Yes. I was asking about riding other horses.
@dogsbody1 you can send me the vid if you like
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I guess I hesitated because if she wanted to share it with everyone she could just post it, so I assumed she doesn’t want to share it with everyone. 🤷
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I think she just didn’t want it broadly on the internet. I’m sure she will share. She’s very nice and well spoken. She’s just is trying to do the right thing by a horse she loves.
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Not everyone else has said euthanize as the only option. Most have put it out as a valid option if the horse is putting people at risk, or the OP can’t keep her in a safe way. A better option than selling or giving the horse to someone else. For both the horse’s sake, and the sake of the people down the line. A few posters do seem to be pushing hard for euthanasia, in response to the OP’s complete dismissal of their experience. That’s hardly everyone saying “kill it because it rears”.
Many people who shared similar experiences did have to euthanize their horse, and suggest things the OP consider, hoping to save them the same heartbreak. Because we don’t know what we don’t know. We learn the things that affect our horses, and what affects our friends’ horses, and maybe a bit about what affects other horses at the barn.
How many times have you chosen to check something specific because you knew a horse with similar symptoms/behaviour that turned out to have that specific thing as the cause? It must be a lot, given all the horses you’ve worked with. I’ve had far fewer horses, yet I’ve suggested people look for something because I knew a horse with similar symptoms, and it turned out to be the same cause.
When we don’t know, we persist far longer than someone who knows would. Potentially long enough for catastrophic results. We can figure out how to manage the horse’s issue, and it’s fine until the underlying cause gets worse.
I do hope that @dogsbody1 can reread this thread and pick out the things people have suggested looking for, and manage to set aside their bias in order to really assess the horse, and perhaps have a few red flags to watch out for if the immediate choice is to continue to micromanage the horse. There’s nothing wrong with that choice either.
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I think this is a wonderful idea. For one. you will get to enjoy a horse been a good citizen and get to. enjoy riding. Depending on the program hopefully you will get to see several other horses interacting with their people.
This could do one of two things, help you see just how much you put up with with this horse, or that maybe she isn’t that bad and you just need a few tweaks.
You wouldn’t be the first person who inadvertently taught their horse some bad habits by allowing certain behaviour because you just didn’t know what you were doing or not doing was creating a problem.
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You will get much, much better, more diagnostic films if you go into a referral clinic. They have more powerful X-ray machines and bigger X-ray plates.
Just finished reading the rest of the thread and I see that @Simkie Simkie beat me to this suggestion!
I’m not sure where you are located (other than you’re 2000 miles from California) but I would strongly recommend either Rood and Riddle or New Bolton for a full neuro workup with imaging.
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I said euthanize because I know that 99% of people you know in real life will not. Many owners end up feeling it is the right choice in their heart but it feels like a completely unacceptable option. We don’t know you. We don’t know this horse. From what you described removing the layers of social politeness or potential of social blowback, we are telling you it is okay to say enough is enough. It is okay even if your friends don’t understand or social media followers think that the right magical supplement or bareback pad would save her.
If you think she can be a safe and happy retired horse, then I’d move forward with that being very transparent with a barn and prepared for a back up plan. My journey of owning horses as an adult has been emotionally very painful and a far cry from what I dreamed. It has been expensive and full of heartbreak but also not something I would want to change. I understand the emotional commitment even when things did not go as planned.
Doing your due diligence to try and identify any root pain issues (neck, ulcers, eyes, etc.) is a very tangible way to show your commitment to her and desire to know the truth. Even with an inconclusive result, I hope that you take away from this post how many of us have personally known people seriously hurt or killed by an unsafe horse. Many thought their horse was reformed or had a bit of a black beauty complex where they thought they knew all of the triggers. A horse doesn’t have to be aggressive to be unsafe. The ones who mentally click off and then just go…up, back, sideways, wherever, can put you in a hospital in two seconds before their brain even comes back on.
Please stay safe and understand that if you decide it is enough, it is okay. She lives in the moment and when her day to day is no longer happy, making a very hard decision will be the most empathetic and heartbreaking thing you can do.
