Well, here I be dick-tating a-gain aber this time wot it be Barney doing der typing. Copper he be schlafen und Rufus he be plastered, und Peanut he don’t nott to feel hunnert percent yet aber he alzo haff cutie filly next to him, wot her name it be Lily und they be in loff. Lily she only be two und she be verrie beautiful.
Mein selve I be prettie irritated mit this lame-o-niceness, wot it haff becomed flounder. Lame-o-nicess wot it be wenn you be lame und you haff to try extra hard to be nice becose you be so pissed off you want to rip der head off von every boddie. Flounder wot it be wenn your feets bones they haff problemo und they be floundering a-way in your hoofes.
This whole thing it be wrong. I haff thinked like last wochen wot it beed getting better, und then der feets they haff stinked. Mein modder Coreene (I loff her), she haff sayed it be called “Sinking flounder,” aber I haff sayed to her, “Oh mein GOTT in HIMMEL, they be MEIN feets, der feets bones wot they be FLOUNDERING a-round und this it BE STINKING!!!” OMGiH, like I know this better than her.
Und zo this it be up-date. Der flounder wot she call “sinking founder,” she say it haff “sinked” prettie far. This it be wrong aber there be nothing wot you can do a-bout this, it all be part von nature when poop happens. Mein Miss Herr Doktor she haff sayed to me to-day, “Willem, I beed thinking that you be verrie bright und alert und be eating und stuff verrie good!” Ja, I haff all ready knowed this. Und she haff feeled mein feets pulses und haff sayed that they beed haffink elevated pulse like wot it be more than yesterday. Und zo I don’t nott to know if this “sinking” wot it haff stopped or not.
Und zo I haff taked mannie little breaks wenn I haff layed down for like cinco or ten minutos, und then I get up a-gain. Mein Miss Herr Doktor she haff putted me back on der shots von das Ace, wot it be proof that I be cheap date becose one CC von this it make me like Jerry Garcia. Und zo now mein modder Coreene she haff to giff me der shot in der morgen und in der abend UND ALZO I haff to haff der unholy medikation squirted into mein mouth.
Und tomorrow she start mit der nitroglycerine gel on mein owie feets.
I haff had der honest talk a-bout this mit Coreene und I haff sayed that wenn I don’t nott to want to do this no more, like iffen I don’t nott to get better, I say to her “This it be der end,” und then I get medikation wot it send me to wunnerful place where they don’t nott to haff no Cushings und lame-o-niceness und cancer und stuff und things. I haff nice Oma there, wot she be Coreene her grandma, und then I see peoples like Dee Dee a-gain.
Aber I hope this it don’t nott to happen yet becose I loff it here und I don’t nott to want to go no-where midout ein VERRIE MUY GIGANTO FIGHT.
Der be der part in der movie wot it be “Mommie Dearest” wenn Joan Crawford she look at table mit Pepsi-Cola herr executives und she bark “DON’T NOTT TO EFF MIT ME, FELLAS!” und this I haff telled mein feets.
Und zo I hope they listen. If it be meant to be, they listen to me.
I haff sayed this be fore, I be ein German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.