Child in my pasture- WWYD?

[acottongim]

And this is what is wrong with society today (IMO). I work for Dept of Children and Famiies in FL - we have a HUGE number of kids right now in my tiny county that are abandoned by their parents because “they just can’t handle them anymore”. Do you know how SICK AND TIRED I am of caring for other people’s kids??? They are by and large, teens that ARE troubled (hmmm… wonder why??? most of the time it is because of the way the parents raised them, or didn’t as the case may be). Out of litterally 15 kids (and this is a small county) only ONE truely has a problem - the rest are just bad kids that were never taught right from wrong.

As for gran - just because her kids failed does not mean that she failed as a parent. Not saying she didn’t fail as a parent, but there are lots of GOOD grandparents out there that did try to do everything for their kids and the kids still just ended up being horrible parents themselves. As for her bringing the crazy mom to the home… there are a million reasons why, but the biggest is that no matter how bad the kid is… it is still her kid and she still loves her and she is still hoping that the mom will get better.

Also, if the child is being left with the grandmother while the mother goes off and binge drinks/drugs whatever the cihld is tech being “cared for” and can’t be removed. You have to show the harm to the child - no food, no clothing, no home, beating, sexual, etc. Just being a drunk and dumping kid with a relative that can care for the kid isn’t enough anymore to remove the child (it is very frustrating for us on the front lines also). Now if mom takes off with kid in car while intoxicated, beats the child or allows someone bad have access to her, or takes the kid with her on a binge, or doesn’t provide shelter/food/clothing etc to child (and leaving at g’moms does do that) you have reason. At least that is FL now days (and we are actually pretty strict down here).

[Foxtrot_s]

Wonder if the mom was a drunk during pregnancy and the kid is FAS? I’m not one to agree with the generational theory - bit hard on gran when we don’t know anything about them really.

This thread has had its funny moments - but all along it has stayed away from the ususal tone of the other ‘trainwrecks’ where there is often a real gang-up on one poor party and a lot of meanness directed at someone who does not necessarily deserve it.

Even after this thread has fallen off the bottom line of the bb, I shall still be wondering about this kid. Basically I believe in people and hope she is given the chance she is calling out for.

Waiting for the next installment from Kookie who never dreamed that her initial post would bring all this…take care.

[cloudyandcallie]

[QUOTE=Bluey;3391846]
Plenty of kids grow up in less than perfect situations and not all turn into antisocial, amoral people.
I think that there are some tendencies there that predispose some to be like that and I think that girl may be showing them to be part of who she is.

It is not that a kid has a poor upbringing and bad role models growing up, is what it does with that, that puts them in the “bad news” column.:no:[/QUOTE]

You and Acottongim are both right. I’ve seen lots of kids who were abused and abandonned who grew up to be wonderful adults. Then there are the ones who grow up to repeat the cycles of abuse. I can understand why they turned out like their parents, but I don’t think that people like KookiCat should have to put up with someone else’s failure.
This is why fencing is so important. Alot of threads here are about kids in pastures with horses, and about dogs in pastures with horses. While fencing is very expensive, the higher the fence, and the harder it is to climb, with the chickenwire laid down on the ground so no digging under the fence, makes it easier to live with neighbors who don’t respect boundaries and whose dogs are a menace to livestock. Pretty costly but if you can do it, worth the peace of mind it brings.
Now, since hunting season is only a month or so away here in Georgia, if we could all just afford the high earthen berms to prevent the guys who shoot at anything that moves from blasting away in the pastures.

uh when Rosemary visited KookiCat at 2am drunk, she wasn’t drinking mojitos, was she?
I’ve never had one. A little exotic for me.

[Bluey]

[QUOTE=cloudyandcallie;3392227]
You and Acottongim are both right. I’ve seen lots of kids who were abused and abandonned who grew up to be wonderful adults. Then there are the ones who grow up to repeat the cycles of abuse. I can understand why they turned out like their parents, but I don’t think that people like KookiCat should have to put up with someone else’s failure.
This is why fencing is so important. Alot of threads here are about kids in pastures with horses, and about dogs in pastures with horses. While fencing is very expensive, the higher the fence, and the harder it is to climb, with the chickenwire laid down on the ground so no digging under the fence, makes it easier to live with neighbors who don’t respect boundaries and whose dogs are a menace to livestock. Pretty costly but if you can do it, worth the peace of mind it brings.
Now, since hunting season is only a month or so away here in Georgia, if we could all just afford the high earthen berms to prevent the guys who shoot at anything that moves from blasting away in the pastures.