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It tells me you’re grasping at straws & cherrypicking what you feel supports your belief you can fix all the issues you’ve described.
The videos are select moments in time, not a full picture of the dangerous behavior you describe.
Put your camera on to record a week’s worth of behavior, especially on the ground because - aside from the rearing danger - that’s where you or anyone at the future retirement facility is most likely to get hurt.
As for your dream of keeping this mare on your own farm:
Do you have experience (aside from visiting a boarding barn) in the daily care of horses?
24/7/365 care.
When you are sick, horses still need care.
When you’re at work & get called in early or need to stay late what happens to your strict feed/turnout schedule?
Do you have family who could help?
If you want to add me to your Pile-On List, fine.
But I speak from a Citygirl background, with the benefit of working in a couple boarding barns.
Never full-time, but enough so when I built my barn I knew what worked & what I’d change.
I’m now near 20yrs (this August!) of caring for horses at my small farm.
Alone.
I have a very good, helpful, nearby neighbor family, but 99.99% of the work gets done by septagenarian Me!
I’ve owned, ridden, showed & cared for a total of 6 horses since 1989. & Rode a herd of schoolies from age 8-15, then as a re-rider from 35-39 when I bought my TB.
Currently have 3 - horse, pony & mini.
I ride Dressage & trails with the horse, pony is decorative & I drive the mini.
I’ve only had 1 - my first, the TB - who had no training issues & the mini came to me as a 2yo blank slate (who I had broke to drive by a young Amishman).
The others I call my Science Experiments, as all had training holes. I was fortunate to have competent Pros help me work through them, but only the TB was ever ridden by a trainer.
And none of their issues were anything dangerous, even the light-in-front WB I mentioned above.
I’m living my dream, I sincerely hope you can achieve yours.
But this mare might not be the best fit for that.
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These are great things to consider for ANYONE that wants to bring horses home.
But to the point here - I find big boarding barns have a stricter schedule than almost anyone keeping them at home. This is good for most DIY horses, since they get relaxed about dinner time and turnout time and all that because it never happens at exactly the same time. However, if OPs mare needs this white glove to-the-minute very strict schedule, it may simply not be possible to keep her at home. If OPs mare is fine on 24/7 turnout just being a horse and getting fed and blanketed whenever, as long as the property is setup well it MAY work.
Proceed with caution.
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All very well put @2DogsFarm.
@dogsbody1 a horse that’s dangerous on the ground really is a poor candidate for being a pet. Pet horses have one job: be handled. From the ground.
When you have horses at home, doing things like taking vacations or even spending the night away gets difficult. Finding someone to come take care of your place and animals can be hard, and costly, and be very limiting. Even with perfect horses.
Having a dangerous horse makes that a LOT harder. I’m not even sure what the liability of that looks like. What if your sitter gets badly injured by this horse?
(And I say this out of experience. Not only have I actually euthanized a dangerous horse–one a lot less dangerous than this one–but I recently dealt with an enormous, frightening behavioral shift in another horse, right before our annual trip, which we could not cancel. And although I was able to effectively medicate the symptoms, and set it up so my trusted sitter handled the horse zero, it was still an incredibly stressful experience and I fully recognize that we got LUCKY that nothing bad happened.)
And maybe you’re saying “I’ll never leave”? But it’s not just you–what’s your husband think about that? And how do you think your life might change over the next decade? Are you planning on perhaps having kids? Would you want this horse near any child?
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I feel like maybe you missed the part where I said I did self care for a year on someone else’s property. So yes, I know all of this. In fact, the summer I restarted her under saddle was also the month I first got COVID. And because the property owners were very cautious, I had to wear a mask any time I was on the premises until a week after I stopped testing positive. So, I was mucking out and lunging and riding in 90 degree heat wearing a mask and probably breathing at 30% capacity, but I did it. I wore ice cleats in winter to get traction to push a wheelbarrow through half a foot of snow. I was there whether I had a fever, a hangover, a stomach bug, a migraine…I get that you can’t just call in sick, or decide the weather is too bad, or you’re just too tired to get out of bed at 6am seven days a week. And I was having to drive 25 min each way just to get there and do it twice a day, to a barn that wasn’t set up to be particularly convenient or labor-saving. So, I get what it entails. As for her behavior: she was a completely different horse. She was calm and quiet. I had a farm sitter take care of her on multiple occasions — over the holidays, on a week long vacation in August, on a few occasions I had to travel for work. And while obviously it’s a hassle to have to coordinate care and it’s costly, it was not impossible, and I wasn’t concerned about her behavior on the ground back then. She was a happy horse who felt safe and her behavior reflected it.
