Looks like @SuzieQNutter wasn’t far off the mark.
(cough @Tha_Ridge cough @RND)
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There is a lot of variation in “6 figure income”. Like 115k ain’t the same as 500k.
That being said, I’ll give you the flip side. I do NOT live in a high COL area. I don’t live in Nowhereville, USA either though. I make a middling salary to go with the middling COL area. Rated horse shows on the regular would be totally out of my budget.
For reference, partial training board (2 rides/lessons per week) at a nice barn in a convenient location that is going to A shows on the regular would run about $1000 - $1200 here (if, big if, you can get a stall). Shoes, supps, vet and bodywork would of course be extra. Could be cheaper if barn in a less convenient location. No real price difference between HJ and other disciplines as far as training board (though HJ shows are more expensive even the schooling shows).
DINK, and together we earn the lowest of 6 figures. Mr LS pays our mortgage. We drive paid for cars that Mr. LS keeps road worthy. We bought a wee farmette (well a house and a bit of acreage that I built horse facilities on) and I keep my two horses at home. I still can’t justify multiple thousand dollar horse show weeks right now. I feel blessed to be able to afford the hay bill! I suppose if I wanted to reduce my retirement contributions (hell no) or work a side gig I could fund a horse show hobby (or a new car or whatever) that way. Mr LS and I prioritize time together (why he’s paying the mortgage on a farm instead of me continuing to board) so working another job is out for me. Bar disaster, I imagine once I recover from the financial bleed of building the farm up there will be more room in the budget for horse shows.
All of that to say, living in a lower COL area isn’t the magic ticket just like a 6 figure income isn’t it either. And that it is about choices and priorities. And that it won’t be this way forever.
Other posters have made some nice suggestions about reducing other lifestyle costs and the idea of half leasing your horse. I’ll say this about hair cuts, nails, clothes what have you; depends on your industry. I work for a conservative financial institution. It was a big to do when they decided to relax the dress code so that women didn’t have to wear pantyhose. It’s expected to maintain a certain amount of polish. It’s expected to make appearances at after work drinks/dinner sometimes. Cutting costs there might not be ideal for career growth. Now if you work in a more casual industry that might not apply but thought I’d throw that out there. I’m not trying to skimp on my “look” and “network” and risk getting edged out of a promotion bc another qualified candidate invested in clothes and happy hour.
My best advice is focus on the positive. Keep the good things front and center in your mind so that you can enjoy what you have now while you work towards something better.
Best wishes!
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Ha, my company does in fact allow me to use my quarterly wellness stipend towards lessons 
It’s not a huge stipend, but every little bit makes a difference!
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There have been many references to NYC, my son lived there, his starting income was mid six figure (on the lower side) but after about ten years he moved out of the city buying a farm in PA which he was able to pay in short time (the place he bought cost less than a year’s rent on his Manhattan office and apartment in Chinatown)
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As someone who is a poor person without a horse but has a reasonably fancy-pants degree, I will comment that the “answer” is that even if someone doesn’t come from Gates-level money, the person who can afford to show rated hunters is not using her salary to pay for her everyday expenses. She might not have infinite sums, but she likely has enough investment income to support a mortgage and other monthly expenses (if she has a mortgage, and didn’t just buy a house outright), a spouse making six figures, and her six figure income is gravy. Her parents probably paid for her college and perhaps he grad school education.
We’ve talked about this elsewhere on the forums, but mid-level show barns are increasingly rare, or even just barns where people ride and go to occasional shows. Boarding is a loss for most facilities.
Yes, there are cheaper barns where you can theoretically exchange labor for board and training. But again, on this forum, we’ve seen that not only is this a time investment most professional ammies don’t have, but these arrangements often go quickly sour.
One reason I didn’t urge the OP to find a cheaper place stat is because I know so many people who go through this process:
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Middle-aged re-rider not making close to six figures returns to riding. Still has prices from the 90s in her mind, so finds facility priced along those lines.
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Happy just to ride at first. Then finds lesson horses lacking, buys own horse. Board is relatively cheap. Thinks she has a great solution! Gets a little smug about what a great deal she has, and thinks how all the talk of people who are spending so much on their horses is silly.
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Spends more time at barn, gets more savvy. Starts to notice things that are “off” she didn’t when just taking lessons. Personal horse isn’t doing well. Re-rider becomes worried. Shells out money in vet bills, farrier bills. Eventually realizes that care is substandard–bad hay, feeding schedule, bad footing, arena isn’t dragged or cared for. Tensions escalate as she complains to person running barn on a shoestring.
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Crisis at work or in personal life. Has to be away from barn for a few weeks. Comes back, and horse is really, really not doing well. Barn owner says, “what do you expect, you’re never here!” Owner prioritizes care of horses with boarders who come everyday and help her with chores.
