What's the problem with saying hello?

[findeight]

[QUOTE=RockinHorse;8247476]
Maybe she no longer owns the horse or has leased it to someone else.[/QUOTE]

I was thinking that might be a possibility as well. Especially if she’s not showing for financial reasons. You would not necessarily know through the grapevine if she’s part leased or even sold/up for sale. If that’s the case, I wouldn’t want to see you either, unless you want to offer to buy her back.

Think you need to let this go and don’t view the sale as a mistake. It won’t be the only one you ever sell, best not to fixate on the high points of owning her and how much you miss her when you sold her a year ago. That’s not really healthy, fondness is fine but getting fixated on this really isn’t. You’ve done what you can but its out of your hands. Good chance dropping by will only make you feel worse. Best to move on.

[emilawrence]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I have decided that I will not go and see her unannounced or announced. I thinks it’s best that I just move on. After all, if I see something I don’t like or agree with ill just get more upset

I have been to several horse shows recently ( just cheerleading for friends ) and it has made me miss it all quite a bit and that’s really what triggered my text. But once I finish school I will, hopefully, get back in it.

[findeight]

Good girl. Shows maturity to take that attitude. Many decisions you will make in life will need you to have the ability to keep fond memories but move on. This was voluntary on your part, you sold her. Many other actions you will encounter will be involuntary and much harder to deal with…but you must. Good skill to master.

[Countrywood]

Good for you and very mature! You exhibit more class than the girl you sold to.

[FineAlready]

[QUOTE=Bristol Bay;8246996]
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you visiting your old horse! Unless the horse is boarded in someone’s backyard, and as long as it’s a barn where the public is welcome, go see her.

My horse is at a stable on public property and it is not fenced. “Tourists” walk through all the time and visit the horses or take pictures. I had a neighbor we used to talk to all the time while walking the dogs. One day she turned up at the barn. I was surprised to see her there, and she told me there were two horses she had bonded with and visited every day. One of them was a Friesian my trainer rode. You know, so what? What harm did it do?

OP, as long as you understand you do not own the horse and have no right taking her out of her stall or feeding her, go see her.

I recently stopped by on a busy day to visit with a mare I owned years ago. She was a doll, but a little too hot for the dressage arena (she had no free walk–it was all jigging) so I gave her to the woman who half leased her as they were a good match. Despite my having given her the horse, I still felt I had to call and say, hey, I’m here visiting, is it okay if I groom her in her stall? I spend about an hour there with her, smelling her neck, running my hands over all her familiar flaws and scars. It was hard to believe she was still around at age 31. Two days later I got a text from her owner–she had colicked and been put down that morning.

So go.[/QUOTE]

Actually, there is a LOT wrong with just going to visit a horse that is boarded somewhere. Boarding facilities are not actually “public” places. They are private farms where boarders pay to keep their horses. It is no more public than an apartment complex, and you can’t just go hang around one of those uninvited either.

I would be LIVID if I found out random people were walking around the farm where I board my horse, especially if they were “bonding” with him. He’s a biter with some stall aggression issues, and I sure don’t want the liability associated with random people trying to “bond” with him. Geez!

In fact, the barn where I board recently had to have the police out and is having ongoing checks of the property done because two men kept coming out to the barn asking to “rent” horses and kept trying to walk around the property after being told to leave. They were taking video of the stalls, and kept coming back after multiple people told them that we don’t have horses to rent out. Scary.

[JustJump]

There are so many stories about bad endings that result from losing track of horses. Just go.

There is no harm in it unless you plan to become a stalker, which it seems clear is not your motive.

[Countrywood]

Fine Already, you would be livid, I would not care ( unless person was coming too often in which case the BO would step in)

[candyappy]

[QUOTE=emilawrence;8246936]
I understand what you are saying … I guess it’s just the last thing I wanted to hear and so I forced it away. The girl has not responded and I will not contact her again unless she does first. I know it is now her horse, and I will respect her wishes.

I’ll just have to live with my mistake :([/QUOTE]

What mistake? That you asked to see the horse or that you sold the horse?

