What's the problem with saying hello?

[Countrywood]

More people have spoken out in favor of dropping by the barn if it is a public barn ( which I originally suggested, then several people jumped on me for doing so)

People tour the open to public barn I am in whenever they want…some simply to “see the horses.” If you keep the visit brief and are open about why you stopped by (if asked), it might set your mind at ease .

I would not continually text her with no response, one more text “If I’m in the area I might give a quick stop by barn to see mare” if you want.

In my experience, people dont’ “forget” to text back and who is too busy they can’t send a short text…if she does not want to, it’s her right but it is a bit disappointing, since she did say you could stop by and the two of you have been in contact. She behaves as many people do…they say things they don’t mean and don’t do what they say.

[pk1027]

[QUOTE=emilawrence;8246241]
I know where the girl boards my horse, QUOTE]

Its not “your” horse anymore after the deal was done.

[emilawrence]

[QUOTE=pk1027;8247108]

[QUOTE=emilawrence;8246241] I know where the girl boards my horse, QUOTE]

Its not “your” horse anymore after the deal was done.[/QUOTE]

I have said several times in this fourm that I know she is no longer my horse.

[emilawrence]

[QUOTE=Jarrn;8246393]
Maybe she no longer has that phone number? [/QUOTE]

Its a possibility, but my texts got a ‘read’ icon so either she saw it and she didn’t respond OR it was the wrong number and the wrong number person never responded. But if it was the wrong person most people have the courtesy of saying “Hey wrong number!!”

[showmanship]

What about a quick phone call? If HO is anything like me, I will read a text and make a mental note to respond… But then I forget.

[kcmel]

Call her. Leave a message if she doesn’t answer. Then text her again. I don’t understand why people think it is a big deal to want to see your former horse. Especially since the new owner said that would be fine.

[50ShadesOfHay]

A few ideas… Can you friend her (the new owner on Facebook). I’m friends with the two owners of horses I’ve sold. Its a good way to see pictures and how they are doing w/o really feeling like you are intruding. Also if they do happen to go to a show maybe try and just go watch at a show and they might not even know that you were there.

[Blinky]

Not making a decision is a decision. I would call and leave her a message. One call. If she doesn’t respond to that she has basically said-no, she doesn’t want you to stop by. Why? Could be any number of reasons, not necessity red flag reasons. You sold the horse and need to respect her decision.

[Jealoushe]

Different angle - I had a horse who the original owner loved. However, the horse was completely fried, practically starved (too hot under saddle with grain) and a complete stress ball when I got him. It took many years and lots of hard work to get him able to even go on the trailer. His old owner loved him to bits (she was young and had a bad coach when she had him) and wanted to come see him once she found me (the owner between us would not give my contact info out - thank you!) I declined for some time because I was worried about whether or not it would stress the horse out, bring back memories, etc. I eventually did allow her to see him, but it was a few years later when he was lot more settled.

Not saying this is the case, but there are reasons why they might not want to connect.

[findeight]

[QUOTE=emilawrence;8246936]
I understand what you are saying … I guess it’s just the last thing I wanted to hear and so I forced it away. The girl has not responded and I will not contact her again unless she does first. I know it is now her horse, and I will respect her wishes.

I’ll just have to live with my mistake :([/QUOTE]

Sorry, what mistake? You sold the horse. That’s what happens.

Honestly, it’s been a whole year, obviously the buyers plans didn’t work out, she ran out of money, whatever. If I were her, I would be afraid you would want a full explanation of why things didn’t go as expected and would not care to discuss it with you.

You post is pretty negative towards her, conveys more then just sentimentally wanting to see the horse going on. What are you going to do if you disagree with something? Don’t like the bit, bridle, saddle, padding her riding? If she thinks you might, she’s not going to answer you.

Why don’t you wait a month and then just ask if she would send you a picture?

[fitzwilliam]

Just a thought, if you do stop by, what will you do if your horse is in a less than ideal situation? Once your horse is sold it might be best to assume she is in a good place and let it go. Of course it is nice when the new HO keeps you updated but that is chance you take when you sell your horse. I have stayed in touch with all of my horses original “families” but that is my choice. If you had gin the horse away you might feel more “rights” to visit but once that money changes hands things are different. I can understand how you feel, it’s tough to let go.

[Countrywood]

The title was “What is the problem with saying hello”…the problem is the owner is not returning texts which indicates she is not interested. If owner had answered and said, “sure, come on out”, there would be no problem.

The OP is aware of this and figuring out how to best handle an awkward situation.

