Oh for sure! Me as well. But where you can, little things like this matter. Never a bad idea to look like you’re working “for real.”
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I think one important reminder of this thread is that not everyone wants to make the same sacrifices, whether it be for horse expenses, lower rent, or whatever. I personally wouldn’t ever want a farm, and my spouse would divorce me if I seriously proposed leaving NYC with any permanence. Seriously. 
So, that’s my sacrifice: I spend a lot more time and money than we have to on the horses because of where we live, but we live in the greatest city in the world and my bonafide city-boy spouse is able to support my hobby because he’s happy.
Anyway, like OP, I don’t ever expect anyone to feel sorry for me because I recognize the humungous amount of privilege I have but it’s still nice to talk to people who “get” it… some of them anyway. (OP—if you’re not in it already, I highly recommend joining the Plaid Horse Adult Amateur Lounge group on FB. Lots of working ammies in similar situations!)
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I would half lease, too. I’m a teacher in Tucson, AZ, a relatively LCOL area. But, well, I’m a teacher. I have a tolerant horse who is not fancy on the flat, but a great knees to eyeballs jumper. He doesn’t have both lead changes yet, which is why, frankly, I was able to afford him. He is used by my trainer for lessons for the University of Arizona equestrian team, and one of the team members half leases him. I get free lessons in return for his being used for the team. I simply can’t afford to show though, or maybe once a year at a local show. The local show still costs about $600 for a two-day show, not including trainer costs.
Luckily, I was able to buy a house after my ex-husband offered me a one-time payoff instead of paying alimony. I have a studio guest house and get some rent money for that. That helps with board. I just have to resolve myself that barring marrying someone well off, showing is not just in the cards. I do enjoy the process of working with my horse. I used to show in the adult hunters and equitation in CT in the early 90s and did well on the CHJA circuit and at their finals. I’ve had a couple of falls that have ruined my confidence, so I’m just hoping I can get back up to 2’6". I also get enjoyment out watching others show my horse. I live vicariously through them, with just a little jealousy. LOL.
OP, you just have to get creative and maybe shift your showing goals a little.
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A dollar is not a dollar. What a dollar buys you in a low cost of living area is completely different than what it buys you in a high cost of living area. My hat is off to you OP, you live in a part of the country where it’s all but impossible to really do the horse show thing unless you’re quite well off or don’t have to work (so can drive very far out). My only suggestion is to explore where you could get a remote job that pays more of a high cost of living scale but doesn’t require you to actually move. It’s a good market for employees to shift around if they have in demand skills. Or else just tough it out for now until you can move and agree with your husband that when that becomes a possibility, you’ll pursue it. I don’t know how much more scrimping and saving you can really do in such a high cost of living area with a full time job. It’s just tough to be located where you are and do the horses. It just is.
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I get it, OP!
I live in a very high COL area, have a very nice AO hunter, and manage to get to 5-6 A rated shows per year. The ONLY way I am able to do this, is that we have no kids, my SO makes good tech money, I make decent money in healthcare, and the big kicker … we live with my mom. So, any rent/housing money, goes to my horse (and yes, we do contribute to house expenses, but not nearly in the same way we would have to if we lived in our own place).
In a perfect world, SO and I would live in our own place, but we have both made sacrifices to be able to make the horse thing work. I know that living with a parent/multigenerational living isn’t for everyone, but I’m very thankful it’s where we are at (even if sometimes I want to move across the country away from mom!)
I don’t know if moving in with your SO’s father would be appropriate, but it’s certainly one way to save money.
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YES, 1000 times over. My husband and I both make roughly (low) six figures, and we live an hour outside DC to be able to afford a house. And we’re one of the tiny/cheapest houses in our neighborhood. Real estate is astronomical here, and only getting worse–our home’s value has gone up almost 100K in the 5 years we’ve owned it because of the real estate boom. We wouldn’t be able to afford to buy our house today.
I think people who haven’t experienced the current COL in urban areas–which often are the places with the six figure jobs and good career options–don’t realize what they don’t know. For example, I can say I take the bus to work and people think it sounds like economizing, but it’s still hundreds of dollars a month–but better mentally than sitting in my car, putting wear and tear on it.
