I will say that one instance of misbehavior in 6ish months when I’d argue you’d set him up to fail - he doesn’t sound like a bad horse.
But you need to enjoy this. If you don’t trust him, find one that you can. Not just “another one” - one that you can trust, and get with a good trainer that can help you keep him that way.
Your little voice on your shoulder is yelling at you “this situation is not safe, do something!”
No one has anything to prove to themselves or others when there is serious risk involved, as is with horses.
Listen to your gut, remember, in life, you have to kiss several frogs before you get your prince, with horses also and yes, every one we try, hopes flying, is very disappointing when they are not the one.
Once you make your mind what to do with more to go by, you will feel better, not so conflicted.
My heart goes out to you on this. If you’re emotionally exhausted, it’s not fun and this is supposed to be our joy not something that drains us. I’d send him to the trainer and sell. Even though it was just once, the rearing would always be in the back of my mind.
I go beyond this…ANY time I am attached to a horse, there will be NO impolite behaviors. This includes walking in the barn, to turnout, to my walking in his stall. No rooting to eat grass when you stop to open the gate at turnout. Horse turns away from me, not into me…no running away when I remove the halter. We have ways to deal with insurrections.
If you have had days of snow with no turnout and some horses need to blow off some energy, then what I have done, is to do a “free school” in the indoor. The horse is not attached to me and it knows it is free to rear, run, leap and buck. However, once that lead line gets snapped to the halter, back to polite horse behavior.
You and I are the same person when it comes to this. I don’t have access to an indoor, but do have a round pen now that will be the free-to-do-your-worst hooligan zone if I feel like the situation needs it.
Lots of your examples are what I was referencing when people say a problem came out of nowhere, when in reality lots of us can see it building for weeks/months. It really is the little things.
Absolutely!!! Cannot say this ^^^^ enough. People complain about a horse not minding them under saddle, but the horse is blowing them off on the ground. It doesn’t get easier or safer to do a correction when you are on their backs. One needs to establish rules, boundaries and limitations so the horse understands what is expected. And this starts on the ground any time when human is connected to horse.
Yet when I point this out to the folks who are getting hurt, run away with, etc., I get lots of pushback. So, I shut up and mind my own business.
It’s getting worse with the mindset of lots of trainers that the horse needs to give consent etc. etc.
That’s ok, to a point. And I’m all for a horse voicing their opinion on stuff. But the bottom line is they’re WAY bigger than I am, so their expression of their opinion needs to be contained in the [won’t injure humans] box, full stop. No biting, no kicking, no running me over, no dragging me anywhere, no slamming me with your head. None. Zero.
Totally, totally agree. This includes little things that some people would discount as inconsequential…such as simply as walking into their horse’s stall. Horse has to move backwards when asked to “Back” as I walk into stall to either put feed in tub or drop a few flakes of hay.
Yup, this is what I’m working on with Grundy right now - she’s a quick learner, so in the 4 days she’s been back she already has learned that when I walk in the stall clucking she ought to move because if not I have a flag stashed under my arm and it comes out fast.
She even cops an attitude if you tell her she isn’t allowed to graze. Ears pinned, snap in my direction. I want to remain neutral with her, but those responses get swift corrections and then right on back to normal.
This is so important. Over the years I have extended this to also not being attached (I’m lazy and rarely tie or crosstie because I hate ducking under lol) when on “my” time. Pin an ear or turn your head to look at me to let me know your neighbour has their head stuck out into the aisle and his nose halfway up your butt? Fine. I’ll deal. Anything more than that (bite, kick, squeal, etc.) will not be tolerated in close proximity to humans, in the barn aisle, basically anywhere other than on “your” time in your field at liberty with your buddies.
The downside to this is I sometimes forget that others don’t expect this level of polite manners with their horses and I occasionally get a rude shock.
It’s a journey for sure. Consistency and absolute unwavering diligence pays off in the end though.
Exactly. Anyone who put out pasture hay in snowy winters has seen horses having a discussion about who’s hay pile it is out in the field. The conversation starts small…perhaps with a look or a cocked ear… then the horse escalates as needed. If the subject horse ignores the initial challenge, the conversation gets louder…until perhaps it ends in one horse charging or kicking another.
