Free horse with strings attached

[MorganSercu]

@Threeprettyhorses

Since then, the parents have been calling me SEVERAL times a week wanting to drop the girl off, usually calling me around 6:30pm or 7pm at night and wanting to drop her off that late.

They are using you as a free babysitting service and treating you terribly on top of it.

The flip side is that if you view it as an opportunity for this child to get to be with someone who truly loves horses, knows how to handle them and can put her to work (filling water buckets, carrying flakes of hay, picking a stall) then it may be a huge boost to her psyche now and in the future. Because her parents are parasites and I have my sneaking suspicion that they aren’t very good parents. Not when the chips are down. But I would check out my homeowner’s and umbrella insurance (if you have horses at your home, you should definitely look into umbrella insurance anyway) and have the parents sign all sorts of things that say they are aware that horses are big, strong and can be unpredictable. A hold harmless if they want her under your feet at the barn.

I wouldn’t charge them any money because then it’s a business and the headache and costs go into the stratosphere.

You have the bill of sale, the horse is yours. DEFINITELY say no more frequently, or perhaps entirely. You have the right to do so.

[Threeprettyhorses]

Yes, the parents absolutely have 10000% done this to me, and it’s not the first time I’ve witnessed it either. On the second time they dropped her off and immediately left, was on a Friday night and I didn’t get ahold of them until almost 9:45pm to come get their kid and left multiple voicemails and texts. I literally sat outside at our picnic table with the kid waiting for her parents to come or call me back because I had nothing left to do in the barn and was supposed to be inside eating dinner at this point. This was before I knew there was going to be a major issue.

Right, my parents would HAVE NEVER even remotely done this to me or my siblings. We were on time and picked up on time, and my Parents would have never thought to leave me at someone’s house like that. The reason that I suspect they think this is okay is because even though I have only briefly spoken to them in the past maybe a handful of times (because again, I barely ever saw them … they did the drop and run at the barn) and they don’t really know me at all to be honest, is that they are about 10 years older than me and they both graduated with my husband’s sister and know her. But they are not actively friends, don’t actively talk, they just know his sister from high school and that’s it. Maybe they just assume we are okay because of that, it’s only a theory I have. I have no connection to them at all other than having a horse at the same place they had a horse for the last few years.

Thank you. The more I think of that, that might be the key to ending all of this, I doubt they would want to stay with her to supervise. They have no interest in horses at all from what I can tell and have said themselves “they aren’t horse people.”

[MorganSercu]

@Threeprettyhorses

On the second time they dropped her off and immediately left, was on a Friday night and I didn’t get ahold of them until almost 9:45pm to come get their kid and left multiple voicemails and texts. I literally sat outside at our picnic table with the kid waiting for her parents to come or call me back because I had nothing left to do in the barn and was supposed to be inside eating dinner at this point. This was before I knew there was going to be a major issue.

They are terrible, terrible parents. I would be sore tempted to report them. At 11, she is old enough in my state to be home alone. Hell, I was babysitting at 12 after taking the course at the local fire house (plenty of us male and female took the course, we wanted MONEY).

[MorganSercu]

@Threeprettyhorses

they don’t really know me at all to be honest,

That makes it so much worse. They really are trusting to luck.

I think you’re wise to end this. I feel badly for their daughter because they’re treating her like a pinball. I suggest discussing it with someone at CPS. Maybe everything is fine and dandy, they simply have poor social skills but I’m not down with their inability to be on time to pick up their kid. Particularly on a school night.

[Threeprettyhorses]

Yep, their excuse was “they screen calls”, thought I was a telemarketer because my phone number was not saved in their phone, but never bothered to open the texts or the 2 voicemails I left.

[MorganSercu]

They suck slimy rocks in pools of fetid water. That poor kid.

[showy]

Siding with @atlatl I would block them. This is already insane. You aren’t their nanny. I don’t think boundaries will work on them.

[Threeprettyhorses]

Yes, I’m not even from the area, I just moved here after we got married to live on the farm that has been in his family for a very long time. I have thought about it, because it just seems like they don’t care or are very wishy washy. There were times like I said they had a lesson scheduled and were no call no shows(before I was ever at that barn) and finally the trainer got sick of it and cut them off. She said she also waited around for over a hour when she had young kids at home waiting on them. So none of this is apparently new behaviour. I know they are busy with their businesses but that doesn’t matter in this case. She’s told me she was dropped off at her friend’s house and stayed with them for 4 days this summer until the friend’s parents brought her home.

[Bogie]

@Threeprettyhorses

I also wanted to add this bit also- they never told her they were giving away her horse. They brought me her papers and the bill of sale/transfer paperwork and we were discussing where to sign, the horse’s history of other owners etc , to which she replies “Wait, is (horse name) not mine anymore?” and started bawling and bawling and they left her with me to console.

Yikes! I missed that part. Huge red flag and boy do I feel sorry for the girl. Keep repeating to yourself, “Not my problem. Not my problem.”