I was the opposite…when I bought ( low price ) my horse from a BO who was selling him for owner, me and former owner communicated a few times by email I told her she was welcome any time to come visit him ( and I meant it). She said she did not want to as it would make her too sad. Which I totally understand.

As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. I visited a horse I had sold years ago and even though he was fine and well cared for in new home, it made me very sad to visit him, bought up old memories, regrets about selling etc.

I would suggest OP take a couple of weeks, see how she feels about it, take some time and decide what would make her feel better to do (or not do)

[emilawrence]

[QUOTE=findeight;8247246]
Sorry, what mistake? You sold the horse. That’s what happens.

You post is pretty negative towards her, conveys more then just sentimentally wanting to see the horse going on. What are you going to do if you disagree with something? Don’t like the bit, bridle, saddle, padding her riding? If she thinks you might, she’s not going to answer you.

Why don’t you wait a month and then just ask if she would send you a picture?[/QUOTE]

The mistake was selling her, I never really wanted to but at the time I thought it was the best option. Now looking back I know I could’ve went a different way.

I can see her being afraid I might not approve of something, but like everyone has said I sold her and so I’m just going to have to accept whatever saddles, training or barn she is at. I truly just want to go see her. I miss her very much.

So I will wait

[emilawrence]

[QUOTE=50ShadesOfHay;8247233]
A few ideas… Can you friend her (the new owner on Facebook). I’m friends with the two owners of horses I’ve sold. Its a good way to see pictures and how they are doing w/o really feeling like you are intruding. Also if they do happen to go to a show maybe try and just go watch at a show and they might not even know that you were there.[/QUOTE]

I have already friended her on different social media ( Instagram ) and I haven’t seen any pictures of her. sigh maybe she keeps her horse life and socials life separate though, I know I do.

[luvdogz72]

have or pay someone to go look at the horse for you and take some pics (of your ex horse and some others so it doesn’t look suspicious). Sounds like she might feel inferior to you and feels like you’ll make her feel bad about what she “isn’t” doing with your mare. Of course, you may regret knowing…

This is why I don’t sell my horses - they wouldn’t go for much and I would worry.

Want me a grey mare!

[lmlacross]

[QUOTE=emilawrence;8246644]
I don’t thinks it’s wrong of me to want to know how my old horse is doing and, the girl promised after I sold her that I could visit at anytime and she even mentioned that she was going to come to my trainers barn and receive lessons this summer. However I understand a promise is just a promise and I did not get anything in contract.

And MVP the girl is my age, ( >20) she does not have an email she actively uses. When I asked for contact info she gave me her phone number not email and we have had many conversations concerning the horse over text. IMO I’m not in any way being unprofessional and had she given me her email I would have emailed her as I too believe that is a better way to communicate. And I don’t appreciate you attacking me and my motives as I’m pretty sure you don’t know the whole story.[/QUOTE]

If you have her phone number, call her. If she doesn’t answer, leave a voicemail. A phone call suggests a greater amount of professionalism (and, honestly, a greater level of investment in the ask) than a text. The simple willingness to have a verbal conversation speaks volumes.

There’s no need to be testy; I agree that buyer should not have made the offer for you to visit unless she meant it. What others have pointed out is simply the new owner’s likely perspective-- many of them have likely been in her position.

[luvdogz72]

[QUOTE=Bristol Bay;8246996]
spend about an hour there with her, smelling her neck, running my hands over all her familiar flaws and scars. It was hard to believe she was still around at age 31. Two days later I got a text from her owner–she had colicked and been put down that morning.

So go.[/QUOTE]

tears…

[RockinHorse]

[QUOTE=emilawrence;8247382]
I have already friended her on different social media ( Instagram ) and I haven’t seen any pictures of her. sigh maybe she keeps her horse life and socials life separate though, I know I do.[/QUOTE]

Maybe she no longer owns the horse or has leased it to someone else.

[keysfins]

No one has mentioned that the mare could be recovering from an injury. Just a thought.

[Foxtrot_s]

OP - I certainly know the feeling and share your desire - but I can see my horse any time and he is fine. My horse is ridden at his barn.

The only thing is I do have to zip my lip, because nobody keeps a horse quite as I would like…just small things, though, and perfectly normal. Except I borned and bred this one…it was best for him to get out and get to work, but it still was a hard decision. Perhaps limit the advice?

What is sad, is that when he and his half sister see, hear, or sense each other there is a bit of calling back and forth - we yank them away from their life long buddies…they do school together but then there is the yank away to bring my horse back home, until next time. They are getting better at these hello/goodbyes.