so stupid as i may be, i’m not quite ready to sell yet. i don’t know why. horse number 1 i had no hesitation about but im not quite ready to pull the trigger on selling this guy yet. i’m in total agreement with everyone here, and hindsight being 20/20 that a young warmblood was probably not the best move
that being said, i’m going to send him off for a couple months of professional training and see if that makes a difference in either him or me (as in how i feel on him). if i don’t feel confident after the work is put in, ill sell.
If you send him off, can you lease/lesson on a confidence-building horse and ride/lesson as much as possible for at least a month, then start lessons on your horse after your confidence is a bit better?
You not riding for a couple of months and then sitting on a 6-year-old is not setting yourself up for success.
oh for sure. There are plenty of schoolies at my barn that I will plan to take my 2x weekly lessons on and I can even free ride. I still have my old retiree at the barn so I’ll be out there and getting my confidence up for when he comes home.
As much as I don’t want to sell him if I don’t have confidence when he comes home, I will do so because I have no intention about getting hurt or admitting I’m over horsed
In the meantime, you need to work on you and your confidence.
We all get our confidence rattled, believe me.
Find something fun to do on horseback for the next couple months, whether it be lessoning on the schoolies at the barn or putzing around on your retiree or learning a completely new skill.
I find sports psychology stuff to be really helpful, too.
Then in a couple months, you can re-evaluate the situation and make the decision to sell or continue forward.
I haven’t taken the time to read all the responses but if you’re not ready to sell him, send him to a trainer and find something rock solid to build your confidence on. Maybe take one of those how to fall classes, etc. Because if you keep getting on him when your confidence is nil, he’s just going to get worse.
Agreed.
But even a single weekly lesson, or every other week should help.
Make sure whoever you’re sending him to agrees to this.
If not, look for someone else who will.
You don’t want to get back a horse whose Behave buttons you don’t know how to push.
I am sorry you had this happen and I understand your concerns. That ride was an accident waiting to happen. Set yourself and the horse up for success. I would not have gotten on him given the circumstances (time off, not turned out, chilly), let alone ride him outside with the turned out horses going nuts. You basically were sitting on a pent up horse that most likely would have done in turn out that day what the other horses were doing.
Maybe he is not the right horse for you. Horses are very good at reading their jockey, some are not so gracious at accepting a rider’s errors and many take advantage of their limitations/fears. I am glad you are sending him for training.
The not cantering consistently is concerning. Is this with you or a pro as well?
i really didnt think that the circumstances were going to be that bad, but i guess i should have known better. he hasnt placed a foot wrong since i’ve had him (came home july 3), so i really thought if i put him on the lunge and w/t/c him he would get his willies out. plus, he’s seen horses acting wild in the field before and not cared. we’ve even gone to 2 away shows this season and he’s been fine. we ride around the property and even through the woods on property and he goes on the buckle every time.
but i guess it really was a perfect storm of bad circumstances
as far as the cantering - when i bought/swapped for him he had been sitting for a year and was pretty out of shape. he hadnt been doing a ton of cantering, and his right lead was very sticky, so we have been cantering a lot to the left. after a thorough lameness eval, he ended up getting PRP in both stifles and has been getting lunged to the R to work on his R lead to work with strength. he is feeling much better and he is picking it up better now, but he just needs miles put on him U/S, and i wasn’t feeling the most confident putting them on him to begin with and then this happened. he doesn’t do anything naughty when cantering, it’s just a BIG canter and his steering is a big iffy at times (likes to bulge out through the haunches)… i’ll add that he was sold to me at “16.1” but he is every bit of 17 hh… not a fun little horse to fall from
i’m not sure how long i should plan for him being away… training board isn’t cheap in the slightest, and i’m still paying to hold his stall and board for my other horse, and that’s just board of course. i’m planning on a month to start but something tells me that won’t be enough. before i heard the cost i was thinking 3-4 months, but i’ve never sent a horse to training before
My first thought is: Don’t buy. Lease. With a clause that you can send a horse back if it isn’t working out very well for you.
