Working Through Past Trauma

[dani0303]

We’re working through some past trauma in my lessons that surfaced after a bad ride on Sunday that destroyed my confidence. I’m a little over a year back into riding and competing seriously after 6 years of just trail riding. Thankfully this is the first time I’ve run into this problem.

My childhood trainers demanded perfection and if I wasn’t perfect I was reamed. I was repeatedly told I’d never be a good rider, was too fat, was too wimpy, etc. It created an irrational fear of making mistakes. I had a few disastrous distances (which of course my horse jumped from because she’s perfect) that really shook my confidence.

Has anyone dealt with this? How do you move past it? My trainer is WONDERFUL and is focusing on the positives in my ride and it’s helping but I’m looking for other ideas too. She doesn’t have a lot of experience with people who have pasts like mine. I’m very experienced and showed up to the 1.30m as a junior. I have the knowledge and ability but I’m constantly second guessing myself and my decisions in the saddle.

Once again, my horse never ceases to amaze me in how forgiving she is.

[PonyPenny]

Talk to a Sports Psychologist. Many athletes have the same problem.

[Scribbler]

Yup. Sports psychologist. If disastrous ride to you means you got a few bad distances that your school master horse compensated for, you definitely need to work on your psychological resilience.

Disastrous ride to me would by definition include a trip in an ambulance. Being able to attend the emergency ward as a walk-in or drive myself for xrays the next day? Mehhh.

I prioritize counselling here because I am going to guess that riding is not the only area of your life these issues surface, it is just the area of your life you are currently pushing yourself physically and mentally.

Sports is meant to be good for young people precisely because it can build emotional psychological and physical resilience through a graduated system system that’s more play than work, and those qualities can be transfered into real life.

It doesn’t work that way however if the young person is overfaced or humiliated in the sports. In those cases more damage than benefit is done. And if the child isn’t ready for a competitive or disciplined sport, the results can be very bad.

Now as an adult it’s up to you to fix the damage done to you by adults when you were a kid. The big thing is recognizing that your are an adult now, no one is ever going to treat you like that again (unless you go into Army basic training) and all these negative voices are merely in your own head now.

But you need help getting them out.

[dani0303]

@Scribbler

Yup. Sports psychologist. If disastrous ride to you means you got a few bad distances that your school master horse compensated for, you definitely need to work on your psychological resilience.

Disastrous ride to me would by definition include a trip in an ambulance. Being able to attend the emergency ward as a walk-in or drive myself for xrays the next day? Mehhh.

I prioritize counselling here because I am going to guess that riding is not the only area of your life these issues surface, it is just the area of your life you are currently pushing yourself physically and mentally.

Sports is meant to be good for young people precisely because it can build emotional psychological and physical resilience through a graduated system system that’s more play than work, and those qualities can be transfered into real life.

It doesn’t work that way however if the young person is overfaced or humiliated in the sports. In those cases more damage than benefit is done. And if the child isn’t ready for a competitive or disciplined sport, the results can be very bad.

Now as an adult it’s up to you to fix the damage done to you by adults when you were a kid. The big thing is recognizing that your are an adult now, no one is ever going to treat you like that again (unless you go into Army basic training) and all these negative voices are merely in your own head now.

But you need help getting them out.

Wow, you really nailed it! I did look up a sports psychologist in my area. Unfortunately without having health insurance I think it’s going to be prohibitively expensive ($175/hr) at this time.

[Scribbler]

@dani0303

Wow, you really nailed it! I did look up a sports psychologist in my area. Unfortunately without having health insurance I think it’s going to be prohibitively expensive ($175/hr) at this time.

There may be other options for counseling that help with the negative self talk that are less expensive than sports counseling. There may be online resources.

[PonyPenny]

@dani0303

Wow, you really nailed it! I did look up a sports psychologist in my area. Unfortunately without having health insurance I think it’s going to be prohibitively expensive ($175/hr) at this time.

You should not be on a horse without health insurance.

[dani0303]

@PonyPenny

You should not be on a horse without health insurance.

Probably not but I shouldn’t be driving a car or going outside either. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

[Figment]

Was just talking with a wonderful mother in my area today. She had dinner last night with a fellow rider/now mother who literally is having PTSD from a former trainer. You are not alone. Try to realize that some riders allow trainers to lay their own low self-esteem on them. And parents allow it, also, because they have invested the $ in the horse in order for their child to achieve success.

