When you realize you suck....

[Wonders12]

OP, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not perfect. You never will be. No one in this sport is.

A kindergartener could probably give me a lesson. I would tell him or her 5 phrases to repeat for an hour. They’re the same things I’ve been working on for years. They will probably be the same things I’ll be working on in the next 5 years. But… I’m better today than I was this time last year, and that counts for something.

I feel a lot of pressure to be a strong rider. I don’t need to be an Olympian, but I am the BM, and sometimes it’s hard to have students riding circles around me in lessons. But they’re better riders than I am. Period. I’m there to improve the best I can despite my limitations, which are numerous. I don’t have an athletic bone in my body, I have no coordination, I am fearful, I am anxious, I am out of shape, I don’t have time to put into the saddle, I don’t have access to full time training, etc., etc. So I just enjoy my saddle time and try to improve the best I can.

The most frustrating thing? I’m terribly inconsistent. I can go and lay down a near perfect course (for me), and then re-ride the same course and chip half the fences. Or last week, when I executed an exercise flawlessly, and then fell off at the end because I didn’t decide if I wanted to turn left or right. Really.

My advice? You and the clyde might not be a good fit. The pony may not be either. I feel best on horses between 14.2 and 15.3. They fit my legs and short upper body. I hang on better. I use my legs better. I ride better. Try to get on a variety and see what you like. But have fun with it, as other posters have said.

Also, little goals are good, but your goals shouldn’t be to be perfect. No one is perfect. Keep your hands the proper width apart while trotting. Keep your legs in the correct position during canter transitions. Even top riders shift their bodies (sometimes by accident) during a ride. Don’t reach for perfection if you’re an A type. You’ll always disappoint.

[Bigbutt]

Thank you again everyone… I am pulling all sorts of great advise from your posts. Even tonight, my ride did not go well - (it wasn’t) a lesson but we attempted to practice some of our lesson over again. I had your posts in my head, so instead of getting too frusterated and doing the “I suck” mantra, I tried to stop and focus on one thing.

And then I went back to my typical, one thing went to two things, to three things to me be able to accurately pick my ride apart, and try to fix them - but I’m like the energizer bunny on crack then at that point, trying to fix too many things all at once. So I’m going back to my riding journal with this horse. And I’m really REALLY trying hard to not beat myself up over this.

It was fairly obvious he was just as frusterated with me, as I was with myself… but I just kept telling my horse - Cut me some slack, we need to re-learn how we work together in this mismatch. We had 1 1/2 months off together and this is only ride number 5 after that time off. And atleast when I would stop and think, stop the chair seat… stretch that leg - I would instantly fix it, but as soon as I stopped focussing on that then it would go back to chair seat.

I wish I could just have one or two bad things going on at a time when I ride, I find if I’m concentrating on my leg, it will fix, but then I stop thinking about keeping my hips closed and end up falling back and waterskiing on his mouth. I have to pick my battles but sometimes it just feels like overwhelming battles. So I’m going back to my journal as these aren’t new issues, just repeat ones - so I will see how my coach wanted me to handle it then. I know for one, I have to pick only 3 things to work on in my 45-60 minute practice ride. And one of them had to be about me. Anything more then that and I tend to over think, over worry, and get negative.

I think I watch all the young teens and 20 year olds around me riding perfectly, and I think damn I have 15+ years on them, and I’m bouncing around like its my first day on a horse. So I don’t expect myself to be as good as my coach or the professionals, but I expect to be as good as those I ride with. Although logically I know thats not even fair as they have 3+ lessons a week, ride each others horses, and have been riding with this coach for 5 - 10 years (since they were doing up down). I guess I should find some better suited / closer to myself riding partners to base our goals on together.

But thank you again all of you, I know a single ride on the pony (large pony) will not magically fix everything… and someone mentioned getting used to not having any horse in front of you on a pony - yep thats a worry. I really am just looking at is how it feels with my body, not so much the ride as much as just how I mold to the pony. I have tried some other ponies but its just been in fun for nothing more then a moment, and not with my coach around - so I felt like a fish outa water with the shorter/choppier trot. So I think if I’m going to do this, I’m going to set myself up for better success… video tape the ride so I can look back on it after and compare, and do it in a lesson so I can get the best out of the ride. And from there we can make a plan for the next steps.

[Countrywood]

Do you own your own saddle? You write often about a chair seat, some saddles just put riders in a bad position, or a bad position for that rider’s anatomy. Ponies can be a bit tough to balance on as well and tend to have short choppy strides but can be fun so enjoy!

Truly limit your self to working on bettering one position thing per ride. Riding is about simplicity, and by trying to fix too many things you are not accomplishing anything except making yourself more tense which will make the horse more tense. The riders riding around you probably think they all suck compared to the person next to them etc, so let it go and concentrate on teh horse. Ride your horse and concentrate on their welfare and way of going some top riders have less than perfect positions but they get great performance out of their horses because they focus on reading the horse and staying in the moment.