Also: Riding is a risk sport. Even quiet, tame riding, has dangers that many other things do not. But maybe people don’t always take that to heart when it is about horses, aren’t aware and cognizant of the risk management aspect.
If we were contemplating higher levels of gymnastics, or bicycle racing, or any other sport that has a higher risk profile, would we make the same decisions that we do with horses? Sometimes we would. But maybe sometimes we don’t take the complete picture of riding as seriously as we should.
Why are you putting yourself into a lifetime of riding situations that are causing so many injuries? Life-altering injuries?
Not trying to mean. Really want to know, because this is at the root of everything you describe, including your current rearing horse.
This. Is. Not. Common or usual, for a lifetime of riding. Some people do gravitate to higher-risk areas of the sport and do accumulate injuries. But many, many more do many different things on a horse, without so many serious hurts.
I’ve been riding for over 35 years (I’ve quit counting). I’ve evented, done trail riding in the mountains, trained young horses (just a few), etc. Traveled with horses, loading and unloading trailerfuls of horses, helped manage them away from home. Re-started an OTTB. I have no serious riding injuries in my past. I have no problem saying so, it’s never jinxed me.
One or a very few injuries can certainly be just the nature of a risky world. But an accumulation of so many injuries has some curious decision-making behind it. If at least some of those decisions had gone another, safer way, the outcome might be different now.
I’m more of a calculating low-risk person, even though I do ‘risky’ stuff on horses (sometimes). Whatever I’ve done on a horse, I don’t get on horses, or do things, that are over my head. If I don’t like where a ride is going, I’ll turn back. If I don’t feel safe on a horse, I get off. I will quit when others keep going, because I don’t care for the situation. I have left a few momentary situations with an instructor who was pushing too far above my readiness (and/or horse readiness).
What tricks? Sorry, wasn’t there to see it, that informal phrase could cover a lot of territory.
Why is someone who is losing confidence due to accumulated injuries riding a horse with ‘tricks’?
Reinforcing my question above. A good riding life means increasing confidence over time, being able to handle the situations that one chooses.
If I felt as you do – I would not ride. If there have been times when that kind of horse, that kind of riding, that was high-risk to me, was my only option – I did not ride.
So that is two situations that are not what might be recommended for a low-confidence rider with an injury history. These are not happenstances. They are decisions.
Here is the revelation: You have the right to say “no”. You have the right to turn down a ride that is not right for you, or not right just now. You are fully justified in making different decisions for yourself.
Sometimes a rider can feel as if they have to keep going, on to the next thing, never backing down. But it can begin to feel as if they are being fed into a meat grinder, and they can’t stop it. It’s ok to not follow the highest-expectations path. To take it easy, relax and enjoy.
It is ok to choose not to ride in the twilight among excited turnout horses. To choose not to get on the greenie that has a known sackful of scary moments.
You owe nothing to the expectations from a trainer, or friends and family, or even your own. You have the right to put yourself first, to make decisions that aren’t aiming for the higher stratospheres, to take care of yourself first. Again, these are decisions to be in a higher risk situation than you have to be - or not.
I think riders can sometimes forget that. As do athletes in other high-risk sports.
To the question “What would you do?”, I would not only move this horse along to someone else better situated to manage him, I would stop everything horse until I had a good long time to re-think what I want out of riding, and out of life. Not for nothing, that might mean that a few friendships would have to change, if part of my risky decision making is tied into keep up with others, or pleasing certain trainers, etc. But I would seriously re-evaluate why I’m making the choices that I am. That’s what I would do.
I don’t know if that is an unintentional phrasing.
But look at it carefully. There are a lot of answers to your questions in the bit that I bolded.
Because not getting hurt, and not admitting that one is over-horsed, don’t go together. Those are contradictory statements.
To stay safe, one has to say ‘no’ to some things. Especially with horses.
It’s ok. You don’t need to feel embarrassed, or judged. People probably aren’t judging you harshly, anyway. If they are truly friends they are happy and supportive of decisions you make to lower the trauma and scary moments. If they aren’t truly friends – well then, who cares what they think. Or if they think – they may not be noticing so much, after all, too busy thinking about themselves.
