I’m pregnant and DH and I found out yesterday that we are having a boy. While there are many things about that that excite me, I have to admit a small part of me was disappointed as I know eventing/english riding in general is predominantly girls/women and it seems that the odds are against our soon-to-be-son sticking with it long term. While we fully intend to let our kid (whether it was a boy or girl) explore their own interests, obviously it would be very nice to be able to share riding/eventing with my kid. So, do many of you see young boys in eventing or other english disciplines? If you have a son, does he or did he ride at all in any discipline? Just curious! (and I have nothing against western riding, if our son wanted to pursue that instead I’d be fine with it, just wondering the odds of him being an eventer like me! :winkgrin:)
The Groton House fall event looked to have somewhat of a gender mix in the junior classes (not remotely 50/50, but it wouldn’t be an “I’m the only boy here!” moment either), and what I see in my little corner of the local training scene matches that; at my (small, training-oriented, mostly eventing) barn there seem to usually be 1-2 boys in the group of juniors that’s regularly heading out to local shows.
Some of it is cultural inertia; if you can make it clear that the option is available and you’ll be supportive of whatever he wants to do you’re probably ahead of the game already. Eventers are a pretty easygoing bunch, too.
In area VI, I’ve noticed more young boys showing this year than I’ve seen in the past. I hope it’s a continuing trend. I would imagine some boys may get put off at first because the overwhelming majority of participants are females, but I’ve seen first hand how great this is for guys when they are of the age when attention from girls is a good thing!
What jenm said.
Is your DH an eventer too?
Mom, with any luck, you can first introduce him to the fun things, like hacking out over hill and dale, only equitate as much an needed for safety sake. Then find some other boys who ride that way too, keep him out of hunter barns. Hook him on CC, and then make sure he learns the value of dressage.
Educationally sorta backward, but if you wanna set the hook… 
And get him a male coach. With any luck Denny will go on forever.
And too, some boys see the value of being amongst a lot of girls.
I have two hard core eventing friends (both have gone intermediate+) with boys.
Neither of them pushed too hard. They both eventually got a pony, the kids rode sporadically for a year or two, lost interest, and aren’t riders.
My friends are fine with it, and said it’s cheaper to buy them a motor bike than support their kids riding anyway!! One even bought herself a motor bike, she wants to be involved with her kids and said, if your can’t beat 'em, join them.
There are some around here-- the pony club/ polocrosse/ pony racing/ foxhunting route definitely draws more than strictly eventing or H/J.
I’m an expert on this topic :D. I have three sons that ride. I’m not sure where they all plan to go with it. One is a serious horse lover who I’m sure will be be a lifelong rider. One enjoys it and is a very nice rider, but has other passions and interests that often take precedence. The youngest, I have no idea–he’s either complaining bitterly about something (the weather, having to wait a minute while I tack up my own horse, etc) or he’s waxing poetic about how fabulous his pony is.
This is against modern thinking, but as a general rule, I don’t believe in just 100% letting your kids figure out what they want to do. Kids may or may not have the experience, wisdom or self discipline to explore activities wisely or well. (If your family has the time, the resources and a taxi driver to allow your kids to dabble in a bunch of random activities, that’s great, but I haven’t found random exploration of activities to be fruitful. It’s a theory that sounds nice, but in reality those activities suck up a huge amount of important family time and free time for very little gain.)
Sometimes the most worthwhile, wonderful things are difficult or boring to learn at first. And, as a parent, I think it is a pretty reasonable and healthy thing to share your passions with your kids. It’s NOT about living vicariously through your kids, it’s more about sharing what is special and important to you with your children and about spending time together. Riding with your kids is a great way to spend time together.
If you want to set your kid up for success, worry less about what discipline and worry more about shopping for fun, suitable ponies. My boys like showjumping, love fox hunting, and tolerate small quantities of dressage. I show hunters and jumpers, but I have moved away from the hunter/eq/show scene with my kids. Boys are tall for their ages so they look older, and despite being athletic they are slower to develop “polish” and showmanship. Recently we have been on a fox hunting kick and going hunting together is a wonderful way to spend a Saturday.
