Word to the Wise: Lesson Reminder for Everyone

[LauraKY]

[QUOTE=FalseImpression;8100956]
I still don’t understand why the PO did not state “this pony is $$$$” and not even mention the tack. This is a really underhanded way to act whether it was because she did not like the OP, was worried about the financial situation or whatever.
PO should have been upfront, period. We all know that most people take better care of animals they do pay for… not saying the OP would not have.

BUT I find the PO very deceiving and not upfront at all. There were plenty of opportunities to correct/clarify the visit was for assessment… but then if she goes on telling the kids “this is your pony”.

Yes, it is her right to back out of the deal, but it does not look like a very straight and honest person if she can’t tell the REAL reason she wants the $$$ and I am sure it is not because she does not want to be stuck with a saddle…

Sad situation but the PO is not someone I would want to work with either.[/QUOTE]

Of course we’re only hearing one side of the story…and a story that was clearly meant as a “see what you did you big meanyhead” to PO. I don’t blame PO for not joining the thread to tell her story…having myself dealt with all manner of crazy over the years, who knows what the truth is. If I was PO, I would be staying far, far away.

This reminds me of a previous thread about a farm sitter vs farm owner trainwreck. Farm sitter made false accusations. Farm sitter got busted for lying, but farm owner was dragged through the mud. Who wants subject themselves to that?

[VelvetsAB]

@tuckawayfarm;8100149

Well they don’t have a trailer. The amount of money they invested in this adventure wouldn’t cover board at many barns for more than a month or two. I have no idea if they can afford to care for a pony, but from the info given, I have no idea if they cannot. My opinion really doesn’t matter. It wasn’t my pony.

Just want to point out that the majority of horse owners in the barn that I lesson at do not own a trailer. The BO has a (2H) trailer, and the coach has a (4H) trailer. If a pony/horse needs to go somewhere, the BO or the coach take it, or a horse owner has hired a shipping company on select occasions.

Not that the horse owners couldn’t own a trailer…but since some of the horses never/rarely go off property, why pay for a truck and trailer that are never/rarely used?

So it could make reasonable sense that the OP rented a trailer from the BO/BM for the day to go and get the pony.

[Cindyg]

Here’s the bottom line: Had she been manipulated in to buying a saddle she didn’t want, she would own the pony right now, regardless of the PO’s “concerns,” regardless of any other negative traits you want to assign to the PO or her kids.

Had she taken the saddle, she’d have the pony.

That leaves us with a flaky pony owner.

[SMF11]

[QUOTE=cloudyandcallie;8100969]
Sometimes you just get that feeling. And how do you tell someone that you think they are weird and not offend them?[/QUOTE]

I"m totally staying out of this thread (though I’ve enjoyed reading it, I must confess). I’m stepping in only to answer this, as I’ve done it with prospective boarders and prospective leasers of my horse: “I don’t think it is a good fit.” That’s it!

[Cindyg]

[QUOTE=cloudyandcallie;8100969]
…how do you tell someone that you think they are weird and not offend them?[/QUOTE]

What ever it is, it is not this:

“I just can’t trust you with my pony unless you buy all his tack.”

[fordtraktor]

It’s no mystery to me why Pony Owner wasn’t straight with OP. Pony Owner probably thought the real reason would be more hurtful that this BS reason. Haven’t you ever thrown someone a softball rather than tell them the truth? “How does this dress make me look?” “Beautiful!” is the right answer, not “like a Hereford ready to give birth.” You know?

As they say, it’s my aim to get over heavy ground as lightly as possible. There’s no easy way out, but it’s no good pointing out all OP’s faults in front of her kids, and then setting it up so she can argue the merits of issue. Much better to find some catch and back out softly. Maybe Pony Owner couldn’t think of anything better on the spur of the moment. doesn’t really matter what excuse she gave as far as I can tell, OP is going home mad no matter what because she isn’t getting the pony.

[FatDinah]

One thing I took away from OP’s original post was there had been a lot of talking (email) but really no communication. It’s never spelled out if this is a care lease or an outright gift, or what the terms of return or reclaiming might be, or what rights the PO had to visit and inspect pony, or who would decide pony’s care in a medical emergency (i.e. colic) and who would pay for anything beyond regular vet care.
If I were PO, I would have hesitated to directly say to OP, “I don’t think you’re suitable” because I’d expect the same full-blown tirade in person that OP has done on this board. PO took a coward’s way out with tack but, honestly, I might too!
Also, why do people get ponies for such young children? My daughter did not start lessons until she was 8 and got a pony a year later. Before that, she rode leadline on my and friends’ horses occasionally. Young children have such short attention spans, I think horses/ponies ought to just be play opportunities, not real riding learning until at leas 8.

[PNWjumper]

[QUOTE=Cindyg;8101049]
What ever it is, it is not this:

“I just can’t trust you with my pony unless you buy all his tack.”[/QUOTE]

That’s only if you take what the OP said at face value. Maybe PO offered the tack, which was declined, and then later (maybe even totally unrelated to the tack) said, “I don’t think this is a good fit.” I’ve known more than one person to conveniently leave out a detail that they felt was offensive or unfair, and then hone in on some obscure other detail and hammer on that as “The Reason” even though it was an irrelevant detail.

