BOs: confidentiality?

From the business perspective, the potential BO may have a long-established relationship with the present BO that is far more important to her to maintain than preserving confidentiality for someone she doesn’t know who is sneaking around sniffing out future boarding situations behind her present BO’s back. And given she did not preserve your secret it is a good bet she would not have accepted you as a boarder until everyting with her friend was out in the open, as well. She may just not feel like dealing with the repercussions that come with appearing that she has in some way aided and abetted in stealing a boarder over to her farm. She should have just remained silent and allowed your email to go off into cyberspace, but since she didn’t you have all revealed yourselves to each other and now the damage repair begins.

Next time, if you’re not trying to outrun a crazy person, play it above board with your BO. She may even help you out by recommending a good place to move to that fits better with your new job, etc. Mine does.

I’m not outrunning a crazy person. She is a fabulous BO. I love my friend and was trying my best to do things with the least drama.

Well. Lesson learned. Someone’s word means nothing.

I was trying to spare some angst and instead, because someone didn’t do what they said they would do, created more.

I am someone who believes in a handshake, who believes in holding up my end of a bargain, and trusts in the good of folks.

Basically someone gossiped after they said they wouldn’t.

I wasn’t moving the horses in the dead of the night, I wasn’t leaving with no notice or not paying my bills, I wasn’t asking the prospective BO not to tell the current BO I was leaving.

I went to see a barn. Period. The end. Even if I had not asked the BO to keep it confidential, why on earth was there the need to broadcast it all over? It’s not like I have a bunch of horses or make whit a difference to anyone. Why gossip about me being there in the first place? Even if you hadn’t said you wouldn’t say something, why say anything at all?

In the end: as BOs: from this thread: will you tell people they need to tell their current BO before they come for a ‘look-see’’?

As a current BO, do you want to know everytime someone potentially looks at another place?

It’s great that you aren’t outrunning a board bill or anything like that, but how does anyone else know that YOU are telling the truth? Because you said so? Who tells a new BO that they are leaving the old barn on the DL before their horse is confiscated for back board?

Sorry, but asking too keep things on the down low does lessen your credibility. It sends up flags. If it doesn’t your prospective BO is either lucky or naive.

As to why gossip - it’s a hobby for some. May not be your hobby, but it is theirs. They aren’t going to change to accommodate your view of the world.

I was brought up from a very young age, like birth, to understand that you never trust horse people. Never, Ever. You may respect their knowledge, but trust is not a good idea. Horse training or horse boarding, there are a lot of horse traders in both. Why you think you could trust anyone in the horse world is beyond me.

[QUOTE=red mares;8743231]
Why you think you could trust anyone in the horse world is beyond me.[/QUOTE]

Because there are a lot of wonderful, trustworthy, honorable people I’ve been lucky enough to know. There are a lot of great people out there.

Come Shine- I feel bad that your current BO got her feelings hurt, yes it “should” mean more regardless of how I think it should have been handled between you and the BO. I think it was sh!##y of the barn you check out.

As a BO- no. I wouldn’t ask someone to tell their BO until they make a decision to move in. No- I wouldn’t tell another BO their client came to look, though this can be a fine line depending on my relationship with the current BO. I can think of several instances I would not give my word for hush hush, nor would I go out of my way to run to the other BO.

Take it as another wake-up call that people are gossipy and don’t have enough interesting things in their life they need to talk about you :wink:

[QUOTE=Come Shine;8740748]
If the BO was not comfortable keeping it private, she shouldn’t have assured me she would. I would have understood and handled things differently with my friend. I feel badly about that.

As for cloak and dagger, it was an email. Hey would like to see the farm, do you mind keeping it confidential. Response was “Of course”.

I’m surprised (and disheartened) by how many are justifying the BO breaking her word to me. Guess I’m just glad I didn’t buy a horse from her. Now I know her word means nothing. As others have said, it’s a small horse world.

Thanks all.[/QUOTE]

It is possible they replied “of course” to your visit and never really paid any attention to anything else.

There really isn’t a good way to keep barn shopping quiet. If you send an email or approach a BO/trainer etc and ask them to keep it confidential what would you do if they said they are not comfortable keeping a confidence from someone? You are SOL because they now know you are scouting other options.

[QUOTE=Come Shine;8743344]
Because there are a lot of wonderful, trustworthy, honorable people I’ve been lucky enough to know. There are a lot of great people out there.[/QUOTE]

I know some good people too. That doesn’t mean that I trust them.

My old Amish BO is one of the nicest people you’d ever meet. He’d give you the shirt of his back even though he doesn’t have much to give. I still know that on the horse side things, he is a horse trader at heart. He will definitely try & get himself the best deal he can when he’s in the barn.

