Encouraging kids to ride - a how to request

[endlessclimb]

Not even being willing to have her interact with the trainer without you physically right.there. is coddling.

Is she home schooled? A lot of what you’re describing as a no-go is happening every day in the traditional school setting. Interacting with kids and adults, without mommy/daddy right there.

I hated organized sports as a kid, but that’s because I wanted a horse. (EDIT: Guess what? My parents still made me participate, because part of life is doing things you don’t want to do, that are good for you in the long run…) Be careful that your own mental state is not impacting what she “can and can not do”. It’s fluid, and she has to edge up to the comfort zone line to expand it.

[ThreeWishes]

As her mom, you are the greatest advocate she has. I can’t give you advice on what to do with your own child. I can only tell you what I did with mine. I’m a lifelong rider and wanted to sit on a horse for the moment I came out of the womb I have a single child When she was about your child’s age, she would tag along with me to watch my lessons, but she really did not show interest very much in riding. I knew not to push because I didn’t wanna force anyone to love something… But it was always my greatest. Hope that she would also share an interest in horses. I’ve always had horses at home and at times boarded out my show horses so she Had accompanied me to the barn before she could walk. I think it was not until she was like 12 that she expressed interest in perhaps taking lessons at the show barn where I was leasing a horse A year later, we bought her one She did the pony camps. She was open Hunter reserve champion in the first year. She decided to show. She did the schooling and the a show circuits When she hit 16, she discovered boys And became a drummer in the band in high schooland lost interest in horses. She was always an extremely sensitive child, and even when she grew a strong interest in horses and taking lessons once she got into showing the trainer could be very strong and there were times when I intervened Which is not always gladly accepted in the Hunter Jumper world Anyway, this long post is just to say you know your child Be her advocate feel it out. I’m sure you can find something and sometimes they don’t find the same timeline that their parents have ….they come across it later.

[Pehsness]

Yes, the more I’m reading and replying the more I’m realizing that my daughter is the outlier, not the lesson programs available. It’s actually been really helpful!

She’s so different from my oldest who I was sending off to overnight camp by age 6 or 7. It’s really hard to know the right path to take with her.

I just DO know life will be better for her overall if she can find a “thing”.

I looked up the local therapy place and they do seem to have integrated kids programs. I’m probably going to start with the local/sweet teacher we have experience with, but if she doesn’t have space, try the therapy place.

It would also be great if I could find a freelancer to come here, but I’m not sure my gelding is quite placid enough.

[Pehsness]

Lol. No, she is not homeschooled.

[Pehsness]

Thank you! I appreciate your post.

[endlessclimb]

Then I’m surprised that you allow her to glue herself to you and withdraw so severely when you’re around. You know she can do it, it’s alright to have some expectations of her instead of succumbing to her wishes.

It pretty much sounds like she’s playing you to get some perceived reward/something she wants. I watch my nephew do this to my sister all the time.

Is she the youngest of the kids?

[ThreeWishes]

You got this. Parenting is rarely black and white. Present the opportunity when you find a good fit. The sport is supposed to be fun You and I both know much of horses is actually pretty freaking hard work… Not everyone is interested in that not because they’re lazy or not motivated. It’s just not their thing. Let her decide if it’s her thing

[Pehsness]

Good lord, your are critical!

I’ve gotten a lot of good help here that I really appreciate. Avenues I wouldn’t have even thought of looking in to. So, successful thread! I won’t defend my parenting beyond that because I suspect it would never be correct enough for some.

[Simkie]

Does she have any friends that ride, even if in a different discipline, that she could tag along with?

Or, once you find a lesson spot (the “boring” lady does sound like a good fit) can you really help to foster a likely friendship with any of the other riders her age, like with play dates or other things outside of the barn?

Or even maybe one of her current friends would be interested in taking lessons, too?

Having a friend & ally (and not having to depend on mom!) goes such a long way to creating that confidence and helping with anxiety.

[endlessclimb]

I’m presenting a viewpoint that may not be appreciated by you, but perhaps has some truth in there somewhere. Like I said, my nephew around me versus his mother is like Jekyll and Hyde. He knows who will tolerate/accept what, and plays it like a fiddle.