Again, none of us know if this is the case or not, but based on the inflammatory and “I’m 100% right and she was 100% wrong” tone of the OP, I don’t feel like this is a truly reasonable person posting a balanced statement of what happened.

I would love to hear the other side of the story from the PO, but I have to give her huge kudos for not rising to the bait. That right there is enough of a statement on the maturity level of each party involved.

[ESG]

I’m not at all sure that it’s “indicative of the maturity level” of PO; could be “indicative” of the fact that she did behave badly, at the very least by not telling OP that tack purchase was a requirement of deal. Or that PO goofed by telling OP’s kids, “This is your pony” and then reneging on the deal.

It’s a bad situation, with a degree of responsibility for the failure of the deal on BOTH sides. Not my business to try to apportion to either PO or OP. OP, your perfect pony is out there. Use your energy wisely and go find it. And be sure there’s a contract in place before you go (BY YOURSELF!!!) to see pony and meet owner.

Good luck.

[fordtraktor]

Who enters a contract to take a horse they have never even seen!?! and who signs a contract to give a horse away to people they have never even met???

Go see the pony first, check it out, and then decide if you want it and if the people want to sell it to you. Then you can write up a contract and work out the details.

Contract first is like the “Married at First Sight” version of horse ownership. Mistake! You could get there and find something semi-feral, and the owner will be like “but it’s all yours, the contract says so! enjoy your new pony! and if you don’t take it, I’ll start charging you board as of today!”

[vxf111]

It’s quite possible that PO thought this was a free lease and therefore didn’t mind keeping the tack for when the pony came back. Once the OP started talking like she was going to keep the pony for good, the PO realized she had no use for the tack. At that point she figured it made sense for the OP to buy it. When the OP balked at paying (assumption here) a reasonable price for tack known to fit/work for the pony-- the PO realized she didn’t really trust the OP to make decisions in the pony’s best interest and wanted out of the deal entirely. Here she is, about to give them a really nice free pony and they seem flip/unable to afford even basic care items to keep the pony sound/happy. Could have just been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

[ESG]

[QUOTE=fordtraktor;8101103]
Who enters a contract to take a horse they have never even seen!?! and who signs a contract to give a horse away to people they have never even met???

Go see the pony first, check it out, and then decide if you want it and if the people want to sell it to you. Then you can write up a contract and work out the details.

Contract first is like the “Married at First Sight” version of horse ownership. Mistake! You could get there and find something semi-feral, and the owner will be like “but it’s all yours, the contract says so! enjoy your new pony! and if you don’t take it, I’ll start charging you board as of today!”[/QUOTE]

Ummm, NO. Signed contract first would be like “Married at First Sight”. I absolutely would not travel to see pony (alone!) without having been given a contract by PO. Upon seeing pony and deciding pony is appropriate for kids, THEN a sit-down and review of contract with PO is the next step. Tack purchase, ROFR, everything else could have been (and SHOULD have been!) hammered out then.

Horse people are notorious for failing to act like business people and GET THINGS IN WRITING!!! Never have understood it.

[fordtraktor]

OK, that makes more/perfect sense and I have no problem with that! will delete the sidebar. I was letting the lawyer side of me get in the way and thinking there is no contract until it is signed, and wondering why anyone would want to do that! exchanging a draft of a prospective contract, sure. :lol:

[ESG]

No worries. Don’t retract. I’m a paralegal, so we think along the same lines.

[tuckawayfarm]

[QUOTE=VelvetsAB;8100995]
Just want to point out that the majority of horse owners in the barn that I lesson at do not own a trailer. The BO has a (2H) trailer, and the coach has a (4H) trailer. If a pony/horse needs to go somewhere, the BO or the coach take it, or a horse owner has hired a shipping company on select occasions.

Not that the horse owners couldn’t own a trailer…but since some of the horses never/rarely go off property, why pay for a truck and trailer that are never/rarely used?

So it could make reasonable sense that the OP rented a trailer from the BO/BM for the day to go and get the pony.[/QUOTE]

I am probably wasting my time replying to someone who would take a quote completely out of context, but this post doesn’t relate to mine. I was responding to another poster who stated that the OP could obviously afford the pony since she already owned another horse, truck, and trailer. I merely pointed out that wasn’t correct.

Carry on…

[jenm]

@CaitlinandTheBay;8100373

Whether or not you meant to publicly out this person (and I don’t think you did), you did mean to shame her. To me, that’s pretty classless.

What’s classless is telling a young girl the free pony is hers and is going home with her and then changing the terms of the deal at the last minute, if that’s indeed how it went down.

[QUOTE=Cindyg;8100411]

I cannot understand why the giver encouraged the receiver to bring a trailer and set up the boarding situation if she wasn’t already sure about the receiving family. The time to evaluate them was BEFORE they drove down with the kids and the trailer.