[QUOTE=Come Shine;8743065]
I’m not outrunning a crazy person. She is a fabulous BO. I love my friend and was trying my best to do things with the least drama.

Well. Lesson learned. Someone’s word means nothing.[/QUOTE]

Maybe the lesson learned should be that if you trust in the good of folks then you should trust your current BO enough to have explained the situation in the first place.

What kind of angst do you think your BO will suffer if you did suddenly move? Don’t you think that would cause more worry and confusion? Wouldn’t it be better that she had a heads up and time to prepare for your move and time to find a potential new boarder?

If this is about trust, you should have trusted your friend/BO before trusting a stranger that doesn’t know you or your intentions.

Take a deep breath and look at this from both BO’s stand point rather than your own.

[QUOTE=Come Shine;8743065]
I’m not outrunning a crazy person. She is a fabulous BO. I love my friend and was trying my best to do things with the least drama.

Well. Lesson learned. Someone’s word means nothing.[/QUOTE]

That’s not really the lesson you should get from the situation you’ve created.

I was trying to spare some angst and instead, because someone didn’t do what they said they would do, created more.

Good effort for trying but you created the drama.

I wasn’t moving the horses in the dead of the night, I wasn’t leaving with no notice or not paying my bills, I wasn’t asking the prospective BO not to tell the current BO I was leaving.

Why the need for secrecy and confidentiality then?

I went to see a barn. Period. The end. Even if I had not asked the BO to keep it confidential, why on earth was there the need to broadcast it all over?

I believe you made it worst by asking for confidentiality… Had you gone visit casually telling only to this BO the real reasons of your potentialy need to move, it would have gone smoothly.

You chose to be “sneaky” and are now paying the price for it.

I really fail to see why you couldn’t have told your BO friend about your possible move.

This has been a really enlightening thread for me and for that I am grateful. I have learned a lot about people from this.

As it turned out, I decided to stay where I was (which is why I asked for confidentiality in the first place), only to then find out that the barn is closing in 2 months and I needed to move anyway.

Thank you to all who offered their opinions about this situation. It was very eye-opening for me and I’m glad I started the thread.

Thanks!

[QUOTE=Come Shine;8743626]
This has been a really enlightening thread for me and for that I am grateful. I have learned a lot about people from this.

As it turned out, I decided to stay where I was (which is why I asked for confidentiality in the first place), only to then find out that the barn is closing in 2 months and I needed to move anyway.

Thank you to all who offered their opinions about this situation. It was very eye-opening for me and I’m glad I started the thread.

Thanks![/QUOTE]

Of course. Interesting turn. So are there other perspective places to look at closer to where you may end up?

[QUOTE=Come Shine;8743626]
This has been a really enlightening thread for me and for that I am grateful. I have learned a lot about people from this.

As it turned out, I decided to stay where I was (which is why I asked for confidentiality in the first place), only to then find out that the barn is closing in 2 months and I needed to move anyway.

Thank you to all who offered their opinions about this situation. It was very eye-opening for me and I’m glad I started the thread.

Thanks![/QUOTE]

I agree that it has been eye-opening for me as well. I have been surprised at the support for the potential BO who feels it is her place to blab that so-and-so came to look at the barn. If prospective BO felt her relationship with current BO was such that she needed to mention it to the current BO, she should’ve said so to OP.

I guess I expect more out of professionals. Many barn owners complain that they are not treated as professionals. This kind of gossiping is a prime example of someone not acting professionally. If OP went to prospective barn, liked it and wanted to move there, that would be the point for prospective BO to say - I’m going to need to talk to your current barn owner for a reference. Then OP could have the conversation with current BO/friend.

I just don’t think OP was being that sneaky based on the info she has presented here.

I will admit that as a BO I am also surprised by all the posters who feel it was fine for the prospective BO to tell you she would keep it confidential and then not keep her word. If she thought the request was weird or meant you were trying to hide a bad situation from her, she shouldn’t have agreed to the request.

Good luck in finding a new barn OP, the closing in 2 months certainly adds another layer to the story. Life is strange.

[QUOTE=rothmpp;8743804]
…I just don’t think OP was being that sneaky based on the info she has presented here.[/QUOTE]

I don’t think anyone thought the OP was being sneaky. Most were trying to make a point as to how and why the new BO perceived the OP as the reason for the new barn talking. Trying to make the point that the new BO perceived the OP as having some undisclosed reason for leaving by asking for confidentiality; hence the talking.

I personally was trying to get the OP to look at it from both BO’s point of views as to why things unfolded as they did.

