I have bought too much horse twice.
In both cases, they turned out to be a tad more than I thought. But both were smart enough and sensible enough to be trained. I stuck with one of them, my current horse, and have loved the process. But it took me a long, long time to find the right help for both of us.
The other one- an OTTB bought starving out of a field-- got fed properly and then promptly became too much horse someone who didn’t have regular pro help. I was in my 20s and figuring out whether I needed to get a better job or go to grad school. I remember saying at the time that selling her was a huge loss because learning to ride her would make me into a much, much better rider. That was true and some 25 years later, I’m learning what I didn’t get to learn from that first one.
In the meantime, I rode a good-ol-boy WB hunter gelding that I bred for myself, specifically interviewing his parents for their ammy-friendly mind, LOL.
Both of these too much girls were very sensitive about their balance, but forward-thinking. They were alpha and self-preserving such that you have to prove yourself worthwhile to them. Both were exceptionally sound horses who could work all day if that was the job. I wonder if their mental toughness went with the physical toughness.
There were days when I was scared to get on them. But I was po’ folks growing up and I rode other people’s horses. That helped me develop the ability to read a horse and negotiate with him/her so that we don’t die on any given day and maybe we both improve a bit. I also bring a poor person’s DIY mentality to the table. I have always assumed that my horses-- choosing them, riding them and improving them-- was my problem. I could hire the best help I could find, but I still had to figure out how to ride them.
I understand being scared, but I think part of the problem comes from thinking that someone else should change things. Your horse should just do things that don’t scare you. Your pro should make him ridable for you (and they should to the extent they can). You shouldn’t have bought him.
Instead, my attitude with a horse I own that scares me is, “It’s just you and me in this round pen, pal. We have to figure out something we can do together.” I have a lot of tools at my disposal so I use a mixture of “Figure out how to get my horse trained and tractable” and “Can I just tolerate a little too much speed or lack of balance because that’s all my horse has to offer at this point in his development?”
I also really enjoy the training process and the intimate relationship it gives me with a horse. If you don’t like that, or riding your horse feels like another item on your To Do list, the taming of the project horse is going to be a bummer. And, to tell you the truth, when I have lots of Adult Things on my To Do list, showing up mentally as much as my hot mare needs is hard. I either make the choice to do block everything else out and focus on her, or I make that amateur move of doing something easier with her on that day.
I’m sure folks will be unhappy at the suggestion that scared people buck up a bit and take on some responsibility for the improvement (or heck, the “taming”) of their horse. But if you spend time justifying your fear, you will find yourself still in it. I think an attitude change can help, or at least be a part of the solution.