But she didn’t. She invited them to drive down with the kids and the trailer.

If she didn’t think they could afford the pony, she should have asked about that before they came down.

If she thought the pony was too good to give away, she should have thought about that before they came down.

If she didn’t think the pony should go to a special needs child, she should have thought about that before they came down.

If she wanted to sell the tack with the pony, she should have thought of that before they came down.

I don’t get it. I think the giver is very flaky.

Regardless of what the OP might have failed to anticipate, I think the giver was very flaky.[/QUOTE]

I agree. While some posters here have criticized the OP for sending emails that were deemed “too enthusiastic”, if the communications posted are correct, the PO should be criticized for brevity. She had plenty of time to take a step back and let the OP know it was not a done deal as well as sent her a copy of the contract to review before she came down.

@Red Barn;8100676

my suspicion is that the PO simply couldn’t think of a tactful way to tell her to get lost. I’m sometimes that way myself, having been brought up in that old-fashioned way that requires we be “polite” even if others are grabby or over-bearing.

So instead of choosing to be tactful and polite during one of the FB messages, COTH PMs and Skype calls, she decided it would be better to have the OP rent a trailer and drive down so she could come up with some crazy reason to kill the deal?

A simple “I’m sorry I’ve changed my mind, we’ve decided to keep the pony” would have prevented not only the heartache experienced by the children but the time and money the OP went through to be able to come pick the pony up.

Granted, we only have one side of the story, but the bottom line is if the PO did indeed tell the girl the pony was hers, what she did was flaky and just plain wrong.

[Casey09]

[QUOTE=jenm;8101176]
A simple “I’m sorry I’ve changed my mind, we’ve decided to keep the pony” would have prevented not only the heartache experienced by the children but the time and money the OP went through to be able to come pick the pony up.

Granted, we only have one side of the story, but the bottom line is if the PO did indeed tell the girl the pony was hers, what she did was flaky and just plain wrong.[/QUOTE]

I agree, but we really don’t know what happened or why the pony’s owner added the tack on later. Perhaps the son became upset that morning, when it was too late, and the mother didn’t want the people coming to take the pony to upset him by giving him a guilt trip. In that situation, I might suspect that the prospective owners would give a, “Little Bobby, you’re too big for this pony and it is time to let other children enjoy him” speech. Honestly, if I’d made peace with it and decided to keep the pony and let guests ride her and provide her care myself in her senior years, I don’t think I’d want someone else making my child feel guilty for having the same impulse.
We all come from our own experiences, though. I have a giveaway companion horse given to me by a wonderful family that fortunately trusted me enough to not turn around and sell him at auction. I also had to give my pony to younger relatives many years ago, and I can tell you that they didn’t provide the best care and it bothered me for years. After that, while I know that ponies are often passed around, I don’t know that I could give a senior pony away unless it was to a close friend that I knew very well.

ETA: It is all pure conjecture. Like everyone else, I’d love to hear the other side of the story, but there is no reason for the pony’s owner and this person to have a fight on a public bulletin board over this. Nothing will change anything.

[VelvetsAB]

[QUOTE=tuckawayfarm;8101156]
I am probably wasting my time replying to someone who would take a quote completely out of context, but this post doesn’t relate to mine. I was responding to another poster who stated that the OP could obviously afford the pony since she already owned another horse, truck, and trailer. I merely pointed out that wasn’t correct.

Carry on…[/QUOTE]

I am sorry, it wasn’t meant to be taken out of context. Your reply just happened to stand out, over what you had quoted…and I looked at that over why you had quoted it.

[Bristol_Bay]

FORGET THE KUDOS!!!

Will you people please stop giving the PO kudos for not responding to the OP? This thread would be so much more delicious if she did.

[Larissa]

[QUOTE=Amiblue;8098130]
Wednesday 9:44pm ME
… If we would bring her back here with a contract that you have first options if ever (which you will never have to worry about as she will never leave us) if there is ever a problem or if we will do a trial for a couple of weeks before finalizing? …

HER
… About the contract, I admit that we haven’t looked into any types of contract yet, so if it is ok with you we would write one tomorrow. …

… They told my Daughter this was her pony and that she was leaving with us today, but they kept stalling on bringing down the contract and kept showing me the pony’s tack that they asked if I would be interested in buying. …[/QUOTE]

@Amiblue;8100074

So the pony’s owner and son who continued to tell my children all the way up to right before we were to load the pony into the open trailer that this was their pony and going home with them today did nothing to raise their level of excitement at getting their own pony?

Something got lost in translation the day of the visit and it wasn’t by the pony owner. OP had her trailer open, ready to load the pony, before an agreement and mutually-expected contract ever materialized. If a buyer were ever so oblivious as to walk off with my pony before the clearly defined transaction was complete you can be damned sure that pony’s staying put.

Given the OP’s horrendous misread on that situation I’d take the events as presented with a boulder of salt.