You’re speakin’ my language. I love love love coffee, and it really can add up. I actually worked part-time as a barista for a while and seriously considered starting up a coffee trailer as a side gig at one point in my life. So, here’s what I do now for my coffee fix! I bought an aeropress, which is a pretty excellent way to prepare coffee. In my opinion, it’s comparable to the coffee you get from an espresso machine, without the expense/hassle of dealing with an espresso machine. There are tons of articles and YouTube videos on the internet showing different ways you can use the aeropress. So, I make all of my coffee at home now, and it is soooo good - I don’t feel like I’m missing out by not buying coffee from a coffee shop! I do spend a bit on the beans themselves since I buy locally roasted beans, but it’s still wayyy less expensive than buying coffee regularly from a coffee shop.
Thank you! I hear you about the lease and she’s done lessons for years prior to doing this lease. But I would be more willing to get out of the horse game myself before pulling the lease from her. A few months back when we were really going through a crisis her first words, with tears in her eyes, were asking about the lease and if we had to stop. She would absolutely try to be understanding but it would break her heart. And as a fellow horse person I can truly understand that. She’s also done amazingly well in school even after a hard emotional year. She truly deserves it. She helps out around the barn and loves making sure that “her” horse is okay. She’s also getting ready to go into middle school and it’s just a rocky time in general. The lease is worth everything and I would sacrifice anything for myself to keep it. But if push comes to shove and we really just can’t afford it, my parents would pony up and pay the whole thing. They also don’t want her to lose that.
Everything else you gave is great advice and I appreciate it.
I think just so much happened in a short time that it just kind of rocked me. I can see too that August is going to be a tougher month but September will be a lot better. There is going to be some ups and downs.
Re: the roof, I saw a commercial last night for a spray-on roof solution that supposedly rejuvenates the shingles and waterproofs. Apparently you hire a company to do it, and it’s way cheaper than replacing roofs.
ETA: it’s called Roof Maxx and, apparently it really works, but only for asphalt shingles.
Re: daughter’s riding, it sounds like having “her” horse is what matters to her. Can you drop some or all of the lessons and just let her have a horse to play with?
Well, it seems that the advice to have your DH straighten you and your finances out wouldn’t work for you. 
What big ticket thing did he spring on you? I’m guessing a boat.
Ha yes he won’t be the one to fix it.
I was letting him do the finances and it was a big mistake. I’ve learned a lot last few months needless to say. Life doesn’t usually teach us lessons very lightly.
It was work related purchases but not something he needed at the caliber that he got. I’m not going to lie he really screwed up a bit. That’s a really long story and I don’t want to post too much of his business on here.
But again what really hurt us was what happened in February. To put it in perspective it was so hard and scary that I didn’t sleep or eat hardly for a week. Quickly dropped 10 lbs (then gained it all back lol.) It was rough. It just proves that unexpected things can happen in life and it is important to have a healthy savings.
Things are on a much better track but so many things hitting at once it’s just hard for me mentally I guess.
I am going to add a little bit more to this.
If a dog is allergic to chicken, the possiblity of the dog being reactive to vension and lamb are high too.
All three are hot foods (per Chinese Traditional Med). As well as salmon.
Beef, pork, bison, white fish, rabbit, turkey, seafoods are cooling and neutral foods. I like to encourage a pork based diet if you can.
I agree with looking into a fish based diet. If you can avoid salmon at first. Look for white, herring, sardines, etc.
Also foods high in peas tend to trigger food issues.
Hot / Cold dog diet information is all over the internet.
You got this, lean on us.
Ok, so this is getting closer to the real source of the anxiety.
You and your husband have absolutely incompatible financial styles, he controls the income and decisions on his work gear, and you now do not trust him. And you feel you need to fix his mistakes or he will destroy the family.
The lack of trust is huge. It means you can’t pull together and you feel alone in your efforts and worries.
This is an issue you need to deal with if your marriage is going to survive and thrive. If you can’t talk it out at home you might consider some form of counselling to get a third set of eyes on the situation. Maybe there is a financial/emotional type of marriage counselor available.
It’s possible your husband worst case scenario is an entitled impulsive jerk who subliminally wants to bankrupt the family and run free. It’s possible that you worst case scenario are a penny punching anxiety ridden micro manager who doesnt understand the financial realties of a Man’s World but also isn’t capable of bringing in any kind of real income. To be clear, I don’t actually believe this about either of you based on what I’ve heard so far. But those are the potential polarizations that the two of you could be creating for each other and the kinds of things you might be sniping about in six months.
So you need to re-establish trust and have a coherent financial plan with your husband, because otherwise he will.continue to act in ways that seem reasonable to him and unreasonable to you. And you will continue to resent him for it.
