Word to the Wise: Lesson Reminder for Everyone

As a reminder to everyone, if you have been offered a free horse or pony who has been outgrown by someone’s child or grandchild, no matter the age, make sure you know who you are dealing with and realize that they have nothing to lose.

Over a month ago I posted looking for an inexpensive pony for my children to learn with and got many great responses that I put into play. Was offered many wonderful pony’s and small horses in varying prices, disciplines and sizes, but one in particular stood out to me (because of COTH). The owner and I spoke for a month through online messages, facebook, on the phone and I offered to Skype to ensure she was comfortable with me, my children, the boarding facility we board at and showed pictures of my transforming Thoroughbred. The night before we were to leave to make the 7 hour one way drive with the horse trailer, we had this conversation (I took out the names and information that would say who everyone is to be respectful of their privacy):

Wednesday 9:44pm ME
Hi! Tried to give you a call but it may be to late. I wanted to make sure everything was good for tomorrow and see if you had any questions or concerns. I also wanted to go over what we decided to do. If we would bring her back here with a contract that you have first options if ever (which you will never have to worry about as she will never leave us) if there is ever a problem or if we will do a trial for a couple of weeks before finalizing? I promise always lots of pictures and constant updates in addition to anytime visits, lol. You can ask my mares breeder! We are looking forward to meeting you tomorrow and hope we don’t look to crazy after being in the car for hours with the kids, lol!!! Thank you so much! J, B and E (my children) are very excited and made sure her stall was all ready tonight while I got the trailer hooked up. They even went to bed!!! Well, we will see you tomorrow! Will update you along the way so you will know where we are. My phone number is 000-000-0000 to just incase you need it again.

HER
Thank you so much for the mail, we are looking forward to meet your family tomorrow and will talk about everything, have a safe trip!!!

ME
We will and look forward to tomorrow as well. I want to make sure everything is good though. Mainly because my husband is doing a lot to help me get everything ready and I want him to continue to be involved and helping us.
I know that everyone is excited about getting her and if it doesn’t work out, I won’t get another chance. I want my entire family to be involved in horses.

HER
I totally understand that and I think its great that he is so supportive. About the contract, I admit that we haven’t looked into any types of contract yet, so if it is ok with you we would write one tomorrow. I would like to make firm that we will get her back if anything goes wrong… You are not allowed to sell her. Thats really my most important point. By the way, do you have my adress?

ME
Yes and thank you, that would be fine. And I can promise you she won’t go anywhere. She will not be sold or given to anyone. If there is ever a time when we can’t keep her for whatever reason, you will be the first to know.
And no, I don’t have it. That might be important

HER
could be My adress is (her address) and I guess you have my cell phone??

ME
think that is the number I have. It is the one you called me from I believe. I saved it.
Correct me if I am wrong though. Please

HER
Yes it is

ME
Good. And just so you know, my cell phone number is the same one we have had for 12 years. It is never going to change, lol.
So between Facebook and cell phone plus I can give you my email, you will always have a way to get pictures!

HER
sounds good

ME
(My email)

HER
Thank you !!

ME
Thank you. I can’t even tell you how much this means to me. It really is the greatest gift. Thank you for sharing her with us.

HER
as long as she and your family will enjoy each other, that is all we want my son will be there too… he is a little concerned that (Pony name) will leave…

ME
I can’t wait to meet him and have him meet my children. I think once he meets B (my daughter), he will probably feel better though I know he will miss her. She was his first pony. That will always be special. He will always be able to visit to and hopefully one day soon, we will be living down there to.

HER
I really hope that will work out for you. It is beautiful down here and he would like to visit her.

And that conversation went into other topics that included the fact we are looking to move to her area.

