go through lean times.

[Lunabear1988]

There are some things that I’m grateful for in this post has help put it perspective. I think so much just started piling on at once and it truly overwhelmed me. It really might be just a few hard months. It is going to take a year to completely recover if not longer but things won’t always be so dire as they feel right at this moment.

I do have a wonderful relationship with my horse vet. I don’t think she’s the best vet around talent wise but I’ve used her since I was a teenager and she’s fair priced and she’s willing to work with me in any way that she possibly can. I did give her a heads up about my situation. I know she will do her best to help me while being very understanding about my situation and reality.

I’m very thankful that my husband does have a great job. Not only is it great money, his boss is one of the best type of people on this earth. Super understanding.

The barn owner is a great person and she understands how important the lease is for my daughter. The horse was being used in lessons but now is just being used for my daughter. I actually wonder if she’s just keeping the horse around at this point for my daughter’s sake. He’s not being used in other lessons anymore and I think typically she would just retire him at this point. But he’s still sound even though he’s a little stiff as to be expected. But my daughter loves him and she loves to dote on the horse. It really has meant a lot.

And I do have family that has tried to help. Unfortunately we mostly have to get through this on our own, but I think that’s better anyways.

I’ve had some clarity that I think I do need to change jobs for sure. I’m driving too far which made sense at one point but doesn’t make sense financially at all right now. We’re spending a lot on gas and for what I’m making at this part-time job just does not make sense. I need to find something more local to me.

And I know that if we just stick to a budget that will help out a lot too. In the past I can see that we spent way too much on food and coffee. I’m not a shopper but I love to eat out. But I also like to cook a little bit too and it’s really not so bad. I’m training myself to not treat myself with every little stress too.

This morning when I posted I honestly just felt buried and in deep hole. I’m definitely feeling a lot better.

[TheDBYC]

Could you try a bland food diet for doggo? Like ground turkey cooked with rice? If you buy the ingredients at Aldi or Costco it will be a lot cheaper than commercial special diets. And dogs will actually eat it.

[bdj]

OP, you’ve got this. When things get rough and I feel like I’m not doing things as well as I think they “ought to be done” I take a breath and remind myself that I am doing the best that I can right then. It may not be good enough by other people’s standards, but they are neither living my life nor are they helping me out, so what they think is utterly irrelevant to me. When I can do better, I will, but for the moment I’m in right then, my best is plenty good enough.

Your best at the moment will be good enough, too.

And when things get really rough, it’s a total cliché, but “the only way out is through” helps me to remember to just keep moving forward. My progress may be glacial, but it’s still progress!

[luvmyhackney]

Its will get better! Promise.

I think I’d try some probiotics for the dog and a bland diet of rice, green beans, shredded beef or chicken and see what that gets you.

You could also try some heart burn meds for doggie. When I get stressed out my dog gets tummy issues, I swear she feels my stress.

When I’m reining in the budget, I use the Quickbooks app to track all and sit down with my husband and come up with a game plan of where all funds are.

Hugs and remember you eat an elephant one bite at a time.

[stargzng386]

You’ve gotten a lot of great advice here. For the horse with the stifle issue is he out 24/7? Could he move to that at his current barn? My stifle horse absolutely locks up if he’s on stall board.

Also have you tried estrone yet? It’s about $50 a bottle and helps loosen the ligaments so the stifle doesn’t catch. You can’t use it long term but you use it short term while working and riding your horse as much as possible to build up the muscle. Worth a shot and very cheap.

For the dog I second trying a non prescription limited ingredient diet and probiotics. Limited treats too to see if it’ll all even out.

[clanter]

a good way for me to reduce my outflow of money is to put away all credit/debt cards then pay cash for everything. Seeing those paper bills being stacked up to pay for whatever kind of drives home the real cost of an item. (And it you want to really confuse people get some of that cash in $2 bills)

Back in the old days of the 1990s there was some thing that wife was using (I forgot just what it was) that had a yearly cost of $600. If was nothing essential to life, just something she was doing. They only way I got her to rethink spending $600 on that was to go to the bank and get $600 in one dollar bills, stacked that 12 bundles of one dollar bills up on the table them asked her if it really was that needed,

[Djones]

Aren’t sweet potatoes good for gi upset in dogs? Maybe that’s added to his diet and as mentioned above, you try to super bland beef and rice?

Turning out the stifle horse on a good big pasture might do wonders.

[Tarlo_Farm]

@Lunabear1988

In the past I can see that we spent way too much on food and coffee.

Coffee? Coffee?

[Lunabear1988]

I’ve been thinking about asking my vet about Estrone. It’s sounds like a “it can’t hurt” type option.

