As a person with anxiety who is the parent of a really bright kid who also has anxiety, and for whom we do as much as we humanly can to provide stability, consistency, quality time, meet his needs, we have retained a psychologist to get parent training in more optimal ways to help our child with anxiety … that breaks my hearts to smithereens.
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I would ask myself: where do I see this going? If this continues for months, how will I feel? And decide what to do from there. Obviously, zero contact would be ideal from a new owner perspective. I bought a horse this spring that came with a little string, his teenage owner who wanted to visit him once in a while. It’s an annoyance and sometimes I regret the purchase. I don’t mind previous owners who want updates or photos but visiting is a seriously awkward inconvenience - she just showed up on my doorstep one day wanting to visit him, no call or text. Good thing I was dressed and not busy. I put a lock on the gate after that.
If you genuinely want to see the kid to have some time with the horse once in a while, I would set firm boundaries with the parents and offer something like a monthly visit with strict parameters. Hi Parent! Unfortunately I no longer have time for Suzie to visit Horse several times a week. I’d be happy to schedule a time once a month where she can visit, if a parent can accompany her. My availability is limited, but I can make time on (insert a limited selection of dates/time blocks that truly would work for you). If you can’t make it on any of those days, I’m afraid we’ll have to wait until next month. Thanks for understanding.
And then stick to it. Set the boundaries. If they try to break them, end the relationship.
It’s really unfortunate that this nice kid has ignorant lazy parents that don’t seem to care much about her.
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This will never end well. I would send them a text telling them that their repeated intrusive requests don’t work with your schedule and you’re going to have to withdraw your agreement to let the child come over. Then block them.
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I echo what was mentioned above… I wouldn’t block them so you have some idea of what’s going on in case they just plan to drop the kid off. I would not respond.
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That’s a good point about knowing if they just decide to drop the child off.
But I think if that happened to me after I ghosted them I would strongly consider calling 911 and reporting an abandoned child. Let the parents answer to law enforcement and DCS for their behavior.
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Good on you for that!
I would remind them of your agreement ^^^^^^^ ( wish you had gotten that in writing…) but since you didn’t ---- tell them she is welcome to come out 1 night a week to brush the horse but that a parent MUST stay with her at all times and that it must be within the hours of ( whatever works for you).
If they can’t be agreeable then send the horse back and get rid of them. I can only see it escalating and no horse, no matter how good is worth it.
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This. x10000
No matter how much they want to help this kid, I’m afraid that this will go south FAST. And OP will be caught in the crossfire, either dealing with the cops, CPS, a lawsuit, or loss of the horse.
If OP were related in some tangible way to this child, I think the story might go differently. But they’re not, and if these people have their life together enough to run businesses and generally get people to watch their child constantly, they’re going to go after OP the second they see a benefit to them (or loss of benefit).
If this child was 16 or of employable and self-transportable age I’d have other suggestions as well. Ugh.
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Make these STATEMENTS and not suggestions. Tell them if they leave her and skedaddle, you will have no choice but to call the police or take her to the police department/sheriff’s office, that you are not a free babysitting service, and that they are being extremely disrespectful. Let them threaten to sue you to take the pony back, the ball is in their court for making all that get moving and it’s not easy.
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It’s a really tough situation, and I know what I would do but I am not in a position to tell other people how to behave. If I sincerely suspected actionable neglect was happening toward that child, I’d swallow that I might end up having to give back the free horse. I can’t and won’t tell other people what their decisions should be for lots of different reasons. I’m really being sincere when I say it is a tough situation with no clear and obvious answers.
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My thought
Send a letter return receipt requested, so they have to sign for it. Leave voicemail and text exact same verbiage. Get an attorney to help. Those few hundred dollars could save you big time in the future.
Set forth conditions and spell out consequences.
Child is not to be left unattended. Period. If she is, CPS will immediately be contacted.
Get a signed release(s) from someplace like Equine Legal Solutions. No signed releases, no entrance on property
Set forth days of week, and hours of day she can be there. Example every 1st and 3rd Saturday of ea month, from 10 AM to 12 PM
I understand not liking confrontation, but they are running roughshod on your life. And putting everything you own in jeopardy.
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And that is why you inform that the final communication is the final communication and you are blocking their phone number and their email addresses.
There is absolutely no good reason to allow the possibility of them dropping off the kid ever again. And if they are so stupid that they do? Call the cops or child protective services, probably both for good measure, for child abandonment. There is zero reason for the OP to have to continue to be harassed by these idiots.
