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Frustrated at a perfect barn

He has perfect manners when it comes to turnout, feeding time, being around people and general handling. I had that nailed down before he was 1yo. He’s just got a baby brain still and sometimes has his young horse moments during work, as he is very excitable - however, that does not happen during the daily basic handling procedures. :wink:

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A tiny update. I’ve kept coming to the barn when others are just arriving or just leaving, and have been achieving tremendous progress with my youngster. Yesterday, one of my co-boarders approached me and complimented on the progress, admitting that earlier, seeing some of my youngsters’ outbursts on the lunge, she had thought I wouldn’t cope. :sweat_smile: Now, however, she has to admit that I do cope and have done a good job. I felt quite smug after that!

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perhaps that interaction was a bit of an olive branch or form of admitting they were being wrong before. Continued success with your young friend

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This.
Reading replies to this thread I’ve been wishing I could ask someone if there is a place where people actually can shush other people, for good reason, without suffering the consequences.

I was threatened with eviction from my apartment for trying to shush an employee who was way out of line talking to other tenants who at the time were a captive audience forced to listen to employee’s very inappropriate monologue one day.

Then, reading comments here, and on other websites, it seems there actually are places where people can shush other people’s inappropriate speech. I’m interested to read that there are places where people cannot shush offenders without reprisals.

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:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

5E9B9485-1CD0-4540-9CBD-12A29943D2B1

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The end with the snap, right?
… Or the other end that’s been dropped in those cute little piles in above pic …

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It’s a funny dynamic, I feel like maybe there are 2 groups of horse people- the type that is super extroverted amd need to comment and rail bird, or the type that likes to be left alone and train in peace. It’s really awkward though when you have to ride a not so perfect greenie in front of others.

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Is it just me or does this smack of condescension to anyone else. Was this the one that tried to snatch the lunge line out of your hand?

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The same one. She’s always been the most, er, invested in what/how I do with my youngster, as she has a young horse of the same age.

Stop giving her your ear. Wear earbuds. Say, sorry, cant talk right now, too busy. Plan your rides when shes not there. Don’t be a target for her.

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I think tone and presentation would be the only way to determine genuine compliment vs condescension.

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Ah, thing is, I don’t want to push her away as we are otherwise good friends of many years. I just have to learn not to be such a pushover and in the meantime not sharing the same space and time at the barn has really helped both me and our relationship.

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Dunno shes that good a friend if she gets you upset enough to come on here for support? Or why you are worried about “ pushing her away” by telling her you are busy or riding when shes not there? Friends don’t act like that, they go out of their way to avoid hurting your feelings and/or confidence.

Possibly time to rethink things.

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Thank you for this perspective, there’s definitely a lot to think about.

I agree. Reluctantly – but sounds like some boundaries are in order.

If your friend doesn’t accept your boundaries, she’s not such a great friend.

No one is perfect, and every friendship has some awkward moments. But overall, a friend is someone we are glad to see and be around. Our lives are better for having this friend.

If that’s not the case, this friend needs to be shuffled gently to a status more like ‘acquaintance’ or ‘casual friendship’. That can be done without a break-up, just by a subtle shift in how you respond to her.

If a friend has to be avoided … not a good sign.

You don’t have to answer in this thread - but just for thought. Do you feel that your life is at least a little better for knowing this friend? A positive energy/feeling from her? Glad to see she’s there when you get to the barn? Just, you know, friendship. :slight_smile:

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You could still like meet for lunch and have a good time with your friends and yet keep your horse at a more private facility and do your own thing. I noticed his clients and people like really social Barns and some people do not.
Some people ride to socialize
Sone people ride to connect with their horse

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I thought a lot about this situation and decided to move. While I was looking for a new barn, I did not tell anyone, and finally found a nice place much closer to me, and even with an indoor!

When I finally told this to my aforementioned friend, she totally flipped out, got angry about me not telling her about my plans as soon as I had started thinking of them, and finally blocked me out of a chatroom we shared with several other people.

I think I made the right choice. The BO is being very understanding and supportive despite of all this unnecessary drama.

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Thank you for updating, we don’t get a whole lot of closure on here. You handled it like an adult, good luck moving on from this.

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Not telling pushy “not friend” was a good idea. If you had, she might have followed you. Now, you know who she truly is, and so do others.

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Oh dear. Sounds like ‘friend’ is actually a control freak that wants to dominate relationships.

Someone once counseled that if I feel that a friend may terminate a relationship if I do something in particular that is no harm to them, go ahead and do the thing and see if it happens. If it does, that was not a friend after all. It was someone who is just using others for whatever purpose they want in their life at the moment. The minute one of their ‘friends’ is no longer compliant, that person is booted out of their world. And that’s ok.

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