Earlier in the week I sent her this:

ME
Monday 9:00pm
Hi! We hope you had a wonderful Easter! I want to give you an update: We reserved the trailer and paid for two days so we could take our time in coming down and going back. Had the truck and trailer inspected by the mechanic to make sure everything is good to make the trip and we are cleared to go. I figured we would be, but I prefer to be safe than sorry, lol. We got her stall ready, bought extras of everything from minerals and carrots to ground flax and Triple Crown and have decided which pasture she will do the best in. My husband is working on getting time off so he can come down with us and as soon as I have the days, I will let you know. He knows it has to be this week and within a day or two. (Her request) So, everything is coming together and we are super excited. I showed my husband her videos today and my daughter was very excited telling him that (Pony name) is her pony and she is going to get to ride her and brush her and take care of her. When you meet her you will see how cute this is. Thank you very much for everything. I really hope you still like us when we get there (joking given the amount of time we communicated and how much she said we were perfect for the pony and just what she wanted for her) because everyone is on board and I don’t think I would be able to get my husband to again! This opportunity is amazing and I can’t tell you how much it is appreciated by all of us. Thank You

Her
sounds good looking forward to meet you all!!

And there is a lot more. So she knew we were coming down to pick her up. That we reserved and paid for the trailer use through the barn, paid extra for a mechanic to check truck and trailer before the trip, bought and prepared items, paid to hold a double size stall next to my mare in the barn at the first of the month so it would be ours for when she got there and not given to another boarder, took time off work because she wanted us to come before the 11th, and had gas (4.5 tanks) and food expenses for 3 children and two adults, etc. Not to mention my children having to ride for that long because they were excited to be getting their pony and I wanted her to meet everyone in my family as well as meet hers.

This is what happened. We pulled to an absolutely stunning facility and expected to meet the pony, talk for a while, do the contract and leave given we had 7 hours to drive back and would be stopping several times to check on her, give water and let the children walk around. She kept saying the contract was at the house and that her son, then her husband, then one of the two would be bringing it down. She had my children ride. We watched her son who is far to tall to be riding her any more to so my husband and children could she how she behaved. They told my Daughter this was her pony and that she was leaving with us today, but they kept stalling on bringing down the contract and kept showing me the pony’s tack that they asked if I would be interested in buying. The bridle I was as she went well in it. A few of the other items like the blankets, boots, fly hat I was considering. The saddle I wasn’t because it was 4 sizes to big. I wanted to have our saddle fitter come out and fit one properly to both the pony and my children. They refused to let us take the pony without buying everything at their price saying if we aren’t willing to buy all of her things and do it without questioning the prices then it was obvious we couldn’t afford the expense of a pony and that they didn’t feel comfortable. It was never in any agreement that we would buy all of that. We were coming for the pony. If I bought anything extra, that would have been my choice, not a requirement. Before finding out that was the only problem, I even called my mares breeder who kindly agreed to talk to her to see what was going on. It had nothing to do with us.

So we ended up leaving without the pony they told my children was theirs, had groom and ride and got them even more excited over all because they didn’t feel comfortable with us not wanting to buy a “package” deal that was never the agreement in the first place and not brought up until after we had driven all the way down there.

So here is the reminder lesson: Watch the amount of time and money you are putting into something not knowing the person you are dealing especially when they aren’t putting anything into the deal. They aren’t going to lose anything in the process, you are. And that goes double when you have children involved.

Class dismissed. :slight_smile:

So, what she did was shitty.

But at the risk of sounding like an a-hole…what if you had driven seven hours, with three children, made hubby take the days off work, rented the trailer, etc…and the pony just hadn’t been a good fit?

Maybe, for such a sensitive issue (a child-safe pony, vs a pro picking up a prospect), it would be better to stick within a more reasonable driving distance so that it isn’t such a huge deal if something goes wrong?

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Well, that sounds awful. I’m so sorry.

Wow, that’s pretty crappy of the pony owner to do!

However, I will say - I think you dodged a bullet here. Consider yourself lucky that the Pony Owner showed you who she was BEFORE you got the pony 7 hours back to your house. I can only imagine the crazy that could’ve followed…

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[QUOTE=GoForAGallop;8098170]
So, what she did was shitty.

But at the risk of sounding like an a-hole…what if you had driven seven hours, with three children, made hubby take the days off work, rented the trailer, etc…and the pony just hadn’t been a good fit?

Maybe, for such a sensitive issue (a child-safe pony, vs a pro picking up a prospect), it would be better to stick within a more reasonable driving distance so that it isn’t such a huge deal if something goes wrong?[/QUOTE]

That’s why we spoke for so long. Watched all the videos, had the agreement that if for any reason it didn’t work out, she would be returned to them, etc. We also discussed a 30 day trial before finalizing even though they also would have first buy back options just in case something happened in the future which more than likely wouldn’t have. Regardless, it was agreed we would be picking her up and taking her home that day.