[MorganSercu]

@Threeprettyhorses

I know they are busy with their businesses but that doesn’t matter in this case. She’s told me she was dropped off at her friend’s house and stayed with them for 4 days this summer until the friend’s parents brought her home.

No, it doesn’t matter. But please consider calling CPS and discussing this with them. That kid needs someone who gives more than a passing thought to her. They’re treating her like an accessory rather than a child who is 100% dependent upon them. They have more than a few screws loose. If they need someone to care for their child, they should get an au pair or a nanny or something. Someone who vetted.

I also wanted to add this bit also- they never told her they were giving away her horse. They brought me her papers and the bill of sale/transfer paperwork and we were discussing where to sign, the horse’s history of other owners etc , to which she replies “Wait, is (horse name) not mine anymore?” and started bawling and bawling and they left her with me to console.

Whoa - they are CRUEL too. That is awful. Seriously (expletive) up. Some people just shouldn’t have a pet rock, let alone a child or a pet.

[ottbee]

@showy

I would block them.

I don’t think that is actually a good idea. Doesn’t stop them from randomly showing up and leaving kid, but does stop OP from receiving any communication from them. So they can say “Oh we told you that we were coming…” and they even have evidence of having sent a text.

I’m not saying they would be reasonable/logical for that, I just think from a practical perspective it would make OPs problems worse at this point.

[MorganSercu]

I can imagine how anxious that child is at school and in life, generally. May she find a good healthy mentor somewhere along the way. School is my choice since by law she has to attend. Pity she couldn’t get her parents to commit to the barn life, or 4H or something.

[ottbee]

I agree with you completely, and I think these two signs of neglect and disregard (randomly leaving her with other people without really knowing the people or having consent, and that emotional disregard) are probably the tip of the iceberg. Because that is what they let other people see - so makes you wonder what they don’t let other people see… which is not mere conjecture given the at-best poor judgment and at-worst deliberate neglect displayed. The worst problem is always hidden…

[MorganSercu]

Too (expletive!!!) true. Little girl lost.

Sorry, @Threeprettyhorses - I’m not trying to railroad you into doing anything or taking her in or something. I’m shaking my fist in impotent fury at the sky because I want to drop kick her parents.

[ottbee]

I agree, I hope she finds her person. In OPs shows as me with my personality I would probably be bending over backwards to be that person despite any personal financial or other risks, but I don’t think OP should do that and I wouldn’t be logical or sensible to do it. Barn mentors, 4H, a community of caring adults who can treat her like a valued human being … any of that would likely have such impact. And you are right that school can so often serve that function, which is why I get mad when I go to school board meetings and people are trying to eliminate SEL saying ‘teachers should just teach academics.’ School is and needs to be so much more than that, for so many good reasons.

[Threeprettyhorses]

Okay thanks, I will look into this because like I said, I am not the only person it seems like that they have done this too. I’m just the latest and way more of a push over than the others.

I know, I’m not sure WHY they wouldn’t tell her, but it was probably the most awkward I have ever felt. She didn’t ask until the almost end of the conversation when they were signing the papers and I think she finally realized, and the parents were saying everything right in front of her as if she knew the whole time like everything was fine.

[MorganSercu]

@Threeprettyhorses

She didn’t ask until the almost end of the conversation when they were signing the papers and I think she finally realized, and the parents were saying everything right in front of her as if she knew the whole time like everything was fine.

She sounds like a parentified child (see the Karpman Drama Triangle if interested). So unfair to her.

I’m so sorry that you’re in the middle of this situation.

[FjordBCRF]

Oh boy. Ugh. My first thought is that given the nature of the parents…no matter how much you might want to help the kid…I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole. With parent like this, all bets are off and no good deeds go unpunished.

I VERY much agree that if you do allow her to come see the horse, she needs supervision. Nearly every barn I have boarded at does not let children be without a guardian. The other side of that is, I don’t think I’d want these parents on my property.

If there is another case of dropping the kid off and them going non-responsive after pick up time, Id be tempted to take her to the police station, explain the situation and tell the parents they need to pick her up there. The other side of that though is I wouldn’t necessarily want to put the poor kid through that so that might not be the best. You could call the police at that point and at least start a paper trail with all this AND let the parents know that you have. That might make a statement and keep the kid out of it.

Man. Im so sorry you are in this mess.

Editing to add after reading you comments on the degree of anxiety she has…disregard my thought on having her parents pick her up at the police station!

[Threeprettyhorses]

She’s told me she is having trouble in school and gets anxious to the point that she has thrown up waiting for her bus in the morning. Specifically about a certain class. She is an EXTREMELY intelligent girl that talks much older than she actually is. I’ve seen the panic attacks when she rides (which is why I really tried to help her as I get them from time to time also and they are terrible) but I don’t know about anxiety outside of that in her day to day life. The whole situation is so sad.

[MorganSercu]

@Threeprettyhorses

She’s told me she is having trouble in school and gets anxious to the point that she has thrown up waiting for her bus in the morning. Specifically about a certain class.

I don’t suppose you can anonymously reach out to her school counselor?

What. A. Mess. I am so sorry you have a ticket to a show you never wanted to see.