This times 100. No way in hell would I be responsible for someone else’s kid at my house on a horse I own. Nope.
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Wow we are so different! If I had a heads up these people were on their way to my house with their kid, I might do something to help myself deal with that. I would want that info. Be it to have my partner be home or to lock my gate or whatever. Ha ing that heads up would be better than not to me. Gosh I can think of a bunch of examples why.
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In situations like this, I prefer to start “small” and then escalate if needed.
Dropping off: It’s possible that the parents think it’s OK to just drop the kid off - that’s what they were doing at the previous place, probably (the boarding barn), and no one had an issue. Start here: let parents know that this is not OK, it’s your home, not a business.
Brushing and saying hi: I like the advice of telling the parents that they can come, but you need 48 hours notice, since this is your home, not more than once a month, and a parent (one of them) must be with the kid all the time. All the time.
Riding: Let them know that you can’t support this and they can get into the lesson program at —.
I’d stay way clear of police, CPS, re-working the sales contract, etc. Whole thing may go away if the kid gets interested in some other activity, if the weather is bad, and so on. Make this very simple: not too much blah-blah and do not respond to a lot of blah-blah from the parents’ end.
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Ultimately, this would be the best possible outcome: the kid simply loses interest, and discovers she really likes softball or soccer.
I wonder if the parents would just drop her off at games and pick her up later… somewhere.
I do understand why OP feels sorry for the girl.
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I agree. I’d have been hesitant to enter into the original agreement, even, the way it was explained to the OP, so I assumed she must have been very attached to the horse to enter it.
I also agree that I wouldn’t go nuclear with CPS, but ask to have a very firm conversation with the parents, starting with “this can’t continue.” And I agree that any “sometimes brushing” can easily turn into “kid living over there.”
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The whole thing about blocking is that you put boundaries in place so that nonsense doesn’t happen.
I am old and have learned the value of being direct. It took me far too long to learn that I can and should set boundaries, boundaries that shalt not be crossed. Now that I’ve learned that it really is a thing and I really am capable of doing it, life is better because I don’t lay myself down and beckon clueless numpties to wipe their feet on me.
These people are not posing a threat that one might need to close one’s gate against or muster the support of a spouse. They are stepping over boundaries they don’t know exist because those boundaries haven’t been enforced probably due to some sense of being beholden for this (expensive to keep) “gift” of a horse and because there are the emotions of a child involved. I get that it’s hard, but “No” is a complete sentence that needs to be employed and stood behind.
These are not the OP’s friends or family, these are presumptuous, entitled little turds. And side note, if friends or family did treat the OP this way I’d likely give the same advice - boundaries are important to one’s own wellbeing.
To the OP, @Threeprettyhorses, there is another way to completely shut this down if you can’t face confrontation or can’t put up necessary boundaries - sell the horse. That will end the nonsense completely.
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I am not sure how amazing said horse is… but outside of like my literal heart horse / horse to move me from .80 to the 1.20 - I could NOT put up with this sh*t. My profession and my other hobbies would take absolute prescience over this… like uhm I my profession used to have billable hours worth hundreds is if not thousands of dollars. No babysitting hours for free for me!
If I owned said horse truly outright. I’d sell it - likely out of state - preferably across the country if I could. Sorry, I sold horsie last week - they’re on a truck to Colorado right now!
OR I would move it to a private full boarding facility with a private gate code and a HIGH price tag for entry (aka no lesson students only full training show board owners) - if I had goals like showing etc. aligned with that type of facility.
Or you put up boundaries with the parents documented and supported by a lawyer and / or involve school counselor / CPS.
But I am not a person who would agree to such arrangement nor would I feel obligated to foster any relationship with said school age child. My sister is a school psych - she has some STORIES much like this one.
Due to that I try not to interact too closely with ANYONE under 18 years old, honestly preferably over 21, without their parents very present. I’ve had experiences where tweens get a bit attached even just riding at the same time as them at training barns… this emeshment breaks my heart but also scares the SH*T out of me.
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What am I missing? I don’t see how blocking someone’s text messages, calls, or emails stops them from randomly showing up at my house.
I am ALL ABOUT saying no, etc., it is absolutely a complete sentence. But it is not a magic word, and “presumptuous, entitled little turds” are the exact type of people who ignore it.
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What a frigging nightmare. ALWAYS, if someone is “giving you a free horse”, make sure that you PAY MONEY for that horse ($1 is an adequate number), and put THAT on the bill of sale. That makes it a legal sale, and gives you LEGAL ownership of the horse. If you don’t pay money for the horse, ownership is in question. So fix that now, if you can, if you want to own this horse. Otherwise, give the horse back.
My heart breaks for the kid. But there are huge legal issues if she gets injured by the horse, or by anything on your property while she is in your care, and you have no insurance for this I think? Don’t get caught in this.