Yeah we are dealing with it. We are doing counseling and he’s in therapy too. He’s not a jerk at all if anything he’s a ridiculous people pleaser but also a bit short sighted too. Definitely a little bit of a different style financially but the medical stuff kind of added to that.
But absolutely that is a part of the anxiety. The anxiety has been there, always, as a child even but times are certainly tough right now.
Like I said we are on a better path financially, emotionally and mentally but it’s slow going. I tend to like to fix things super quickly and this is just not possible right now. But it will be okay. Just have to trudge through.
Interesting!!
I specifically have been feeding the salmon diet as I always thought it was such a safe way to go. I had another dog that I think was a little reactive to chicken although she would just chew her feet nothing horrible. So we did salmon for her and it worked wonderfully. But it definitely looks like it might not be the case for my current dog.
And by white fish, I mean fish that are white in color as well as whitefish. There is a ton of information online. I should have been clearer in my post.
“A comprehensive review of 297 dogs found the commonly reported food allergens in AFRs in dogs to be beef (102 dogs, 34%), dairy products (51 dogs, 17%), chicken (45 dogs, 15%), wheat (38 dogs, 13%), lamb (14 dogs, 5%). Other less commonly reported offending food sources included soy (18 dogs, 6%), corn (13 dogs, 4%), egg (11 dogs, 4%), pork (7 dogs, 2%), fish and rice (5 dogs each, 2%). Barley, rabbit, kidney beans, tomato all were reported as food allergens for single dogs.”
Food Allergy—Debunking Common Myths
Fetch dvm360 San Diego 2021
Jennifer S. Aniya, DVM, DACVD
Pet Emergency and Specialty Hospital, San Diego, CA, USA
Interesting. Most regular dog foods seem to rely on chicken in various forms. Even the foods labelled “beef” or something else had chicken in substantial amounts!
My previous dog had digestive issues (and lots of other issues!) She ended up on a prescription rabbit based formula. It worked for her but it stunk! Fortunately, she was a small dog and the cost wasnt terrible.
Current dog had skin issues that the vet said were likely food allergies. I moved him to a limited ingredient beef based food with no chicken. It seems to have worked for him.
Ok great, you have that angle covered!
Yup! Which is why I stated pork and fish are great food items to start from to see what the food issues could be. but you gotta watch the fat content of pork.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Money problems suck. Anxiety really sucks. Knowing you can’t do much beyond waiting for things to ease up is the worst. It sounds like you have a tentative plan going forward though. I know for me, just knowing the steps I can take to work everything out brings its own sense of relief. Hang in there. 
might want to talk with your CPA as there are avenues of offsets available to accelerated depreciation if it was a business hard asset purchase
one thing I did when I had my business I went after the companies I was paying monthly… ATT, Fina Oil. the electric company… they all became clients of mine as I began taking care of their needs.
I had a laugh one day when the terminal manager of FINA oil asked why his monthly bill varied. I explained to him that his bill started at what my company spent of gas/diesel the month before. Same for ATT and the electric company
Some times you just have to reset, and when I get extremely anxious it really helps me to create a lower floor of expectations. Like any day no one goes to the ER is a good day. (And if that happens then maybe find an even lower floor. 
)
I hate to see you killing yourself over an occasional $5 coffee but there are some savings to be had by doing all your meals at/from home. Of course, if you’re working in an office, going out for meals and coffee are sometimes part of the social currency; it’s not merely the consumable. Nevertheless the difference for our family of 4 between even the most basic takeout and me making the most luxurious meal at home is kind of astounding.
If you’re going out for coffee for convenience or flavor, consider that the $1 packets of Via instant or something like an aeropress can make it quickly and at a lower cost even if not basement level cost. If you’re getting in the car and driving for that coffee, there’s also the time and gas to consider. But if you’re out and about and/or with other people it may still be the right choice.
Great advice in general here from the kind people at COTH.
One day at a time.
My father used to say he thought he did ok getting us all through high school without anyone getting arrested.
Would your husband allow you to control the family finances? My father was terrible with money. He could never say no to anyone and we ended up loosing everything. Once we came to Canada my mother took over the finances and we did very well after that.
Luckily my father was OK with that. He was aware of his shortcomings.
Yeah I’m controlling them now. This is partially my fault honestly. Not totally but I used to be a lot more involved in the finances and then I kind of checked out during COVID. I’m not sure why. But the truth is he hates to say no to people which also added to too much spending. And again we didn’t overspend ourselves in a horrible debt, It just compounded with the medical stuff. But there was definitely financial irresponsibility going on too.
He’s working on it but I will be the main finance person from now on. In all honesty I’m better at it. I think I just don’t like to do it since I’m a bit more anxious but it is what it is. Reality is here!
