I had a girlfriend on some apps. I don’t know which ones, but the amount of guys who sent her a d*** pick was eye staggering, and wanting photos from her.
She has found a guy through all that. They both laugh at how normal they both are. The others on the app did not seem to be ‘normal’.
To be respectful to all the women here, I don’t want to rant on the shallowness of the women in LA so to keep it short, it is really bad. The more attractive they are, the worse it is. These are the same women complaining about how there are no more good men out there.
I definitely don’t want to get married or have kids any time soon so if my profile gives off those vibes, I never intended that. I just want a relationship with someone I love and then do fun things together for several years like travel, share hobbies, etc. before marriage/kids come along.
I love going out on dates. Yes it’s time consuming but I’d rather spend time on interacting in person, even if it ends up going nowhere, than spending time texting incessantly.
Maybe use a profile photo of a bear… 
This is really the way. I’m not really the one to give advice since I’ve never been on a dating app in my life but to me your profile looks fake! Tone it down and make it more natural with some real iPhone candid shots not those professional pics.
I met my boyfriend on Hinge a little over 3 years ago. It was my first time doing the dating app thing, and boy was it an experience. I ALMOST didn’t swipe right on BF, not because I wasn’t interested but because I didn’t think he would be interested in ME.
I think you should maybe try looking at it in a different way. You are clearly a unique, interesting guy. But I think you are looking at it too much like almost “hacking” the game to get interest in you. You don’t necessarily need a bunch of interest. You need ones that will be a good match for YOU. I feel like the girls that would be right for you aren’t going to be your typical, dime-a-dozen LA girls. And probably have similar feelings about the dating apps, too.
Rather than going hard at the apps and then giving them up when you don’t get fairly quick results, I’d do it more casually. Your girl might not be on there yet, or might have taken a break from it. If I were you, I would just pop on when you are bored, flip through real quick, but otherwise not be too intense about it. Any girl you talk to, be more casual about meeting, and give it at least a few days of conversation before asking to meet in person. If there is a girl you are REALLY interested in, with similar interests, suggest a more interesting meeting place in public. My BF got me to come meet him in person by inviting me to something I couldn’t say no to (a special presentation at the Space and Rocket Center planetarium for the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 16 mission).
I guess my whole point is, don’t give up too easily, and don’t expect to find a girl just as awesome as you so quickly. When you do, give her a chance to feel you out first before meeting. Then invite her to something different than the typical cafe or bar or restaurant. In the meantime, keep living your life. Don’t get too consumed by the search.
I’m looking at your profile pics and to me they give a super strong “alpha male going on solo adventures” vibe. They make you look like ypu are the starring role in your own action movie, not a potential partner.
I look for evidence of kindness and a strong social network when a swiping. For example, I will not swipe right on a guy who isn’t smiling anywhere in his pictures. I also look for pictures that show the guy in a social activity. Pictures that center the person while they are interacting with someone else or clearly at a social activity are great. Bonus points if I can picture myself included and also enjoying these activities (no thanks on wrestling a log in a raging river, haha).
I also look for evidence of care-taking and nurturing. Does the guy like to (know how) to cook? Do his interests include volunteering? Does he work in a helping profession? That sort of thing. I was surprised to see that you want children given how little of your current life seems to involve nurturing or caring activities.
I have to say that “fitness addict” raises a bit of a red flag. (I say this as someone who goes to a personal trainer 3x per week and had done a better job of maintaining the body I had in high-school than many of my agemates.) I too am fit, but it’s not a central point of my personality. When people put fitness addict in their profile I automatically assume that they will have Expectations of how fit they want their partner to be and how they want their partner to look on a scale of 1 to 10. Even as someone who would by most conventional metrics pass the test I am uninterested in that dynamic.
Obviously you are more than the pixels you entered into your online dating profile, and you could be choosing to highlight certain things at the expense of others. I am only evaluating the digital picture that you have presented and reporting in on the impression it makes on me.
To sum up in one sentence, your profile as it looks now makes you look like you want to HAVE a girlfriend, not necessarily BE a boyfriend.
My .02
Hey I’m late to this party, but @centaursam do they have “It’s Just Lunch” around you? My mom met her fiance on there.
They interview you and set everything up, kind of like a blind date. You provide your feedback to your matchmaker person, and they tailor your next meet up accordingly.
So first - how cool is it that you’re able to tap into this wealth of advice from real actual women! 
I just have to say this is super neat to read. Also, I met my spouse in the dark ages at work, so I’m NO online dating expert. But what I can say is this -
Guys often think that women want the super succesful, tall, bro-man. And that’s going to attract a certain type of women, sure, but they aren’t necessarily the ones you want to get serious with. Fun for some larks, but not the type that you want to wake up with sans fake eyelashes (ok, that was a low blow but I had to throw it in there).
If you want the right one, who is going to be a partner and friend, and happens to also be attractive, pick the photos and pitch that has you as the softer dude. I really liked the picture with the foal, and actually I liked the river photo although now that I have some context, it’s a little scarier (I thought at first it was like some tough mudder shot…it actually reminded me of a shot that when I met my DH and googled him convinced me that he was probably an ok guy - he was doing a ropes course and he looked very real, and very happy). I also liked the picture of you standing next to the plane because you looked like someone who had fun! If you are into travel, post fun travel pictures - anything of you happy and smiling, because though the pensive look is attractive, it strikes me as someone who wants me to think he’s attractive vs. someone who is moving through the world having an awesome time, and who wouldn’t mind having a partner along for the ride.
