Dear Pocket Trainer:

[HeyYouNags]

Dear Pocket Trainer,
I need help! My Pocket Trainer seems to be malfunctioning, and the tech service number is either busy, or places me on hold for so long that it threatens my manicure appointment.

My Pocket Trainer is vibrating wildly in my pocket. The sensation, while admittedly pleasant, doesn’t seem to be improving GrasPferde’s work ethic at all.

It has resulted in some dramatic relaxation in my lower back, though.

I’m tempted to return the darned Pocket Trainer, but there wasn’t a return address on the plain brown wrapper.

Sincerely,

Buzzed Off Down South

[Pocket_Trainer]

Dear Lily!

I am afraid your friend has been pulling your pistol, er, your leg. This happens when our 800-Got-MyPT occassionally gets confused for 900-Got-PIMP (Pistol In My Pocket) number.

Yours in a Pocket!

Pocket Trainer

See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

[Clydejumper]

Dear Pocket Trainer, what cheese would you select for a wining student. Oh, merlot by the way.

Some days they just call me Broomhilda

Flying Horse Feathers

[Beezer]

Dear Pocket Trainer:

I have ordered everything. Mr. Beezer promised me your entire line (shameless evidence that my hubby loves me and wants me to be happy because I am sooooooo thin and beautiful! ) so as to ensure that my experiences with my Alla Czar filly (shameless name dropping! ) will be fulfilling, fruitful and fantabulous.

But … do you have a Pocket Vet that Mr. Beezer can add to my order? I fear that she has hurt herself. Again. Something tells me that if she follows the pattern of my other horses (shameless brag that this proves I have more money than ALL of you! ), it will be a lifelong battle to prevent her from self-destructing.

Signed, Secure in My Bragging Rights but Needing My Own Personal Vet.

***** I muck, therefore I am. *****

[Pocket_Trainer]

Dear Shameless Plugster!

While Pocket Trainer can certainly understands the joy and beauty of well crafted wood storage products, Pocket Trainer would like to take this moment to remind you that eliminating a troublesome relative (and plastic storage devices) appears to be key in the quest for finely crafted wood storage devices!

Naturally a 1995 Geyser Peak Reserve Chardonnay will give one the fortitude to do the necessary manipulations to make it a “fit”, so to speak…

Yours in a Pocket!

Pocket Trainer

See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

[Paloma]

Dear Pocket Trainer,

Whatever am I to do? As I always love to flash cash for all my extravagent purchases, my desire to let the world know I’m loaded had resulted in a bit of a quandry. Apparently some of my $100 bills were used in a manner other than that which they were intended, resulting in my $250k horses testing positive for some drug violation or some such nonsense. How shall I remedy this?

Powder Puff

[Dancing_Lawn]

Is there a pocket lawnboy available yet? or even Pocket Gardener? Or perhaps Pocket Mom, who takes care of your house, and prepares wholesome, nutritiouse meals to go with Pocket Trainer’s wine, while you are out riding your pocket groomed horse over your vast acres and fine estates, that are seen to by the above pocket gardener? Let us know when these fine item s are available. I could use them all, asap.

[SloRider]

Would Babs aka Kenneth Square love this or what! I can just hear her now…

[Midge]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Merry: and, once installed with a collapsible, three-section laundry hamper (which neatly tucked inside)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh!! Do tell! I have a plastic trunk, too!

Dear PT,
Uh…uh…the above message is just to…uh…make Merry think there are others like her. I don’t really want to know… I DID think it mught be a good storage location for my MD 20/20, though!

[Everythingbutwings]

I have Pocket Change, may I arrange a trade for a Pocket Trainer?

Maddie is quite upset at lacking a personal trainer of her own.

Friendship is Love without his wings
-Lord Byron

[Hopeful_Hunter]

Dear Pocket Trainer:

Having just reviewed the results of my first year showing my OTTB on the local circuit, I find myself somewhat discouraged. Although I now fully understand and appreciate the benefits of never thinking for myself, I admit that I did try to do with less than steller results in the middle of the year.

My biggest worry going into next year is what wine to bring to the shows? My horse is a bright chestnut, and this year we tried some Piper Heidsack champagne, a Stillwater Shiraz, a Sancerre and a Pinot Gris. The Sancerre is a personal favorite and most refreshing, but my entourage felt at some points that perhaps my trademark Bombay Sapphire Gimlet might have been more in order, particularly before the rounds. The lovely light green tinge does look well with the chestnut, but is it truly proper? I can ensure a selection of antique shakers and martini glasses, but simply won’t make a move without your guidance.