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Re-rider moves horse. Gets major sticker shock to a facility with market price board, hay, grain, and level of adequate care.
I realize people who have their own farms often have a different experience–but obviously, they put in major sweat equity to make that happen.
The thing that surprises me most about this thread is the $375 haircut. I spend $3.29 (no joke) on a box of hair dye every 4 weeks for my roots, and my hair is thick and curly and really doesn’t need cutting, it grows so slowly.
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@canterplease this is an interesting thread if you’ve not seen it; have you looked at your expenses as a percentage of what you bring in? That can be telling. https://forum.chronofhorse.com/t/perhaps-tmi-but-hobby-as-of-income
I would echo a lot of the advice that has been given here; particularly that your life today isn’t what it will be in 10 years. I am now 38, make just shy of 6 figures, dont live in a HCOL area, bought my first horse as an adult in 2020, have zero debt other than a shared house payment, max out my 401K, max out my HSA, have a solid savings, invest in the stock market, can afford hair extensions (my only frivilous personal expense) and should be able to retire a little early and maintain current lifestyle. My SO and I have financial parity so we split all shared expenses 50/50. DINK as well, and both want to retire early. Between that and my horse habit, we don’t live high of the hog. We just bought a new house that was less than $200k; 1500 sq ft townhouse built a year ago. We both are driving vehicles pushing 10 years old, we save dining/takeout for mostly special occasions which saves us a ton, we don’t drink much which also saves a lot, and we generally live pretty low key. We do like to travel but that’s been in large part put on hold with covid. All in all on the low end, my horse expenses are 8.5% of my income (my own not shared) and 13% on the higher end. I burnt myself out showing when I was younger so the higher end is mostly reflective on the amount I spend on lessons (riding/driving).
At 28…yeesh. Had just gotten married to a man-child. Turns out one that didn’t contribute financially and had zero financial accumen, had oodles of student loan debt that he chose to ignore and ultimately led him to make below a certain income so he wouldn’t be chased by debt collectors, I made a lot less money at the time, had very little savings, struggled to put what my company would match into my 401K, no credit card/student loan debt but carried a mortgage and two car payments on my own, no horse but was able to ride nice ones for free post college, and probably would have had to work much longer than I would ever want to because there wasn’t much left to put into retirement.
The best decision I ever made in my life was to get divorced (and he made it easy), I was 34 at the time. The 4 years since then, have been such a relief. This is my personal experience and not intended to imply anything at all with your SO. It’s more of a point that one decision can make a world of difference with quality of life. With that said, if you burn too hot for too long, it can easily get harder to come back from.
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Same, friend, same.
It’s easy to think you’re super comfortable, until you see everyone wearing $400 Samshield breeches and realize they have multiple pairs and that everyone has not only Tucci customs, but also their paddock boots and half chaps. Don’t get me started on the tack.
I can keep up, but not at the level of having the credit card easily rack up thousands of dollars of riding pants. SIGH.
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If you actually read canterplease’s post previous to the one you quoted, you would see that she still struggles financially despite driving an old car, cutting her own hair, and not getting her nails done while earning a six figure salary:
“I had this wild delusion that making it past $100K would mean no more financial stress and plenty leftover for a horse. LOL. The joys of inflation, I guess?”
So canterplease is actually yet another example of why SuzieQNutter’s ways of life don’t really help here.
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I am either reading that post wrong, or you are. Because I read that post to say that you and QNutter are off base here.
The OP is saying they are already saving around every corner and it is still just not happening.
Something I understood back when I tried to show. I always packed my lunch, I never ate out or went to the movies, I did not pay for cable or internet at home, I drove a very old vehicle, I most certainly did not get my hair or nails done, etc.
For the record, I am in a totally different financial situation (much lower) than the OP, and even I am sympathetic to their problem.
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I’m glad that you feel lucky, because you are. “Where there’s a will there’s a way” may apply universally with the added “where there’s enough money,” but for many many many of us there is plenty of will but no way.
Please stay aware of how privileged (in a $$$ way) you are, living on the upper crust of the deep dish American pie.
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Welcome to the real world.
Who said “Prosperity is just around the corner”? Do you know? Because I’d like them to come develop my world.
Where is ANYONE getting any hint that the OP is unaware that she is “privileged?”
What’s the phrase, ‘be kinder than necessary, everyone is going through something?’
Some of you sound like ‘privileged people’ have no right to wonder how to make their own dreams work out, how to save enough, how to contribute to charities or other good causes in a meaningful way, how to care for our parents and our own well being, how to balance it all out in a way that works for them.
Why? Why can’t ‘people of means’ also have headaches and worries?
Unless you are somehow posting from a cardboard box in Delhi or the Wind River Reservation or walking your way to our southern border…ding ding ding… YOU are privileged as well.
Of course she knows she’s well off and fortunate. She’s also just thinking out loud about what’s important and what’s next. That’s OK!