[Eclectic_Horseman]

@Lunabear1988

That’s something I was thinking of as well. He’s having diarrhea on and off but it comes on kind of severely. He acts completely fine but it’s not something I can just let go either. Obviously something’s off and I was hoping a fecal would provide answers but nothing so far.

I was in the same situation. It could be something in his environment on a sensitive stomach. Mine loves rabbit poop (cocoa puffs) and dirty water. My vet also wanted me to put our dog on the $100 food, but what we did instead was just get Purina ProPlan Sensitive Stomach and Skin and add a supplement called Bernie’s Perfect Poop, which is mostly grass. The problem only occurs very rarely now.

This probably isn’t your biggest worry, but I know that it is extremely aggravating. Good luck.

[Djones]

I had great luck with estrone for overly tight stifles, a short striding hind end. It works by letting down those ligaments as a her does before delivering a foal. If you’re dealing with loose stifles, save your money and turn him out on a hill.

[Lunabear1988]

$5 coffees add up quickly.

Look, I’m a saver. I like to prepare and have things saved up. So coffee is my one vice, besides horses I guess.

My husband is a spender. He brought some big ticket items and made some bad decisions. Then we had a family crisis/medical crisis that rocked out family HARD. It’s time for me to take the reins and get this back on track.

[Djones]

@Tarlo_Farm

Coffee? Coffee?

What? What? Let her be to talk it out. Everyone has vices.

[Eclectic_Horseman]

@Tarlo_Farm

Coffee? Coffee?

My godchild started to use the Mint app and discovered that she was spending over 20 a day on coffee.

[Lunabear1988]

We aren’t in financial trouble over coffee lol but when you are trying to save money I think it really becomes unnecessary and yes it really adds up.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

First of all OP, don’t blame yourself–so many people beat themselves up (me, for one) when they have financial struggles that would be “minor inconveniences” for people in a different income bracket. Some of what I say (having had to make some painful cutbacks myself recently) may go contrary to what others have said, but I’ll throw it out there, to be taken for what it’s worth:

1. Re: the dog. I had a dog who was on a prescription food for the last years of her life. It was worth every penny. If anything, it saved money versus constantly picking up poop and vomit she couldn’t help expelling, and I couldn’t live with her so miserable. It also saved money on me trying every crazy-ass home remedy. Rice and sweet potatoes didn’t work.

2. The roof–call up the insurance company and try to play a bit of hardball for more money. Don’t be afraid to Karen up and ask to speak to a manager. If it’s genuinely unsupportable as is, calculate the likelihood of how long you’ll remain in the house. But don’t go cheap on a roof–if you’re staying put, damage done with a bad roof will be expensive in the long run.

3. Your daughter–again, this may sound terrible, but it sounds like the lease horse and lessons are a significant annual expense (around $525 a month). That would be a $6300 annual savings. I’m not a parent, so denying myself is easier than a child, but that would be a big lessening of your financial load. How deep is her passion for horses? What about taking lessons for a year, versus leasing?

4. Ignore the judgy mc judgypants at the barn, unless they’d be happy to cough up for more vet bills. But doing pasture board might not be much cheaper. Look around for a less expensive situation if possible, but don’t count on it necessarily.

5. My father swears by Costco tires.

6. Start looking around for a closer, better paying job, or even legit remote jobs. Don’t underrate your skills.

7. I don’t think there’s anything wrong doing an audit of a the food/coffee/subscription budgets, given I’m not a fan of paying for stuff I don’t really enjoy or use enough. But unless you’re bathing in Starbucks, I wouldn’t count on this being a major savings. Also, don’t scrimp on healthy food–again, there’s always people who will “go hard” and proclaim the virtues of living on oatmeal and peanut butter but don’t cut back on fruits and veggies in unhealthy ways.

8. I haven’t done this, but I know some people rent rooms in their home for spare cash. I’m not sure of the legal logistics, though.

9. Finally, take a look at house costs that are a genuine but possibly unnecessary drain, like expensive landscaping, a hard-to-clean house, which, if eliminated, you might be able to DIY. (I’m thinking lawn service and weekly housecleaning, if they can be cut.)

Regardless if any of these suggestions are useful, remember that being in financial difficulty is not a moral failing, especially for medical and house-related stuff, which is difficult to predict!

[Ghazzu]

For everyone recommending various foodstuffs for the dog–if a dietary allergy/sensitivity is potentially the problem, it would be best to approximate the diet recommended by the DVM treating the animal, particularly since we have little information on what the suspected culprit is, and throwing all kinds of novel feeds into the mix at this point may render them useless in the furture because they will no longer be “novel”.