With horses suitability is a major part of the equation. It needn’t be a pony, but a small horse would be helpful, as well as one that doesn’t have a huge barrel.
Remember, in learning, reinforcement is very important.
OP, I feel your pain. And my pain from riding.
I’ve been back at it for 8 years, after a 25 year break. And yes, my lessons still address the same things… Sometimes I feel like I’m improving, and then I’m not.
The horse isn’t helping in this case. She does get cranky in the winter; she has arthritis and takes forever to warm up. (Yes, she’s getting all the standard treatments – chiro (by a really good vet), previcox, polyglycan, joint injections when needed etc.) I would say we are close to hating each other right now.
This is my beloved horse on whom I used to get comments at schooling shows about how well-matched we are (and yes, some of it is the size match as I am 5’1" and she is 15 hands and not super-wide.) I’ve come so far as a horsewoman on her in terms of facing fears and dealing with them, learning about what good care really means, etc. but not as a rider. My hope has been to keep her going until the baby horse is rideable, but that’s another 3 to 4 years, and I’m starting to think that my hope needs to be put aside.
I don’t want perfect; I want “better.” Am considering a new trainer as the current one is making the situation worse rather than better. I consider a weekly lesson to be essential because I really need eyes on the ground, but…
SMALL HORSE! they are the best!!!
and yes, I look back at my journals and I still have the same bad habits-- in varying shades of “dealt with”. they like to come back with a vengeance!
That said, I am much more confident about my riding and have moved up a few levels, so if you are absolutely not progressing then it would be worth investigating why…
Goals are different then bad habits-- can you set some small stepping stones? Like “I will do intro A and get X%”? sometimes having outside help and a real barometer of where you are at helps.
I suck and I don’t care. I’m not a beautiful rider, but I stay on well and have a blast. Lessons when I can afford it, all that.
You have goals, which are fantastic, but stop beating yourself up. Don’t give up riding if you love it. Maybe it is horse size, expectations, or what have you.
Go lease a short horse and pound the trails. See where that leaves you feeling!
I am quite close to your size.
I will get up on a big horse (18.2 the biggest) but I do NOT like it, I have to do a lot that really is not effective because my legs are 12" to 18" too short. Drumming my heels on the upper rib cage does not work, and my leg aids (as in assisting the horse) become cues (a learned signal that may not actually help the horse.)
I LOVE riding horses under 15 hands. I fit them, my legs are at the correct place to give effective aids, my crotch does not feel like it is going to split, my arms are just the right length so using my hands feels natural, etc., etc., etc…
Get off the big guys. You may find that you are a MUCH BETTER rider than you or your riding teachers ever thought you were. Plus it does not hurt as much when you fall off!
Agreed on trying to find a smaller horse. A good friend I ride with is very tiny and she rides an 18h guy who although he doesn’t necessarily ride like a really big horse, she struggles with a lot of things that she wouldn’t if she were on a smaller horse (and that taller riders who ride her horse do not struggle with).
Also, if I had a dime for everything my trainer has had to repeat to me over the years, I would be rich. I know it feels redundant but honestly take a look at how much you ride. Maybe 5 hrs a week at best, when you aren’t injured or when life doesn’t get in the way? I know for me a good week is 4 hours in the saddle, with three lessons. Very little flat time on my own, and I may get an extra horse to hack if I’m lucky. That really is not a good amount of time to work on flaws and really drill down on bad habits. I can work to make them better with constant reminding, but it takes a ton of time to improve.
Pony convert here…
I also want to chime in for the ponies. After years of riding nothing under 15.3h, I am now the proud owner of a just barely 13.3h Connemara pony. I am having the most fun riding that I have ever had in my life. Funny thing is, I ALMOST didn’t even try this pony when I was horse shopping. I went to look at a different horse for sale that turned out to not be a good match for me. The trainer selling him said ‘Well, I’ve got this pony you might like…’
Go for it! I think I am now a pony convert for the rest of my life.