If you want to own this horse, and can make it legal ownership with the exchange of money to make it legal, your next step would have to be to cut off contact with the previous owners, and their child, and CLOSE the gates at the end of your driveway, and lock them, to protect yourself from these people. Because they are poison. Sorry.
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Or they do a drive-by drop or have an excuse that makes it hard for OP to say no to, with kid standing there.
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Thank you! I REALLY thought it would drop off once school started, but that definitely has not been the case. I really wanted to get this shut down before winter comes. Like I said, we have no indoor place to ride, just our pasture and the fields surrounding us, and our crosstie grooming area is still a work in progress… and the thought of sitting outside with her in the freezing cold for who knows how long waiting for her parents to show up does not sound fun. We already decided we were not comfortable having her wait inside our house due to our dogs…we don’t have many kids in the family and they aren’t used to them.
I would be completely open to once a month for a few hours! I do agree with other posters, I don’t think they understand or WANT to understand that my house is MY HOUSE. Not a public boarding barn and are treating it like they treated the barn we were at before when they would just leave her there for hours when they did decide to bring her. The only time I’ve actually seen them recently is when they signed the papers. They drop her and run even if I am not visible (ie in the pasture out behind the barn or still inside my house etc.) and when they pick her up they never get out of the car either, roll down their windows or anything to talk to me to ask how things went. It’s get in and go.
I know. That’s why I am so torn I think. She’s a super nice kid and is always asking to clean the stalls and even if we are done with horse stuff and we are waiting for her parents to show up, she wants to help me put away my other animals for the night and pet them.
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Guarantee they would do it ONCE if the OP acted appropriately by calling the authorities for child abandonment.
Guaranteed they would not do it all if the OP laid down the law and said outright, “No. This is not up for discussion. I am blocking your phone numbers and your email addresses. If the child is dropped off ever again, the authorities will be called for child abandonment.”
That is what you are missing.
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Luckily so far, they have not done that. If I don’t reply to their texts or calls right away, they have not brought her out YET. I can’t say for sure that would never happen though.
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Shut it down. Completely. Full stop.
Stop stop stop. Do whatever it takes to make this stop. They must get out of your life.
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Ah, okay. Well we disagree about those guarantees. Thanks for taking the time to explain your thought process though!
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I agree with all of this. I wonder if something was going on when she wasn’t riding, and why her parents bought her the horse in the first place. Even for rich parents, a show horse for a beginner kid who rides 2-3 a month is a bit of a crazy impulse purchase. IMHO. It’s different from a kid who rode in childhood but loses commitment and interest in adolescence. I feel badly for her as well, but the OP is not responsible for fixing this, nor is enabling the parents in their behavior good for the kid in the long run.
Even just giving the horse to the OP rather than selling the horse appropriately through a trainer is weird. No offense, OP, the horse is getting off the easiest in this as he is much happier with you I am sure!
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I definitely have learned my lesson with this. I have never been offered a horse like this or anyone I know, so I am definitely doing this if there is ever another time in the future. She’s already legally in my name. Everything was signed over to me and I sent in to the breed association right away. Her papers all reflect me as the owner and are stamped and notarized. They just wanted to wash their hands of her.
We just have our home owners insurance and that’s it. There is a sign we have posted that you can buy about equine sports being a liability etc that is posted right as you come in the door.
Unfortunately, our driveway is open and we don’t have any gates to prevent anyone coming in.
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I think she was initially riding, but for some reason she got scared and it cut way back. When I was out there riding my gelding and she was on the mare, she would only ride maybe 10 minutes at the most before she wanted to get off. By riding I mean she was walking in a round pen most times.
They just told me they wanted me to have her because they knew I would give her a good home. She’s super happy and my gelding and her get along incredibly well. He’s 18 and I’ve been looking for a nice friend for him for a while. They constantly groom each other in the pasture and run around, it’s been so nice to see them so happy.
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The horse sounds lovely! I am so glad there is a silver lining to this entire mess, since she has a good, relaxed home with a confident rider and your gelding has a buddy.
It sounds like the little girl is dealing with a lot of confidence/anxiety issues, which is understandable. It’s almost a curse she had parents who bought her a horse right away, since at a low-key barn, riding lesson horses, she might have been much less intimidated and found friends her own age.
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She’s honestly pretty awesome. Really flashy and has a good show record. Anyone can ride her (even my husband) and she and my older gelding get along extremely well, which is what I was looking for when I was going to eventually find a buddy so I could move him back to my house.
You are right though. I am so exhausted by the constant texts and calls wanting to drop her off with 10 minutes notice at night is insanely overwhelming and not what was said when this whole agreement took place.
The horse is in my name. Her papers now have my name and are notarized by the breed association. I have the papers where they signed her over to me and the transfer paperwork for the breed associations. I have the text messages with them saying they no longer wanted her and wanted to wash their hands of owning the horse.
I never thought it would end up like this. They asked if she could “visit once in a great while” to groom her and that’s it, and it almost immediately escalated to this.
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