I wasn’t so much responding to your specific client but rather the more general question of why people ride even when it causes them anxiety and whether it could be enjoyable. You can enjoy something that gives you even significant anxiety. And feel great accomplishment in doing something that IS difficult.
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Poor thing. It really does not sound like she’s enjoying herself at all. I get the whole adrenaline-rush aspect of facing your fears, but that’s not the same thing as facing sheer terror.
The Grand Canyon gives me sheer terror. Going there doesn’t give me an adrenaline rush. It makes me want a tranquilizer dart.
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Agreed. Yet she comes back every week, ready to try again. She loves grooming him, feeding him snacks when we’re done, the look on her face when I called her through her first little pretend dressage test… there are wonderful moments, for sure.
But I have a nagging fear that when my Old Man puts a foot wrong someday, which for him will be a small and manageable spook, the whole thing will come crashing back down to square one. I hope not - but it’s all so precarious.
I always feel like I’m going to throw up before starting out on XC but once I get going, I’m fine.
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So…this is going to sound totally woo-woo, but maybe something like liberty or clicker training might be more enjoyable for her?
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That’s not a bad idea, actually. Thanks!
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It sounds like she may have anxiety issues (and also maybe some trust and sensory issues) which are spilling over into her riding. If she keeps coming back, she must be getting something out of it, even if it doesn’t seem like she is to an observer.
Perhaps ask her to visualize a really perfect ride, with everything going well, and point out all the times she’s feared the worst and nothing bad has happened. I know it’s more difficult with a kid, but maybe even ask her what her worst fears are. Sometimes that can be helpful, in terms of helping her put them into perspective. It’s one thing to think “this horse is going to spook and fling me across the arena” (a thought which can be obsessive and reoccurring, if you keep it to yourself) versus saying it out loud on Mr. Steady Eddie plodding around the arena, who probably would find that way too much energy.
Depending on where you’re at, not that expensive.
If you were to lease one of our nice lesson horses to show, it would cost you $100 a day. Keep in mind that the horses work an average of 2x a day 5 days a week at an average of $50 a lesson, they require shoeing, veterinary care and maintenance, and if they are insurable, we have a small policy on them. So they actually are not even making money at $100 a day, they are not in the school, they miss their turn out, and they work much harder than they would, had they stay at home
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I sell a fair number of horses, and I don’t tend to respond to these types. I don’t mind if someone vets my horses, but if they don’t know how to interpret the results, combined with vets who hesitate to offer advice to an owner they don’t know about a horse they’ve never seen before, it never ends happily.
You have to go into horse shopping knowing what is an absolute dealbreaker for you, what is a nice to have or not have, and what you don’t really care about. Making that a dynamic proposition is why people never find horses they are happy with.
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I had a horse who was so beyond safe - I mean BEYOND - and an older woman fell in love with him. She was also terrified to even trot for more than a few steps. When I say they do not make horses safer than this horse, I mean it. I’ve let a 3 year old child ride this horse on his own. The older lady was always stressed but kept insisting that she wanted to ride. I finally had to put a stop to it because there was literally nothing else this horse could do short of being actually dead to put her at ease.
I bought a horse recently who was firesold by his owners for, essentially, not being a robot. He hasn’t put one single hoof wrong since he arrived here - he literally has angel wings that as far as I’m concerned nobody else can see - but the way they talked about him, you’d think he was absolutely a rogue. He is incredibly sensible, smart, a little sensitive but not in a hot way, and there’s literally nothing wrong with him except that he doesn’t jump around with his eyes closed while taking a midday snooze, probably because someone scared the hell out of him at some point.
I’m sure if he got a mind to it he could use that warmblood athleticism to kill me dead. So far he hasn’t given any indication of being so inclined.
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This area does have a very broad range of prices, with half leases anywhere from $200/month for a W/T/C trail horse, to +$2000 for a hunter/jumper, so that I can understand. However, ads for the latter type usually mention showing or some performance history (not included in this ad) and usually don’t come with requirement of an advanced intermediate/experienced rider. But, I accept that its possible this was just a poorly worded ad. By the way, the day lease price for this horse did not include lessons, so if the lesson cost $50, that would be a $150/day lease price.
We talk about this while we’re grooming before a lesson, but I don’t think I’ve asked her to describe to me what a perfect ride looks like. That’s a good idea.
I ask her “do you trust me? do you trust Niko (Old Man)? do you trust yourself?” and the answers go yes, yes, no. I reask the question until it’s yes, yes, yes. I ask her to repeat after me: “I can. I will. I must.” I ask her to repeat, in a firm assertive voice, “I can do this”. I ask her to sing. More or less I’m trying to distract her from falling into whatever cycle her brain goes into when she experiences crippling fear. Being right on the edge all the time like that is exhausting to me - I can’t imagine how exhausting it is for her.
It’s not easy, for either of us. That’s for sure. I will keep trying with her, so long as she wants to continue.
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I want to love this twice! Brilliant explanation!
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This is a great idea for anxiety.
No shame in loving grooming and taking care of a horse without the riding part. She might love the first part enough to deal with the second part.
Also try driving or even a western saddle helps people feel more secure that are nervous.
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Do you do breathing exercises while mounted? I find they help me TREMENDOUSLY when I feel nervous in the saddle @endlessclimb
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You are doing a fantastic thing helping this girl @endlessclimb. How lucky she is to have you as a role model in her life. 100000 karma points to you!
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Its so good of you to share your time and horses with her. I’m sure the attention and time with horses is special to her, even if she isn’t built to be an equestrian. We remember people who are kind to us.
I’m a horrible swimmer, just really no talent for it and I hate getting my face wet. During an outing to a local lake, my older sister’s friend saw me doing my pathetic doggie paddle in the shallows while everyone else swam out to the buoys. She swam back and tried to teach me the basic crawl stroke. It was nothing new to me, I’ve had swimming lessons a the Y & summer camp, but just the fact that she wanted to help me improve and give me some tips sticks in my memory. I never became a great swimmer or developed a love for water, but I remember her kindness.
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I’ve told her to take deep breaths, hold and then let them out, but that’s about where my breathing knowledge ends. Do you have tips or resources?
@luvmyhackney she’s in my rough out barrel saddle. She had exactly one “lesson” in an English saddle, and it was clear she wasn’t ready for that.
And thanks @equinelibrium and @BatCoach. Teaching her may not be my most favorite activity, but if she wants it I’m there. If she ever decides it’s not her thing, I’m OK with that too… but I’m not giving up on her.
It is exhausting though, I can’t lie.
I really derailed this thread, sorry OP.
I’m going to DM you a contact for an equine sports psychologist that you/she/both of you might want to work with. She might be able to help you and your client with this!
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For a while I was riding a young horse that I didn’t trust and I was getting really anxious riding out with him. Somebody here suggested singing while riding. I tried it. It may sound crazy, but it really works. If you’re singing you have to keep breathing and it diverts that panicking part of my brain.
Our trail anthem was “The 59th Street Bridge Song” by Simon & Garfunkel. “Slow down, you move too fast…” 
You might try getting your student to sing while she’s walking around the arena. Even silly little songs like “Row, row, row your boat” or “She’ll be coming around the mountain.” You may have to lead the singing to get her started.
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