My son rode in his first event when he was 9. He’s 14 now and still eventing. He loves his horses, but it’s not the same all-encompassing love that girls get. For instance, when he has free time, the first thing he thinks of is video games, not riding.
The “all the girls will love you” argument does not work on young boys. Maybe it will help them stay involved as teens, but you’ve got to get them that far first.
What helped a lot for my son was getting him involved in Pony Club. I could have chosen a few clubs in my area, and chose the one with 7 boys in it. My son was 7 when he joined, and one of the first things he said was “Pony club makes riding more fun”. He was also highly motivated to keep up with the kids who were slightly ahead of him. His favorite part of rallies is sitting around and eating snacks. Our club is down to 3 boys right now, and most of the other clubs in our region have a few boys, too. Along with eventing, Pony Club would let your son do cool things like polocrosse, mounted games and tetrathlon (also quiz, show jumping and dressage). My son has been to championships for eventing and games. He doesn’t care if he’s on a team with all girls or not.
Trail riding is also a good way to keep boys interested (no need for a western saddle). When my son was 2-4 years old, I’d take him on long pony rides on the trails. He had a leadline saddle with a handle, and I’d go out on foot with him on the pony.
IF Jr was one of those kids who fell off a few times and decided that he didn’t like riding. He’ll do a trail ride a year maybe.
That being said, he is AWESOME at working with young horses on leading and handling. He is a fantastic trailer loader. He is great for vet or farrier calls. He helps with lessons. When I drive, he is on the back of the carriage as my navigator. He also is an awesome volunteer at HTs. He happily jump judges or times in show jumping.
So, while IF Jr did not grow up to be a rider, he did grow up to be good with horses and liking a life that includes horses. He is a college student now. I just hope he takes up with a horse loving eventing girl who will appreciate his skill set.
[QUOTE=IronwoodFarm;8343683]
IF Jr was one of those kids who fell off a few times and decided that he didn’t like riding. He’ll do a trail ride a year maybe.
That being said, he is AWESOME at working with young horses on leading and handling. He is a fantastic trailer loader. He is great for vet or farrier calls. He helps with lessons. When I drive, he is on the back of the carriage as my navigator. He also is an awesome volunteer at HTs. He happily jump judges or times in show jumping.
So, while IF Jr did not grow up to be a rider, he did grow up to be good with horses and liking a life that includes horses. He is a college student now. I just hope he takes up with a horse loving eventing girl who will appreciate his skill set.[/QUOTE]
Wow…that is ideal boyfriend/husband material. Good job mom! I’m way too old but I know many girls his age that we can stack the deck to get him a nice eventer
I have a 3 year old son and he has not been on a horse or pony yet. Every time we have an opportunity, he sais he does not want to ride. I took him to the barn and he met my horse, saw me ride, groom, etc, saw my trainer ride, and nothing. I think right now its fear, but also he is now really into cars and golf. He might decide to want to ride later when he is braver, but I am not holding my breath. He does want to come out to the barn with me occasionally, but I can’t take him every time since it requies finding another adult to hang out with him. I will probably be able to take him to the barn with me when he is older, but by then he will probably be more interested in doing something else.
Sorry I can’t answer your question, OP, im in a somewhat similar situation, but I guess only time will tell. I will offer him opportunity to ride if he wants to, but i’m not planning on forcing him, as it is too difficult/dangerous/expesive/time consuming of a sport if your heart is not in it.
One of my 5yo sons trotted for the first time today on my OTTB. He’s shown interest on his own–I have not pushed. They’ve both (twins) sat on a pony, but in the past couple of months Teddy has really shown enough interest that I think it might be a real thing. He says he wants to on on a trail ride soon (we are definitely not there yet)
My 14 year old son events. He went to a church event and they had a pony ride. He was hesitant at first, but really wanted to ride. We finally got him on and then almost couldn’t get him off! I found him a western barn and he went once a week for glorified pony rides. After a year of that we switched to a hunter barn. He stayed there for years but got very tired of hunters. He ALWAYS had the fastest time on his rounds, unfortunately that wasn’t what the judges were looking for!!! He switched to an eventing barn almost 3 years ago and loves it.