uh when Rosemary visited KookiCat at 2am drunk, she wasn’t drinking mojitos, was she?
I’ve never had one. A little exotic for me.[/QUOTE]

A wide moat with hungry alligators swimming around, on guard, may help keep intruders at bay, as long as you keep the drawbridge up, of course.:winkgrin:

[Foxtrot_s]

We don’t have alligators up here - but we do have a Hell’s Angels
clubhouse across the street. They had a party this w/e and about 500 Angels from across the country and world arrived. We had so many policemen around there would be no delinquency on this street! The music was good, though, so while we didn’t get any sleep we were entertained.

[cloudyandcallie]

Alligators and Hell’s Angels?

[QUOTE=Bluey;3392269]
A wide moat with hungry alligators swimming around, on guard, may help keep intruders at bay, as long as you keep the drawbridge up, of course.:winkgrin:[/QUOTE]

So a good idea. And will keep humans out.

[QUOTE=Foxtrot’s;3392271]We don’t have alligators up here - but we do have a Hell’s Angels
clubhouse across the street. They had a party this w/e and about 500 Angels from across the country and world arrived. We had so many policemen around there would be no delinquency on this street! The music was good, though, so while we didn’t get any sleep we were entertained.[/QUOTE]

So you an Bluey are saying put in a moat and a clubhouse? Hmmmm, might work for KookiCat, we’ll send her some gators and some Angels and see if they can protect her and her horses,

[naters]

Seems like the clubhouse would attract dear mother of child though!

[pAin_t_Misbehavin]

[QUOTE=Bluey;3392269]
A wide moat with hungry alligators swimming around, on guard, may help keep intruders at bay, as long as you keep the drawbridge up, of course.:winkgrin:[/QUOTE]

Nah. Gators keep intruders at bay, all right, but then, just as you start to get attached to a dog - well, never mind. :uhoh:
:winkgrin:

Seriously, I was kind of wondering about Gran, too - I don’t think equinelaw is calling her parenting skills into question so much as she is objecting to her passivity in the face of DM’s (drunken mum’s) outrageous behavior.

But the more I think about it, I can’t blame Gran. She’s got a lot on her plate right now and for all we know may have good reason to fear standing up to daughter when she’s in her cups. If Gran’s sidelined with a broken jaw, what happens to Gramps?

[Graymaresrule]

As far as Gran’s parenting skills, the child has to cooperate.

Mr P and I have produced one daughter with a PhD in Chem, another daughter with a degree in CS, and our oldest , a son, who barely made it out of HS. He has a job, but it’s barely subsistance wages.

Mr P got all the common sense and responsibility alotted to his family. His sister happily says “The handy gene passes me by” while pitifully asking for assistance and his older brother is killing himself with booze. SIL has also had her license suspended for a DWI

[equusrocks]

Ugh, I’m all for what you guys are saying. My cousin lives across the road from me. He lives in his grandmothers old house. His parents live next door. He does not pay a cent to live in their other home. They keep their doors all locked w/deadbolts and can’t leave their windows open.

He steals whatever isn’t nailed down and sells it at the pawn shop, likely for drugs or booze. He’s been in and out of the jail and rehab. He’s stolen his mothers purse without consequence. I think she still sees him as that precious little two year old.

This is what gets me…his mother, who in all areas is a very nice woman most of the time, became sooo angry at our neighbor for releasing a chipmunk from a haveaheart trap. We live on a small road with acres of farm around us. Her exact words “Like we need any more animals on our road!?!” To which my uncle (not her husband, other uncle) replied “We’d have one less if you’d stop bailing your son out of jail…” :lol:

I’m so sick of worrying if my car will be in the driveway when I wake up in the morning. Leave him in jail already, maybe grow a set and actuall press charges the next time he breaks into your house and steals your $$$. :rolleyes:

[StruckByLightning]

@equusrocks;3392388

This is what gets me…his mother, who in all areas is a very nice woman most of the time, became sooo angry at our neighbor for releasing a chipmunk from a haveaheart trap. We live on a small road with acres of farm around us. Her exact words “Like we need any more animals on our road!?!” To which my uncle (not her husband, other uncle) replied “We’d have one less if you’d stop bailing your son out of jail…” :lol:

Wow! Kudos to uncle…I’m never that fast with a good comeback!