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Okay, I’m going to go there.

From the conversations you shared, your enthusiasm is a little…off-putting, at least to me. I would have been a little bit cautious going into the situation of meeting you in person.

It’s possible that they were reserving final judgment on you/your family and when you got there in person they just didn’t get a good feeling, had a change of heart, decided they didn’t want you to take the pony after all, and started putting up road blocks.

Now, I’m sure you would have been a great home for this pony! But if the owner was posting her side of the story on COTH I suspect we’d be supporting her for trusting her gut when giving away a beloved outgrown pony.

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[QUOTE=SuckerForHorses;8098180]
Wow, that’s pretty crappy of the pony owner to do!

However, I will say - I think you dodged a bullet here. Consider yourself lucky that the Pony Owner showed you who she was BEFORE you got the pony 7 hours back to your house. I can only imagine the crazy that could’ve followed…[/QUOTE]

Thanks. I have to agree with you to. As much as it was unprofessional of them, we probably did avoid much bigger issues that were bound to crop up.

what if you had driven seven hours, with three children, made hubby take the days off work, rented the trailer, etc…and the pony just hadn’t been a good fit?

I think if the owner had mentioned the “requirement” of purchasing all tack with the pony BEFORE the OP headed out to see the pony, the trip probably would not have happened at all.

It was a shady way for the pony owner to make some money on an otherwise “free” pony. Why did she wait until the OP drove SEVEN HOURS to even mention the tack stipulation?

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[QUOTE=french fry;8098205]
Okay, I’m going to go there.

From the conversations you shared, your enthusiasm is a little…off-putting, at least to me. I would have been a little bit cautious going into the situation of meeting you in person.

It’s possible that they were reserving final judgment on you/your family and when you got there in person they just didn’t get a good feeling, had a change of heart, decided they didn’t want you to take the pony after all, and started putting up road blocks.

Now, I’m sure you would have been a great home for this pony! But if the owner was posting her side of the story on COTH I suspect we’d be supporting her for trusting her gut when giving away a beloved outgrown pony.[/QUOTE]

This is a good perspective too. Maybe they had nothing against you, liked you, but simply just changed their minds and didn’t want to piss you off by saying that outright, so they made up the tack deal to force you to just say nevermind.

Still annoying. :lol:

All for a saddle and some miscellaneous gear you wouldn’t buy? That’s not only cruel to you, it’s insane on their part. Now they are stuck with a pony their son can’t ride (which costs them money) and you are stuck with no pony!

Some people.

You can’t fix crazy.

I’m sorry you went through all that–and don’t blame yourself for driving so far away. Finding a good pony is very hard and I can see why you’d be willing to travel if you thought it was a perfect fit.

[QUOTE=french fry;8098205]
Okay, I’m going to go there.

From the conversations you shared, your enthusiasm is a little…off-putting, at least to me. I would have been a little bit cautious going into the situation of meeting you in person.

It’s possible that they were reserving final judgment on you/your family and when you got there in person they just didn’t get a good feeling, had a change of heart, decided they didn’t want you to take the pony after all, and started putting up road blocks.

Now, I’m sure you would have been a great home for this pony! But if the owner was posting her side of the story on COTH I suspect we’d be supporting her for trusting her gut when giving away a beloved outgrown pony.[/QUOTE]

Yes, I was enthusiastic. I am a happy person like that and it comes through in everything that I do. Always has. She knew that and also knew we had been looking for sometime for just the right one as I have a special needs child as well who benefits greatly from riding. Nothing was withheld and we had over a month to talk on the phone, chat, be on Facebook, etc. If there were concerns, why would they continue, even after we had been there for several hours, groom and have all of my children ride her, have my daughter hose her off and brush her out again and be ready to load her into the open trailer with them continuing to tell my children she is their pony and going home with us, then say no when I didn’t feel it was a good choice to purchase a saddle that was 4 sizes to big for my children (with the idea they will grow into it) rather than have a saddle fitter fit one properly to all of them?