I wish you the best of luck. Kids are far smarter and more capable than you’re giving them credit for.

[FjordBCRF]

@Simkie

Does she have any friends that ride, even if in a different discipline, that she could tag along with?

Or, once you find a lesson spot (the “boring” lady does sound like a good fit) can you really help to foster a likely friendship with any of the other riders her age, like with play dates or other things outside of the barn?

Or even maybe one of her current friends would be interested in taking lessons, too?

Having a friend & ally (and not having to depend on mom!) goes such a long way to creating that confidence and helping with anxiety.

Good suggestion. If there are a few kids, you could start your own 4-H club if that is something you would be interested in. Generally speaking, I didn’t connect well with most kids my age, and related to boys better than girls through all of grade school. All my best girlfriends were from the barn.

@endlessclimb

I’m presenting a viewpoint that may not be appreciated by you, but perhaps has some truth in there somewhere. Like I said, my nephew around me versus his mother is like Jekyll and Hyde. He knows who will tolerate/accept what, and plays it like a fiddle.

And if her kid happens to be on the spectrum…not being sensitive to that can be detrimental.

[Pehsness]

That is actually what I was trying to accomplish with the last place. Group lessons so hopefully she would find some friends there. Sweet lesson lady does only privates. Which, dream scenario I know, but not helpful in trying to bring her out of her shell.

She very recently has started coming home from school with reports of an increased friend group at recess so that is encouraging, and I’m hoping a sign she’s maturing beyond this reticence.

[endlessclimb]

At some point the goal for kids, all kids, spectrum or no spectrum, is to have them function and thrive independently in general society, no?

[Pehsness]

And i realized I didn’t answer… now that you mention it one of her friends at school does have horses i think… I don’t know the parents other than texting for bday parties but maybe I can reach out to her and see of there’s something they could do together. Good idea!

[FjordBCRF]

@endlessclimb

At some point the goal for kids, all kids, spectrum or no spectrum, is to have them function and thrive independently in general society, no?

Absolutely. But tough love/throwing them to the wolves tends to not work so well.

[ThreeWishes]

You really don’t need to defend your parenting. This is not a parenting forum. You know your child One method for one child does not work for all I think you have to ease this child into an interest If you find a good fit, I’m sure she will blossom Not every child has to pull themselves up by their boots straps and suck it up Children like life are not black-and-white

[Pehsness]

Uh, yep. Not well at all. That was how I approached her first 6 years. Hindsight is 20/20 so I don’t blame myself, but let me tell you gymnastics and swimming and day camps were not a good scene

[endlessclimb]

@FjordBCRF

tough love/throwing them to the wolves

Those two things are not equal. Every kid, everywhere, needs tough love. It’s how they learn to be responsible adults, capable of doing things that aren’t their number 1 favorite.

This kid is closer to driving a car than she is to being born.

With that, I’m out.

[ThreeWishes]

My daughter was the same way we tried softball. We tried gymnastics… Some kids just take a little longer to find their way. By the way, my daughter is now 25 years old… About to graduate nursing college… A very confident, young woman. But she is the same kid That around eight or nine or 10 just did not want to sleep over at friends houses or go to camp. It wasn’t until she was in her early teens. There is no formula for being a parent. And a lot of people that have very rigid ideas do not have children

[FjordBCRF]

@endlessclimb

Those two things are not equal. Every kid, everywhere, needs tough love. It’s how they learn to be responsible adults, capable of doing things that aren’t their number 1 favorite.

This kid is closer to driving a car than she is to being born.

With that, I’m out.

I have severe sensory issues when it comes to people snoring/breathing loudly/nose whistling…anything like that. It’s extreme. If my parents told me to tough it out at every sleepover I tried to go to and ended up calling home from…it would have been bad. Some things you grow out of and some you dont. I haven’t with that and my DH doesn’t take it personally if he’s snoring and I move to the guest room to sleep. No amount of “tough love” would make a damn bit of difference. We literally dont process things the same way as neurotypical people do.