The “neglect” here is subtle and the parents have resources. CPS will not and cannot intervene in a meaningful way to moderate bad family dynamics short of documented abuse of some kind. Calling them because the family “thought” it was ok to drop the child off and you want to complain they “abandoned” the child is not useful for anyone involved. Least of all the chiid.
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It does sound like they don’t want the bother and expense of the horse, so I suspect they won’t really want her returned.
I bet they don’t care one way or another. If the threat/process works to cow someone into continuing to tolerate the behavior, great. If they wind up with the horse, well, they have another “free horse with strings” to hook in some other victim.
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Not advocating calling CPS at this point, but this is exactly the type of thing OP would want to have documentation of. If worse came to worse and OP has documentation of saying “no” and parents drop the kid off anyways, that’s a problem. It sounds like OP isn’t blocking them, but this is exactly the type of thing I wouldn’t want to be none the wiser to.
I would worry about pissing these people off with them knowing where OP lives too so going nuclear could be bad. I think I’d have a face to face with the parents telling them the boundaries and have them sign some kind of liability waiver and visiting agreement at that same time. Detail out how many days a month you are willing to have the kid over, how much ahead of time they need to give you to have the kid over, how you prefer to be communicated with and times of the day they can contact you.
IF a call to CPS becomes warranted…they are obligated to follow up which might be a wake up call to the parents, but will also likely get the kid involved which sucks for the kid. I think the idea of getting an attorney as @Sdel outlined is a good thought but there is going to be a cost to that vs a free all to CPS. In the actual event the parents would sign an agreement and still be audacious enough to drop their kid off unannounced or when you did say no…I might consider it then. Any parent that would drop a kid off in a situation they are well aware they are not welcome to…that’s pretty awful.
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Depending on jurisdiction, CPS won’t do anything or may not be able to do enough to discourage the behavior. A lot of people in this situation have problems because the parents have technically dropped off the kid into a supervised situation. While inconvenient to the person who is being taken advantage of, it’s not endangering the child.
Unfortunately, CPS is mostly a big stick threat. If the someone doesn’t care about the consequences, they just can’t be made to care enough to change their behavior.
ETA: the other big problem with CPS….retaliation. Can a report be made that won’t be a big flashing arrow at who made the report? Before you doing something to raise the parents’ hackles you should figure out how solid your position is first.
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the thing about calling CPS, they are probably neglectful in other ways. if CPS were to investigate, they might find more evidence of neglect. I am not saying OP should do that, but just a thought.
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They understand; they DISAGREE.
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Because the horse is signed over to you and papers have been signed, the horse is yours. The parents have taken huge advantage of your kind offer to let the child visit the horse once in a while. I agree with those who caution you against any type of child protective services action at this point, but I agree 100% with those who have urged you to just lay it out straight to the parents: you said once in a while, with notice beforehand. You can explain to them that you are not a day care facility and while you like their child, it is inappropriate for them to be dropping her there with 10 minutes notice and leaving her in your ‘care’ for hours on end. You did them a favor by taking the horse off their hands, so they no longer have to bear the expense of boarding and horse care for a horse their child didn’t appear to even enjoy. You owe them nothing.
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I mean theoretically these peeps could do anything. But so far it just sounds like a gross misunderstanding.
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Every text would be answered, “Sorry, I’m busy. Maybe another time.” Every. Single. One. And I wouldn’t answer calls. Treat them exactly as they treat you.
You are saving these people thousands in board, farrier, vet, etc. There is no reason to let them guilt you into babysitting their child while they go out and do whatever they do.
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My thought that was they at a bare minimum will have to have a chat with the parents as part of the follow up. That would hopefully be enough of a wake up call to them to at least think twice about imposing on OP in the manner they are. I wouldn’t expect much of anything past that unless they walked into the house and there were clear signs of other issues.
And again, I would see a call to CPS as a continuation of the paper trail if OP sets her boundaries and they continue to cross them. If OP would have to have a cease and desist or even a restraining order or something along those lines, you want all the documentation you can get. This is all worst case scenario thinking of course and hopefully OP setting the boundary will be effective and that will be that.
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My experience is that would not be the reaction.
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Just to clarify, this would be a last resort thought if they don’t get with the program with whatever OP sets as her boundaries. CPS, police, or lawyer are not ways i would want to go if I could avoid, but some people don’t give you much of a choice. Unfortunately speaking from experience with police/restraining orders due to a neighbor who didn’t understand the word “no”. And I wish I would have documented/escalated sooner. Lesson learned.
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I wonder if there are grandparents or other relatives around who would be interested in what is happening to this little girl? (Even if their babysitting forebearance has already been tapped out.)
But yes, I think answering everything with a “no, sorry, busy, not at home” would be my approach.
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Seriously consider if you want to be involved with these people and their kid at all?
If you convince yourself that you can/ought to/kid needs you, well, then suffer the consequences, you know what they are, you are their servant and on call any time they want.
In reality, I would tell them you are too busy for the kid, please arrange with the stable for riding lessons for her if they want her to do things with horses, you can’t any more, end of talk, not up for discussion!
Don’t let them convince you of any other, don’t discuss it, just a flat no time, sorry, make other arrangements, this is not working for you, good bye.
It is not a lie, is true, you tried, just not working, get out from under such leeches using you like they are, don’t let them.
They are not going to change, no reasons needed, just a firm and repeated we tried, no time for kid, sorry, good bye.