I drove by the local laundromat yesterday. Gorgeous day out, and my heart hurt for those spending a pretty day washing clothes in a loud, grubby public sort of space like that. I HATED doing laundry in a laundromat in college and afterward- it just made me feel super anxious and weird. So I’m fundamentally aware that having my own house and my own washer and dryer is a massive luxury. Simultaneously I’m leery about my husband’s retirement (he’s sick of running a business after 30 years and doing the same kind of work for 40), He’s worried about how he’ll think about himself and what he’ll do with his days. Are we ‘permitted’ these thoughts?
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Unattainable it certainly is.
How old are you?
Old enough to remember back when hunters actually hunted, and showed in the off-season?
What is called “THE hunters” now is a joke to some people old enough to remember the REAL hunters.
Oh, there are still some. Quite a few right here on COTH, as a matter of fact.
But those people who pay $$$ for a horse that wouldn’t last a day out on an actual hunt are, IMO, missing the real joy of “hunters.”
If all that matters is counting strides and finding a spot and having an animal who only ever jumps one height in an arena, then yeah, waste your money.
Otherwise give up the fancy breeches and fancy horse and get out into the open and RIDE.
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Your barn mates enjoy you and spending time with you. That’s a nice mental hug right there. Perhaps you’ll find it’s also fun to just go and help? I quit showing a few years ago but I love scribing dressage tests, I’m such a nerd. I get to see my friends and have the experience of being there and having a big time, without the muss and fuss. IF you find the ideal lease match for your mare then you get to enjoy watching her do well under another rider- that’s fun, too.
Best wishes to you.
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I dunno, think we generally assume those who share they fully support their horses on their own are providing all the details. IME, they often skip over some details. Which is fine, really nobody’s business. Just beware envying what you assume they are doing.
Keeping horses and/or living on family owned property is often a detail left out. Most didn’t start out as young, self supporting career professionals in urban areas with housing, horse keeping and training/showing costs all coming solely out of their salaries. A good many are carrying over from their Junior career, not starting from scratch. Some keep the horses in an LLC and on the books fully support them but live with a spouse/partner contributing to living expenses.
Looking back on my own history, always had some kind of outside help, far more modest then some of these. Maybe sharing housing, small inheritance or annuity, stuff like that. Never did come solely out of my income.
IIRC, SQ has shared she lives on a family ranch. Even if modest, thats a huge advantage. Hard to imagine if you have never had to fund self and horse living expenses with no direct or indirect family help
For OP, you are now at a point where many relationships fail. BTDT. Had DH who walked out suddenly after some financial rearrangements. Had to fire sale horse and equipment and step back from horses for nearly 8 years. Dont think it cant happen to you.
One other thought, beware of “windfalling”. Thats spending, often by acquiring debt, in anticipation of receiving additional funds like a bonus, tax refund, settlement, raise or such. Watched many people get in way over their heads doing that. Like overspending now on a CC planning to sell your horse for $$$$$ next fall and horse blows a double suspensory Labor Day weekend. Watched that scenario play out a few times with people I thought were very well off.
Perhaps stepping back now and tending to career and relationship building might save you some grief over the next few years. At least think about it.
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A few years ago there was a thread about ‘how long is your commute?’ An acquaintance posted that her DH commuted two hours each way to work. That was true. What she failed to mention was that he did that every Monday AM, stayed with his parents all week, then drove home each Friday evening. 
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Perfect example. Are they still together?
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Yep, they are. Every marriage is unique, no one way to do this thing 
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This is the best way I’ve seen what I was thinking posted. Totally agree. I would imagine 99% of the posters here make sacrifices on the daily to prioritize what is important to them.
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I didn’t think there could be less helpful replies in this thread than previously posted, but then I read this one.
How on earth, does this in any way address the OP’s legitimate questions? How would someone who lives in a major urban area and travels 45 minutes to a surburban show barn “get out in the open and RIDE?” Assuming that’s what she wants? Really, that’s just as condescending and silly as the suggestion she switch to jumpers and eventing.
FACT: unless you are the mega-rich, a trust fund baby whose income and lifestyle are guaranteed and ensured (lots of people in the show hunter world are in this category, btw), we ALL make decisions about the priorities in our life and how to afford what we want while paying for what we need. We all make compromises to afford horses in our lives. The size of the base salary, the discipline and the area of the country are details that don’t change the basic necessity of ordering your priorities.
The OP’s dilemma is a common one. Who among hasn’t reached a certain stage in life and thought “I thought it be easier once I made ______; I thought I’d have enough money for __________?”
Some of you are hung up on the six figure salary and the show hunter barn and forgotten we’re all of us trying to get from paycheck to paycheck, regardless of the size of the check.
It’s not about the size of the check or the size of the board bill. It’s about your priorities.
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