I think it takes a special personality for boys to want to ride. My son loves animals. He doesn’t get too caught up in the whole winning/losing aspect. He LOVES to win, but he doesn’t get too up about winning nor too down about losing. This is good, because I believe, especially if your son will be tall, that boys get control of their bodies slower than girls and also just don’t care too much about looking good. My son just wanted to go fast. When he got in middle school he almost quit riding, but we, quite frankly, told him no because we had put too much time and energy in at that point. As suspected, he wanted to quit because some boys had been making fun of him and he’s so glad we made him stay.
I agree with the poster above that said that kids shouldn’t be given total freedom on activities. I teach ms/hs and the kids I teach that are allowed to choose anything seem to float through life with no direction and quit as soon as things get hard. I wouldn’t make my children do anything if they were miserable, but I also don’t mind having them continue on for a period to make sure it’s not just a phase. My son will tell you that he is absolutely glad that we made him stay with riding for the year he wanted to quit. We allowed him to stop showing and to back down on intensity but he still had to take a lesson a week and he still had to ride outside of lessons since he owned a horse. We told him that we didn’t care if he ever showed again or if he ever did another clinic and we would not ask him/pressure him. If he wanted to up the intensity he would need to come to us and ask, which he eventually did.
Some things he liked:
Tall boots when he was officially “too young” (like age 10) because they looked like Darth Vader
Changing out of riding clothes before leaving barn. It was MUCH more comfortable for him to ride in jods/breeches but he does NOT want to wear them in public.
Metal clincher on his brow band because it looks like war.
Having a horse with a puppy dog personality. His second pony was a stand-offish mare that he never really enjoyed on the ground. His horse is a certified goof-ball with the sweetest disposition and he enjoys spending time with him.
Working with male trainers. His main trainer is a female who respects the fact that he is a boy and doesn’t necessarily teach him the same way as the girls. He has LOVED doing clinics with males and as much as possible I sign him up for those.
Now that he’s 14 he appreciates the girls in tight pants but that was not and is not a selling point. As a matter of fact he told me once when he was younger, “I know I will appreciate being surrounded by girls when I am older, but right now it’s really annoying!”
Good luck! I am so thankful that my son loves to ride. I know though, that no matter what you will find ways to bond!
I’m a 16 year old guy and I event. Once you get higher up in the levels you see more and more guys riding. Like at recognized events. I don’t know where all the pro guys come from though because I hardly ever see boys my age, they’re all a little older.
I wear Horse hair, wonderful post and as an off topic, when I was a young lad I got to choose an instrument to learn to play. I chose the trumpet. A year later I didn’t want to really play it any more (5/6 grade) and my Mom put the hammer down on that thought. She sat on the other side of a door for almost a year timing my practice/ At 30 minutes she’d finally let me out. It was war, but in the end she won, because I went on to play in High School, College, and 4 decades later, still play (though not much).
I find reading this thread to be interesting since as far as I know, every post is from a woman. Son’s may love their Mom’s, but underneath, Dad is the standard they measure life by. How involved is Dad in a young boy’s riding? From many posts throughout this forum over the years I’d guess not much, because many SOs (on the male side) are supportive, but are playing golf, fishing, going to College games more than actual riding. Want to get a young boy engaged in riding, get Dad to ride. Get Dad to Event for then he will start to measure the sport against other men. Consider the competition they have all around them; football, baseball, basketball, hockey. How many times has Dad sat with them to watch Rolex or some EU 4* and talked about the male riders. It is a damn sight harder to ride a horse for 5 minutes over a cross country course than it is to catch a small round ball with a mitt, but the latter is consider more “manly”. Why? Because it is male dominated, but even more so, because Dad says it is. To my knowledge, the US has zero, nada, zilch make riders under the age of 30 in top level competition. For a young boy, he does not want his role model to be a “girl” even if she is the best around. An adult male, like myself, can connect with a female rider, but I’m able to look at the whole package of skills, not just the riding, but that young boy needs a Michael, Phillip, Martin closer to his age that makes him think, “I want to be that!”