Attractive women with personality get tired AF of dating dudes who only want them for their physical attributes. When I was dating, seeing someone who saw me instead of looking at me SUPER mattered. I wanted personality, and sure - I wanted someone with some ambition, as I’d had some relationships with deadbeats and I wasn’t into that, but it wasn’t about the financial success in terms of $$ - I have always made good $$ - but it was more that the person had goals and desires.
Oh, and we don’t care about height. I’m 5’9" and my husband swears he is 5’10. I’m not sure I believe him but I let him have that inch if it’s important to him.
It is a marketing exercise, this online dating thing, I get it - but you have to know your target audience to succeed at that 
Just read somewhere that the best way to meet people is to take a class.
@TwiSedai I’ve been on Hinge and Bumble for the better part of six months so I haven’t expected overnight success by any means. But I should also be getting at least better likes to my profile aside from a handful of sugar babies, women who weigh more than me, women who vanish mid conversation, and women who are far older than me (and one or two around my age who wanted marriage/kids ASAP). So you can understand my frustration. It’s been a massive time sink with zero success. Literally zero matches with anyone that led to an actual date. I’m still living my life regardless but in terms of not getting too consumed in the search, it’s no longer as easy to just logon, swipe right/left a few times, and then check out.
@meupatdoes Thank you for the feedback! I do get what you’re saying about pictures of activities you can see yourself doing but in terms of social activities, aside from pictures from improv classes, I don’t have any of those. Most pictures I have of me are from my travels (I have several of me cooking), as well as me doing horse stuff. I’m a fairly private person so having people take pictures of me doing things (aside from horse things) is not really something I do. I suppose I need to for app dating though.
I’m on the board of directors of a non-profit that does equine therapy for disabled kids and veterans. I volunteered there for years and then transitioned to a member on the board after I got into a better place financially. It’s honestly hard to fit everything I do in a dating profile and I didn’t see where I could include that other than a picture of me volunteering but I don’t have one and it’s been years since I volunteered there on the ground (vs being on the board). I’m wanting to grow the veterans program and hopefully work with them.
I spent the entirety of my college years volunteering hundreds of hours in the ICU and then in subacute with people who didn’t have much time left (I’ve got some crazy stories).
Regarding care-taking, I’ve been looking after my mom since my early teenage years who has been the victim of abuse at the hands of my older sister (still going on to this day) whilst my dad has stood around and done nothing. No clue how I’d show that in dating profile.
I removed fitness addict and can see how that would be off-putting. I meant health addict honestly but just eliminated that altogether.
@endlessclimb I did a quick google search and it appears they have a few lawsuits against them as a result of basically being a scam. It also seems like they show you pictures of a potential match and if you don’t like them, you’ve used that up as a match of which you have a limited number of over the course of a year. It’s also $5,000.
@Alterration I didn’t expect this thread to turn out the way it did but it’s been a great help and I appreciate all the advice, stories, etc. I don’t think I qualify as a super successful, tall, bro-man 
but I do get what you’re saying.
I’m absolutely wanting someone who is more than just a pretty face. Personality and substance are just as important. We have to get along, share the same sense of humor, same values, etc.
Honestly, I feel like my target audience is not on dating apps at all 
You all may not care about height in person but on the apps, it is a substantial limiting factor for a man if you’re anything below 6’.
***For whatever it’s worth, I dramatically changed my profile with the recommendations you all have shared here and I’ve had zero likes for the past several days.
Hey, not sure on the lawsuits. But my mom literally met her fiance on there, and not after spending a gazillion dollars (was on the first group of dates), so it does work.
I believe you completely and I thank you for the recommendation but it maybe it changed at some point?
Most of the recent reviews are horrible and they claim it’s a scam and it’s a lot of money for what seems to but a fixed number of “matches” over the course of a year.
Maybe. I mean, their business model hasn’t changed. My mom went on about a date a week, and none except her current fiance warranted even exchanging phone numbers.
What it does do, it gets you face to face with someone, without needing to go through that “please click me” phase that other platforms use. I don’t know if there are other services that do similar things, but getting out on dates where your personality can shine through without a sales pitch vibe, I’d imagine that would be more rewarding than sitting and hoping that someone will “click yes” or whatever.
Just a thought!
Hmmm. It seems they offer a max of 2 dates a month so it’s possible they changed things at some point from when your mom used it.
I’ll look into matchmaking services close to me. I’m all for going out on dates rather than staring at a screen but I’m also not keen on spending thousands of dollars for a limited amount of potential matches. I also don’t know how the industry works to be honest so I’d need to do some research before jumping in.
Oh I totally understand. But even a silly speed dating event or something would get you out there and able to meet someone face to face. I think that’s the piece lacking - you need to elicit and feel that spark which is just not happening with your online profile, despite several iterations.
Very true. There are a lot of speed dating events in LA, I just haven’t entertained that option. I’m definitely open to it so I’ll start looking around for some to attend.
Did this not stand out to anyone else?
I wasn’t going to say anything, but it definitely gave me the ick.
I expected a barrage of attacks for saying that. Fair enough, feel free to criticize me.
Whether or not the statement was politically correct, every single person has things they are attracted to–or not attracted to–in members of the opposite sex. Kudos to centaursam for being honest about what he’s looking for. How is this any different from women passing him by because he isn’t 6 feet tall?
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