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And then she was not, and has continued to not be like that.
And that’s the thing.
You never know when the dangerous horse will show up.
If YOU want to take that risk, okay, but it’s at best unfair and at worst a huge enormous liability to expect others to take that risk.
If this horse had been dangerous, and was no longer dangerous, and the path was entirely dangerous 
not dangerous, that would be a different question. Still worth asking some hard questions about.
But you have a horse that has shown she’s just straight up dangerous. Yes, that’s great she’s had periods where she’s safer. But she returns to her dangerous behaviors.
Which makes it very … risky? concerning? dangerous? … to assume that a) you can ever get her back to “safe” or b) that she really IS. Because she’s proven that “safe” isn’t an end point, and she goes right back to dangerous.
You cannot control every variable, all the time, even with a horse at home.
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Ok, just for the record—so that it doesn’t seem like I am completely and obstinately in denial—I am going to ask the vet about euthanasia. Because I agree with what others are pointing out, it’s possible vets are just hesitant to ever proactively bring it up, unless it is such an extreme situation that it’s the only obvious choice. And honestly? Euthanasia would be easier. Just like wiping my hands of her and surrendering her to the rescue lady would be easier. The decision would be harder but the outcome would be easier. I’m not too dumb or deluded to see that. But… I also don’t feel that either one of those decisions is right. Like I said in the original post, something can be easy but that doesn’t make it right.
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I feel like people need to watch the videos to get a clearer picture. I also think decisions like this aren’t black and white. Ask me how I know…
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Which of your pros knows her best irl? The rehabber, maybe? Why not have a frank convo with that person as well? Really, talking to all the pros who know her would be a good idea.
I know it’s a tough discussion, but I’d leave the explanations and excuses for her behavior at the door, and just straight up ask if they think her behavior is bad enough to consider euthanasia.
It’s tough for anyone to tell an owner that they should put down their horse. If you want to know their opinion, you’d have to ask very specifically.
That you feel a measure of relief considering euthanasia is telling, too. It’s okay that it’s sad, and hard. It should be, truly.
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I would never give this type advice unless someone asked. This might be why it was never brought up - you didn’t flat out ask.
But in the title of your thread you asked “what would you do?” I answered: I would euth.
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Kudos to you for sticking with this horse and trying for so long. BUT she has known safety issues that a variety of pros cannot fix to date, despite her young age. Surrendering her to a rescue is passing the problem down the line - what if a volunteer gets hurt? Or they rehome her and the worst happens - someone is killed?
This horse is not on the path to any soft landing.
The best you can do for her is have a brilliant spa day and put her to sleep, knowing you did the best you could for her in a tough world.
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I think this is a reasonable compromise, as long as you don’t intend to get on her again.
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Yes, and to all the people who have said it’s like staying in a relationship with an abusive boyfriend, I would say it’s not like that at all. It’s more like having a sick dependent relative with a chronic illness. I haven’t been in that situation personally, so I don’t mean to minimize anyone’s experience. But seeing my parents go through it with their parents, I see the parallels. Of course you want them to make a recovery and have the best quality of life possible, but idk if anyone could blame you for having an occasional intrusive thought that life would be so much easier if they were gone. So yes, I’ve had those thoughts. But I think just like anyone else with a loved one experiencing a hard time and depending on them, I would never really want that to happen, and I feel an enormous responsibility to do anything I can to optimize her situation.
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Change the word “easier” to “safer” and see if you still feel the same way.
To all those saying watch the videos. Don’t need to, they are a short glimpse, the multiple trainers refusing to work with said horse tell all I need to know with an inexperienced owner.
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