Going out and foxhunting isn’t going to be an exercise in frugality either. I board with some fox hunters, and those horses are all also going out and competing in eventing or dressage the rest of the year. They’re not cheap horses being kept in backyard runs–they’re getting good care and training at boarding facilities too, because circle back up to that cost of real estate. I suspect in any remotely urban area, backyard horsekeeping at home is a thing of the past, whatever discipline one rides.
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I live in a low COL area. By choice. Because I knew in order to have horses in my life, I had to be in both a low COL area and a horsey area.
It’s worked out pretty well.
I have a sister who lives in Manhattan. She and her spouse were (now retired) both attorneys. They paid their nanny/housekeeper more per year than I was making at the time. Sadly, that still meant the nanny had a brutal commute by subway and was just scraping by.
I had to explain to people that it wasn’t the same currency, that it’s like the difference between Monopoly money and real money.
To look at it from the other direction, one of my lovely nieces came to visit me and I gave her riding lessons, which she just loved.
My sister investigated riding lessons in the NYC area and concluded it would be cheaper for her to fly both of them to visit me two weekends a month and pay my top rate for private lessons than it would be for her to manage lessons in Manhattan.
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TBH, I kinda like my middling cost of living area and middling salary 
I also like Mr LS’s love language 
But I had a nice horse before Mr LS and if he jumps ship I’ll still have a nice horse.
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Sidebar: That’s a good point about foxhunting, JenEM! It is SUPER expensive where I live; a friend once laid out what he spent for a season of hunting with one of the upper-end hunts and my jaw dropped. A good foxhunter (especially one who doesn’t care about the talent on his back, or if said talent is sober), costs a lot of money, and the fees for membership, while they vary with the hunt, are all high.
Also, let’s be honest: there are of course many incredible riders and horsemen who hunt, and there are a lot of people who ride only during hunting season and do not spend any time otherwise trying to be better riders. That isn’t their interest, their interest is the social aspect and the connections. I met many of them at two of my old barns that had hunting clients who warehoused their hunters during the off-season and only started showing up again when hunting commenced. They all- to a person- openly said they rode for the prestige of hunting with one of the best packs in the region and nothing else.
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Lol! Who would be envious of people who spend all their horse money counting strides and finding distances in a little arena that’s so flat even the hoofbeats don’t roll!
I’ve read lots of posts on COTH inviting H/J people to try eventing as a more affordable and enjoyable and friendly sport. One where judges aren’t guaranteed to penalize riders for showing spotted horses or colored horses, and where riders get to take care of their own horses.
I remember the first time I saw a modern version of a Handy Hunters class. It was a poor joke.
It’s all just so unreal.
The best thing is that you don’t have to watch show hunters! No one does! I don’t go around telling people who do things I don’t find interesting that I hate their sport. That’s unkind and doesn’t make anyone’s life any better.
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Amen, Sista!
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LOL at the certainty that you had family money if you ever showed at Ox Ridge! When I knew people who showed hunters, the showgrounds didnt make much of a difference in the cost of the show. Especially if you trailer in daily!
On a related note, I showed there in dressage on a teacher’s salary on a $2,000 horse. 
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It’s madness. Our house value has doubled in 5 years (now north of $1m). And our rental property has nearly tripled in about the same amount of time. We’re about an hour outside the country’s largest metropolitan area.
No wonder $100,000+ isn’t enough anymore 
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All of this. Plus, I need to up my background game in general (though my trainer’s got some lovely lounge and meeting spaces). As in I don’t have a background game 
I went from using only Zoom to Google Meet at my new job, in which, for whatever reason, the backgrounds looked more … real, or something. It actually took me a while to tumble to the fact many of my new colleagues were using backgrounds. #Gullible
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raises hand Have taken a (an unexpected) call in a Walmart parking lot. So I feel like it’s a very short leap to doing it to, fro, or at the barn.
That sucks about the cell service because the mobile hotspot would’ve been my next question.
You seem nice.
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Sidebar: Did you know that the software now only allows you to ignore someone for a year? I swear I thought you could ignore someone indefinitely.
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Forever is on the bottom of the list of time, at least I have that selection available
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be sure your homeowners insurance policy is updated to reflect the increased value, you have to have at it at Least at 80% of it value insured
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