This is quintessential problem for the US. In Australia, New Zealand, EU, they have no issues fielding men in all ranges of the sport. In a way, I feel this is a small part of what makes them better. Men and women competing against each other on an equal playing field.
Here in the US we truly do need more men, young and old involved in this sport. If I can learn to ride and Event, starting at 47 (I’m 55 today), then other men can do the same with the right encouragement. For young boys, Dad needs to not just be a passive background supporter, he needs to be almost in front of Mom, setting an example that in life, learning to ride will make them a better person for it requires one to be athletic, mentally sharp, caring, and disciplined. That when a young boy is made fun of about horse riding, he can challenge the mental midgets to just hop on a horse and run cross country without getting killed.
Best of luck OP and congratulations on the future son. If you really hope to see him become active, get your husband active now for one thing that will inspire a son, is seeing his father not just run cross country, but place from all phases. He can say with honesty, “Yes dressage sucks, but it is the foundation for everything, just like school so we do our best so all the rest works”. When asked “Do you get scared Dad?” the answer will have meat if he says “Yes, son, but we learn to control that fear, use it to overcome obstacles so we become even better.”. Yes, father’s could teach a lot if they rode.
Good point about the dad’s influence. I’m a single mom, and my son’s dad only visits him for about 3-4 hours/week. It would seem he should have very little influence, but he does. Luckily, as my son gets older he can think more for himself, but it’s still there.
He’s been a “passive supporter” of his riding, but doesn’t ask much about it. I really noticed the difference a few years ago, during my son’s short-lived lacrosse career. His dad attended nearly every home game in the two seasons he played, but has only managed to watch him ride exactly twice in the 7 years he’s been riding away from home. Luckily my son had other male role models in the horse world in the form of instructors and older male Pony Club members. It seems like it shouldn’t matter, but I think it really does.
I was always on guard for kids at school to start making fun of him for riding, but luckily, that has never happened (he’s in 9th grade now). When I ask, he says that his friends all think it’s cool that he rides. I also think he doesn’t talk excessively about horses at school, so no one thinks he’s a horse loving freak.
The horse trials where I volunteered this weekend had several boys in the middle-school age range competing. They were on a ‘team’, wore the same male-toned shirt colors, had tall boots, hung together and were very involved in watching the scores. They all seemed to be enjoying being there and enjoying their rides, but for them it was clearly about much more than the ride and the horses. I don’t know if that is due to male role models and sports, or if it is innate make-up of boys.
Fwiw, there is a strong male tradition of riding in South America. Aside from the Olympic-level riders (and in some disciplines even including them), males dominate riding sports. Without adopting the whole ethos there may be some things to think about that could help encourage boys to participate more here, including male role models and an understanding of how males relate to the sport.
Did you know there isn’t even a feminine form of the word “rider” in Spanish?
Perhaps making a point to bring in more male clinicians, and watch videos and take boys to see excellent male riders. As has been mentioned, men aren’t so hard to find in the top echelons of riding sports. Understand what appeals to males - one observation is the gender demographics of professional jockeys. There are definitely male riders in this country, but in many cases they aren’t in the same part of the sport as the majority of female riders. That’s worth some thought.
[QUOTE=IronwoodFarm;8343683]
IF Jr was one of those kids who fell off a few times and decided that he didn’t like riding. He’ll do a trail ride a year maybe.
That being said, he is AWESOME at working with young horses on leading and handling. He is a fantastic trailer loader. He is great for vet or farrier calls. He helps with lessons. When I drive, he is on the back of the carriage as my navigator. He also is an awesome volunteer at HTs. He happily jump judges or times in show jumping.
