When is returning an animal to the shelter the right thing to do?

[Shiaway]

Two months ago I adopted two siamese cats that came from a breeding/hoarding situation. Both are fixed and about a year old. I also have two resident siamese cats also fixed and about 4 years old. I did a 2 week introduction which I realize was too short but the new cats were acting very stressed out and actually ended up climbing over the screen door to get out of their room.

My boy loves the newbies. They all play together. For the first week my girl was also fine with them. Even sleeping together next to me. Something must have happened though and she started stalking, chasing, and attacking the newbies. Sometimes she ignores them and sometimes she’s out for blood. She has injured both of them, one in the eye and he had to go the er vet. He’s ok after treatment.

I am planning to try to divide my house so that I can separate them and then try reintroductions. I’m not sure if this will work but it has to.

Both the rescue I adopted them from and my vet seem to think I should return them to the rescue. My vet seemed to be implying I was being selfish to try to keep them just because I’m attached to them. At first I was really upset about it but now I’m starting to wonder if they are right. Am I being selfish? They are very skittish cats who were not socialized well. They have bonded to me though and will sleep in my lap. But they hide when people come over. The girl also bites defensivly if you aren’t careful how you pet her. I’m worried they will end up in a bad situation. But I guess you could argue this isn’t a good situation either.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here other than someone to listen. I’ve now caught covid and feeling utterly miserable and can’t sleep so here I am.

[OverandOnward]

I am so sorry about your illness, I know it isn’t helping. Hope you can rest and recover well, as you move through this.

I’ll try not to say much more than this post, as I am a fixer more than a sympathizer.

Just one clarifying question … if the new cats and “old” cats are not allowed together for now, and you are mentioning the new cats sitting in your lap … are you devoting more time and attention to the newbies than to the two others?

I have heard that the already-resident animals need to be given priority to make the introductions make sense to the animals. The newer animals respect that, and the already-resident animals are reassured that there is no reduction in their status and privileges. And for lack of a better word, their rights over the space.

If someone introduced a couple of new humans to your household without asking you, your thoughts would be … ?

Not an expert in introducing new animals into a household. You might find some very good advice on youtube, suggest giving that a try. And on the internet generally. Introducing new cats to already-resident cats is definitely a thing in the youtube / internet animal universe.

Have seen other people’s new-animal situations go from open hostility, to firm attachments that make it impossible to remember what life was like before the newbies came. But that doesn’t happen without the humans taking the right steps. So good luck, hope it all works out quickly – and you feel better soon!

[clanter]

@Shiaway

Both the rescue I adopted them from and my vet seem to think I should return them to the rescue

there is the answer, there is no need to add stress into your home

[Foxglove]

In my opinion is is ok to return an animal to the shelter when it doesn’t work out for you, your home, your family, your pets. I think you have tried admirably. Many pets on the local FB adoption page say, "Needs home with no other [cats/dogs]. Such a home might be ideal in your situation.

The hardest return for me was a cat named Jack. He was a lovely cat. Warm, affectionate, a lap-sitter. Our entire family loved Jack. But Jack sprayed. I saw him do it. I don’t think we had him a week before he went back to the humane society. Their policy was that cats had to be kept inside. Jack would have been fine as a barn cat, but not as a house cat. We did take him to the vet who said he was fine, and suggested that his spraying might be why he was at the humane society in the first place. She suggested and we tried various remedies --nothing worked.

Rest assured that the two kitties will find the right home.

[Larksmom]

I have never heard of a rescue wanting a cat back! I am having a bit of similar trauma with my newest aquisition. I now have 3 cats and they don’t really get along. I am not taking the newest back, and just hoping they will settle down. With 4 cats, that might be problematic. Can you seperate them? Is that feasable? I wish you the best. And hope you are feeling better soon.

[2DogsFarm]

The County shelter Stripes (my new guy came from) has the return policy.

I’m 6mos into my adoption & the cat I’ve had 8yrs (also from a shelter) would dearly love to be Besties, but new guy is not a cuddler of humans or other cats.
The first month had a couple growling, hissing, kitty Opera interludes, but it’s been peaceful since.
They’re both neutered males, both around 10yo & I call their relationship the Headnod Whassup Bro.
New guy is friendly with me - especially where food is involved, but no lapcat.
My other cat more than makes up for that.
He was BFF with the cat I adopted at the same time & I’m sure misses what he had before.
Sadly I had to euth that one last July (FIC)
What he had:

What he has now:

I’d be inclined to give it more time.
But no shame taking the cats back to the shelter instead of living with stress for all.

[tabula_rashah]

Two months seems like a very small amount of time for cats to adapt. It took one of my older guys almost a year to be chill with my 3 latest foster fails. But that said I don’t think there’s any shame in taking them back if you think that’s what is best for all

[OverandOnward]

Whatever your decision OP, don’t worry about what other people will think about it. There is no right or wrong here. You don’t need judgment.

You need the best decision for your own household, whether the cats stay or they don’t.

[OverandOnward]

In a situation like yours, it is very hard not to judge every ear twitch and side eye. Do your best not to “overreact” to each minute nuance. Those aren’t the best indicator of where things are headed in the future, because they are just a tiny moment in time.