I haven’t ridden anything larger than my 14.2 Arab since I got him 18 years ago, and I’m almost 5’6". Trying out something smaller will be different, and unfortunately, you may end up with a whole new list of stuff you’re doing wrong. But it’ll be different stuff, and maybe you’ll nip these things in the bud before they become habits and it’ll give you more confidence.
My left leg doesn’t keep still (as all the holes on the left side of my saddle pad billet strap areas tell me), I have a tendancy to look down and I sometimes cross one hand over the midline when I ride, but I don’t beat myself up about it. So many other things have improved. Just recognize all the things you ARE better at.
There are times when due to the weather I can’t ride for a few days; when I get in the saddle my body feels as if it hasn’t done this in weeks. It can be a good thing—you’re starting with a clean slate.
Go get on a pony and have a blast!!!
Wow, thank you everyone for your feed back. Yes I tend to be way to type A and have seemed to lost the fun in it. I mean I feel intense joy when I feel my horse and I are having some great moments, but those happen more in my lessons then in my free rides.
We had to push the lesson on the pony to later next week, which I’m excited but torn against. My big boy may not fit me, but he is such a patient soul and one of those great horses that doesn’t matter the distance he nails it. He sees distances better then I ever could, doesn’t refuse a jump ever and pretty much short of his changes, he packs my butt around a hunter course beautifully. So although physically we may not be a match, mentally we are a good match and he is an awesome boy, specially for a baby.
I have spent likely too much time in the ring and losing the fun of the ride, and have put the expectations possibly a bit too high on both of us. We have moved to a property that does have trails so once I get a bit stronger again in the saddle I will likely take him out and see if I can find some fun in the ride with him.
I like how someone mentioned smaller goals instead of being perfect or the unattainable, so I’m going to work hard on finding those smaller goals - and actually naming them. And maybe they need to be small to begin with, things like I will keep my hands a certain distance apart and not cross my reins for 3 whole lessons, or all I’m going to focus on is dropping my knee and riding with my leg/calf and shoot for having my coach remind me only once a lesson that i’m coming back into a chair seat.
But I will also try riding the pony, if it even feels slightly right, I will work out something with my coach and see if I can ride the pony a couple of times a week and just see if its something I could be happy with.
My repeat problems tend to be
- I sit too straight up - more dressage then h/j - and I have no background with dressage nor any desire to get into it.
- Chair seat - putting my legs back and behind me is a constant problem. They either get jammed forward in a defensive position or are sitting at the girth, but really need to be behind it with this horse. And because of this I tend to pop him constantly with my spurs or heel instead of squeezing with my calf.
- T-Rex arms, because he’s a big horse with a bit of a long neck, I tend to feel like I have T-rex arms or like Celeo Green when I ride. Although tonight I was told if I’m feeling that way then I’ve likely slipped back into riding in the backseat and need to get my shoulders forward and my hips closed.
- And I tend to keep the reins too close together. Tonights lesson was with my hands apart and more of an opening inside rein, and pulling back at the elbow and bending at the elbow.
Anyone have any out of saddle tips to work on this, or my practice day exercises? I look at some of these issues and think, hmm… a smaller horse my help. I’m thinking it will definately improve my leg position if I could actually wrap my legs around the horses barrel, and would certainly help with the t-rex arms which I feel also lends itself to the elbow issue.
But thank you everyone for your kind words of support… I will head over to the re-riders group. Me being type A makes me want to read through all 600 pages of that thread before I’ve earned the write to contribute 
The best thing that transformed my riding and improved it was off horse body work. I do a half hour each day my own combined mini workout of stretch, light weights, yoga, ballet , and foam roller. I highly recomend you buy a foam roller ( get it from a sporting goods store or onine sports store, not the cheap one at Walmart, a good one is only about $30). It usually comes with a chart of excersizes but go online youtube some great videos on ways to use it. The pool noodle shape looks silly but it si great for stretching the innter thigh tight ligaments which prevent us from streching our legs down and for our core etc.