[QUOTE=Chief2;8742890]
From the business perspective, the potential BO may have a long-established relationship with the present BO that is far more important to her to maintain than preserving confidentiality for someone she doesn’t know who is sneaking around sniffing out future boarding situations behind her present BO’s back. And given she did not preserve your secret it is a good bet she would not have accepted you as a boarder until everyting with her friend was out in the open, as well. She may just not feel like dealing with the repercussions that come with appearing that she has in some way aided and abetted in stealing a boarder over to her farm. She should have just remained silent and allowed your email to go off into cyberspace, but since she didn’t you have all revealed yourselves to each other and now the damage repair begins.

Next time, if you’re not trying to outrun a crazy person, play it above board with your BO. She may even help you out by recommending a good place to move to that fits better with your new job, etc. Mine does.[/QUOTE]

I’m kind of amazed at the number of posts on here from people who apparently don’t understand what confidentiality is all about or why it may be important to a person or a business. Read some job postings out there - one of the #1 items is being able to maintain confidentiality. So why should it be any different with a person visiting a Barn?

I’ve worked on several huge real estate deals involving the relocation of corporate HQ. One being so confidential that only 2 people in my office knew of the transaction - me being one of the 2. WHY? because the corporate muckety-mucks didn’t want it to get out there that they may be relocating across the country… it can be quite damaging in terms of employee morale and retention until the decision is made. When it came time to introduce other people into the transaction - they all had to sign a confidentiality agreement. If anyone blabbed-they’d could’ve been fired or quite possibly company being sued for breach. Now this is an extreme situation.

But why should it be any different in the horse world? The OP asked that her visit to the barn be held in confidence - it does not matter their reasons, it does not matter the BO’s relationship with any other BO in the county or state. the BO agreed to keep mum but instead she blabbed.

[QUOTE=js;8743470]
What kind of angst do you think your BO will suffer if you did suddenly move? Don’t you think that would cause more worry and confusion? Wouldn’t it be better that she had a heads up and time to prepare for your move and time to find a potential new boarder?

If this is about trust, you should have trusted your friend/BO before trusting a stranger that doesn’t know you or your intentions.

Take a deep breath and look at this from both BO’s stand point rather than your own.[/QUOTE]

Isn’t that why one typically gives a 30 day notice? So that the BO won’t “suffer” and has time to prepare?

And now it seems that the OP’s BO didn’t bother to share with the OP, who’ remember is a good friend of the BOs, that they might be selling the place so the boarders won’t suffer and will have time to prepare. Wonder why - oh maybe because BO didn’t want anyone to leave until the deal was done right?

It was wrong of the BO to blab about it period.

I don’t think that we are in agreement that it’s a “good thing” at all that she blabbed, but it’s sort of “how to deal with reality”.

it happened, how do you not get yourself in this situation again? As I mentioned I’d wait till I got a job offer before THINKING of moving, don’t jump the gun and rock the boat.

I have high standards too, but to assume others do as I do has been a huge mistake in my life.

We should all have a plan B or C when boarding, that is just common sense.

OP you did the right thing.

Each and every time I have gone to look at prospective barns, it has been under the cloak of confidentiality. I expect - no demand - that the BO does not talk. I would never move to a place where BO behaved such as this. Next thing you know they’re having morning coffee with boarders and discussing your horses lab results before the vet even bothers to tell you (true story and none of their business).

In my neck of woods the good places have wait lists of over two years. Those BOs don’t talk and run a professional ship. Those are the individuals that I trust my horse’s care to.

Over the years I have observed how confidentiality seems to be a one way street. BOs, trainers and vets have no issue gossiping about boarder’s horse’s health conditions and status. But when it comes to their horses that may be for sale eventually (aren’t they all possibly??) spin doctoring to the nth degree is practiced. I have now learned to cut the cord with those and work only with individuals who have the same expectation of professionalism and confidentiality that I do. I wish you all the best OP, this one is not on you.

Interesting turn of events.

So the rumors of barn being in trouble wasn’t a rumor, eh?

Best of luck finding a new place that’s the perfect fit, OP. Sounds like any barn would be lucky to have you as a boarder.

[QUOTE=Come Shine;8743065]

In the end: as BOs: from this thread: will you tell people they need to tell their current BO before they come for a ‘look-see’’?

As a current BO, do you want to know everytime someone potentially looks at another place?[/QUOTE]

Yes, to both. It’s called professional courtesy among BO’s.

[QUOTE=Sparky;8745097]
Yes, to both. It’s called professional courtesy among BO’s.[/QUOTE]

:eek:

Professional courtesy to report gossip back??

No deposit placed, no firm intention set… And yet you would feel obligated to inform current BO that someone visited your barn. That is a lot of responsibility to take on. Will you do the same for every “friend” that comes along to take a quiet look before they even approach you?

I would bet that once people find out you feel obligated to report back, your visitors will dwindle significantly. :lol: