And be reassured that now that he will know that “everyone knows”, the threat of retaliation from him greatly diminishes. He will know that if you have any “problems” that he will be the number one suspect.
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I have definitely increased my awareness of the interactions of the various young people and adults I’m around at the barn.
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This right here.
Ladies – speaking re general public here – please please stop protecting predators with silence, with not naming names and concealing details. You aren’t naming to shame (well except for me, I am), you aren’t sharing details to be icky about it, you are naming and sharing details TO PROTECT OTHERS and YOURSELF.
The more other people know, the less scope the predator has to harm others. The more people know, the more protection for each of us, and especially an individual with a problem right now.
There is no reason that #$& shouldn’t be outed to the world. If he were a bank robber or battered someone outside of a bar, he would be likely to be in the news media police report and everyone local would know. He would have it on his record for prospective future employers to consider. This behavior is equally as serious and harmful. In fact prospective future employers may need this information more than almost any other.
If a predator is embarrassed, hell yes they fecking should be and should think about being outed every time they transgress. If they lose a job, that’s on them – they lost the job based on their own behavior, just as if they were stealing from their employer.
I pray that someday we consider this kind of harassment to be as serious an infringement as stealing, embezzling, and violence. It is that serious. It’s just that too many people don’t treat it that way.
Too often society doesn’t even consider the woman’s side. They assume that women “get over it” and go on as if it didn’t happen. Personally I have never seen that happen. There was always a significant life alteration in the wake of these problems if they aren’t addressed properly.
I cannot tell you how many women I have encountered that lost significant and important parts of their lives to behavior in this realm. No, their other opportunities weren’t better. Some lost a sport or other activity that was part of their whole being. Some lost their passion career. Some lost a huge amount of income that might have come their way. (For proof, read the consequences to the women who didn’t submit to Roger Ailes, Les Moonves and Harvey Weinstein. Whatever lucrative passion career they might have had just vanished.)
Those losses are the thing that first caught my attention about these issues, way back before anyone gave a damn. Women who didn’t just quit a job, they left an entire passion career. Left a sport they had been dedicated to since childhood and had been pursuing with higher aspirations. And so on. Because they were afraid to stick with it and face future similar situations that they couldn’t control.
And if OP loses her barn, it will be another loss.
But we continue to hope for the best outcome until we hear differently. 
What matters most is that this young woman has been validated and has discovered strength within herself to take forward into the future. 
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The biggest threat to women is men. always has been and unfortunately, always will be. Unless, we ALL stop letting them get away with it. My hat is off to the OP for coming forward.
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You got this! I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself!
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Well, I have Asperger’s and I often get judged and called out here for things I’ve posted. And it hurts. As I guess my words have sometimes hurt others unintentionally. I can also do sarcasm with the best (read: “worst”) of y’all and I get shot down for that too.
Do I consider myself a victim? Depends on the day and my mood.
I don’t know precisely which behaviors you mean. I do know that some behaviors of some women in this day and age are interpreted by some men as “Come and get me big boy, I want it.” And I believe that the behavior of some women among men is like a human of either sex going swimming in the ocean while bleeding and then getting outraged when a shark smells the blood and attacks. It’s like tourists at Yellowstone who deliberately get into a wild animal’s space to photograph or pet the animal.
And that is all I’m gonna say on that subject.
I hope OP is doing OK and staying safe.
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Well, I hope that we have evolved past being animals. As humans, we should be more than our biological urges. So if a woman is intentionally sexually attractive, and behaves in a sexual way toward a particular man, that absolutely does not warrant a sexual assault. Ever. Period. It might warrant an inquiry, and if the response to that inquiry is “no,” then that should be the end of it.
This really should not have to be explained in 2023.
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boy howdy I would love to hear some everyday examples of what that behavior would be. A woman could be in a bikini twerking in a strip club and the rule is still NO TOUCHING. Are you of that backwards mindset that says if a teenage girl wears a tank top to school its her fault for distracting boys? Like teenage boys can’t control their own damn eyeballs and we need to dress conservatively to protect them?
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Consent. That is the ONLY thing that matters. Not how she’s dressed, not how she’s dancing, blah-blah-blah.
And maybe it isn’t right to compare men to animals and use the ol’ hackneyed “boys will be boys” excuse. Nope. Men are humans and men are fully capable of acting like respectful humans and should do so.
Exactly.
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Maybe you have dated, backward beliefs. As you just expressed right below that.
Also these days, people seldom identify as Aspergers. It was folded into the broader Autism Spectrum approx. a decade ago and Hans Asperger, who was the person Asperger’s Syndrome got its name from, had ties to Nazis, etc. so it’s only fallen more out-of-favor.
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Seriously! The dress code thing makes me so mad, and sending girls home for, you know, dressing appropriately on a hot day so they don’t pass out seems to be more rather than less common than when I was a kid.
For many men, a woman just having breasts means she’s “potentially interested.” Or a woman saying “hello.” Or a woman being alone.
Again, this is placing the burden on the woman to say “no.” It’s also assuming the male gaze is the norm.
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Of course it should not. And in 2023 men should not assault women. No one should assault anyone. Ever. Period.
Good luck with bringing out such a Utopia!
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Ah, but what is “appropriate”? Is this place where these girls are air-conditioned? Do you remember back when schools were not air-conditioned and girls still dressed appropriately for school? What do you think of “appropriate” dress for girls in mostly Muslim hot countries? What is “appropriate” in one place is not necessarily “appropriate” in another.
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And if she doesn’t say “hello”, she’s accused of being a “stuck up bitch.”
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It. Doesn’t. Matter.
Nuns in habits get raped.
Women in burkas get raped.
Infants in diapers get raped.
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Exactly.
Patriarchy means women have little more right to safety in this culture than clueless tourists in the wilderness.
As long as patriarchy is the status quo, those who benefit from the current system will continue to discriminate against women, fondle our children, abuse, and murder us.
If you’re still confused about women’s “behaviors,” here’s a lighthearted approach to discovering internalized misogyny.
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Appropriate is however a woman wants to dress to feel good about her body. Which is often minimal clothing in the summer or working out!
The “stuck up bitch” or “totally into the guy”dilemma is real.
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I still don’t think that you are getting the point. Sexual assault will always exist, although hopefully less if we speak out and stand up against it.
But the point is what Ghazzu has said below
I would add that elderly women and altar boys get raped. It has literally nothing to do with what the victim wears or does.
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The cynical side of me says people who spout this rhetoric don’t WANT to get the point. They wanna live in a Leave It To Beaver, Andy Griffith Show 1950s fever dream fairy tale that never really existed.
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I have been quietly reading this thread, not saying much because everyone else (for the most part ) has been so articulate, helpful, and thoughtful. But after reading this, I really, really want to know what ‘behaviours’ you think women engage in that’s roughly equivalent to people getting too close to bison or sharks.
I want insight into misogyny. Into the darkest heart of the patriarchy. Please, tell us how women swim into shark infested waters, stirring up the uncontrollable instincts of these creatures, who have brains that haven’t evolved since dinosaurs walked the earth.
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