22 years ago, my trainer said “put more weight in your stirrups”, “keep your hands closer together” and “straighten your wrists”.
Tomorrow she will say “put more weight in your stirrups”, “keep your hands closer together” and “straighten your wrists”.
You are not alone.
If all of us who sucked quit, the industry would be sorely hurtin’.
OP give it more than one ride on the pony to decide. The difference from the bohemoth you ride regularly to even a large pony is going to be one that takes time and thought to adjust to… one ride is not enough, IMO.
BTDT- showed a tiny pony for a trainer friend… spent the week before the show falling off over ponies shoulder as we landed each jump because I was not used to there being 0 horse in front of me, and apparently need repeated reminders to ‘sit back’ before I ‘get it’.
Welcome to reality!
Hey, Bigbutt–how do you think A-circuit people got where they are (aside from the fact they are connected)? I would venture to say they ride, every.single.day! That’s what my old 4-H leader told me I would have to do if I wanted to actually learn to ride. In the whole scheme of things you have taken a handful of lessons–get out there and ride!
Buy a Thoroughbred! :lol: I guarantee you will learn to ride, if only out of a sense of self preservation. 
I’m not ready to throw your current horse under the bus, but if you can ride other horses that will help you learn to ride. I’m a little over five feet and my mare was a little under 15 hands-- it was like driving a compact car, but with a Mazzerati engine! :lol: :yes: When I tried to ride larger horses with bigger gaits it didn’t feel right (but if a bigger horse had been available to me on a regular basis I would have ridden it as well).
So, there you have it, as I understand the question. Stop posting on the net and start posting on a horse! And keep your chin up (literally)…
And stop thinking about where you are–start thinking about where you want to go!
I’ll just take this from another angle… if you love your big horse but you are having a horrible time riding, not riding well and are actually getting hurt… have you ever considered DRIVING your big horse? You know riding isn’t the only thing you can do with horses and you happen to already have an animal of a breed specifically designed for driving!
Pfffttt. I suck, but so what? I keep working on reducing the level of suckage but it seems unlikely that I will ever not suck. And, as long as I’m still having fun and can get my old, fat butt into the saddle, I plan to keep riding.
[QUOTE=tinyrider;7866829]
I also want to chime in for the ponies. After years of riding nothing under 15.3h, I am now the proud owner of a just barely 13.3h Connemara pony. I am having the most fun riding that I have ever had in my life. Funny thing is, I ALMOST didn’t even try this pony when I was horse shopping. I went to look at a different horse for sale that turned out to not be a good match for me. The trainer selling him said ‘Well, I’ve got this pony you might like…’
Go for it! I think I am now a pony convert for the rest of my life.[/QUOTE]
TinyRider, he passed the PPE and you bought him? Yeah!!! 
I missed your update.
OP, you are being way to hard on yourself! Since you are not having fun, it is time to take a step back and evaluate what is making it that way. I totally agree with everyone saying you should try a smaller horse to see if that addresses at least some of your issues and also the suggestions of just riding for fun on trails, etc. Since you like riding, there are lots of things you can try to see if it makes riding fun again.
I have the opposite problem; my horse’s barrel is too small for the length of my legs. As such, I am still trying to learn to cue with the top of my calves, I have learned to really balance because there is nothing to hang onto when she spooks and because it is basically like sitting on a balance beam it is easy to get off balance, I am still working hard on my crookedness because she just can’t do things I ask if I am even slightly crooked, I have to work really hard to keep my heels down and legs still because there is no barrel to help me.
I was able to ride an appropriately sized horse awhile ago, and magically all those problems became so much better. Legs were still, heels were down, able to balance easily, etc… An appropriately sized mount really makes a difference!