I think you should let the whole thing go. As hard as it is, it is usually best to remember your ex-horses as they were when with you. I personally never mind if a previous owner wants to see their old horse. It doesn’t happen too often. What usually happens is the horse ignores them and they feel really sad at the end of it all.

[Highflyer]

[QUOTE=Countrywood;8247799]
Fine Already, you would be livid, I would not care ( unless person was coming too often in which case the BO would step in)[/QUOTE]

My family owns a farm-- if someone showed up saying that they were “Lady”'s ex-owner, I would call the current owner and ask if they had given permission-- and if they said no I would ask if I should call the police.

[Mac123]

[QUOTE=emilawrence;8247585]
Thank you everyone for your advice. I have decided that I will not go and see her unannounced or announced. I thinks it’s best that I just move on. After all, if I see something I don’t like or agree with ill just get more upset

I have been to several horse shows recently ( just cheerleading for friends ) and it has made me miss it all quite a bit and that’s really what triggered my text. But once I finish school I will, hopefully, get back in it.[/QUOTE]

There’s a difference between truly regretting a decision because you’ve realized you made the wrong choice and regretting something because the empty spaces in your heart convince you that things would be better if you hadn’t done xyz.

It sounds like you are missing riding, missing having a horse, and seeing your friends doing what you wish you were doing has kindled a sense that you shouldn’t have sold the horse. The problem with that is you’re likely not looking at the situation objectively. You’re seeing what you presently miss in what you had at one time. And thus you’re thinking of all the wonderful things that you should have never let go.

But in that, you’re ignoring the other half of reality - all the reasons that you presumably used to decide that selling your mare was the best situation for you both.

There’s a quote by Anatole France that is my go to for these situations “All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves; we must die to one self before we can enter another.”

In life we have seasons, and oftentimes while a decisions is right, it does leave an emptiness inside of us that left alone, tries so very hard to convince us that we made a mistake. Those empty spaces are free to play the ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ games, and all of the sudden, we have invented this alternate reality where we think we have just made the biggest mistake.

But we must remember the reality that is right before us. It sounds like you are in school and don’t have the time and perhaps resources available to enjoy owning a horse. You can and should be sad about that, miss that, wish for it - just don’t let those feelings convince you that you’ve made a mistake. Very likely, you made a smart decision, and once you finish school you will be able to find a new situation that fills that empty part you have right now.

I fully believe in seasons in life. Enjoy this one for all of its good and bad, it will surely end, and with that end bring new things for you to enjoy. If you spend your time wishing for what might have been you’ll waste all the time that’s just before you.

Ask yourself why you want to see this horse and whether it will really bring you what you want. If you just want to give her a kiss and see her, go for it. If seeing her is a way for you to reconnect with all you wish you had, don’t. Let yourself move on.

Disclaimer - I may have misread your situation and the above may not apply. But just in case it does…

[DayTripper]

I would have to agree with the people saying don’t go to the barn unannounced. Think of it this way: People dropping in to inquire about lessons or boarding? Perfectly acceptable, because you are showing an interest in possibly becoming a client. If strange people were to walk into a barn with their kids just to “pet the horses”, with no interest in lessons or anything else? Not so much. Boarding barns are not petting zoos. Plus, the mare could be anywhere on the property, in any stall, turned out, etc. Wouldn’t you be at least a little weirded out if you saw some stranger wandering around your barn?
If you want to go visit her, I don’t think another text or call would be over the top at all. If she doesn’t answer at that point I’d assume she isn’t interested and try to move on.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=luvdogz72;8247423]
have or pay someone to go look at the horse for you and take some pics (of your ex horse and some others so it doesn’t look suspicious). Sounds like she might feel inferior to you and feels like you’ll make her feel bad about what she “isn’t” doing with your mare. Of course, you may regret knowing…[/QUOTE]

No! This is totally out of line. Don’t encourage the OP. She’s young and new to horse trading.

There are so many things that can go wrong with deciding that something that was once yours is still kinda/sorta/somehow open to you because modern technology makes that possible. It’s wrong to invade the new HO’s life this way. And it’s potentially painful for the OP: What if she sees the mare in bad shape and she’s powerless to change that?

