Dear Pocket Trainer:
Where might I find batteries for my P.T.Horse-Whisperer Round-Pen Rotating Chair? When I sit it won’t rotate anymore.
Thank You.
Dear Home Schooled!
Can you spell your name on the signature line of your check or credit card receipt?
We at Pocket Trainer feel that this or signing over Power of Attorney is really all the spelling you should ever have to do in order to enjoy the finer things in life.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Is Pocket Trainer ASTM/SEI approved, or an Item Of Apparel Only?
~AJ~
I’ve been there…that’s why I’m here.
Dear Now With Wine!
Pocket Trainer recommends that you stay away from chestnut jumpers or any jumper of the color variety, as the mix of beverages might make one ill! As always, we prefer traditional bays, but if you like excitement in your life, high white is acceptable.
As for the dilemma of showing the grey whilst merely viewing the bay, once again, picking the correct environment solves most problems! If you carefully restrict yourself to the more prestigious shows, you will find very few occassions when your first year horse shows on the same day as your A/O horse!
However for those occassions when you find yourself in a bind, Pocket Trainer always recommends appearances over comfort! First and foremost, while people will understand and approve of the pinot noir choice when you have a grey and a bay in the same division, they will not forgive you the same behaviour when you are riding the grey and only viewing the bay! You must observe proper protocol. We have found that a 1995 Villa Mt. Eden Pinot Blanc for showing the grey and a 1995 Villa Mt. Eden Pinot Noir for viewing the bay works especially well in these difficult circumstances.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear Horse of a Different Color!
Let us just take a moment to say your words bought a tear to our eyes. It is so rewarding to see a client who has absorbed so fully the lessons and strategems of the Pocket Trainer philosophy!
And Pocket Trainer would never suggest a common American whiskey. At the very least we might call for a particularly fine aged Scottish Whisky, with some consideration given to an Irish Whisky. But nothing so vulgar as domestic, and even then, only while riding a mount more recently from Great Britain or Ireland.
But still, Pocket Trainer believes in carrying on as if all is normal. Appearences ARE everything. Just as (pardon our common reference) Chevy Chase once said “be the ball”, so should your auxiliary mount “be a chestnut” in everything but fact. In other words, go forth grandly, sipping your 1993 Merryvale Profile Meritage, and all will know you are riding a chestnut. And those in the “know” will appreciate the fact that a Meritage is a blend, and honors those ghastly pumpkin tones present in your horse’s coat!
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
I suspect there will be a really good excuse why the Pocket Trainer product line does NOT include a Pocket Pager!
The TB body slave formerly known as Lizviola.
To: Simply Stunningly Coordinated and PT
Re: Personal errands
I will admit to the eccentricity of running this (very important monogramming-related) errand myself, though I was driven there by my chauffer. This delicate and important task was not something that could be left to one of my minions, though next time I may simply leave it in the competent hands of my Pocket Trainer.
Pocket Trainer, in the future, is there some sort of Pocket Bodyguard or filtering software that will prevent such cruel attacks which point out my eccentricities from reaching my ears? I fear it may effect my ego and ability to pose properly on my mount.
Eccentric
Knows a thing or three! 
_\]
– * > hoopoe
The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.
Dear Dressage Regina!
We here at Pocket Trainer are confused by this Dressage thing. We have a standard of hacking our horses for at least 5 minutes before we send our clients in the ring, and are confused at the need for an actual competition involving a hack “pattern”. After all, we know that our horses can be counted on to barely register a pulse in their hack and o/f classes so why do more?
Still, we are exploring this Dressage market and preliminary studies show a similar degree of wealth and unwillingness to break a nail, not to mention the whole import thing. We would be interested in talking with you about expanding our market base, but first we need written assurances you have not ever felt the need to cavort over any cross country type obstacle, unless it was a) at Spruce Meadows or Hickstead or b) it was when Splutelferd was stung by a bee and leaped the manicured hedges in the barn courtyard.
Thank you for your assistance in this matter.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Pocket Trainer Federal Detention Package ($995 plus $350 per hour legal consultation fee) prior to doing so.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Dear Pocket Trainer,
I heard that you were coming out with an earpiece attachment for riders whose BNTs can no longer be at the rail. Is this true? What a wonderful marketing brain you have!