[QUOTE=Bigbutt;7867353]
Anyone have any out of saddle tips to work on this, or my practice day exercises? [/QUOTE]
I am not a high end instructor with a list of show winnings, but I can’t count the number of lessons I’ve given and had the rider happily say they’ve improved, so I will repeat my advice from before. The very best thing you can do to improve your riding is ride, and ride different horses, different saddles and even different types - hopping up on a Western or Australian saddle will help you, as will riding bareback. But mostly just ride as much as you can, and as many horses as you can.
For 2 reasons. One, you really need the fun back.
Two (and reading your second post, this may be more important to you) muscle memory.
The reason you are having the SAME issues is because everything is the SAME and even though it may not be technically correct, it is what works for you in this SAME situation. The body likes things that keep it alive, and chair legs have, so the body just lets the muscles fall into their habitual response the very second you stop actively thinking about it.
And this will continue to happen for as long as everything feels the SAME. You will only change it once you make things feel different. Then, when the body tries to fall back on muscle memory, that automatic, unconscious position will not and can not feel the SAME and will change.
Riders should really follow this progression if they want to be really good, confident riders
Total beginners should ride one horse, and should ride that horse until they are reasonably confident about not falling off and have a good general idea of what they’re doing up there and why they’re doing it.
Once you get to that point, they need to start riding a variety of different horses. The proof of how badly we need that is everyone’s natural resistance to it. Because in our subconscious we KNOW that that step is going to make 90% of our muscle memory useless and all creatures (humans included) are creatures of habit who’s bodies want to run on auto-pilot.
Only the really advanced need to have a partnership with one or two horses again, once you’re at the point where you need the animal that you’re on to be able to read YOUR signals, because the beginner is reading the horse’s signals.
Really, you can’t even say that YOU are at x-level of riding unless you are at that level of riding one at least 10 different horses. Before that, you AND Big’un might be at that level together, but you are both relying on your knowledge of each other more than your knowledge of riding.
To put that a different way, my Grandpa could look pretty classy waltzing me around a dance floor - it didn’t mean that I was particularly good at waltzing, just that I was good at following his lead and knowing his signals, know what I mean? That is what happens when you ride just one horse.
Now go forth and ride a pony! And a TB! And a few quarter horses! And that little grade no-account thing at every stable that jumps like a cricket! And a short draft, like a Belgian! And then another pony!
Seriously.
[QUOTE=Riverotter;7868109]
I am not a high end instructor with a list of show winnings, but I can’t count the number of lessons I’ve given and had the rider happily say they’ve improved, so I will repeat my advice from before. The very best thing you can do to improve your riding is ride, and ride different horses, different saddles and even different types - hopping up on a Western or Australian saddle will help you, as will riding bareback. But mostly just ride as much as you can, and as many horses as you can.
For 2 reasons. One, you really need the fun back.
Two (and reading your second post, this may be more important to you) muscle memory.
The reason you are having the SAME issues is because everything is the SAME and even though it may not be technically correct, it is what works for you in this SAME situation. The body likes things that keep it alive, and chair legs have, so the body just lets the muscles fall into their habitual response the very second you stop actively thinking about it.
And this will continue to happen for as long as everything feels the SAME. You will only change it once you make things feel different. Then, when the body tries to fall back on muscle memory, that automatic, unconscious position will not and can not feel the SAME and will change.
Riders should really follow this progression if they want to be really good, confident riders
Total beginners should ride one horse, and should ride that horse until they are reasonably confident about not falling off and have a good general idea of what they’re doing up there and why they’re doing it.
Once you get to that point, they need to start riding a variety of different horses. The proof of how badly we need that is everyone’s natural resistance to it. Because in our subconscious we KNOW that that step is going to make 90% of our muscle memory useless and all creatures (humans included) are creatures of habit who’s bodies want to run on auto-pilot.
Only the really advanced need to have a partnership with one or two horses again, once you’re at the point where you need the animal that you’re on to be able to read YOUR signals, because the beginner is reading the horse’s signals.