[PonyPenny]

@dani0303

Probably not but I shouldn’t be driving a car or going outside either. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

Fine be blasé about it, but not having health insurance with all your issues is extremely irresponsible.

[dani0303]

@PonyPenny

Fine be blasé about it, but not having health insurance with all your issues is extremely irresponsible.

I’m not sure why I have to explain this to you but through a series of circumstances I cannot get insurance until open enrollment this year. Sorry but I refuse to not live my life because I’m uninsured. Thanks for your concern though.

By issues I hope you’re referring to my lack of confidence over fences. I’m unaware of any other “issues” that I have.

[APirateLooksAtForty]

I think she is saying one would think it wise to spend her money on a simple and inexpensive health insurance plan rather than riding.

[dani0303]

@APirateLooksAtForty

I think she is saying one would think it wise to spend her money on a simple and inexpensive health insurance plan rather than riding.

I have every intention to when open enrollment comes around but I can’t until then.

Can we please get back to the topic at hand?

[dressurpferd01]

@PonyPenny

You should not be on a horse without health insurance.

I guess those of us who are trainers who can’t even hope to afford insurance should just pack it in as well?

Drop the condescending bullshit

[OneTwoMany]

@dressurpferd01

I guess those of us who are trainers who can’t even hope to afford insurance should just pack it in as well?

Drop the condescending bullshit

Wow.

[Equibrit]

Can’t see that there is a problem, other than you believe your past to be different than millions of other riders. When a horse loses confidence we take him back to basics, same with people,

[PonyPenny]

@dressurpferd01

I guess those of us who are trainers who can’t even hope to afford insurance should just pack it in as well?

Drop the condescending bullshit

Entitled much. Are you going to start a GoFundMe the day you get hurt, so others can pay your medical bills? Riding is extremely dangerous. The fact people do it for a living without adequate insurance including health and liability just baffles me. Do you drive a car without insurance? I hope you disclosed to your clients that you do not have insurance, so they can think twice about riding with you.

[Risuena]

OP, you may be my long lost twin :lol:

I have a different background - no trainer issues, but I have a similar voice in my head that if I can’t do it right, I shouldn’t do it at all…In case any of my mental tricks help you:

My jumping anxieties stem not so much from height as from worrying about ruining my horse. Had a pretty bad ride a few weeks ago where I couldn’t get out of my head. Missed some distances and had some pretty awkward jumps (like you, my horse wasn’t bothered and jumped around fine). As is typical for me, this progressed into me thinking I needed to go back to crossrails until I could nail the distance to every jump every time because otherwise I was going to ruin my honest, wonderful (but somewhat young and green) horse and turn him into a stopper.

But I know (even if I don’t believe) I’m not going to ruin him because I miss a distance (these jumps are small enough that it truly isn’t an issue). And that is where my new mantra popped into my head: “My anxieties have no basis in reality”. And it seems to help - I acknowledge my anxiety, but put it in context.

Two other things that have helped me:

I tell myself that I’m supposed to make mistakes. If I don’t, I’m not progressing and I’m not learning. Mistakes are GOOD. Like life, the point isn’t to be flawless, the point is to learn how to handle bumps in in the road and the chip to the oxer.

I’ve also been actively seeking out videos that show good but not perfect riding and that has also really helped me. I’m loving watching some young horse jumper classes (via USEF Network). One got deep to a two-stride and ended up putting three in - and you know what, they were just fine! (This was one of my biggest mental issues - what if we don’t get a perfect distance to the first jump!!! Catastrophe!!!). I saw missed distances and all the things that worry me and you know what - maybe they pulled a rail, but they were just fine!!

Anyway, I don’t know if this is helpful at all, but if nothing else, you are not alone!! I’ll be following this thread - I don’t think this is an uncommon problem I’d love to hear other ideas & mental tricks.

[Scribbler]

@PonyPenny

Entitled much. Are you going to start a GoFundMe the day you get hurt, so others can pay your medical bills? Riding is extremely dangerous. The fact people do it for a living without adequate insurance including health and liability just baffles me. Do you drive a car without insurance? I hope you disclosed to your clients that you do not have insurance, so they can think twice about riding with you.

Liability insurance for trainers is available and relatively affordable.

In the United States health insurance is neither available nor affordable for a wide chunk of the population including many self employed people. I thought that was well known, as it has been such a big political issue over the past few years.