[tinyrider]

[QUOTE=Countrywood;7868986]
Do you own your own saddle? You write often about a chair seat, some saddles just put riders in a bad position, or a bad position for that rider’s anatomy. [/QUOTE]

I was thinking this as well, often a chair seat can be a symptom of a poorly fitting saddle. I know this article helped me with that when I was shopping for a saddle a while back.

http://equineink.com/2012/02/11/why-do-some-saddles-put-you-in-a-chair-seat/

[trailpal]

" And I tend to keep the reins too close together. "

One exercise we did for awhile was to carry a short crop across both hands - snuggle it in the crook of your thumb, (of course, knuckles vertical!) and hold reins as normal. You really can’t move your hands closer or further apart, and you are much more aware of the bend in your elbows. No need to do the whole lesson like that, but something to revisit a few times.

[pony_baloney]

How about making a short list of things you want to fix while riding, then make it a sort of mantra with an easy melody (like the alphabet song). Doing this often during your ride will have you repeatedly correcting things and at some point they may become a habit.

Since you say you have a chair seat, and are riding a large horse, perhaps the saddle is too narrow for him and sits too high in the front, pitching you backwards?

[SuzieQNutter]

You have to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

[Zu_Zu]

Sending Jingles & AO for your next ride ~

Sending Jingles & AO for your next ride ~

[Say_Goodnight_Gracie]

OP, I’m 5’8" and my main riding horse is 14.3 3/4 hands. My horse before that was abut 15.1 on a good day (I DO also have a 16.1 Tbred who fits my leg perfectly if I could get back on her someday, so I’m not JUST about the honies). There are some benefits to large horses (bigger jumps look tiny! lol), but maybe you should find someone with a smaller lesson horse or a horse that you could borrow for some lessons, to work on some of those seat issues. Also, as everyone else has said definitely try other saddles! Sometimes the stirrup bars just aren’t in the right place for your seat and it just won’t be possible for you to get your leg back in that saddle.

[Gidget]

O.P.,

The thing that stands out for me the most is you said you ENJOY riding. Isn’t that all that matters?

FWIW, I didn’t have my first lesson until 2 years ago at age 47. Did I suck? Oh God yes! Do I still? Probably…but I’ve made a ton of progress since then and I’m having a great time. I’ll never be some hotshot competitor, but I refuse to let that stop me.

My guess is you’re a LOT better than you give yourself credit for. Really.

[burnedout]

I admit that I haven’t read all of the previous posts, but wanted to let you know that I suck, too. Even after several years of working student jobs, training and giving lessons for a living, I still suck. My students are better than I am and I would be mortified if I had to get on one of their horses and jump the stuff they are jumping. I have sacrificed so much over the past several years to follow my dream and it just never happened the way I planned. This year has been especially tough for me as I have finally realized that the horse I have worked so hard to develop just cannot hold up to the job I had planned for him. I got another horse to take over the job, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation I’ve had in the past. Even when I do feel motivated, I find that when I get on I feel that I have no idea what I am doing. Yes, just 6 months ago people were paying me to ride their horses and now I have no idea what to do with my own. I’ve decided to take a break from giving lessons or doing training because my confidence has sunk so low and I don’t feel I can do my job well right now. I am going to take time to find the joy in riding again and get my mojo back. I too am type A and hard on myself, but I am going to really focus on setting up fun exercises (poles and small jumps) to just “play” around with… I am not good at playing. I am too intense. So my point is that you are not alone. I’m right there with you!

[Bigbutt]

Thank you again everyone for your great words and wisdom… I am too hard on myself, and I do have to look at the very beginning with this coach. She reminded me today, my trot poles were only two with about 20 feet or more in between them. At that point we were still working on understanding rhythm and pace. I wasn’t “feeling” the ride. And this was only about 14 months ago. I have to remember before I had to take this last break we were jumping 2’9 & 3’0.

We never did get on the pony this week, as she’s had too much time off, and her regular rider is gone for a bit.

But yesterday I had a great schooling ride on my big horse. We weren’t perfect, but we were doing better then our prior rides. And best of all I could intellectually see when I was doing “sucky” things, like being a sack of potatoes on him, or collapsing my ribs. When those “sucky” things came up - instead of just staying stagnant on them and schooling them over and over until we both became frusterated - we brought it down to a gait that we were doing better at the exercise and focused on what was working.

Then today we had a lesson, and it was a great lesson. There were moments I really felt like we were back on our A game, and then there were more like Q moments - those are the moments in which I know I did something and corrected it before my coach had to call me on it, and then there were Z moments - where my coach was telling me something I’ve heard before but wasn’t feeling the problem.

I have to remember he’s just a baby too (6yrs old) and he’s only recently just learning what to do with all those limbs and body. But today my coach pointed out when I ride correctly, he’s now starting to be very honest and let me know when I found the sweet spot.

Thank you again everyone, and I promise I will head over to the re-riders group, I’m sure they will be able to bring some reality to my overly critical self.

[DesignerLabel]

I once gave lessons to a girl for over a year, and every lesson would begin with the question, “Now which side do I get on?”

You’re way better than you think.