Really, you can’t even say that YOU are at x-level of riding unless you are at that level of riding one at least 10 different horses. Before that, you AND Big’un might be at that level together, but you are both relying on your knowledge of each other more than your knowledge of riding.
To put that a different way, my Grandpa could look pretty classy waltzing me around a dance floor - it didn’t mean that I was particularly good at waltzing, just that I was good at following his lead and knowing his signals, know what I mean? That is what happens when you ride just one horse.
Now go forth and ride a pony! And a TB! And a few quarter horses! And that little grade no-account thing at every stable that jumps like a cricket! And a short draft, like a Belgian! And then another pony!
Seriously.[/QUOTE]
I agree with this to a point. I really only ride 2 horses most of the time, but they are so different in build, way of going, and even in different saddles, and I’m finding that it really helps with fixing bad habits. The low necked shortie who likes a heavy contact has helped me learn how to keep a slow horse round and in front of my leg, and the high headed, hot off the leg bigger guy has helped me learn to relax and keep an appropriately light, breathing leg while getting him to accept a light contact.
However, I do think that its very difficult for a petite rider to balance and ride effectively on a really huge horse. Saintly as the horse may be, there’s nothing you can do about the fact that your legs are too short to get anywhere near the sweet spot - instead we’re pivoting on a barrel. JMHO.
My 15.2 TB is perfect for my 4’11" height, and I ride him in a dressage saddle. I’m also fairly comfortable on the 16H Inkster in DD’s jumping saddle. But at my size, I just won’t bother looking at anything that I would need a stepstool to see if I got all the mud off its croup.
OP, you are being too hard on yourself. If you’re not a pro, and you’re not hurting your horse - you don’t suck, you’re just having the same challenges that all adult re-riders who aren’t riding several horses a day are facing.
Pros get good because its their full time job to practice riding - and even some of those aren’t so great. As an ammy, our job is to take good care of our horses, and make riding enough fun to keep the pro’s in business, but we most certainly shouldn’t compare ourselves to someone who’s job it is to be at the top of this game. Enjoy your big boy for the saint he is and play with him. Strive to be an empathetic rider who can do what you enjoy safely and let the pro’s worry about perfection.
[QUOTE=AmarachAcres;7866742]
I suck and I don’t care. I’m not a beautiful rider, but I stay on well and have a blast. Lessons when I can afford it, all that.[/QUOTE]
Minus the lessons, I am exactly the same! I can make my horse go around, I LOVE hacking more than anything. I suck, my horse is awesome and that’s the way it will always be! Backyardigans forever!
As long as you aren’t hurting the horse, just go ride! The horse will appreciate the lack of “goals” (I know my horse loves trail riding more than anything as well), and you can relax!
OP, I feel your pain. I used to be very, very hard on myself (note my username). I had to accept a few realities.
- I am no longer as young as I once was. I am pushing 40 and that comes with some physical baggage.
- I know what fear is. I no longer want to ride “the black stallion”. I want to ride the quiet, safe good ole boy that is going to get me through the ride in one piece.
- I work 40 hours a week to pay for my riding. I sit on my fattish butt hunched over a keyboard. That does not lend itself to riding prowess.
- I have never been athletically gifted. My lack of coordination is a family joke.
- I do not, nor will I ever, have the funds to play this game at the top levels. That is ok. I can still have a helluva lot of fun at the level I CAN afford.
When I came to accept all this as reality - MY Reality, I was a whole lot happier. I stopped being so hard on myself. I bought a sweet paint gelding. He is not ever going to be an “A” level hunter. But he is sane and sweet and packs my butt around. I got out of the ring. We trail ride, we hunter pace, we go swimming. Next weekend we are riding in a parade! I take lessons and ride in the ring and try my best to improve us both. But I don’t take it as seriously as I once did. I don’t berate myself or my horse. I look for the small victories. Riding is supposed to be fun. Challenging, yes, frustrating occasionally, but we do this because we LOVE it, and it fulfills us.
