ybiaw, diffusing tense situations on coth with weird humor since 2007.
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I am not looking for her to respond. She knows the truth and knows all of the conversations that were had. No one else here does. I doubt with the extremely aggressive supporters she has, she would want them to realize that she did in fact lead on a family and lie directly to 3 small children.
It was never my intent to call her out otherwise I could have posted who she was from the beginning. I did not do that. The information that was used to search her out was given unintentionally and it shows a great deal about several of the posters who, after I was attempting to protect her privacy and stated that, purposely re posted, searched her out here, googled her personal information and so on. Yes I made the mistake not knowing it could be searched and corrected it immediately. If she wanted to be known publicly or wanted to say what I am saying is incorrect, she has the ability to do that. It was her choice to make. No one elses. This post was about reminding people to watch what they put into something the other person has nothing to lose with.
The few of you who are continuing to be so aggressive have also been corrected by other posters and you have blown through what everyone has said. The truth does remain the same though and regardless of what you want to say, it doesn’t change what she did. And she knows that.
She may not have posted but she’s reading. And now that I realize who she is…I really doubt this was a bait and switch.
Oh for the love of God,
ybiaw! LOL!!
[QUOTE=Amiblue;8100362]
It was never my intent to call her out otherwise I could have posted who she was from the beginning. I did not do that. The information that was used to search her out was given unintentionally and it shows a great deal about several of the posters who, after I was attempting to protect her privacy and stated that, purposely re posted, searched her out here, googled her personal information and so on. Yes I made the mistake not knowing it could be searched and corrected it immediately. If she wanted to be known publicly or wanted to say what I am saying is incorrect, she has the ability to do that. This post was about reminding people to watch what they put into something the other person has nothing to lose with.[/QUOTE]
Please stop lying to yourself and call this spade a spade. If that was what you really wanted this thread to be about, you wouldn’t have posted email after email after email after email of your communication. The reminder could have been given with a simple “Ugh. Drove 14 hours round trip with rented trailer and kids in tow to pick up a free pony for them this weekend and the owner backed out! So frustrated! Remember to get your contracts signed!” And everyone here would have said "Oh, that sucks so bad! What a rotten thing to do. -mental note about contract signing-"BA. Reminder done.
Instead you chose to post on a public bulletin board, that she frequents, all of your communication with her. Whether or not you meant to publicly out this person (and I don’t think you did), you did mean to shame her. To me, that’s pretty classless.
With that said, best of luck horse shopping, OP.
Kisses!!
Still, I am curious of one thing… If the OP had accepted to buy the tack, then what excuse would the PO have had… if she truly did not think the pony should go with that family?
[QUOTE=FalseImpression;8100378]
Still, I am curious of one thing… If the OP had accepted to buy the tack, then what excuse would the PO have had… if she truly did not think the pony should go with that family?[/QUOTE]
Just giving everyone in this situation the benefit of the doubt . . . perhaps the pony owner would have then felt comfortable sending the pony. Perhaps the pony owner was just being honest. I know I can be a little naïve, but it is possibly that in the final moments, the pony owner had a lingering thought that the family, having been looking for specifically a free pony, might not be able to cover unexpected veterinary expenses - and asked the prospective taker of the pony to buy the tack for that reason. Maybe if the OP had decided to purchase the tack, and to use the bridle and the sheets (all of which OP would have needed to buy anyways), and re-sell the saddle. Really, the way I read it is that it is about the saddle. The bridle the OP wanted, and the sheets, I am assuming, would be useful next winter. Perhaps the pony owner was suspicious that if the sheets weren’t wanted, the OP intended to sell the pony who knows where immediately. It’s possible. As far as the pony owner having nothing to lose, I don’t know. I guess I’m not that devious. While obviously it cannot be compared to driving 7 hours, she did open up her home and barn to an entire family, likely for a while to have the test rides, discussion, etc. I don’t see how someone who wasn’t desperate for money would do that, especially with small and emotional children in the picture.
You guys who are so quick to assume the OP is nuts and evil, if it happened to you, just exactly how it happened to PO, I think you’d be ticked off too. And I think you’d feel free to vent online if you were a venting-online sort of person.
I cannot understand why the giver encouraged the receiver to bring a trailer and set up the boarding situation if she wasn’t already sure about the receiving family. The time to evaluate them was BEFORE they drove down with the kids and the trailer.
The giver was in the power position. She could have checked references, or made them send a video of the pony’s future home, or made them send a video of the children around their current horse, or asked for proof of employment, or had Mom fly down without the kids (and the trailer). She could have asked for anything she wanted.
She certainly should have made the contract available before they came down.
But she didn’t. She invited them to drive down with the kids and the trailer.
If she didn’t think they could afford the pony, she should have asked about that before they came down.
If she thought the pony was too good to give away, she should have thought about that before they came down.
If she didn’t think the pony should go to a special needs child, she should have thought about that before they came down.
If she wanted to sell the tack with the pony, she should have thought of that before they came down.
I don’t get it. I think the giver is very flaky.
Regardless of what the OP might have failed to anticipate, I think the giver was very flaky.
[QUOTE=CaitlinandTheBay;8099631]
This reminds me of the thread where the seller had a buyer for her horse but buyer wanted her to come down on the price so he could afford a $7000 custom saddle. [/QUOTE]
Irony of the day.
Sounds to me as if someone involved in this transaction might have been taking COTH people’s advice re another transaction and applying it to this one.
Not quite the same circumstances, but similar … if I’m reading all this right.