[EponaRoan]

Grandma may have driven because she knew daughter was hell-bent on confronting Kooki and she didn’t want her driving drunk and endangering the entire countryside.

As far as Gran being the cause of the entire problem for whelping Bad Daughter, the jury is out on that one as we don’t have enough information to make a decision. Sometimes people are just bad.

[goeslikestink]

speaking as a gran – i know how often my debs drops mickey off to me or my mother in law
and shes a single parent, if she wants to do something and its not easy to have him with her she will drop him off, we do right by him as hes blood related ok

in comparison her bloke is ok he has mixs at week ends ok, but he lives with his mum
now debs wont drop him off there at any time,

why becuase when she does she charges debs through the nose, if x bf there he pays for mix, if not she wont offer to have him and wont do anything by him, ie say ooh lets go to the beech with mix… yet x bf good wih mix hes actually moving in with a new girlfreind and she has a daughter so at week end plays happy familes- debs on the other hand only has us to relay on there no way i can charge her nor my mother in law, she is my daughter and hes my grandson, and nan ie my mil is the same way as iam. we enjoy him and love him

so
my point-- if someones is lets use the word dump-- akid on you and you werent perticular interested in that kid, then what happens-- not nly is the mother off in this case but could be the gran as well asshe was pre occupied with granddad so not watchful or bothered
but as soon as the kid got into trouble then she had to do somethign about it
said mom comes back drunk yeah ok, but in a drunken state
not of sound mind – ie when people take drugs or drink they dont listen to reason

as you arnt dealing with a reasonable mind

so there for could be forceful and gran just wanted piece and quiet so went along with with her attitude of un sound mind at that time cuase she was drunk

no normal bod would hhave done that at that time of night and no one that had control over there off sprinfg would have

so - can be family-- orinated as ther own fault for how things turned out
then you have to think in what reason did the mom had the child and was she kicked for a sin

so many thing in back ground you dont know====

[anuphillbattle]

there are WAY too many whacko people out there. 'Can’t trust anyone but thee and me…and sometimes I suspect thee! ’ :lol:

[talkofthetown]

OK, I fell behind. What’s going on after Farmer Dave offered to take in the kid?

[pAin_t_Misbehavin]

[QUOTE=talkofthetown;3392500]
OK, I fell behind. What’s going on after Farmer Dave offered to take in the kid?[/QUOTE]

Drunken Mum re-appeared, rested and refreshed after spending three weeks in Spain with her BF. Showed up at Elphaba’s farm at 2:00 in the morning, drunk and raging at our heroine for getting DM’s issue into trouble. Gran sat in the car crying.

ETA: Proving that there is indeed a God, while busy showing all and sundry her tailfeathers, DM stumbled and grabbed onto leccy fence for support.

[Rubyfree]

Hmmmmm…

KC, just a thought- We have a few ‘work farms’ over here for troubled youth. Not sure if such a thing exists in the UK- but if it does, and the kid is so insistent on messing with livestock- might be a way for her to get back on track & learn a little respect for animals under professional supervision. I completely understand how you’d want this problem to just go away at this point- but it certainly sounds like she may need more intervention than shinysaintdave or any other non-professional can provide, and if she ends up next door… i’m sure you’ve already thought about the potential consequences. Perhaps you can offer up the suggestion or find some literature? Good on you for being so kind thus far- I think I would have released the hounds more than once at this point were I in your shoes…

[monday]

goeslikestink

GLS - just had to say, you sound like one cool person. Sounds like you make the best out of the situation for your daughter and grandkid, good for you!

[MHM]

Kookicat-

Any updates?

Hope everything there is OK!

[talkofthetown]

[QUOTE=pAin’t_Misbehavin’;3392505]
ETA: Proving that there is indeed a God, while busy showing all and sundry her tailfeathers, DM stumbled and grabbed onto leccy fence for support. :D[/QUOTE]

YES!! :lol::lol::lol:

Poor Gran:no: Is the kidlet behaving herself? And is she officially at Farmer Dave’s yet, or are they still waiting to hear back from the SW?