Waiting by the wine glasses…

[buryinghill1]

Ah HA! In my Pocket Trainer Catch-A-Millionaire Training Manual (Deluxe Model with interactive DVD) I found THE trick to luring back PT (or a millionaire-for-marriage)…

popping open bottle of… 1787 Chateau Lafitte claret (engraved with the initials of Thomas Jefferson)…
pouring a glass into my Pocket-Trainer Stuben wine goblet ($99.95 each with purchase of $275,000 bottle of 1787 claret)

now… let’s await PT’s return…

[Indie]

Dear Pocket Trainer,

I am fully aware that Pocket Trainer is an exclusive product developed for the Hunter elite. However, as a DQ to-be, I do feel that there is much to learn from your advice. As a well-trained DQ, I’m appreciative of your vintage recommendations which are thoughtfully color coordinated to match the mount. I, myself am facing a color-coordinated personal crisis with my own flashy steed. Despite his pedigree and his status as a European ex-pat, I am having issue reconciling his coppery chestnut coat with my penchant for the ruby-toned 1999 Flora Springs Merlot. Therefore, I must find a new cocktail. I am leaning towards a neutral toned whiskey or champagne. The Johnny Walker Black would work well with my Cavallo jacket and black tack, but is it too over the top? Just one sip, and I could topple over at X while executing a liquered up halt and salute! Or would Dom Perignon be more sophisticated and more suitable for a DQ needing to maintain appearances? Or should I just say, “to hell with it all and pass the vicodin”?

Cheers!

[horse_poor]

Dear Pocket Trainer–

Excuse me if this has been asked before, but I certainly do not have time to read this thread and have no one to read it for me…perhaps there is program you might have for such a thing?

Now, to my problem…it was brought to my attention today that my horses mane needs to be pulled and it was suggested I do such a thing. I was appalled, and I think you would be as well. However, no one will do the task for me and it is coming to a point where I might have to do such a thing gasp

Might you have something to assist me in such grooming nonsense?

Signed,

Pulled about Pulling

[Portia]

I happen to know that Pocket Trainer is ASTM approved only (GPA or Charles Owens, of course).

While highly respectful of the need to look pretty at all times, those at Pocket Trainer recognize the importance of keeping their clients’ heads in one piece so that they remain capable of signing checks and do not waste funds that could otherwise be productively used with Pocket Trainer on such things as hospitalization, brain surgery, and rehabilitation.

"Put simply, the necessary ammunition wasn't there - and no balls means no awards."
[I]Robert Hamilton, president of the Clydesdale Horse Society of Scotland, quoted in Ananova, Sept. 29, 2003[/I]

[sweetnlo]

Pocket Trainer,
I have been reading about the “Rainbow Bridge”, and find the possibibilty of being able to “bring over” my prized possesion and show it off even after it is no longer “physically productive” as attractive as my most recent import. But the present “Rainbow Bridge” sounds unacceptable due to the color scheme, uncontrolled contact with the animals and the fact that it excludes no one. I would like to arrange for a Pocket Paradise Personal Portal no matter what the cost. Please begin the search for designers (European of course)and bribing the appropriate religous authorities immediately, as I want to be prepared in case ED should suddenly OD. I am envisioning engraved and jewel encrusted(precious stones of course, none of this Rhinestone ridiculousness) gates at each end with fully stocked bars every 20 feet or so in between, but as always I will leave all decisions up to you. I am sure you will make it not only possible, but effortless for me to “keep up appearances” should any of my high priced herd become “dearly departed”. What is a good wine to sip should I ever have to pay my respects???

[This message was edited by sweetnlo on Oct. 09, 2003 at 02:23 PM.]

[Pocket_Trainer]

Dear Classy!

While Pocket Trainer treads carefully into this topic, as a “classy lookin’ mare” is eerily reminiscent of a “classy lookin’ broad” and therefore highly suspect… However, Pocket Trainer always recommends a 1995 Davis Bynum Limited Edition Chardonnay, or quite possibly a Coppola Reserve Merlot when celebrating the arrival of a new mount.

Ongoing wine recommendations will have much to do with the mare’s color, the discipline and level she is showing at, and exactly how “preferred” a Pocket Trainer client you aspire to spend to be.

Yours in a Pocket!

Pocket Trainer

See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

[Sissy]

Dear Pocket trainer;

Does Pocket groomer cover tack cleaning and repair functions? Also. is there an upgrade available for assorted drinks according to ride schedule. Like mimosa or bloody’s for the 8:37am ride time? Finally is there a significant storage function for the tack and equipment (ie panty hose and long johns) associated with flipping and drinking at your local event?

Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina!

[Scootie]

Dear Pocket Trainer:

Are you planning to come out with any kind of Personal Trainer attachment any time soon? I’ve gotten sooooooooo fat lately, I can’t even zip up my size 2 TS.

Sincerely,
Pudge Pot

Founder and president of the No-Legged Rider Clique

[Beezer]

Where the h-e-double toothpicks is POCKETS!?!?!?!?!

***** I muck, therefore I am. *****