Yours,
B2B Gal
Dear Pocket Trainer…
I am writing out of desparation and frustration and hope you are able to help me with my delima…
I purchased your Pocket Man Mister recently and I believe I may have received a faulty one…possibly a replacement would be appropriate. The model I purchased was the Ultra Superior at $2,300.00 instead of the “normal model” at $1,450.00.
Pocket Man Mister arrived and for the first few weeks appeared to function perfectly and without problem and I really believed the price I paid was far below it’s value…
When I requested Pocket Man help at the barn after his regular work “job”, he would arrive and work diligently into the night without a single moan or groan!!
When I woke up each morning the horses were fed and groomed and turned out already AND he had fresh coffee AND a smile!!
When I arrived home late from the barn there was a wonderful dinner waiting as a lovely hot bubble bath surrounded by candles for my enjoyment…
Lately however…Pocket Man Mister, Ultra Superior Model, is acting and reacting as tho there is a short in his electrical 'puter board.
When I requested yesterday that he meet me at the barn after he got off work he whizzed around, his head jerked left and right and he informed me that “REAL POCKET MEN MISTER’S DON’T DO THAT”…
When I woke up this morning Pocket Man Mister was having a scrumptious breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes and coffee…when I asked where mine was he replied that it could be up my %$# for all he cared…
When I got home late this evening HE was in the bubbly bath with ear phones on singing LOUD and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY off key. I asked when he would be finished so I could have a turn and he informed me that my “turns were up, it’s over tootsie!!”
What am I to do?? I have read your Return Policy and your Limited Guarantee and I am not sure what you would like me to do…
As I walked out the door to work this morning Pocket Man Mister, Ultra Superior Model, waved and said I should expect his “Companion” product to be there when I got home tonight…I believe I heard him say …Pocket Princess, Pink Tata Model…
I also swear I heard him remind me that his own Pocket Pool game would arrive with his Companion Product…
Now what???
So Sad… 
Dear Fainting from Fear!
We at Pocket Trainer would like to take this opportunity to remind you that while you have ordered the Abuse Mode ($1095) for your Pocket Trainer, you also specifically requested the Ego Stroke Upgrade ($995) as it relates to Precious Posie.
As such, we can only inform you that of course Posie does not need Lessons Plus®! Posie is already the most accomplished rider that we have ever come across! In fact, our only concern is that her current small junior hunter, Insanely Accurate, might not have all the class a horse needs in order to best showcase her talents. After all, one so talented as Posie really does deserve the best, doesn’t she?
Pocket Trainer has always found that 1994 Geyser Peak Reserve Shiraz compliments the palate exceptionally well when contemplating the sheer perfection of one’s offspring.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pocket Trainer:
Dear Lovers of all things in a Pocket!
We are so sorry we have not been able to respond as quickly as we should, but quite frankly, Pocket Trainer has simply been swamped with requests for assistance this year! And all this on top of Fall shows, our annual buying trip to Europe and our Holiday Shopping List. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
What about OUR needs? Do you EVER think of us? For GOODNESS SAKE I want to be treated ROYALLY as I’m sure the rest of your LOYAL clients who are in need do. I mean making these poor souls in need WAIT? How dare you? Fourtunatley I am too perfect to ever need your humble services, as your prices are too cheap for my blood. I shall now go and attempt to calm myself with some nice Gewurztraminer.
Ta ta,
~ Royal Payne
http://community.webshots.com/user/littlerainintheface
“Ford, you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.”
~Douglas Adams
Cliques: The Mighty TB, OTTB, Albertan, Canadian, Plain Bay TBs, I-Love-Flatwork, QH, Artist, 40’s Muzak, Barn Troll,Horses at Home, Tack Hoarder, YCMH!
Dear Dental Dilemma & Hoof in Mouth!
Pocket Trainer worries that we are having such unseemly conversation about equine hygeine. It makes Pocket Trainer feel as if she has gone terribly amiss somewhere…
But it’s important to remember that no Pocket Trainer Experience is complete without Pocket Groom ($495 installation plus $79.95 monthly subscription plus tips!) to attend to all your equine needs and Pocket junior ($495 installation , $99.95 monthly subscription plus tips!) to make sure all your needs are met. While Pocket Groom does take care of feet as part of the regular service, we could consider a personal upgrade to handle teeth (fee determined on individual basis). But Pocket Trainer mostly recommends only purchasing horses with quality dental work, and replacing them with new mounts before the teeth are unsightly.