Corrections have to be appropriate to the transgression. If the horse doesn’t understand or does a minor, “I don’t think so,” there might be a recalibration. BUT if there are any behaviors that raise questions about my safety (rearing, striking, kicking…) then there are BIG corrections.
Even happy horse behaviors - no, you may not smash me into the wall because you like where I’m grooming you. You can lean in, no problem! Just don’t take a step my way into my space, thanks.
100% to all of this, and I wish that everyone understood this and implemented it. There would be a lot fewer “problem” horses on the planet.
This is a good example of how little things (distractions, insurrections…) add up to bad behavior.
And how correcting little things adds up to good behavior
Thank you. I was asked to leave a barn because I expected good behavior from my 4-yr old stallion. The barn owner thought I was being “mean.” My philosophy was “testicles are no excuse for rude behavior.”
This. x1000.
A challenge that is sometimes directed to me, that I am so tired of hearing: Why don’t you move up levels in jumping and eventing – jump higher & wider – etc. higher risk things, that I’m prepared as a rider to be able to handle?
The answer is: I have made decisions that fit me. Based on who I am as a person. The level of risk I’m comfortable with. And of course my other life responsibilities. G-you make your own choices to suit yourself. Please let me make mine without trying to convince me to do more than I’ve decided to do.
OP, my inappropriate question to you, with your injuries and very well founded concerns, is why are you sitting on a young & feisty warmblood. And, why are you choosing to ride said young & feisty warmblood in a situation that risks bringing out the worst in any horse. Since you did ask for feedback, that’s what I’m wondering.
You don’t have to answer, but I hope you will give it some personal thought, without judging yourself. The self-judgment may be the real roadblock here.
And that your choice now is not to move on to another too-much horse, and repeat the cycle again.
Deciding to do less than we are capable of doing is not a failure. Not a chicken move. It’s a decision that makes us happier, more comfortable, more settled in our choices. For those who get no pleasure (or no longer do) out of riskier activities, that’s what life is about.
In the end, these are a set of personal choices. IMO it is a good idea to put some thought into the overall environment and people inputs that are propelling those choices. And if it would be better to make some different decisions. To re-arrange the surroundings – and maybe the discipline – to make for a happier, safer, more fun life with horses.
Sometimes it can be very hard to mentally separate ourselves from a world that has been familiar. But sometimes it is time to make that change, to rearrange our thought landscape, rely less on others and more on ourselves, to get a better, happier, more satisfying outcome.
A happy horse life that you deserve, OP. Cheering for you, whatever you decide to do! 
You’ve gotten some good pointers on choosing a quieter, consistent, reliable, schoolmaster type of horse. Be ready to put some joint maintenance into the horse’s care program. That is an option, but not the only one. [My recommendation: Lease don’t buy. Make it easier to transition when you’re ready - to another horse, or to no horse, or whatever suits at the time. ]
I’m sorry you were asked to leave. I earned myself a reputation as “a little too tough” when I had my GIANT baby stallion. So be it. That horse ended up being super safe and trustworthy. So many people just don’t get that our giant pets can easily maim or kill if they don’t fully understand that humans are fragile and must not be toyed with.
o. m. g. 
OP, get a different trainer. Right now. Said with concern and love. 
The trainer doesn’t want to deal with the rearing ??? A) The rearing is there to deal with, the trainer doesn’t believe ‘a one-time thing’ – so that’s a dealbreaker already. B) Why throw that problem to the student with injuries and confidence issues ???
This is exactly what the trainer is supposed to handle. If the trainer doesn’t think the horse is good for themselves to train, then the trainer is looking to rehome this one, suitably, and find another one. Suitably, for this student.
Forgive me, but… you’re going to go spend money/time sending off this horse, even though I think you said you had already had your own two trainers (who don’t appear to have made much progress in making your horse enjoyable for you), in order to then sell him, vs. just getting the horse you want now, and selling him to someone who is emotionally and personality-wise and experience-wise a wonderful match who will make him happy? He is telling you who he is. Believe him. He is not mean, or bad, or a jerk. Neither are you. It’s just not a match.
OP, I say this with the greatest of love and support… You do realize that there are thousands of us out there riding sweet, attractive, kind, funny, spunky, gentle, sound, personality-full horses whom we adore and trust with our lives? Riding them is our refuge, our happy place. The right horse is the definition of happiness. Let this one go and find himself happier with a better match, and you let yourself be happy with a better match.
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