Dudes who "also ride" in on line dating

[centaursam]

I’m actually being very kind to people who are outright attacking my character, such as yourself, who know absolutely nothing about me other than what I have shared. I’m being very calm, engaging, and rationale.

Please tell me how I’m being petty? Please tell me how I’m reflecting some sort of negative in my character? Truly, how am I being dramatic? Where did I express disgust?

Those are your opinions which clearly aren’t shared by others which is just fine. But to call me petty and tasteless is definitely dramatic and petty.

[K_VanOlst]

@centaursam

Apparently I’m icky.

If you’re referring to my comments, I said that particular statement gave me the ick, not that you’re icky.

This whole side tangent has definitely given me some ideas about why women on the dating apps may not engage as much as you hope or drop the conversation entirely.

I hope you find what you’re looking for.

[centaursam]

Thank you for the input. You are absolutely correct in your assessment. It’s definitely a lifestyle match/mismatch but people are blowing it waaaay out of proportion and drawing some ridiculous conclusions. It seems we share the same perspective on health and wellness and value the same in a partner.

[centaursam]

Where did I say that YOU called me icky? Again, I’m being judged off of a very simple statement and somehow you’ve figured out all the issues in my dating life as a result of a simple paragraph that is being blown way out of proportion.

[endlessclimb]

No one is attacking your character. I’m commenting on how you’re coming across, which is obviously my take on it based on the fact that we’re on a message board. If I’m wrong, you’re free to disregard me.

I could comment on my personal red flags with your personality/profile/etc, but you’re not my type in the slightest so it would be totally pointless. You aren’t looking for a “me” so my opinion is irrelevant.

Wish ya luck.

[centaursam]

Fair enough, thank you. Being called petty and tasteless is an attack of someone’s character but again, thank you for your input.

[endlessclimb]

Your comments regarding the specific traits of women responding to your profile are petty and tasteless. If that’s not how you meant to come across, that’s an easy fix. If it is how you meant to come across, well, that’s why you aren’t looking for a “me”.

[centaursam]

Fair enough, I don’t even know who you are so I have no clue if I’d even look for a “you”.

As someone eluded to before, I’m being criticized for just the comment I made on weight, but nothing else. It triggered a number of people. I made prior comments about the other traits in the this same thread but only when I mentioned weight in the recent comment did I draw ire from people.

Again, it’s totally fine. I’ve been through this before and have been called worse things. At this point it’s just something I should simply not mention and just keep to myself.

[endlessclimb]

It’s certainly a hot button issue, but as I said the whole list was off putting for me.

[centaursam]

That’s cool, I understand. I appreciate you chiming in regardless.

[PamnReba]

@centaursam

I expected a barrage of attacks for saying that. Fair enough, feel free to criticize me.

Not criticizing, but I did think it revealed a lot more about your criteria than had been mentioned previously. It just came across as a little jarring, I guess, that you would be that cut-and-dried about it. Might as well have said no fatties, or no one over 100 lbs or 5’5" need apply.

But having said that, everyone is entitled to their own preferences and who they are attracted to - me, I have always been way more attracted to men much bigger than me, so it’s fair that you can state that you’re more attracted to women smaller than you. I just never put that in a dating profile when I was doing the online thing many moons ago; instead, I just kept going and didn’t reach out to those smaller, shorter men.

Maybe you need to be the one doing the looking, instead of waiting for them to come to you?

I will say that you are much more likely to find someone you’re compatible with and that meets your physical criteria, when you’re at your dance class or beekeeping class, than you are online. I met my DH bowling, we were both in the same league at our local bowling center and would have never crossed paths otherwise. And I never would have picked him out from an online profile, although I sincerely doubt he would have ever gone that route at all.

So with all the activities you’re involved in, you’ve never found anyone from those other interests attractive or someone you would want to get to know better?

[centaursam]

I get that, thank you for clarifying. I did mention a while ago that I was looking for someone who takes care of their health/fitness (I think I’ve said that a few times now) but I guess it’s been buried at this point with all the recent comments. I also never put weight criteria in my dating profile. I do what you did and just swiped left on those women who didn’t fit my stature preference.

I agree with you that I don’t think who I’m looking for is going to be found on dating apps.

I’ve been very unlucky with women in the real world with respect to meeting them at the activities that I’m involved in. The barn where I’ve been riding at for the past 5 years is full of underage girls and married women and I don’t want to leave my trainer and go to another barn just to meet women, nor do I have time to have an additional trainer elsewhere.

All the women in my improv classes whom I’ve been interested in are either already married or in a relationship.

My beekeeping class last week was all women far older than I and when I go dancing with my trainer, I meet a lot of attractive college girls who don’t want a relationship and/or are not interested in someone that much older than them.

