Dear Pocket Trainer:
I feel disheartened and saddened by recent events. It seems as though my trainer feels that I should gain some “horsemanship” experience, and would like for me to gasp, brush my own horse, tack my own horse, even pick out his feet! Being the immortal HP that I am I realize that this is downright ridiculous. Could you please advise?
Signed,
Spoiled in Austin
I survived!Dear Secure in My Bragging Rights but Needing My Own Personal Vet!
Pocket Trainer has considered offering Pocket Vet, but after much market research, we have determined that our clientele much prefer “Vet to the Stars”! There is nothing so exciting as knowing that you have an in with the vets that treat World Cup level athletes! So we offer a Schmooze and Beg upgrade ($1095) to your Pocket Trainer. With Schmooze and Beg abilities, your Pocket Trainer will cultivate the goodwill of these elite vets (and farriers! - additional $595), to ensure that your horse will be treated by the most elite and exceptional vets out there. After all, we at Pocket Trainer know the ONLY thing better than having your own vet, is to have the World Cup finalists’ vets at your beck and call!
And best of all, the Schmooze and Beg upgrade will drop casual hints to your friends and competitors, letting them know that you rate the Best of the Best in vet services!
As always, Pocket Trainer recommends a 1993 Caymus Cabernet when lording it over your friends. In cases of that 3rd vet visit of the week, Pocket Trainer recommends at least 3 bottles of that Caymus.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
,TP tseraeD
.yadot stros fo tuo elttil a ma I !hctiws ffo taht gnidnif rof sknahT
?draziW rekcilC laP tekcoP ruoy ot sedargpu lles ouy oD
.em rof refas hcuM
!!sknahT
Dear Wishing You Were Charles!
While normally Pocket Trainer would disdain all things along the lines of “Two Buck Chuck”, we here at Pocket Trainer cannot deny the lure of a 5000% markup.
While Pocket Trainer might see the value of charging six figures for that formerly unknown 4 figure pony with a cute step, up until now, Pocket Trainer hadn’t seriously considered doing the same for wines. But while Pocket Trainer might be late to the party, never let it be said that Pocket Trainer is not AT the party!
However, that all being said, there is a value in the 6 figure pony or the 90+ score wine. It usually delivers. Or it delivers more reliably than the cheap pony or wine. So if you go forth with this scheme, one can only hope that you are clever enough to find those rare bargain gems, or you have fools for friends/clients. Naturally it goes without saying that Pocket Trainer deals exclusively in the former.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear Pocket Trainer,
Do you have a negotiation module? I was hoping that it might be able to assist with the Oldenburg debate that seems to rage periodically on the Sport Horse Breeding topic.
I am sure the entire BB would chip in for the cost for “certain” members, regardless of cost.
Thanks,
Hopeful Oldenburg Owner.
[B]The adventure has begun…[/B]
KT
P.S. In case you were wondering, the more people I get to know, the more I loff my horsie.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> That’s why the Afterlife Franchise is an exclusive Kennett Square Enterprise! We even customized the program to require Absolut and Cranberry instead of wine <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Dear Pocket Trainer,
Oh precious pumpkins, Babs would be so pleased! 
To mention “Customized” and “Exclusive” in one paragraph naturally brings the tiara wearing diva of point chasers to mind. I am off to tipple from her reserved bottle of Absolute.
I shall provide a nice M&C for our next outing just to commemorate the debut of Pocket Trainer on the market in time for the 2003 Holiday buying season.
Friendship is Love without his wings
-Lord Byron
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Flashy Gray:
Plastic Wal-Mart trunks, indeed! 
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Hey, it’s shrouded under a custom Warner’s cover. So there! 
[I]My state's governor can beat up your state's governor.[/I]Oh I feel all warm and tingly. SOMEBODY called me little!
Tra la la la la 
_\]
– * > hoopoe
The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.
Dear Pocket Trainer,
A horrible thing just happened and your observation would be most meaningful.
