His dad certainly will, I know that! I fret a bit about middleschool, though!
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It’s wild to me that some people still think consent can be assumed if there is no obvious refusal. You can NOT assume the answer is yes until you hear a solid “no”. Society in general needs to enforce the idea that it should be assumed “no” unless specifically told otherwise. Flip this BS in reverse.
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AAaiiieee!
Third generation high school English teacher, here. I feel your pain.
Similarly, I reported for a Maine thrice weekly. One of the new hires confused elastic with electric in a story about re-purposed tires. I’ve never forgotten those magic electric tires. Our copy editor was on vacation, so only the regular editor proofed copy that day, or this never would’ve made it to print.
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I’ve seen a new standard being advocated, that is the standard of “enthusiastic consent.” With that standard, even a polite “okay, I guess.” doesn’t cut it. Enthusiastic consent is like, “yes, Yes, YES!”
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@sapphiremoon how did it go this weekend? Were you able to give the BO your letter?
I don’t usually add on when in agreement. I want to add my story.
The only young, white, and female employee amongst an extended family of Mexican immigrants. One man three times my age started bringing me coffee, helping with stalls on BM’s day off, finding moments I was alone. Began asking about my personal life, bringing food to my on-site apt, scanning apt’s windows, following me around the property.
The most I could do was freeze up like OP and look for an exit. I tolerated it, as it slowly escalated, for a couple of years. Silence is another form of freezing. When I realized how big the problem had grown and how unsafe I felt, I stayed silent. I didn’t want to suddenly be mean or unfair. I thought it was my fault for not shutting it down from the beginning.*
Unless I was horseback, I became uneasy and afraid when outdoors. Looking over my shoulder not knowing where he was lurking. This was my workplace and my home. Ultimately I quit a wonderful, very unique job at a gorgeous barn with a supportive boss in a city people aspire to live in.
I never told the owner. I feared victim blaming. I feared retaliation. I feared he would be fired and I would feel I ruined his life. I didn’t want to act privileged or ignorant of racial inequities.
*I hear some of this self-blame in OP’s responses. This is not OP’s fault. I caution all posters to monitor latent victim blaming. Forget “shoulda told him off,” “shoulda withdrawn your hand,” “shoulda told BO.” Should have to take self defense classes to enjoy your horse?!!
Past is past. Each time is his fault. Each time he knows what he’s doing. Each time is a new chance to stop this now. My advice to the girl I was? Tell someone. Tell enough someones that it gets back to the man and/or the boss.
That’s my story. OP, I hear you. Hundreds of people around the world understand what you are going through and have your back. People at your barn will support you, too. Please act and report back. 
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@SummerRose, I once worked for a woman who harassed good looking men like crazy. She was a minority and boldly said no one could do anything about it. Finally, a male minority did publicly come forward to expose her behavior. I’m not trying to derail this thread-just wanted to provide support.
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I haven’t read all the replies, so excuse me if I’m reiterating something already said…
You need to tell the BO. Full stop. This is important.
If you feel uncomfortable, you need to tell someone.
I was 20, working a service type job at a store while in college, I had an older gentleman (late 50s) get friendly with me. He was a bit too friendly, but I thought I was over reacting. I was chatty with all customers and tried to tell myself it was fine, he’s just nice, etc.
Until one night, just before close, he walks in. We later see in the cameras that he parked around the corner and peeked in the windows to confirm the store was empty. I worked alone.
He comes in, gets his newspaper… chatty as normal. Then tries grabbing my hand. At this point I was uncomfortable but convinced myself it was “grandfatherly” like and harmless… until he asks to kiss me. I was taken aback. I diffuse, reject, he leaves.
I felt like I did something wrong. I was beyond embarrassed. It must have been my fault.
It was actually my riding coach at the time who I told first. The next day I went to the barn and she immediately knew something was beyond wrong with me. She convinces me to tell my parents and my employers.
One, I’m lucky my dad didn’t go on a man hunt. They trusted the process. And two, my employers did everything right. They asked if I wanted to call the police (I did not - at this point I still felt like I caused the issue which wasn’t the case) and they dealt with the issue.
Long story short, trust your gut. And end the situation before you get put in that situation where you may or may not be able to diffuse.
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BO and Trainer have been notified and I will be following up with them later this week. It was really hard for me to do but I am glad its done. I don’t know yet what the exact solution will be but I already feel a bit safer knowing that they will be looking out for me.