So there you have it. I’m trying, I’m putting myself out there, I don’t mind approaching women and getting rejected and I talk to people all the time/everywhere, but short of going to bars (I don’t really drink), speed dating, and matchmaking, it’s been a lot of nothing unfortunately. I’m actively doing new things so maybe it’s just a numbers game/a matter of time, who knows.

[PamnReba]

Man, it doesn’t sound like you’re even getting to the “kiss a lotta frogs” stage!

I have read the entire thread, with interest, and really do hope you can find someone. Speed dating sounds like it could be fun, or an enormous waste of time. But you never know. I’m just glad I’m not single and looking in this day and age - things (all the things) seem to be so much more superficial now than they were when more communication was done face to face than electronically. I wish you luck, I really do.

ETA - I probably should have let the weight thing go - sorry for starting that.

[sami-joe]

@RMJacobs

Eventually I left, but was back there a few days later when this hippie guy walked up to me and said “I bet you’re wondering who bought all those shots.” We started talking around 7 pm (both sober this time) and were still talking when the bar closed at 1 am.

Lol. Sweet story. Total Meet Cute™️.

[centaursam]

Thank you and no worries. Others were a lot more on the attack than you were so no hard feelings.

I had no problem with women in my 20s (and I was broke and far less mature) and dating was so much fun, even on the apps. Nowadays, it really is absolutely miserable, especially here in LA. Add to that the fact that a lot of people changed for the worst during the pandemic/lockdown and never really went back to how they were prior, it’s just an overall much more closed-off and superficial society than a decade ago.

On top of that you get bombarded with all sorts of opinions from people: I’m too old, I’m running out of time, all the good women are long taken, I’ve got time, I shouldn’t rush, I should rush, etc. None of this is remotely enjoyable and it weighs on you after a while.

As I said in an earlier post, I accept responsibility. In hindsight, I made a mistake to focus on just my financial life in my late 20s/early 30s to the exclusion of my social life. Had I known dating would be this miserable, I would have made an effort several years ago to find someone.

[Jenerationx]

@centaursam

As I said in an earlier post, I accept responsibility. In hindsight, I made a mistake to focus on just my financial life in my late 20s/early 30s to the exclusion of my social life. Had I known dating would be this miserable, I would have made an effort several years ago to find someone.

Ehhh… don’t beat yourself up. You might have saved yourself a divorce too. I spent 6 years with someone that made me run from relationships at the slightest hint there could be a red flag for 20 years. Who knows what I missed out on by jumping into that relationship too young? I won’t say I regret it. It made me who I am, and I love me now, but I regret the time it took from me to heal from it.

[RMJacobs]

It was certainly a roller coaster ride when we were younger. I’m so thankful that we both matured and figured out what was important to us.

Rebecca

[centaursam]

This is very true. I have a few clients who have gone through divorce and they’ll most likely never fully recover financially or psychologically. I’ve also heard many other stories.

Life is weird. Very few people get the timing of everything right and the rare few that do had a lot of luck involved still.

Sounds like you’ve been through a lot, props to you for hanging in there and having a good perspective about it.

[Jackie_Cochran]

@centaursam, I met my husband on a Trailways bus between cities. I moved in with him that night.

We have been married for 54 years in spite of the fact that he in no way met any of my physical ideals for a man. He is heavy, he is fat, it is inherited, and that is never going to change. Back then he did have beautiful loooong hair and wonderful gentle eyes, but nothing to really make me look at him twice in a crowd.

He has stood by me during hard times. He stood by me when I had my always constant problems with my parents (my mother hated him.) He is not thin, he is not rich, but he had no problems with me having a horse even though there was no way we could really afford that horse.

I would never have been attracted to him on a dating app, no way, no how.

I learned how sensuous it can be to cuddle with a fat person, something I look forward to every night. Back then I wanted a thin man but I got a winner even though he weighs twice what I do on a good day.

[SuzieQNutter]

When I was your age I was probably in your weight range.

So I look after my health. I don’t drink alcohol, tea, coffee, cocoa cola or sarsaparilla. I don’t smoke or Vape. I don’t take illegal drugs.

In the last few years, At the same time I did bread for 3 hours, 6 day a week, which is a lot of lifting, I did grocery deliveries which entails going up and down a lot of stairs and a lot of the time with slabs of water, I was doing merchandising which had me walking 3 x IGA Supermarket Stores 8 times a month and I did 36 Aldi Audits which had me walking several times around each Aldi store per month. Add in that I was training 3 dressage horses and we run a 100 acre property with cattle, and I help hubby when he needs me in restoring at the moment a sandman.

Yes I am in the obese category probably because of the implant in my arm.

People change as they get older. I am probably heavier than my husband. The implant comes out next year.

Your weight comment put me right off.