I was told as a kid: Once you sell a horse, don’t look back. Do everything you can for that horse while it is in your care, including finding it the best next HO you can. That’s all you can do.

[FineAlready]

[QUOTE=Countrywood;8247799]
Fine Already, you would be livid, I would not care ( unless person was coming too often in which case the BO would step in)[/QUOTE]

Well, every other boarder where I board was extremely spooked by the men that kept coming to our barn. Whether it bothers you or not, the fact remains: a boarding barn is not a “public” space like a store or something. The general public does not enjoy automatic free access to a boarding barn. Maybe it wouldn’t bother you if people came to your house and hung out in your yard, either. But that still would not mean those people had the RIGHT to do so.

[emilawrence]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to share that my mares new owner posted a picture of her … And I think she looks fab

[RugBug]

You should really remove the link to that picture. It’s out of line for you to post a picture that is not yours of your old horse unless the new owner expressly gave you permission. I get that you are missing the horse, but she’s not yours anymore. You need to let go.

I’m also in the “I would be upset” if someone came by to see my horse without my permission. It’s too stalkerish and completely inappropriate. We do have random folks occasionally come to the barn to “pet the horses.” We greet them immediately and possibly shepherd them around to a few friendlies to satisfy them. This is important to make sure anyone trying to case the place doesn’t have a real chance too and they also know people are paying attention.

I’m also the type that was happy when my horse’s previous owner wanted to come see him. (I also let her ride him and learned a ton from seeing what she did with him). I had owned him about a year at that point. My first horse’s new owner send me pictures quite often. It makes me very happy, but despite that,I would never share them on the internet. IT’s not my place. She sends me the pictures because she knows that I still have a soft spot in my heart for him and she’s willing to share him with me.

[lmlacross]

While I think the mare looks lovely, my concern in posting the pic would be that horse’s exact location and owner’s full name are on full display. Granted, new owner’s choice to set her Instagram as such, but she likely wasn’t expecting this degree of exposure and didn’t ask for it.

[Coanteen]

[QUOTE=lmlacross;8270316]
While I think the mare looks lovely, my concern in posting the pic would be that horse’s exact location and owner’s full name are on full display. Granted, new owner’s choice to set her Instagram as such, but she likely wasn’t expecting this degree of exposure and didn’t ask for it.[/QUOTE]

Well, does answer the “what’s wrong with wanting to stay in touch with my horse” question :lol:

[arlosmine]

Yikes! Please delete that post!
Not okay to put someone’s personal information “out there” without permission to do so!

[Ambitious_Kate]

This is exactly why its not appropriate to ask after your old horse. The first thing you did was put out the new owner’s personal information and a public link to an instagram photo without permission.

OP, your first post showed a lack of morals, in my opinion, on the fact that the horse wasn’t yours any more, and your last post shows the same disregard for the new owner.

Leave the horse and owner alone.

What’s wrong with saying hello? This thread is the perfect demonstration of what’s wrong with “saying hello”. Its because you weren’t really just “saying hello”.

[whbar158]

I am seriously surprised at some people here. I have been lucky enough to be able to stay in touch with people I have sold horses to or leased horses from to know how they are doing. I worked with a young horse for a friend which she sold and I LOVED that horse, the new owners were incredibly nice and not even just allowed me to come see the horse, but ride her before moving away AND when I was in town random times. There is a lot of distrust I see out there, but really most people are nice and just want to see their old horse. I got my horse 14 years ago and a few years ago his old owner stopped by and saw him and love seeing pictures of him on facebook. I have to agree with the OP’s question WHY are some people so worried about letting someone come visit? I am very respectful of others and would not go see a horse without permission but I too would be put off by being told no or having no response.

Again most people are just wanting to say hi, I showed my horse many years and then my friend started using him as a lesson horse and when kids took him to shows lots of people would come up to him because they remembered him (he is overly friendly and outgoing…).

OP sorry you didn’t get a response it sucks.