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I understand where the OP is coming from. She was just given a very nice horse (perhaps nicer than she could easily afford or find) with well-fitting tack who jives well with her riding style and personality (as well as her SO), she has her horses at home (so it’s not a big monthly additional expense of board), and the horse is making her gelding as well as herself happy, even if riding is less of a priority during the fall/winter. So giving back the horse is not attractive, and even if she did for her own sanity, it doesn’t sound like this would be good for the gelding, either.
So she feels a little guilty because suddenly her life is uprooted in a weird way. It’s not like a normal uprooting like, “I just got a great horse, but it’s tougher to manage getting rides in when it’s dark at home.” That’s a normal problem everyone would have great advice for, based on their own experience.
Also the little girl seems nice and wants to be “helpful,” but for various reasons she is not “helpful” like some Saddle Club storybook where the kid coming over to the barn has all sorts of skills to help with chores. The kid keeps getting thrown into these “adult” places where she’s not wanted (because adults want to do adult things), through no fault of her own. So OP doesn’t want to be mean to the emotionally fragile kid, but also just wants her life back.
Calling CPS is going to be a hassle for the OP. It will not be fun for anyone, including the kid, and they are not going to put a kid in foster care for this. It will just create bad blood (unless the OP thinks actual abuse is going on). But IMHO she needs to communicate to the family 1. what her original expectations were (just seeing the horse occasionally), 2. why the current situation is unacceptable, and 3. discuss options that are acceptable, such as suggesting a lesson barn and limiting visits to once a month (although not at all is preferable).
I also disagree with blocking. They will just leave the kid and say, “sorry I couldn’t get in touch with you.” They will not get it. In fact, another tact might be to send a message saying, “I will not be available at the barn this week, please do not drop off X because no one will be around to supervise her.” Or, “Horse will not be available this week, please don’t drop of X.” Be nice but firm. Conclude with, “Please let me know you got this message.”
Do not say why. Just say, “not available.” Keep sending these messages for a week or two to “train” them not to drop her off. If they complain “oh we gave free horsey to you” after a certain point, then have the conversation, or they might find someone else to foist the kid onto.
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I suggest that you tell the parents you need to have an in-person meeting with them before they drop their daughter off again. Otherwise you will drive her to her home and leave her there.
You need a reliable witness to be there to make sure the discussion stays on track and so they understand that this is public knowledge. If you have a friend who is a lawyer, that would be ideal.
In this meeting, you need to have a “Rules of Engagement” document. If you’re okay with the kid coming over one Saturday a month for 3 hours, spell it out. Make it very clear that noncompliance means no more visits. Tell them if they don’t sign the document, there are going to be no more visits.
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These people have “given” you 2 things, OP, not just one: 1) Their horse bill. 2) Their girl, the person they got the horse for in the first place, to use as an out-of-the-house diversion while they go live their adult lives.
THEY are the ones who now have a free horse, thanks to you! 
YOU are paying for the horse and providing all care and a facility, and THEIR DAUGHTER sees it whenever they want her to! 
See what they did there? 
You clearly already recognize that these people are bulldozers who will keep rolling right over you. You won’t be able to enforce ground rules with them. As others have mentioned, as bad as the situation seems now, they could make it much worse.
Nothing that you do, or do not do, will fix their problems. Unfortunately, nothing you can do or not do will fix the child’s problems, either. Please take yourself out of the idea of ‘fixer’. You can’t.
Do you really want to keep these two adults in your life?
They have a child that they don’t want to raise. Do you really want to raise her for them, through a horse that she thinks is hers?
Not only are you paying for ‘their daughter’s horse,’ as she believes, you are now allowing their daughter spend far more time with the horse than she ever has before. Please clarify this in your mind – they may drop her off, but it is down to the fact that you have been saying ‘yes’.
You owe these people nothing.
OP, hopefully COTH has now boosted you with emotional support & ideas. Get in-person help to do this if you need it (husband? where is he in this?), but you have to draw the line. Or just live with it as you have been doing.
The only other option I know is to quietly sell your farm and then sneak out of town in the middle of the night, with the horse, to a secret new place of residence at least 1,000 miles away. Of course changing every phone number, email account, and any means of contacting you that you have.
They still might find you and sign over their daughter to you, along with their horse. Then - in their minds - they would have a free daughter and a free horse. All provided by you, a person they barely know. /jk /s
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Yes, some parents absolutely, unbelievably, irresponsibly, leave their children to fend for themselves in unkown places, in terrible environments. Sometimes very, very young children.
Some parents have their kids with them, but pay zero attention to where they are or what they are doing. Some parents will leave their kid anywhere. With anyone.
I don’t know why. I guess the parenting instinct isn’t ingrained in everyone.
There is honestly no knowing what experiences the daughter has had over the years, in the company of near-strangers, without her parents. Her anxiety may come from real experiences.
Sometimes kids with neglectful or just stupid parents become great survivors and grow up ok. It tends to be noticeable – the ones who are 12 going on 30. Who at tender ages are making better decisions for the family than their clueless parents.
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I think it was mentioned that OP doesn’t have a gate along the driveway. I would install one. Doesn’t have to be fancy, just functional. Not necessarily any fencing but definitely a gate with a nice “No Trespassing” sign. Ditto for access points to the barn, pastures, along the fence line for passers-by to see here and there.
Mostly for these parents but also to make your insurance agent less uneasy.
The only way to improve these gates is to make them spout a substance. Fire or water or etc.
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