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Agree 100% to communicating about ending further interactions.
I might tell them I was doing it, but I would not take on the risk of actually doing it. Blocking only really achieves two outcomes: (1) I am no longer irritated by the receipt of messages, which has value, but (2) I miss the opportunity to receive any notice they may give of intended actions, and that notice could be beneficial to me in guiding my behavior or making protective choices.
If I wanted to achieve (1) I would probably do it by filtering their communications into a separate folder that I only check once per day at my convenience, so that I have access to information but am not pestered by them. That is what I have seen abuse victims receiving harassing emails etc. be advised to do.
To me the risk that these people text me they are coming, show up, leave their kid, I’m not home because I didn’t see the text, and then something happens to the kid, yadda yadda … I’m not taking that risk. I want every opportunity to find out what these nuts are going to do related to me/my property, until I fully and finally resolve things.
But different people have different needs or preferences, what seems like a big risk or concern to me, may not to someone else. I get that, just explaining my thougt process a little more.
Agree, I also recommended giving them notice and then calling the cops.
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What does the legal agreement say? Does it (I know this sounds silly, but it’s important) still allow the family access to the horse?
If so, I think you need to renegotiate a sale. I think the least complicated thing is offer to pay something for the horse and the tack, and tell the parents that they need to end this relationship with this horse. If the girl still wants to ride, she should get riding lessons. Even if it doesn’t, I think you need to cut off the “horse supply,” and discuss what would be a reasonable fee to end this open arrangement.
Basically, it sounded like she was not given instruction, got understandably terrified on the horse, and now feels more secure in this “no pressure to ride” environment. But it’s not fair to you–it’s not just babysitting, because a babysitter has the right of refusal to watch a child. Essentially, as it now stands, you have become part of the “family,” like an aunt whose sister dumps her kid on the porch and as a family member out of guilt you can’t say no. I know it’s hard, but the little girl needs to move on (even if only to another riding environment with other kids, where she can have age-appropriate supervision and interaction).
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Same. I’d want to have access to any and all communication with these people. Just in case. Certainly tell them they are blocked and make sure you don’t have read receipts enabled on your texts!
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I think I’d aim to just shut this down. Bet if you say kiddo can only come if one of her parents stays the entire time that they’ll never show again, but if they do it will surely be less frequent and you won’t be waiting for pick up.
Alternatively tell them to come get the horse.
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#2 is the entire point of blocking someone. The best protective choice is to block them for the sake of one’s own mental health. NOTHING these people do should be guiding the OP’s behaviour, absolutely nothing.
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Emotionally, this is hard since it sounds like the horse is great–but I think this agreement as it stands is a nightmare. The problem with blocking them is they’ll say there was a verbal contract the kid was allowed to see the horse when she wanted. But really there is no way to have this kind of verbal contract work out fairly for the OP. You need to renegotiate terms and maybe make a good-faith offer of some cash so this is a real sale. Or offer the horse (if you can bear to do it.)
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if no money changed hands, even a dollar, you may be on soft ground here as far as legalities.
Personally I see this is a no win situation. You cannot save this girl from her parents and you are not responsible for protecting her, raising her or making up for their shortcomings. The fact that they did not have your contact information saved in their phone says so much.
personally I would be wary of a child coming to interact with a horse, no matter how docile, where there is not a regular practice and acquisition of skills needed to safely be around horses. call it that native instinct we acquire.
You either need to negotiate a no contact situation and give them a 1$ payment, or return the horse to them after they pay you a dollar.
I would not bend or set boundries about having the girl there on certain days or times, clearly they dont care about that
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Oh geez. What a mess.
You’ve already received some great advice and sound wisdom. I’ll just add that the liability issue alone would make me say nopity nope nope to this entire situation. Plus, this is such an open-ended situation. How long do her parents think they can take advantage of this arrangement? Until she’s in high school? College? Will she be bringing out her own kids to see ‘her horse’?
If you truly love this horse, I’d pay them a modest amount of money, ask them to sign a bill of sale documenting the monetary transaction, and declare it The End. If they refuse, then ask them flatly where they’d like the horse delivered in the next 48 hours.
Or, I suppose you could lend the horse to a distant relative while you and hubby fix up the barn. The old out of sight, out of mind tactic. 
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I wouldn’t want to give back a nice horse either. But it would permanently solve OP’s problem. I’m of course sympathetic to wanting to keep the horse. OP didn’t imagine this outcome I’m sure and a nice buddy horse is harder to come by than in years past.
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