We also recommend a nice 1995 Topolos Pagani Ranch Zinfandel when contemplating th epurchase of a new mount with exceptional teeth.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear North of the Border!
We here at Pocket Trainer are happy to tell you that your Pocket Trainer will read that pesky metric system and even convert it to a more conventional, civilized measurement standard (feet/inches). We are delighted to hear of your interest in a new mount, but feel that you may want to spend a little more quality time with your current horse before embarking on the decision to make your barn look like the European Union rides there.
This is not to say that we disapprove of buying a new horse, it’s just that Pocket Trainer feels our industry might be treating our animals a bit too cavalierly. Therefore, Pocket Trainer recommend that you spend at least 8 weeks or 4 rides (whichever comes first) with your animal before proceeding to another mount. This seems long enough to demonstrate some sort of bond and silence the critics.
When contemplating a bond with your horse, Pocket Trainer always recommends a 1995 Alderbrook Kunde Vineyard Merlot.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear Pocket Trainer
I am SOOOOO distressed! As a long standing A/A hunter rider, I have been told that the A/O jumper ranks are not for me. Numerous trainers have told me that “you can’t fake it at 4’6!” They also roll their eyes and mutter some condescending remark about the entire box of Keeblers that I must have given SeeingEyeDog before our last A/A hunter class, but they don’t understand that I simply MUST compete on the big field at WEF.
Now if I hadn’t successfully had my birth certificate, umm, revised, I might have been able to venture into the Senior’s Division (always on the grass!), but a girl has to draw the line somewhere, don’t you think?
Help me Pocket Trainer, help me!!
Sincerely,
Chipaholic
“I used to care, but things have changed…” Bob Dylan
Dear Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places!
Pocket Trainer regrets that we cannot be everything to everyone. While Pocket Trainer could arrange your love life, we have elected to do one thing and do it well. And what we dowell is make you the Ultimate Hunter Princess. And let’s face it, success and love follow the Beautiful People.
We urge you to embrace the full Pocket Trainer Experience! and become the winner that everyone knows you truly are. Then and only then, will you find yourself surrounded by other winning riders! Think of it! Blue ribbons and dates! What more could a rider wish for?
Well of course you could wish for a lovely 1994 Chalone Estate Chardonnay, and of course we do recommmend it when you are surrounded by eligible GP riders.
And for those that truly want to embrace the GP rider lifestyle, we suggest the Pocket Trainer European Experience ($5995). Meet new and exciting international riders as you compete! Pocket Trainer does not guarantee the preferences of any other rider, including but not limited to sexual preferences. Pocket Trainer furthermore indemnifies itself against any actions resulting from any meeting, dating, relationship, legal or otherwise, that may result from any Pocket Trainer Experience.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear Pocket Trainer,
I hhave a desperate dilemma. I don’t ride or anything but I love to give advice and I am simply FED UP with the eye rolling and deep sighs I get when I give my well thought out and pertinent advice. Perhaps a SUTH (slap upside the head) Machine? Have you got such a device?
And if you publish your wine lists in booklet form - that would be great.
Cheers
Dear Pocket Trainer:
I have taken on-- with a mixture of trepidation and delight-- the task of restarting my sister’s erstwhile CANTER horse, the creature she purchased I[/I] off the Internet. I’ve decided to restart said horse western. I do the whole “Cowgirl Up” routine, including bitting him to one side, a few minutes at a time, by tying a split rein to the big dee that holds the flank cinch. I feel so very Texan that soon, I’m afraid, I’ll be spouting George W. Bushisms… but that’s another topic for discussion. 
At any rate, do you sell a westernized version of Pocket Trainer? Like, “Pocket Trainer: the Tooled Leather Version”? It might help me in my endeavor, as my sister’s rather typey Thoroughbred is beginning to really enjoy his western schooling. He already has quite a nice jog, and backs like a reining horse.
Signed,
Yee-haw