It’s kind of crazy how gradual and seemingly innocent this sort of behavior can be. If it weren’t for all the stories and great advice shared in this thread, I am sure I would have never said anything. So thank you to everyone who helped me see the bigger picture here. I am keeping my fingers crossed that there is some sort of positive solution but I don’t know yet. I am still very anxious about retaliation as that was the main fear stopping me from setting boundaries and speaking out. Hopefully I can put this all behind me soon.
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Well good for you, that was hard to do I’m sure, but it’s a victory nevertheless. Now you know what to do if something similar happens in the future, don’t let it escalate speak up, and protect your personal space.
Hope this has a good outcome, and don’t you dare feel guilty if creep is let go, it was his actions, not yours, that would be has downfall.
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And thank you for starting this thread! Even though I’m much, much older than you, and despite being a sexual assault awareness educator at one point in my life, I wasn’t aware until reading this until how often men who got creepy later on started things off with an “innocent” handshake. Because it’s so hard to object and sounds strange to complain, “he shook my hand,” until you start piecing things together.
I feel so much more relieved knowing now you’re not alone IRL with this burden!
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Truly hope everyone does the right thing and this is resolved and behind you soon!
OP even if the outcome is less than ideal for you, always remember from this that you are someone who can step up for yourself. Whatever happens this time is not a reason not to do it if in future you are ever in an unfair situation. Not just on a harassment issue, but maybe something else some day - work assignments, hours expectations, anyone imposing on your goodwill and time … etc.
You are a strong person and a sensible one. Your life is important. Good things will come to you if you keep looking out for yourself. 
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Bolding mine.
THANK YOU Sapphiremoon for taking these steps, you never know if you may have prevented this guy not only from progressing in his approach to you, but, he may well have targeted another young girl there who may not have been able to avoid his unwelcome attentions. In standing up for yourself, you may well have helped someone else too.
I’m very glad to hear that you already feel safer and that reporting him went well. And I’m happy to hear that our minor efforts at AnnLandering (you may have no idea of who she was… now I feel old! LOL) was of some help to you.
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Good job. Well done.
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I’m sorry that your dad dismissed your concerns. Please don’t take that to mean that your feelings are not valid. You may need to work on how you express them. Just as you’ve done in this thread, I’m guessing when you told your father you used lots of “I don’t know” and “maybe it’s just me” kind of statements. Stop equivocating, stop arguing his side of things and trying to find reasons why you may be overreacting.
Repeat after me: There’s a barn worker who is touching me inappropriately whenever he catches me alone at the stable and he makes me afraid for my safety. Say this out loud, practie in the mirror even. And then say it to your father and to the barn owner.
Effectively immediately, though, you need to set some boundaries with this employee. Don’t shake his hand any more, ever. His intentions do not matter, all that matters is that you don’t want to be touched.
And that’s all the justification you need.
Does he speak any English? If yes, when he extends his hand, say “No, I don’t want to shake hands” Friendly-- say this with the same tone as if he had just offered you a soda but you didn’t want one. Next time he does it though, your tone sh not be friendly. “I told you No. You need to stop now.” And just walk away. Seriously, don’t stand there for another second, don’t listen to his protests that it’s all innocent. Just walk away and go about your business.
But please, seriously call the barn owner tomorrow and tell them what you’ve told us. No self-effacing equivocation. Just: This employee continually tries to touch me and I don’t feel safe.
If not for you, do this for the next young rider who he targets.
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Good on you, and thanks much for the update.
As for positive solutions, you protected yourself and probably others like you. Seems pretty positive to me.
His problems are not yours to fix.
Kick on and look for the next jump.
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We’re all there with you, either because we have done this before and know the discomfort and second guessing that plagues you after reporting inappropriate behavior. Or, because we carry the regret that we didn’t do it.
I hope your father understands. If he doesn’t, seek out women in your family. Maybe they’ve just gone along with things in the past and standing up never occurred to them. Maybe they’ll cheer you on. I hope you find support in your family.
You definitely have an entire army of support here. Every time one woman stands up and says ‘no’, she protects other women. Men like this escalate. You stood tall and made the hard choice. Thank you, for all of our daughters, sisters, and mothers. You’re not alone in this.
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Anyone else recall that Ann Landers and Dear Abby were twin sisters?
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Yes, I remember reading that.
Rebecca
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Well done, you. That’s not easy and I know we’re all proud of you for doing so.
I suspect I’m a handful of years old than you but not many. I can tell you right now that if one of my teens/college girls confided this sort of behavior was happening at our barn, to me, I would have absolutely backed them and taken it to the owner & barn manager. I am not a mom but I am an older sister and if someone is messing with my younger counterparts, they’re gonna have a bad time. I am sure there are others at your barn that would do the same!
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