While responding in another post on this board, I was not able to spell Trakehner or a specific brand of trailer correctly. To cover my error I put the universal sign for a lazy web surfer, (sp) beside the offending words.
My question is this; as an American, if I cannot correctly spell Trakehner, Hanoverian or Akhal-Teke without using spell check, does this mean I may only drink beer and watch NASCAR? Does this error mean I would not be allowed to show in Amateur Hunters over 40?
In advance, thank you for your gentle assistance and firm guidance in this potentially delicate international conflict.
SLW
“The horse stopped with a jerk, and the jerk fell off.”
Dear Pocket Trainer -
I am quite interested in your products “Pocket Groom” and “Pocket Junior”. I have had my attorney read over the fine print carefully and it seems to be an appropriate purchase and tax deductable. However I have some concerns that these services may not offer the quite personalized care I am accustomed to. I’ll need some assurances that I will receive all the attention I require. I am used to paying far more for these kinds of services and am wondering how you are able to “pull this off” (in the vernacular) at these inexepensive fees. Do your girls have experience?
Must run now. I am supervising the painting of the shutters on my house. I am insisting that the painters use the tiniest of brushes so that no green paint splatters on the white house.
Sincerely,
Spoiled rotten in Chagrin Falls
check out www.biscuithillfarm.com
Dear Never too early!
While Pocket Trainer admires your committment to proper protocol, but the solution is quite simple! Merely have Pocket Trainer arrange for the braider to braid twice! The first braid job should match the bordeaux base of the chaps, and the next braid job should compliment the jacket de jour!
The only possible complication we can foresee is if your trainer perchance needs to provide additional schooling between Posie’s first and second round. But we have found in most instances that the trainer generally removes the animal to the “Back 40” for these rare schooling sessions, so the judge should not be blinded by the horror of clashing yarn and chaps.
Naturally, Pocket Junior must be upgraded with a Braider Detection Device ($195), as he will be required to hunt down and deliver the braider in a fairly short time frame. We also recommend PT Braider GPS Detection ($595 installation) As we have recently learned that some braiders resent braiding one animal twice a day, and have been known to duck the call, so to speak. With the GPS detection system, you will be able to track them down with a push of a button! (Additional $59.95 to upgrade Pocket Junior to GPS Tracking Mode).
We recommend a 1994 Stag’s Leap Chardonnay to celebrate your breakthrough with Posie, and advise that you bribe your braider with several bottles of Jack Daniels before attempting to install the GPS detection device.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dearest Over-rotated!
We felt that given your previous correspondence, that perhaps a little time off was in order. So we remotely disengaged your machine so as to bring you back to yourself, as it were.
But needless to say we wouldn’t want to deprive you of the ability to twirl your horses to your heart’s content, all in the name of natural horsemanship, so you will find it restored to full functionality tomorrow morning. Spin Away! But be sure to have your 1994 Crichton Hall Merlot after you are finished!
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by War Admiral:
I would have to suspect that Pocket Trainer is lurking around our periphery in the form of a chestnut mare… 
The TB body slave formerly known as Lizviola.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Be more specific so we can find him. What do I have to do, wave 100 dollar bills in the air.
Oh. Here I’ve got 10 I’m waving.
Yooooohoooooo. Pocket Trainer. Yoooooohoooooo.
[B]The adventure has begun…[/B]
KT
P.S. In case you were wondering, the more people I get to know, the more I loff my horsie.
Dear Pocket Trainer:
I just had a horrible thought!
I know I’m not supposed to think, but this has nothing to do with riding or getting my mount ready, so I believe it falls into the appropriate category of “related to using Pocket Trainer and paying its fees.”
We shall soon jet off to our quarter-annual horse buying jaunt to Europe (first class of course). Posie’s new jumper seems to be stopping when she buries him at the 4’3" oxers and attempts to prop herself halfway up his neck. Horrid beast! Anyway, she shall need a replacement soon and in time to change his clunky foreign-language name to something dull and over-used (after posting a poll on the Hunter/Jumper forum), and register it with the USAE.