Still, the whole saddle thing…
Saddle was 4 sizes too big for your 6 year old, presumably, so guesstimate you’re looking for a 14" or 15" saddle, so this saddle was 18" or 19"? That just seems weird if (assuming, haven’t bothered to figure out the PO) PO has a really nice facility and based on everything I’ve read, seems like a horsewoman. Who would put a saddle that big on a pony?
And somewhere along the lines OP said she was wanting/willing to buy/lease the pony…right? Why squabble over the price of the saddle when you were originally ok with paying for the pony?
Could it be you just couldn’t afford the saddle, at any price? No shame at all in that, especially considering the costs you had accrued at this point, and if you were not expecting to pay anything more. But, it could make a difference to the PO. It would if it were me.
I was recently given a really nice horse. I know I got one hell of a deal, and felt guilty about it, was literally trying sneak money into this woman’s wallet, and finally got her to agree to take some payment for some of the horse’s things. Nothing is, or should be free if it has value.
I’ve no dog in the fight, but leaning toward #teamponyowner unless the above points can be made to make more sense…
[QUOTE=Cindyg;8100411]
You guys who are so quick to assume the OP is nuts and evil, if it happened to you, just exactly how it happened to PO, I think you’d be ticked off too. And I think you’d feel free to vent online if you were a venting-online sort of person.
I cannot understand why the giver encouraged the receiver to bring a trailer and set up the boarding situation if she wasn’t already sure about the receiving family. The time to evaluate them was BEFORE they drove down with the kids and the trailer.
The giver was in the power position. She could have checked references, or made them send a video of the pony’s future home, or made them send a video of the children around their current horse, or asked for proof of employment, or had Mom fly down without the kids (and the trailer). She could have asked for anything she wanted.
She certainly should have made the contract available before they came down.
But she didn’t. She invited them to drive down with the kids and the trailer.
If she didn’t think they could afford the pony, she should have asked about that before they came down.
If she thought the pony was too good to give away, she should have thought about that before they came down.
If she didn’t think the pony should go to a special needs child, she should have thought about that before they came down.
If she wanted to sell the tack with the pony, she should have thought of that before they came down.
I don’t get it. I think the giver is very flaky.
Regardless of what the OP might have failed to anticipate, I think the giver was very flaky.[/QUOTE]
Exactly.
I think it’s starting to be a habit. At least a pattern.
[QUOTE=vxf111;8100445]
Irony of the day.[/QUOTE]
I logged in just to like this post.
FWIW, I do not think that the OP is evil or crazy. I’m just not sure that it was a scam rather than two people communicating poorly regarding a pony that comes with an emotional attachment and other baggage. I agree that if it was premeditated, it was wrong. I would also agree that if the pony owner knew she had reservations, it would have avoided a lot of heartache if she had asked to meet the OP, without the trailer, etc., first and interview her and hash out the terms of the deal. It might have meant the OP wouldn’t have come, but I’d rather that than I would have an awkward situation like what transpired. I’m not arguing any of that. However, we are all human and sometimes we wake up in the middle of the night and realize we can’t live with something we thought we could. People back out. It happens with sales horses, and it happens with giveaways, and sometimes for frivolous reasons.
The original post with the texts, the PO sounds very noncommittal and I’d actually have been asking more questions rather than taking a “we’ll talk when you get here.”
I find “if you can’t afford to spring for all this stuff on the spur of the moment, you can’t afford to keep a horse” kind of a ridiculous way to make that call. That’s basically saying “You can’t buy a bunch of stuff you don’t want or need that you won’t be able to sell easily” you don’t have enough. Unless it was $100 or less, that’s basically saying if you can’t flush money down the toilet on a whim you don’t have financial resources to have a horse. Some people afford horses by not wasting money on frivolous purchases (and a stack of sheets and blankets and a saddle they don’t want are frivolous.)
[QUOTE=alibi_18;8099982]
So next time you buy your kid’s something, give the cashier an extra 100$.[/QUOTE]
I could do that and take another hundred and set it on fire and I still wouldn’t have spent 14 hours and a couple thousand dollars and walked away with nothing . It’s just odd.
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OP, I don’t post much but saw your thread and figured I might have some useful information…
Have you checked into Personal Ponies? Google them and see if it would be a good fit. I don’t have any experience with the group but from a non profit standpoint, I think they are doing a good job. I learned about them because I was looking up traditional shetlands in the US. With a special needs child, you would be eligible.
Good luck on your search.
I am really sorry this happened to you, OP. But the truth is that your emails would have sent some red flags up for me, too, about whether the pony was a stretch financially. Especially the part about how you have budgeted to rent the trailer and 4.5 tanks of gas (what if it takes more?) and how you have enough food for you for the trip. I mean, people eat wherever they are, it would never in a million years occur to me to list enough food as an expense I incurred when coming to see someone’s pony. So that would be an alarm bell for me that your margins are tight.
And while that is OK, I know a lot of people who keep and love horses on tight margins, they could be worried that if pony colics or something that you would have to put her down instead of doing surgery, etc. or as she ages, won’t be able to do palliative meds to keep her going if you don’t have wiggle room in your budget for that kind of thing. All fair considerations. I cannot fault anyone for doing what they think is right for their beloved horse.
I also think there is a whole lot of noncommittal going on in that correspondence, where you are hearing promises. I don’t see that at all. I see “let’s see” “wait” “we’ll see how it goes” “no contract yet” type of stuff. You should have known this was not a done deal and that she was checking you out. She must have felt it wouldn’t be great for the pony, and again, cannot fault her for looking out for her pony.
I am sorry this happened, it is a big disappointment for your kids and I echo everything PNWjumper said about how to frame this to them next time. Nothing is certain until the pony is standing in your stall at home. Good luck finding a nice pony. They are out there!