I have a similar philosophy. Over forty years of horses, OTTBs from track to Prelim and raising personal horses from weanling to riding. I attribute my low injury rate to a mix of education, risk management and a little luck.
I have a good friend who is 15 years older than me and sadly has all kinds of lingering issues from riding injuries: balance and vertigo from concussions, arthritis and aches from broken bones. She thinks I must be an outstanding rider (I’m pretty average) or sometimes interjects that I should have pushed through some horse issue (essentially thinks I’m chicken) and that’s why I haven’t had the same injuries.
I think some people struggle to read the situation and the level of stress in the horse. As I have gotten older (not in my immortal 20s), I make decisions in the moment. I’m not committed to any particular task or activity if it puts us over threshold. I always reserve the right to change my mind, even mid ride. Safety requires flexibility.
I’ve had a ton of injuries in my lifetime- broken vertebrae, concussions, sooo many broken bones and sprains and strains. Not all from horses, actually probably more not from horses lol (see the COTH fitness thread for my latest calamities). I’ve always been a bit of a daredevil, push the envelope type person though. But… I have zero qualms with saying nope, not doing this if I feel that it’s not in my or the horse’s best interest or saying I’m overfaced. I have nothing to prove to anyone
I have read the entire thread and agree with most of the advice. But what jumped out at me in the original post is that your trainer is encouraging you to buy unsuitable horses. This happens when a trainer is more interested in fancy for her- or himself than in safe and suitable for the client.
In addition, letting a horse “get his willies out” on the longe doesn’t do any good. When I longe my horse, he knows he is working, not playing. He doesn’t get to play when I am in the picture. It’s a mindset that helps keep me safe.
This got me, too. If OP had a lack of confidence, a “messed up body” and had just retired her mare that she’d known and ridden for 14 years, why go to a younger, fancy horse? The first young, fancy horse wasn’t a match. Now it seems the second not-quite-as-young, fancy horse probably isn’t a match, either.
Sometimes there are the horses we want. They’re the horses we envision ourselves riding and showing. But then there are the horses we actually need because of confidence issues or physical limitations.
So what would I do? I’d get the current horse professionally tuned up, with the idea of selling him. Take lessons while he’s away at school. Then I’d look for an older horse that’s nice enough to be competitive at the level desired, even if it’s a little creaky and requires some maintenance. Riding should be as safe as possible. But mostly it should be inspiring and fun.
By the way, why does the current horse have to go out to some other professional to be tuned up and fixed? Why can’t the trainer who helped select this horse do the tuning up?
This. And it doesn’t help if the trainer also wants young and fancy, or doesn’t have the relationship/guts to tell the client “hey, you don’t need this horse and you’re going to get hurt/scared/overwhelmed”.
I feel for OP. It sounds like they like the horse (at least as much as we all get attached to the animals we handle daily), but they might not be in the right program and making the right judgement calls to enjoy him. It also sounds like he has some physical issues going on - whether lame or just unfit - which means he’s not even going wtc safely and confidently with OP.
I’d put him in training - preferably under my usual trainer - and really think about selling him. If my usual trainer can’t/won’t do the training, I’d definitely be selling, and then looking for something made that won’t need to be in training board. Even if it isn’t as fancy.
Confidence is a hard thing to re-establish. Your brain thinks you can handle something - or that you should - but then the body locks up and the anxiety kicks in and it’s almost impossible to break that cycle without outside help and some major recalibrations. Switching to a safer and more consistent horse being the main one!
usual trainers don’t want to do the training because they don’t want to deal with the rearing, even though it hasnt happened under saddle except once (which is enough)
I feel I might not be explaining myself 100% properly but honestly, I’m so emotionally exhausted.
I really appreciate all the responses. My heart really hurts as I don’t want to sell him but i don’t want to ride him either . i’m so conflicted. This is not been a cheap road and my heart just hurts and I’m so sad and depressed.
Or if they think – they may not be noticing so much, after all, too busy thinking about themselves. 