My concern lies with the current world political atmosphere, which I have heard about from glancing at my “Ultra-Wealthy Arch-Conservative Newsletter.” We are flying over on one of our own private jets, but will Pocket Trainer be mistaken for a terrorist’s weapon and confiscated at the destination airport? I should simply perish without my Pocket Trainer and accoutrements!
Signed,
Terrorized
Oh where oh where can our Pockets be,
Oh where oh where can she be?
With her Rolodex open
and her cell phone on,
Oh where oh where can she be?? 
***** I muck, therefore I am. *****
Dear Miss Prissypants!
Our Pocket Junior and Pocket Groom should meet your needs completely. But you may want to consider the Nurture upgrade to your Pocket Junior if you are excessively needy or nervous. Nurture Pocket Junior will make you feel special even if it takes 5 bottles of 1993 Arrowood Merlot!
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear Worried in West Palm Beach!
Pocket Trainer does not recommend changing dogs, no matter how dire the fashion situation! These dogs are part of your family, and provide companionship. But more importantly, their ability to work in a wild dog pack mentality and rampage the hunter ring whenever one of your more annoying competitors is having an exceptionally good trip cannot be understated!
Therefore we recommend one of two solutions. First, it is not lost on Pocket Trainer that black compliments everything. Consider a dozen bottles of Clairol Blacker Than Black, a hotel bathroom and Pocket Groom (Pocket Groom replacement cost - $395) as one option.
The other solution should only be considered if you consider yourself a flexible person… We suggest that you purchase another golf cart and have it painted to match your dogs, and have it parked near your golf cart at the ring, but not so close as to clash with your color ensemble. Think of the landscape view, and how they might fit in…
Naturally, when listening to screams of anguish and yips of terror from a dye job in process, we always recommend a 1994 Toad Hollow Merlot!
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Erin - and all the moderators.
I want to lodge a formal complaint about this thread. I think it should be closed immediately.
You folks have stated OVER and OVER and OVER again that there is to be NO ADVERTISING on this BB. I think it’s a disgrace that Pocket Trainer See the light! (Light available - $99.95) is allowed to “flaunt her wares” indiscriminately.
As for you Pocket Trainer, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, breaking the rules like this. Shame, shame, shame.
Signed,
Follow the rules!
[B]The adventure has begun…[/B]
KT
P.S. In case you were wondering, the more people I get to know, the more I loff my horsie.
Dear Pocket Trainer
I recently had a terrible show experience. While my horse was lunged to exhaustion, had the course memorized, and was drugged to near unconsiousness by my Pocket Trainer, I still placed only a measly 6th.
I must only conclude that this is because my Pocket Trainer did not exhibit the mandatory “whoop, whoop, whoop” at the end of my round.
After calling my Pocket Trainer 1-900 advice line (and paying the $9.95 per minute fee), I was informed that I do not have the Pocket Trainer Sound and Speaker system installed.
How do I go about purchasing and installing this system? As you know, even the best round on the most dead horse cannot place highly without vocal assurances from a well-known Pocket Trainer at the conclusion!
Sincerely,
All Too Silent
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas A. Edison
Dear Fairly Violent!
We at Pocket Trainer sympathize with your plight, and think maybe we should take this opportunity to mention Pocket Attorney ($2395 installation plus $395 monthly retainer) in case you might need to express yourself at any future horse shows.
We regret to inform you that your Pocket Junior has been programmed to behave in a fashion considered most acceptable in a horse show environment, and this does included the Ring Crew Hazard. However, while we cannot change the core programming in Pocket Junior, we can offer you the Psychotic Boss upgrade for your Pocket Trainer ($595), as well as the Busybody Tattler option on Pocket Groom ($295). Both of these options are designed to curtail undesirable behaviors such as the Ring Crew Hazard and smart mouthing the money client (you).
We find that a 1996 Firesteed Pinot Noir goes down exceptionally well when watching your newly beleaguered Pocket Junior get her comeuppance!
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
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