She is on here, which is why I trusted her more than most, and welcome her to comment of her side of the story.

She is on here, which is why I trusted her more than most, and welcome her to comment of her side of the story.

Oh really?! Yep, I’m sure we’ll hear her side! :lol:

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[QUOTE=Amiblue;8098235]
Yes, I was enthusiastic. I am a happy person like that and it comes through in everything that I do. Always has. She knew that and also knew we had been looking for sometime for just the right one as I have a special needs child as well who benefits greatly from riding. Nothing was withheld and we had over a month to talk on the phone, chat, be on Facebook, etc. If there were concerns, why would they continue, even after we had been there for several hours, groom and have all of my children ride her, have my daughter hose her off and brush her out again and be ready to load her into the open trailer with them continuing to tell my children she is there pony and going home with us, then say no when I didn’t feel it was a good choice to purchase a saddle that was 4 sizes to big for my children (with the idea they will grow into it) rather than have a saddle fitter fit one properly to all of them?

She is on here, which is why I trusted her more than most, and welcome her to comment of her side of the story.[/QUOTE]

Oh, so you’re actively looking for a pile-on and then a subsequent trainwreck. Classy!

Good luck with that.

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No I am not looking for anything but to remind everyone that even when you do everything you should, you still need to be careful with what you put into something especially when the other person has nothing to lose.

She contacted me through here with the offer of her son’s outgrown pony. But I do believe there are thousands of others on here who would benefit from the reminder lesson that we got so that they may be able to avoid going through the same thing. If I wanted to created issues for her directly I could have listed her profile name, personal name or anything else. However, that is not who I am.

No I am not looking for anything but to remind everyone that even when you do everything you should, you still need to be careful with what you put into something especially when the other person has nothing to lose.

She contacted me through here with the offer of her son’s outgrown pony. But I do believe there are thousands of others on here who would benefit from the reminder lesson that we got so that they may be able to avoid going through the same thing. If I wanted to created issues for her directly I could have listed her profile name, personal name or anything else. However, that is not who I am.

OP, has it ever occurred to you that no one owes you a free pony? Even if the owner changed her mind at the last minute, she doesn’t owe you an explanation.

I’m getting out of here before this thread turns into the trainwreck it was clearly intended to be.

What is up with this “you can own this pony but you must NEVER sell her” deal.
If you have so many misgivings that you can’t trust me to sell your -oh, wait - MY pony to someone who I deem will be a decent owner, then you should keep your pony. I’m not going to be beholden to a previous owner’s stipulations for the rest of the pony’s life. I find it ridiculous.

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Even if the owner changed her mind at the last minute, she doesn’t owe you an explanation.

Well then the owner should’ve just said “I changed my mind” with no explanation, instead of trying to add in required terms of the deal.

Just say it and be done with it.

I am sure there are three sides to this story.

Taking the OP at face value, I can not see how the OP being overly happy would be something that would break a deal only once the OP was there. If the OP being overly excited is an issue to a seller it seems like that should put an end to the deal before the person drives to get the pony.

I am sorry this deal did not work out. I hope you find another pony that works for your family.

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[QUOTE=french fry;8098205]
Okay, I’m going to go there.

From the conversations you shared, your enthusiasm is a little…off-putting, at least to me. I would have been a little bit cautious going into the situation of meeting you in person.

It’s possible that they were reserving final judgment on you/your family and when you got there in person they just didn’t get a good feeling, had a change of heart, decided they didn’t want you to take the pony after all, and started putting up road blocks.

Now, I’m sure you would have been a great home for this pony! But if the owner was posting her side of the story on COTH I suspect we’d be supporting her for trusting her gut when giving away a beloved outgrown pony.[/QUOTE]

So the OP may have been enthusiastic, but there was regular communication between her and the seller with NO indication of any issues or concerns. If the seller felt uncomfortable with anything during this time, she certainly didn’t indicate it. If she were feeling uncomfortable, she should have said something.

It wasn’t until the OP showed up with the trailer that things went south. Either the person didn’t want to sell, took a dislike to the OP for some reason, or wants to be more selective than she is letting on.

Usually when this sort of things happens, it’s a sign that the universe is telling you there is something better out there.

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