Here in Canada we have affordable provincial health insurance but it does not cover counseling or dental. My extended benefits from work cover dental, but most employees don’t have that.

[dani0303]

@Risuena

OP, you may be my long lost twin :lol:

I have a different background - no trainer issues, but I have a similar voice in my head that if I can’t do it right, I shouldn’t do it at all…In case any of my mental tricks help you:

My jumping anxieties stem not so much from height as from worrying about ruining my horse. Had a pretty bad ride a few weeks ago where I couldn’t get out of my head. Missed some distances and had some pretty awkward jumps (like you, my horse wasn’t bothered and jumped around fine). As is typical for me, this progressed into me thinking I needed to go back to crossrails until I could nail the distance to every jump every time because otherwise I was going to ruin my honest, wonderful (but somewhat young and green) horse and turn him into a stopper.

But I know (even if I don’t believe) I’m not going to ruin him because I miss a distance (these jumps are small enough that it truly isn’t an issue). And that is where my new mantra popped into my head: “My anxieties have no basis in reality”. And it seems to help - I acknowledge my anxiety, but put it in context.

Two other things that have helped me:

I tell myself that I’m supposed to make mistakes. If I don’t, I’m not progressing and I’m not learning. Mistakes are GOOD. Like life, the point isn’t to be flawless, the point is to learn how to handle bumps in in the road and the chip to the oxer.

I’ve also been actively seeking out videos that show good but not perfect riding and that has also really helped me. I’m loving watching some young horse jumper classes (via USEF Network). One got deep to a two-stride and ended up putting three in - and you know what, they were just fine! (This was one of my biggest mental issues - what if we don’t get a perfect distance to the first jump!!! Catastrophe!!!). I saw missed distances and all the things that worry me and you know what - maybe they pulled a rail, but they were just fine!!

Anyway, I don’t know if this is helpful at all, but if nothing else, you are not alone!! I’ll be following this thread - I don’t think this is an uncommon problem I’d love to hear other ideas & mental tricks.

Thank you! I will certainly try that

[Scribbler]

@Risuena

OP, you may be my long lost twin :lol:

I have a different background - no trainer issues, but I have a similar voice in my head that if I can’t do it right, I shouldn’t do it at all…In case any of my mental tricks help you:

My jumping anxieties stem not so much from height as from worrying about ruining my horse. Had a pretty bad ride a few weeks ago where I couldn’t get out of my head. Missed some distances and had some pretty awkward jumps (like you, my horse wasn’t bothered and jumped around fine). As is typical for me, this progressed into me thinking I needed to go back to crossrails until I could nail the distance to every jump every time because otherwise I was going to ruin my honest, wonderful (but somewhat young and green) horse and turn him into a stopper.

But I know (even if I don’t believe) I’m not going to ruin him because I miss a distance (these jumps are small enough that it truly isn’t an issue). And that is where my new mantra popped into my head: “My anxieties have no basis in reality”. And it seems to help - I acknowledge my anxiety, but put it in context.

Two other things that have helped me:

I tell myself that I’m supposed to make mistakes. If I don’t, I’m not progressing and I’m not learning. Mistakes are GOOD. Like life, the point isn’t to be flawless, the point is to learn how to handle bumps in in the road and the chip to the oxer.

I’ve also been actively seeking out videos that show good but not perfect riding and that has also really helped me. I’m loving watching some young horse jumper classes (via USEF Network). One got deep to a two-stride and ended up putting three in - and you know what, they were just fine! (This was one of my biggest mental issues - what if we don’t get a perfect distance to the first jump!!! Catastrophe!!!). I saw missed distances and all the things that worry me and you know what - maybe they pulled a rail, but they were just fine!!

Anyway, I don’t know if this is helpful at all, but if nothing else, you are not alone!! I’ll be following this thread - I don’t think this is an uncommon problem I’d love to hear other ideas & mental tricks.

I sometimes wonder if too much time in lessons can lead to unrealistic perfectionism.

If I think about watching trainers school green horses, correct distance is the goal not the starting point.

They try to set the horse up for success with ground poles, grids and a good stride length.

If you stay calm and realistic you can analyze how the last jump went and alter things. Bigger canter, crisper turn off the rail, etc. If you get flustered and ashamed, all your analytical ability flies out the window and you might as well take a break and go for a trail ride that day. This applies to every aspect of horse training not just jumps.