So, while IF Jr did not grow up to be a rider, he did grow up to be good with horses and liking a life that includes horses. He is a college student now. I just hope he takes up with a horse loving eventing girl who will appreciate his skill set.[/QUOTE]
There are some great points here! :yes: I don’t have sons, but I have noticed the way males enjoy participating - and it is often not ON the horse. So many dads seem to be in love with the truck-trailer part of the equation. I think some dads would hook up and go with an empty trailer even if wife/daughter wasn’t going, if they thought they could get away with it. :winkgrin:
Some things that many girls don’t seem to find that appealing really bring a grin to the face of a boy, and a lot of those things are in the volunteering end of the sport. Anything involving a gadget or equipment seems to keep them entertained all day - timing, scoring, raking take-off and landing spots, picking up jump poles, even opening & closing the in-gate. Notice where the volunteer males gravitate vs the volunteer females.
At a horse trials for both riders and volunteers, it’s interesting to see what the girls endure but the boys enjoy, and vice versa, because it doesn’t seem to be the same things. I think that’s worth some thought.
You also can just sort of gauge your kid and see how it goes. I have two boys and while my little one is too small to tell yet, my oldest doesn’t seem to have the horse bug at all. And while I understand what the PPs mean about having kids stick with stuff, I absolutely do not believe in forcing kids to ride if they don’t want to because I love horses. I refuse to do that – my mom always forced me to take part in her hobbies thinking I had to enjoy it because she did, and I didn’t. All I wanted was to do horses. After seven years of piano lessons and a half hour of daily practice hating every minute, I swore I would never force my hobbies on my kids.
However when my kids do an activity they are required to commit to it and stick with it. If you sign up for a team, you go to all the practices and games for the whole year, etc. even if it isn’t as much fun as you thought because you made a commitment to the team and have to follow through. You can teach those same lessons whatever hobbies they do choose. Saturday morning it was 40 degrees and misting and we were out there shivering watching six year olds play soccer - it’s all the same life lessons.
If one of my kids picks up horses, that will be great! And if not, that’s fine too. Honestly, it’s dangerous and expensive, it’s OK with me if they don’t. I am far more worried when my kids are on a horse than I ever have been myself! Don’t see how horse show moms do it, I get twitchy leading them around at home on my good citizen old pony!
JP60, thanks for your great post. I agree, Dad’s attitude and involvement is important. My own husband is not a rider, but realized for the sake of his sons (in particular his one horse crazy son) that he had to be careful about his attitude towards it. For example, he once made a snippy comment that he wouldn’t ever wear boots and breeches and I asked him how he thought that would make his english riding son feel if he heard him say that. For Christmas that year my husband asked for and received a pair of breeches and asked my son if he would give his dad some riding lessons! That was a really important gesture validating my son’s interest in and accomplishments in riding. Also, after struggling through a few lessons from my son he developed a better appreciation for and sense of respect for what it takes to be a good rider. Now when he sees my son ride a course well, his applause is deeply sincere!
I’m not suggesting that anyone “force” their kids to ride, but often kids don’t want to do something like riding because they don’t feel like changing their clothes or bothering to get a pony tacked up. Then once they are actually ON the pony, they enjoy it. (One of my sons is always annoyed about doing his piano practice, but then he loves playing songs once he has learned them, same thing.) Also, I would never push a kid to jump or compete or ride a pony they are afraid of. But yes, if I’m taking two of my sons on a trail ride and I don’t have a babysitter, the third son better get his nose out of a book and get his pony tacked up.
Ottbeventer, I appreciate your post also. Frankly, I have not quite found the right competitive niche for my kids. Horse shows are not a great place for young boys, it’s a parade of girls in ribbons where things like polish and showmanship are rewarded highly. While I would like for my boys to eventually develop more polish in their riding, that’s just not something they ENJOY focusing on, so horse shows just aren’t a good value for us. I think some eventing may be in their futures.