[ako]

I, too, question whether you “fit” this horse physically. I also think your saddle may not be helping. Just a guess, but might be worth looking into. A saddle that works for you and the horse can make all the difference in the world for your position. A good saddle that fits you and the horse, and is well-balanced, will make it easier to put your legs in the right place.

When I’m in my saddle, I feel great and secure. I can barely ride at all in one of the saddles at the barn.

And you are too hard on yourself!

[pony_baloney]

In the past I’ve lessoned on horses who weren’t “angels”, who did not look out for me if I was off-balance or incorrect with my aids. Those horses taught me the most—you HAVE to be correct. Self preservation kicks in and you WILL do it right.

For a year or so I took jumping lessons even though I had no interest in jumping at all. Every lesson I got too in front of the horse before the jump and would end up on the ground, standing with my arms around his neck. People would stay to watch my lesson just to watch me fall off (seriously, they did). The only way I was able to jump correctly was by jumping 3 crossrails with no stirrups or reins, holding my arms at different positions the whole time (out to the side, hands on hips, on my head). You’d better believe my body figured out what I was doing wrong and I never fell off during those times. I just do flatwork now : )

[Alagirl]

Where is it written you are only to enjoy activities you excel in?

I keep paraphrasing a book (not sure if it is real) Leslie Nielsen had penned:
Bad Golf Made Easy.

You enjoy riding?
Good for you!
After all, the journey is the destination (and I am sure the riders of the SRS in Vienna have similar complaints…after being drilled for YEARS, this or that still needs addressing!)

Carry on!
Because a day spend on the back of a horse is better than a day spend on foot (to paraphrase again, but this time a German author…)

[Bigbutt]

It really is about the journey, and for me my mental game effects my physical game far more then I should let it. When I just go with feel and ride without using my brain, I ride better and feel better.
And nothing thrills me more, then when we do make advancement, even if its baby steps… So if I was perfect i would lose that - the thing I enjoy the most. I particular enjoy when I screw up, but catch myself before my coach does - in my head I’m like “haha beat ya!”.

For those that mentioned saddle fit… in the past that has been our issue, and I went through as many saddles as I did bad coaches. (WAY TOO MANY) So I saved up and spent the money on a CWD this spring. It wasn’t custom made to me (can’t afford that type) but I was able to ride in it a fair amount prior to buying it. And we (coach and myself) instantly noticed a huge improvement. And even now as the saddle has worked its way into me and my horse - before we took the break it was a saddle that I really enjoyed. So I dont’ feel its really the saddle.

Strangely when I bought new tall boots (some sort of Ariats) that felt almost like a second skin to me, my leg became more still and I could feel my heels down, and we called them my majik boots. But now I’ve had time off, and its winter so they don’t allow me to wear warm socks (I’m in British Columbia Canada, where its suppose to be -15 to - 20 this weekend). So I know my half chaps do not help.

But as I posted in the re-riders group, tonights lesson wasn’t our best - the last couple of days were better, but it wasn’t our worst. Did I have suckatude moments - YEP - when we went over the teeny weeny 18" jumps. But I didn’t beat myself up over it tonight, because I knew I was terrified to start jumping already. So the fact that I did it - I am just happy with that… and it gives me the drive to want to get on again tomorrow (yep even if its -10).

[Alagirl]

http://www.target.com/p/toasti-toes-toe-warmers-72-pair-consists-of-12-6-packs/-/A-11088368?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=google_pla_df&LNM=11088368&CPNG=Sports&kpid=11088368&LID=14pgs&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=11088368&kpid=11088368&gclid=CjwKEAiA1-CjBRDOhIr_-vPDvQYSJAB48SmE2-HJL468EJr_eR2TTRfUzf7ptD7xaiEWQ6yWx0Od6xoCZgnw_wcB

get some of these. I find my legs are less afflicted when my feet are warm, and it takes nothing to make them feel like icicles!
I used those puppies a few times, freezing my bum off at the football stadium, watching my kid play in band. Those things are amazing! And no fat socks needed!

[Inclined]

Before I became a happy backyardigan, I was a working student at a barn with about 30 horses and ponies. They were all sizes and shapes, and I had the opportunity to ride many of them during those 5 years. The funniest I ever looked was not on the 12.2hh pony, but on the 16.3hh shire/tb mare. I’m not tall anyway, but my legs are even shorter than the rest of me. Honestly, it was like a leadline class. I never could make that mare do what some of the other taller, longer-legged riders could do. Oh well, the ponies were a blast!

Something my trainer said when I began riding with her was, “Never base your self esteem on how well you ride horses. No one is ever going to ride well enough to make that work.” Painful, but true.

[ako]

If you just don’t feel as if your position is what it should be, maybe shorten your stirrup leathers? See if that helps? Riding too long can really mess with your position.

I thought about you today during my lesson. Or, rather my recurring issues. I can always expect comments to… Shorten my reins. Not drop the outside rein. Hold my hands stiller. I closed my finges before my trainer told me to. Yep, she was happy today. It was a good, effective ride for a mediocre rider. I was happy. My mare was happy. What’s not to like?!