Instead, think back to last week, and the week before, as you go along. Are things better than they were last week? Are they better than they were two or three weeks ago?

That will give you an idea if the situation is improving. And if you think it will continue on the same trend. By evaluating a longer span of time.

And do find some specific and somewhat professional advice, on the Internet, YouTube, or a local expert if you have one. Sometimes finding the right tip makes all the difference.

[MunchingonHay]

I hope you feel better soon and can rest so you can get over Covid.

I feel that you should give them more time if you can handle the four of them.

It can take months for everyone to get familiar and establish a “pecking order”. Even bringing in a single cat into a home with no other cats it has taken me upwards 6 months for the cat to be comfortable and settled. (which was also a siamese in this case).

Can you get those feline calming collars? My friend works with a small cat rescue and she swears by them.

BUT I will say, that if you feel that returning the cats is best, then be honest with how your cats treated the two new ones so the rescue can may be put them in a non cat household.

PS I love siamese cats and would take them in a heart beat of my DH would say its ok.

[Djones]

Go ahead and divide the house for now- use it as a reset. Get the feliway multicat diffuser. The cat calming treats help too. The vet might give spicy cat gabapentin to further take the edge off.

If spicy girl has Part A and the other 3 have Part B, with the two middle of the road kitties getting time in both A and B, you might have a plan. In a few weeks, you’ll know what her body language is telling you about her appetite for letting the house be whole again.

When I was getting Bumble used to the 3 we took in, she got her favorite goodies only when I was sitting by their divider. Squeeze tubes of tuna seem to repair all kitty insults. She started to associate their scent and such with goodies.

Also: taking them back is ok, too. It’s your life and you’re the one affected. All the rest is noise.

[Sandysmom]

I find the Feliway diffusers have worked great when introducing new cats. You might give them a try before returning the cats.

[MunchingonHay]

YES! The Feliway! And grab some of those calming collars too.

[Peggy]

I inherited my dad’s cat a bit over a year ago and still haven’t managed to integrate her with my other cat. Feliway was not helpful. Nor was the other potion that I got. What has helped the most was prozac.

She came with some PTSD WRT other cats from before she moved in with my dad. Over the last few months, between horse shows and another trip I have been trying to introduce them by bringing my other cat in on a leash. I have also tied him up on the leash while I work in the room, which is also my office. She is definitely less reactive with the other cat and less reactive in general, but the vet says not to let him off the leash just yet. Both he and I are a bit fed up. The house is under 1000 sq ft so there’s not a lot of room.

Based on this experience, I think that if I had cats that came from a reputable rescue and it wasn’t working, I’d be tempted to give them back and hope they could place them in a home without other cats.

[Larksmom]

how can you get a small enough dose of prozac for a medium sized cat? I know it would have to go through a vet.

[Ericthegreat]

Not every attempt works at anything. You gave this a shot and it’s not working out. It’s emotionally wrenching but dividing your home in to safe zones for you and the cats is not a sustainable solution. I’m positive you will find a cat or two that will be a better fit for your house.

[Peggy]

@Larksmom

how can you get a small enough dose of prozac for a medium sized cat? I know it would have to go through a vet.

Transdermally in ear pinna. I get it from the same compounding pharmacy that I use for equine stuff. We started with a concentration of 1 mg/0.1 mL and are now up to 3 mg/0.1mL. It comes in a 1 cc syringe and you’re supposed to apply 0.1 mL daily. You have to apply it for a month in order to get the levels up, including when we upped the dose. You can get fancier syringes that “click” but I suspect that’s more expensive. I think that a month’s supply is about $30. And, yes, though a vet after consultations with a behaviorist, blood work to make sure that it wouldn’t impact various organs, etc. etc.

[deweydee]

It’s tough to admit because I really liked her, and felt terrible sending her back, but we adopted a cat who was like Jekyll and Hyde with our original cat. We did separate rooms, food, bins, etc for four months and yet she was always very aggressive with our original cat. Sometimes she’d ignore her, but other times she was screaming and clawing at her. Our original cat took to spending all her time under the bed when she used to be very friendly with us.

We tried Feliway with no luck. It was too much and unfair to the original cat. I was super attached, but we brought the new one back and she was rehomed a few months later. I felt a lot better knowing she found someone else who liked her as much as I did. It was very hard, but now I don’t regret the choice. My original cat is much happier and I think I owed her that.

[Shiaway]

Thanks everyone for you input. Today for whatever reason she was very good. Last night not so much. I think I will try reintroductions and if it doesn’t work then revisit bringing them back to the shelter. They seem to get along fine with my other cat so I think it is more my girl than them causing the issues.

Although I did introduce my boy when my girl was an adult but he was a kitten so maybe that was easier for her to accept.

I will be a basket case if I have to return them but I want what is best. Dividing the home temporarily is ok but long term would not work.

I’m hopefully talking to a cat behaviorist this sunday if all goes well. I will she was she says.

Thanks again.

[Bearx2]

The shelter I volunteered at and got pets from believed in the rules of three
Three days to acclimated
Three weeks to get into a routine
Three months to truly be part of the house hold. When I took in a senior Kitty it too all of three months before my one cat would even think of being nice to her.